“It’s not them,” I whisper to Vi as soon as we’re alone in our room that night.
She gives me the look I expected, and I try to clear my head.
“What’s not them?”
“There’s something wrong. Something besides the obvious. I don’t think Staff Sergeant Henry is the enemy we thought. I think he’s sincerely trying to sort through this crisis with Kaleb. He said he’s recommended he be released.”
“That’s great news! Wait, what’s wrong? That’s good, right?”
I have no idea anymore. I’ve run out of facts.
“I don’t know. I was happy at first, but now… What if it’s worse?”
“What’s worse than being held as a traitor?”
It’s an excellent question.
“Nothing. That’s not what I mean. It just can’t be this easy. The pieces aren’t fitting together. Kaleb was off today when I saw him.” I look at Vi, the emotion I’d been fighting collecting in my throat. “He said he doesn’t want to see me anymore. He has no feelings for me and wants nothing to do with me.”
Her expression hardens. “No, that doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen you together. There’s no way that’s true.”
I force in a breath. “Of course I don’t want that to be true, but if it isn’t, why would he push me away?”
Because there is a reason. Because I’ve been denying the obvious.
“He knows something,” Vi says for me. “He knows something and he doesn’t want you involved. He’s protecting you. You’re right, there’s more going on.”
I bite my lip, reviewing each painful second of the encounter.
“Whatever it is, I don’t think Henry is aware of it.”
“You actually think Henry’s legit?”
“Maybe.”
“Have you run all of this by Dennel?”
“No. He wasn’t part of this meeting. You think I should?”
She sighs, looking the way I feel. “I don’t know. On the one hand, if you’re right, we’ll definitely need help. If Kaleb is pushing you away to protect you, he’ll fight our attempts to save him. On the other hand, the less people who know our theory, the better.”
Two opposing facts. Only one will help us now.
“I have to report for work with Dennel tomorrow. He knows I went to see Kaleb today so I’ll need to decide by then.” I close my eyes. “I love him so much, Vi. What am I going to do?”
She tightens her arm around my shoulders. “You can’t focus on questions you don’t have to answer yet. Let’s sleep on this and decide our next step in the morning.”
“What were your tours like? What were you assigned to do?”
Kaleb’s mouth lifts from his coffee cup to reveal a smile. “You have a knack for asking intrusive questions.”
“What? It’s not a secret.”
“Actually, a lot of it is.”
“Seriously? Were you a spy or something?”
He smirks. “There are plenty of missions that are classified without being covert.”
“Like?”
“Like eliminating nosy administrative assistants.”
I roll my eyes. “You wouldn’t last an hour without me now that you’re used to having me around.”
“An hour? I could swing that.”
“Fine, a day then.”
He shrugs, but his smile betrays him.
“Okay! What can you tell me? There has to be something.”
His eyes scan me in a way that excites and unnerves me at the same time.
“I was stationed in 1 for a while.”
The folder literally drops from my hands. I’ve been waiting my entire life to cross paths with firsthand knowledge of Region 1.
“Really?”
“Really.”
“What did you do there?”
“Security mostly.”
“What’s 1 like?”
“Busy.”
“Busy?”
He nods. “Lots of vehicles, people, activity. Constant movement, you know?”
No, I don’t. I’ve never left 12 and no one moves in 12.
“What else? Is there…” I stop and blush. “Never mind.”
My retreat only earns more interest.
“Is there what? I can see it on your face. You’re dying to ask whatever it is.”
“Ugh, fine! Vi says 1 is made of jewels and chocolate.”
He bites his lip. Because, come on… “Okaaay. And you believe her?”
“No! Of course not, I mean… not the chocolate part anyway.”
Now, he does laugh, head shaking slowly. “Well, I didn’t see all of 1 while I was there, but everything I encountered that was edible would have been edible in 12.”
“So no chocolate buildings,” I conclude with a grin that he returns.
“Not one.”
“And the jewels?”
“Probably, but only in earrings and necklaces and stuff. No sparkly road signs or lampposts. You look disappointed.”
“Wouldn’t that be cool though?”
“Impractical, if you ask me.”
I’m still imagining jeweled streetlights when he says, “7. I’m from 7.”
I forget all about 1. “Really? What’s 7 like?”
“A lot like 12.”
“You know 12?”
He quiets again. “I was stationed in 12 when… you know.”
When his life fell apart. When he was transformed from a soldier to a building supervisor.
“The Free Forces control most of 12 now,” I say because we need words and that is a fact.
He leans back in amusement. “Thanks for the tip. I’ll let my superiors know.”
I scrunch my nose. “Whatever. I’m only pointing out that the Free Forces—“
“Rebels.”
“Huh?”
“In here, the Free Forces are referred to as Rebels. Words matter, Andie.”
Vi and I agree that I have to trust Dennel. He’s our only ally, the only path to the truth at this point. Besides, if Henry wants Kaleb released, it won’t hurt to have another officer backing him up.
Dennel listens as I recount the latest developments. My meeting with Kaleb, the revelations from Henry. He crosses his arms, taking it all in. Expression unreadable at a time when I crave clues.
“What is it you think Kaleb is hiding?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m concerned. One minute he tells me I’m the only good thing in his life, and the next he says he’s done with me and doesn’t want to see me anymore. What would make someone do that?”
“Fear. But it could be fear of a lot of things. If he has no hope of surviving, he may not want to sentence you to a life of loving him.”
“After all this, you really think it could be something so simple?”
“Andie, Kaleb Novelli is the most selfless person I know. He would absolutely give you up to protect you.”
I want to believe him. I don’t, but I want to.
“Okay, fine. Then what about Henry wanting to release him? What do we do with that?”
Dennel frowns. I suspect that he’s not thrilled about Kaleb’s abrupt forgiveness for treason either. I wonder if he evaluates whether to include me in his theories the same way I’ve done with him.
“There’s only one reason I can think of why they’d do that.” He peeks at the door and lowers his voice. “They believe him and intend to use him as bait for the real traitor.”
I stare at him. A sentence like that takes some time to process. Probably more than I have because I finally just shake my head.
“I know that’s hard to hear, but think about it. The person responsible for the leak is likely still here, operating among us, and fully aware of everything going on with Novelli.” He stops and looks me hard in the face. “Captain Emery is no idiot. Having Kaleb’s full cooperation in an investigation of this magnitude would be much more effective than torturing it out of him.”
“Captain Emery? The one heading up the task force?”
“She’s the one controlling his fate.”
I attempt the breathing thing again.
“Andie, there’s more.”
“That seems to be the only constant,” I mutter.
“It’s a complex situation, but deep down you’re starting to understand.”
“No, actually I don’t. What I understand is that everyone’s been lying to me, including Kaleb. That I don’t know anything, and every time I think I learn something, I find out it’s completely wrong. But please, tell me something else I don’t know.”
His lips pinch at my outburst.
“Sorry.”
“You’re not, but I get it.” He adjusts in his chair. “As for my theory, I’m starting to suspect they’re not using you to get information out of Kaleb like we thought. If everything you’ve told me is true, they’re using you as leverage against him.”
No. I hadn’t understood that. Of course I hadn’t. Another lie? Another truth? How can I even know anymore? I look away, clenching my fists, struggling to make the thought seem absurd. Hadn’t Dennel been the one setting the course in the first place? Didn’t he go to them and offer my services? And they agreed. They…
My blood goes cold as logical Andie fights for control. Facts. Facts are friends. Facts are deadly.
What had they done after I “agreed to help them”?
Fact: They let me see him. In a prison. With cameras and guards and shackles and evidence that he was being hurt.
Fact: There’s no way I would have been able to get any new information in that environment. I’d pointed that out, thinking I was so clever. Look at me playing the hero.
But fact: They weren’t allowing me to see him; they were allowing him to see me. Reminding him why he shouldn’t fight them, why he had no choice but to cooperate. I’d been trying to play a game not realizing I was being played.
Panic threatens again.
Fact: They cheated.
I have to bury the impact of my facts for later.
“What do we do, Sergeant?”
“You won’t like my answer.”
“I’ll take any answer right now.”
He sighs. “I think all we can do is let them release him and hope we get him to safety before he gets hurt.”
Dennel was right. I didn’t like his answer, and neither does Vi when I share my conversation with her. Agreement sucks when it means the consensus is that you’re helpless. That you have no more options. Blind plotting is only going to put your victim in more danger because so far all you’ve done is play into enemy hands.
So this is me, Andie Sorenson, giving up. This is me terrified of hurting my love by doing the wrong thing. This is me trying to figure out how I’m going to live with myself when something happens to him and I’ve done nothing.
I’m not going to cry again. I’m not.
But I do. I fucking shatter, because my future is file folders. My future is breakfast sludge. My future is an excruciating void that I will have to fill with a shriveled mint leaf.