My girls. They were crazier than bats out of hell and more loyal than the blue heelers we used to have.

After Kelly helped Cooper lug all the boxes into the house, Brooke ran back out to her car, returning with a cloth grocery bag full of champagne and orange juice.

She mixed mimosas in glasses three times the size socially acceptable for day drinking, ushered us upstairs, and before I could tell her where the clothes were — the messy pile obvious — she crouched down and got straight to work.

I opened and taped the boxes and left the packing to Kelly and Brooke. It was harder to throw Joseph’s belongings inside them.

Kelly chatted to me about nothing and everything, mindless conversation done only to keep my mind off the task at hand, and it worked for awhile.

At least through the first four boxes where we managed to get most of Joseph’s clothes loaded and some of his shoes. At some point, Brooke took a couple boxes over to the dresser and started filling those as well.

Every toss of his clean, folded clothes, flying through the air sent a dagger of pain to my chest. The mimosas barely dulled the sharp edge slicing through me.

A stack of plaid pajama pants sailed through the air and the flash of green and blue made me jump off the bed and grab them.

Joseph’s pajama pants.

The ones Cooper had worn.

I gripped them in my hand and stared at them. I’d let another man wear my husband’s clothes. I’d liked seeing another man wear my husband’s clothes. I’d kissed another man, a man I was attracted to, and this morning when I woke up with that memory, regardless of how hard I tried to tell myself it wasn’t right, I couldn’t find it in me to wish I wouldn’t have done it.

Perhaps Cooper was that good of a kisser where he could kiss away my regret.

“Rebecca?”

That came from Kelly. Without looking up, I felt both of my friends staring at me.

“I asked him out on a date for tonight.” My voice was barely louder than a mumble. The green and blue pants burned my palm and I dropped them, wiping off the stinging sensation on my bare thigh. “I invited him over for dinner.”

“Dinner sounds nice,” Brooke said. She was using her soft tone. Her placating one she rarely pulled out. “Do you know what you’re thinking of cooking him?”

“You should make your enchiladas. They’re amazing.”

I shook my head, stood from the bed and went to the bathroom. My friends. They were nutty.

I grabbed Joseph’s toothbrush from the counter and walked out waving it in the air. “I haven’t been able to throw away my husband’s toothbrush, and last night, in this very room, I kissed Cooper and now he’s coming over for dinner.”

Brooke plucked the toothbrush from my hand and tossed it into the box behind her. “Joseph’s gone, Rebecca. He’s not your husband anymore.”

Her hands wrapped around my shoulders as she spoke. She was speaking kindly.

Every word still felt like an ice pick straight to my skull.

I blinked away tears. “I didn’t hate the kiss. I liked it.”

She grinned softly. “That’s okay. Kissing is good.”

She was no help. I turned to Kelly. “I think I like him.”

Her grin was sassy and said everything she was thinking. “There’s a lot to like.”

“You’re such an ass,” I said, laughing through tears. Freaking Kelly. “I didn’t mean his body. I meant him.”

Her grin faded. “I know. But I also know that if you liked him enough to kiss him, there has to be a lot to like about him other than the fact his jeans make his ass look oh-so-utterly amazeballs.”

Good grief. The woman couldn’t be serious for three seconds.

I loved her.

I flew my hands in the air and slapped them against my thighs. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“None of us do,” Brooke said, shaking my shoulders gently. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to figure it out either.”

“I love him.” She knew I meant Joseph. “I loved him with everything I had and every minute he’s gone I think of him and if a minute passes where I don’t, I feel like utter crap that I’m maybe forgetting him and it’s only been months and now I’m kissing another man like my marriage meant nothing. But I’m also, really, really pissed at him.”

They didn’t understand. They thought they did, but they didn’t. Mostly because I’d never told them the full truth. Only Ryan knew and he’d never said a word to Kelly.

“Woah,” Kelly said. She pulled me out of Brooke’s arms and into a hug. Kelly’s hugs were famous. She was goofy and crazy but so freaking wonderful and she always smelled like lavender. I collapsed into her arms. “Slow your roll there, woman, and let’s focus on one thing at a time, okay?”

“Okay.” I sniffed.

“Today, we’re here helping you clean out Joseph’s clothes and bathroom stuff because you realize it’s time, right?”

Did I? Everything was changing so quickly. And yet dragging on forever. “Right.”

“Then we’re doing that. After, we’re going downstairs and you’re going to throw away all of his magazines and boots. Getting rid of his stuff isn’t getting rid of him.” She pressed her hand to my sternum. “He’s here. He always will be. This is just crap he kept lying around when he was alive that drove you insane because you always had to pick up after his lazy ass.”

I’d done that. I’d bitched a lot about Joseph’s inability to toss pants into the hamper or recycle a magazine or kick his boots off in the mudroom instead of right by the door.

He’d driven me crazy with his forgetfulness as much as he’d driven me wild with the way he touched me.

“I can get rid of magazines and boots.”

“Good.” She pulled back and went to crouch down at the pile of his shoes. “Get a box and load up his bathroom crap and we’ll get to work. And then after, we’ll move on to the next item on our agenda.”

I was afraid to ask. I still did. “What’s that?”

That time it was Brooke’s eyes that gleamed. “You telling us how good of a kisser Cooper Hawke is.”

If I’d still been holding the toothbrush, I would have flicked it at her face.

I grabbed a box and went to the bathroom. She didn’t bring enough champagne to get me talking about that.

---

I made the damn enchiladas. I made both chicken and shredded beef because I didn’t ask Cooper what he preferred.

After Kelly and Brooke and I loaded up almost all of the boxes, they left the remaining ones stacked in my office. Kelly told me about the calves Cooper had been concerned about, so I went out and rode around, found them, and found them all up and moving. Just a little skittish, but they seemed fine.

I didn’t see Cooper all day. He was either out doing something or hiding out in his guesthouse and I was glad for the space.

At least I was until it came time to begin cooking dinner, showering, and getting dressed.

I might have gone a little overboard with the dinner. Not only did I make two kinds of enchiladas, still baking in the oven, my kitchen island was so filled with a spread of sides and toppings and chips and guacamole, it looked like I was hosting a dinner party for twelve, not two.

“Crap,” I muttered, scanning not only the disaster I’d made but the abundance of food. I pulled my hair back and dropped it. I’d spent way too much time on everything. My hair was curled, something I did only a few times a year. My makeup was fully done, and it’d been so long since I’d actually done that I didn’t know if my mascara or eyeshadow were still good.

And worse, I hadn’t thrown on jeans or shorts and a tank top like I wore almost every single day.

Nope. I brushed my hands down the sides of the racerback maxi dress I’d thrown on. It’d even required a strapless bra. It fit me perfectly, hugged the curve of my breasts and my hips. It was so long it swished on the floor as I walked barefoot from the counter to the kitchen sink where I dropped in a slew of dirty mixing bowls and forks and spoons.

I’d made a mess and gotten dressed up in one of my favorite dresses and it was all ridiculous.

It was Cooper. It wasn’t the first time we’d eaten together.

It was no big deal.

Telling myself all of that, repeatedly, didn’t settle the unease in my stomach. Or maybe it was anticipation.

I pressed my hand to it and glanced out the kitchen window, and saw the man who was currently making me feel like I was either losing my mind or at risk of losing my lunch.

He hopped up the stairs to my patio and my mouth went dry.

Cooper in jeans and a T-shirt was a beautiful sight. Cooper in black boxer briefs was unparalleled.

Cooper dressed in khaki dress pants, sandals on his feet and a pale blue polo shirt that showed off his tan and his muscled arms was something I couldn’t comprehend.

He’d made an effort. He’d made an effort like I had and he went beyond that and held not only a small bouquet of flowers in his hand but a bottle of wine in the other.

This wasn’t just dinner.

It was a date. A real-life date.

I was definitely going to throw up.