Three weeks later…
Orgasms ‘R Us
DING-DONG!
“Oh no, that was not the door.”
Linc ignores me and continues his journey down my stomach. I knew we should have taken separate showers this morning. We woke up late, and I fell for the save-time-shower-together trickery that just led us to being even later.
Ding-dong!
“Ugh,” I gripe. I’d much rather be spending time with him alone, but this day has been planned for weeks. Since that night. Despite being chased by God-knows-who and Linc hurting my feelings by keeping that information from me, I did let it slide. All he’s ever done is make me happy. If he feels that he needs to hold on to that for now, I will let him. But one day, I will pull this information from him. I feel like he needs my help and I want to be the person to help him. I will be the person to help him. That’s a promise.
Ding-dong!
“Staaaaahp!”
“Just ignore it. They’ll go away.” He latches his fingers into my panties, pulling them away from my skin. His mouth is already on my sex when the sound erupts again.
Ding-dong!
“Shoot! Linc, get off me. They’re here! You have to go. Do something! Pretend you’re doing laundry.” I try pushing him off me, but that damn mouth of his. I grab at his hair, and fail myself by moaning. I need to be pushing him off me, and I just catch myself opening my legs, pressing his head harder into my sex.
“That’s it, baby. Open up for me. The faster you give in, the faster I make you come, and you can open the door to the Laffy Taffy committee.” I snort at his comment. Then follow it up with a long moan. God, he’s good with that tongue of his.
I made Linc watch hours of endless videos with me on DIY, taffy-making techniques. As much as it makes everyone eye roll, I know Dani will love it, so it’s important I got it right. I also dragged him around all last weekend to assist me in procuring all the materials I needed. He has officially joined the taffy eye rolling squad.
“Oh God, right there.” I should be pulling him off me, not encouraging this. “Fuuuu…” Okay, maybe a few more seconds won’t make a difference. I push on his head, encouraging him to go harder and faster. I know he’s amused because I can feel his lips fighting a smile.
“Your eager cunt is my favorite.” Yeah yeah. I call it on a time crunch. He works me fast and hard. His tongue doing things I have no idea how someone even learns, but it takes just a few more licks and bites before I’m flying. Arching my back, and pulling at his thick hair, I explode into his mouth.
“Jesus, that was amaz—”
BANG BANG BANG!
Okay. Reality check.
Just as Linc begins to sit up I see a shadow pass my bedroom window. Panicked, I lift my feet and catapult Linc off me. Paying no attention to the thump of his body hitting the floor, I fly up and grab my robe.
“Oh my God, you have to get out of here.” Just then I see Andie peaking in my window.
“I see you! Answer your damn door!” She yells from the other side.
Shit. Shit shit shit!
“Sorry! I must have overslept. Coming!” Overslept? Really? It’s eleven in the morning! Ugh! I jump up and almost eat the floor as I trip on Linc, who is still lying on my floor laughing. He grabs at my ankles and takes me to the ground.
“Linc, you have to let me—”
His mouth is on mine, offering me the sweetest, loveliest kiss. I know what he’s doing. He’s kissing me so I taste myself on him. Sexy bastard. He finally releases me with a pop of his lips. “Perfect, right?” I go to slap him, but our matching smiles cause my hand to stall. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready?”
Damn him!
I jump off him and offer him a gentle kick with my foot. “Seriously, Linc. Get up and get out of my room. Pretend you’re doing laundry or something. And…and…wipe the coochie juices off your chin for Christ’s sake.”
He snorts. “Coochie juices.”
“Go!”
“Oh my goodness, this looks so pretty!” Dani squeals as she enters my house.
Andie looks at me and gives me a side hug, leaning forward and whispering in my ear, “Overslept my ass.” Then pulls away. “Yeah, no wonder why you slept late. This place looks so cute!”
I take a moment to inspect my work as they do. Well, mine and Linc’s work, since I forced him to help me all night. And thank god we decorated the entire living room and kitchen last night instead of this morning like I originally planned. Otherwise these ladies would be sorely disappointed.
“Thanks, it’s just a few things here and there. Just wanted to make the day more special.” Dani awws and comes at me, giving me her cute, snuggly hug. As the girls drop their bags and make themselves comfortable, my mind starts racing on what the heck Linc is doing. He can’t just hide in the bedroom forever. And sooner or later he has to come out.
“So what’s on the drink menu? Your mom has Molly till tomorrow, so I plan on taking advantage of it.”
I start to panic, wondering if we ever got around to picking up our clothes, which we quickly rid ourselves of. This was when we were trying to hang the bridal décor on the light, and Linc couldn’t handle a simple, hold my waist so I don’t fall task without it turning into a game of what sort of ways we could dirty up my kitchen island.
Andie gets up and starts making her way to the back when I scare her. “Wait! You relax, why don’t—” Andie and Dani each know I’m seeing Linc, but they don’t know he lives here. That’s just one more story I don’t want to have to explain right now.
“Rey, I used the last of your detergent. I’ll replace it. Thanks for letting me finish my laundry.” Linc walks out of the kitchen, holding a laundry basket with folded clothes in it. “Oh, hello ladies. Sorry to be in the way. Just finishing up borrowing her dryer.” He lifts the basket higher for effect. I stare at him, hoping he understands my did you pick up my bra and underwear look, and thank God he looks back with that smile that I love. “All clean.” He shakes the basket, and it’s then I can see the hot pink bra I had on last night. Phew.
“Aren’t you supposed to be with the guys? Roman left before I did.” Andie addresses her brother, trying to take a peek in his basket. No doubt noticing, he doesn’t wear hot pink.
“Yep. They’re picking me up here. Needed a clean shirt for today.” Andie gives him the whatever look. Linc smiles and walks back to the extra bedroom, forgetting he technically doesn’t live here. Then, he walks back, still holding the basket. “Wanted to make sure I didn’t forget anything. Just gonna put this in my car.” And walks past me, exiting the house.
With a shrug and an eye roll, Andie pulls her attention away from her brother and back to us. “Anyway, so we brought our bathing suits, It’s going to be gorge today, so I thought we could lay out in the backyard. Get some sun.”
Speaking of backyard, shooooot! Linc was supposed to disassemble the garden décor before today. I nod, while trying to play it cool as I pull out my phone and shoot off a text to Linc.
Me: Garden. Now!
Abraham L: On it.
“Yeah, totally sounds fun. I can use some color myself.” Dani chimes in and starts walking into the kitchen. No, no, no. Andie follows, and I’m at a loss on how to stop them.
“Okay, well first things first. Drinks. Did you get the peach schnapps and champagne, as requested? God, that stuff is sooo good.”
Peach what? I watch as Andie starts digging in the pile of booze on the counter, right next to the window leading to the backyard. It’s then I see Linc running back and forth.
“Over here!” I shout, causing both girls to jump. It does the trick because while Andie and Dani both stare my way, I am able to spot Linc running past the window with a handful of junk. “Now, um…listen. I just wanted to make a toast before we get started…” What exactly was that toast? While Dani is looking at me with such love, Andie is looking at me as if I’ve grown a second head.
“Oookay. Well, are you going to give the toast or look at us strangely? Have you already been drinking?” Andie presses.
God, I wish.
“No, just that today is a special day for Dani. It marks the first event leading up to the big day, which means soon she will be my sister. And we’ll all be related!” Phew! I save the day because both girls immediately get teary eyed. I actually fall for it myself because it’s the truth. Before we know it, we will all have gone from friends to sisters. And I couldn’t have asked for two better people to join my family.
Everyone is three drinks in, and the stories are flowing. Dani, being the lightweight she is, now has a loose tongue, sharing stories of her and Ram. I try and smile or laugh but I’m dying inside. When will these two realize I want to hear nothing about my brothers’ sex lives? I’m tempted to start blurting out the size of Linc’s junk just to see how Andie likes it, when my phone distracts me.
Abraham L: You owe me. I stepped on a garden rake and almost sliced my foot off.
Me: Teaches you to not steal people’s stuff.
Abraham L: I stole your heart. Are you going to punish me? Or wait. Did you steal mine? Maybe we should punish each other. Wanna ditch these plans and meet in a parking lot? #carsex #markthatoffyourlist
At that I snort. The other day he suggested it, and I said maybe we should just do it in his car at night in my driveway so we wouldn’t get caught. He gasped a little too theatrically, telling me I was a party pooper and that the whole fun was in the thrill, the excitement of possibly getting caught.
Me: No. Play nice with my brothers.
Abraham L: I want to play nice with you. Speaking of, did you clean off the island? I may have seen a little souvenir from last night. Don’t mistake it for icing.
“Oh, Jesus.” I gasp, realizing I also did that out loud. Both girls look at me. “I need another drink. These are darn tasty. Who else?” They both raise their hands, and I scurry to the kitchen. “I can’t believe I’m looking for a blob of sperm,” I mumble to myself, moving around the dishes and gifts sitting on my island. I hear the doorbell ring, and Andie yells that she’ll get it. Before long, I realize Linc was just messing with me.
Me: You’re gonna get it. I actually went and looked!
Abraham L: <insert laughing emoji> Well, maybe it was yours. You sure are a wet one, when I get you all…
I don’t even finish reading the text because Andie is calling my name. With a huff, I jam my phone back in my pocket, grab the bottles needed, and bring them back out in the living room. Someone clears their throat and I jerk my gaze over to see my next-door neighbor’s daughter in my doorway.
“Hi, Reagan? Stephanie, my mom Judy, lives next door.” I greet her and swap all the bottles to one hand so I can shake her hand. “I’m sorry to bother you, but there were a few packages delivered to my mom’s house by mistake. They have your name on it but the address seems to be wrong.” I take a peek at the boxes, wondering what they are. I don’t remember ordering anything lately. “I feel horrible. She’s had them for over a month. I came across them in the garage. So I just wanted to, uh, return them.” She looks almost uncomfortable, which makes me even more curious as to what they are.
“Oh, no problem. No one’s gonna punish you for it!” I try and make a joke, but Stephanie just seems to become more uncomfortable.
“Okay, well, again, my apologies. I’ll uh, just let you go back to your party.” She turns and is gone.
“What’s her problem?” Andie asks, bending down to examine the return label.
“No idea.” I shrug. “Maybe she’s not a people pers—”
“Demi’s Dildo Domain? What the fuck?” Andie reads the tag and pushes the box over to read the next one. “Orgasms ‘R Us… Penny’s Punish ‘N Pleasure Warehouse? Ummm…what in God’s name…”
I must look just as horrified as Stephanie did. I bend down, the bottles slipping from my grip. I try to snatch the boxes away, wanting to get rid of them, but Andie is already ripping the boxes open. “Uh, maybe we shouldn’t open those. Those have to be a mistake.”
My suggestion falls on deaf ears as Andie rips the first box open and pulls out a leather strap with a red ball holding it together.
“Okay. I have to ask, man. What. The. Fuck?” I’m asking myself the same damn thing. I watch her drop the ball and reach for another item. She pulls out the largest tube of… “Oh God, is this lube?” Yep, it is. How… When…oh, crap. That one night I had too much to drink. I got on those dirty websites and ordered a bunch of random stuff. I forgot all about those. Ack!
Andie pulls out a flogger with little tiny spikes attached. “Jesus, Reagan, no wonder why she turned pale when you told her you weren’t going to punish her.”
Dani lets off a giggle. “I think I just saw something like that on the History channel. But it was in regards to medieval torture to the poor fellow who stole from the king. Can I assume that’s not for punishing thieves?”
Oh boy, if they only knew.
“Guys, honestly I have…”
“Jesus, are you and my brother into this shit?” Andie squeals, standing and holding a container of lube large enough to satisfy a sex colony.
“It’s not really…” I start, but Dani steps in.
“Wait, she knows about you and Linc?”
“Well she kinda…”
“Of course I know. He’s my brother,” Andie argues back.
“Yeah, and I’m her soon-to-be sister-in-law,” Dani counters.
“I’m already her sister-in—”
“ENOUGH!” I shout, startling them both. “Yes, you both know and found out at the same time. And yes, but no, it’s not what it looks like. But, shoot, it is. I don’t know! I was drunk and wanted to experiment. Linc was a willing participant and…” What the hell am I confessing here! Is this where I spill the beans on how much sex we have? How incredible Linc is, in and out of the bedroom? Do we all discuss sizes? Ew. Okay, I actually blanch at that. Those two can keep their measurements to themselves.
“Rey, it’s okay. We’re not judging you. But, please… Do tell us how exactly you plan on using all this stuff?”
We all stare at the lube and flogger Andie’s holding up, then bust out into a fit of laughter. “Oh my God, the look on my neighbor’s face.” Another fit of laughter, and before we know it, we’re all in tears.
Andie drops the items back in the box and says, “Okay, so I will regret this two seconds into the conversation, but you need to fill us in. What’s the story with you and Linc?” She twirls the flogger in the air. “All of it.”
“Okay, open mine next!” I push forward my big, pretty bridal bag full of Just Married leggings, taffy I had shipped in from Silver Dollar City, and random pieces of lingerie.
Both girls trapped me by planting me in between them on the couch—while passing the peach schnapps back and forth—and made me spill. And that I did. I kept the personal details to myself and underplayed the sex. It was for the best, but by the time I was done telling mine and Linc’s story they were both in tears. And so was I. Because our story is special. Unique. We are the thieves to one another’s hearts, holding the other captive. After I got it all out, we drank, and played a few bridal games, which ended in us sitting on the couch, Dani wearing a choker with handcuffs, Andie sporting some sort of weird domination mask over her head and myself with nipple clamps hanging from my shirt. What the hell was I thinking when I ordered all this stuff?
Dani finally gets all the stuffing out of the bag and makes it to the good stuff.
“Oh, I looove them!” she squeals, pulling out the leggings. And I knew she would. She makes it through the entire bag offering a louder squeal at each item. Turning her entire body to me, she says “Reagan, I love it all. I love you. This whole day has been so much fun. I can’t think of two more amazing girls to call my sisters. Thank you.” She leans in and gives me a hug. I don’t deny her and wrap my arms around her.
“Hey, don’t leave me out of this,” Andie grumbles and wraps her arms around me. The three of us, drunk and covered in sex toys, sit on my couch and embrace in the best soon-to-be sister-in-law tripod ever invented. It’s not until the sounds of car doors slamming that it clicks. For all of us.
“They’re baaaack,” we sing in unison.
Oh shit. “Get this stuff off, now!” We pull apart and all jump off the couch. I pull the nipple clamps, and dammit, they are more willing to put holes in my top than snap off. Andie is twirling around in circles trying to pull the black latex mask off her head while Dani struggles to unclasp the choker around her neck.
“Oh my God, it’s stuck! I can’t get the clasp off!” Dani shrieks, clawing at her neck.
“Fuck,” I cuss. “Turn around!” I’m still trying to assist Dani with her dilemma while Andie is still struggling with the mask. She steps backward and trips over the coffee table.
“Holy fuck!” she yelps as she falls over.
Oh God, this is not happening.
We have less than thirty seconds before that door opens and we are drunk and covered in strange sex toys. My brothers are going to kill me.
Just as I hear the door jiggle, the latch unlocks from the choker.
And with three seconds to spare, I panic, trying to throw my shirt over my head.