“That must have been quite a shock for you.”
We “talked analgesics” again after the negotiation, so now I’m able to participate in Emery’s debriefing. She’s studying me, not just admiring, so I know something has changed.
“I’m assuming the conversation went well if you let Andie see me.”
“Actually, it went terribly,” she says, crossing her arms.
My heart sinks. Fucking hope, that’s why.
I stare. She hasn’t explained why Andie is involved in this.
“Your father has balls. Sending your girlfriend along for the negotiations?”
“Sending her along? What are you talking about?” My stomach is in knots again.
“Oh right. We sent her away after your arrest. She wouldn’t leave us alone about you and was too much of a security risk. But it would have been a shame to waste that unshakeable motivation, so we aimed her at your father. Of course, we didn’t expect her to actually find him, and the fact that she did so quickly... then came back? That says a lot.”
“You sent her away?” Fire. For the first time in days: life. “You promised.”
“We promised not to kill her, and we didn’t.”
“You tried. Sending her into a war zone by herself is a death sentence.”
“She’s not dead as you saw. Neither is her roommate.”
“What? Vi?”
“Viktoria Callahan, yes. She went with her.”
My eyes narrow. “That’s bullshit. You sent Vi after her brother.”
“Why wouldn’t we? Valentin Callahan is almost as valuable as Roberto Novelli. It’s war, Kaleb. You of all people understand how that changes the rules.”
“Yes, but you’re playing as though there are no rules. We made a deal when I turned myself in.”
“And I’ve kept it. Andie is alive and free. Although she will have to tell us how to get to Novelli.”
“Free? She’s not free and you know it.”
“By no action on my part.” Her face softens into the maternal compassion I fear more than the rage. “I can’t help it if she won’t give up on you. I promised we wouldn’t hurt her, and we haven’t. What she does now is her decision, but we’re not going to stand down if she makes a choice that’s a threat or if she refuses to cooperate. After witnessing your reunion, I have a feeling she’ll help us.”
I hear every word, every syllable. Every damn warning.
“You made a mistake letting her see me,” I mutter.
“She insisted. I wish you could have seen her while we tested their stance with the ionizer. I was expecting a break down, but the girl just stood like granite, silent tears in her eyes as you jerked and screamed.”
“You’re impressed.”
“I am. Too bad you were right. Your father wasted our time with an offer of Region 9, Zones 113-126. As if we’d trade you for a bunch of corn fields.”
I expected nothing different; it still hurts to know I’m worth so little to him. But then there’s Andie. Her kisses have a value that can’t be calculated. I still taste her on my lips, the memory rocking hard against my will to die. Emery is a genius, and I’m a liar. She didn’t make a mistake. She knew exactly what she was doing when she shoved Andie back into my essence. I will force down pudding and orange mush for Andie. I will bear the pain of broken bones, burns, and blows. Sadistic bets, naked obedience, because corpses don’t love and I love with a power I can’t defeat.
I’m captivated by Isaac’s hands. The way his fingers twist around each other in an infinite ball of nails and knuckles. His eyes shift toward the door with each completed cycle of palm-wringing, and he actually thinks his silence is better than just telling me why he’s rubbing his skin raw.
“What’s going on, Isaac?” I ask, drawing a sharp hiss.
“I can’t… You don’t want to know.”
“The negotiations aren’t going well?”
His eyes shoot to mine as the hands still.
“They’re over.”
I swallow and force a steady expression. “And?”
He just bites his lip and shakes his head. I almost pity him for his task of delivering my death sentence.
I break eye contact for his sake and allow my head to drop back to the pillow. So this is it. The game is over. It’s just a matter of minutes now until this whole mess becomes another X on the strategy board. And just as I predicted, everyone lost.
“They’ll be coming for you soon,” Isaac says, his voice sounding exactly like his hands looked.
“I figured.”
“I’m sorry,” he offers after a long pause. “It’s not right. It’s not even about you, is it? This whole time, they just wanted your father.”
I nod without opening my eyes.
“I don’t think he’s coming, Kaleb.”
“No. Doesn’t appear so.”
More silence.
“You know they killed Emery’s kid, right?”
“I know.”
“They’ve done worse than that since this war started. Remember when they went after that school bus in Region 1? They have shoot-to-kill orders on anyone from Region 1 or 4. Doesn’t even matter if they’re soldiers.”
I sigh. “I know.”
He quiets again. He knows I know. “It’s fucked up, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“What are we supposed to do though? I mean, you have to pick a side. You have to fight for something. It’s them or us.”
I stare at him then. I used to believe that. So did Andie. So does everyone who still sees black and white, good and evil. Ally and enemy. But what happens when the gray blurs everything outside your own heart, when your conscience screams that we’re all just people trying to survive our circumstances? What do you do with the thought that each of us is born with the same capacity to be pushed or pulled, to bend and break against the currents of an existence that’s beyond our control?
I don’t hate Emery as she interrupts our silence with an angry crash through the door. I don’t even hate my father for abandoning me to a fate I don’t deserve. I hate their worlds. I hate the histories that pushed them to choose a path that will end Andie’s and mine.
“Get him up. We’re done with this,” Emery barks, motioning to Isaac.
I feel his hesitance and silently plead with him not to add another victim to this crime. He takes my arm to lift me off the bed when Stacy grabs the other side without a fraction of the same care.
“I’m sorry, Kaleb. But I know you understand,” Emery says.
I don’t look at her as they drag me from the room. I don’t look at anyone because she’s right.
I do.