Chapter 14
Bryson
“Need and want can feel the same, sometimes the only difference is perspective.”
~ Rowan O’Sullivan
I tried to contain my excitement at finally getting a moment alone with Kelsi as we walked across the backyard to the pond. During dinner, I barely said two words to her. My dad monopolized most of the conversation, as usual, but when he wasn’t talking, my sister and my mom bombarded her and Milo with embarrassing stories from my past.
There was only one truly cringe-worthy moment, when they recounted the time I snuck into Rachel Parks’—who was my girlfriend at the time—bedroom when I was sixteen, and her dad caught me and pulled a shotgun on me. While I scrambled out of the window and tried to run across the lawn with my pants around my ankles, I fell and broke my nose and arm. My mom had used it as a cautionary tale for Milo, but if anything he looked impressed.
After dinner, we had ice cream, and my dad disappeared, claiming he had something to check on. The conversation from there was mostly focused on Milo, his interests, and what he wanted to do when he got older. He said that he liked working on the renovations and he was thinking of maybe being a contractor or an architect. I knew that his interest had nothing to do with me, but I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride.
The entire night I’d been blown away at how perfect Kelsi and Milo fit into my family. It was like they’d always been a part of it. When Ashley and I were together, she didn’t feel comfortable at family dinners and rarely ever came to them. She’d been an only child, and her parents were reserved. I knew my family could be a lot to handle. I’d resigned myself to the fact that the person I ended up with might feel the same as Ashley. But seeing how comfortable Kelsi was with them, I knew I was selling myself short. I loved my family, and now I knew whomever I shared my life with needed to as well. I hoped that girl would be Kelsi.
I’m pretty sure my dad was on the same page as me because when Kelsi and Milo were getting ready to leave, my dad insisted I show Kelsi the lights before they left. For once my old man shot his cupid’s arrow and hit the right target.
“Well, I think it’s official. My dad loves you.”
“I love your dad,” she said with a bright smile.
“I think my mom’s a fan, too.” My mom was more than a fan, she was already planning what she was going to wear to our wedding. “She adores you.”
“I adore her.” She clasped her hands to her chest. “She’s amazing.”
Kelsi spoke with so much heart-wrenching sincerity it made me wonder about what I’d interrupted. “What were you and my mom talking about in the kitchen?”
“My mom.”
“Oh.” I’d wanted to know more information, but I hadn’t wanted to pry. I could ask my mom what Kelsi had said, but I’d rather get it straight from the source. Still, I didn’t want to be rude. “About your mom, huh?”
Kelsi stopped walking and turned to face me. “If there’s something you want to know, just ask me. That’s what your mom did. She wanted to know something, and she just asked.”
I loved how direct she was. I figured I should take her lead. “Why is your mom in jail?”
“She was dating a married man, and she tried to hire a hitman to kill his wife,” she explained in the same matter-of-fact tone that someone would order coffee in.
I waited for a second for her to say she was kidding, but she never did. When I realized that she was serious, I said, “Holy shit.”
“Anything else you want to know?” There was an edge to her body language and voice that hadn’t been there all night. Her lips were pressed in a tight line.
I wanted to put back the smile on her face and keep it there. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
She let out a dry laugh. “Not unless you can make my mom sign over custody of Milo to me.”
“My roommate from college practices family law, I can ask him to look into the—”
“No.” She cut me off and lifted her hands as she took a physical, and what felt like an emotional, step back. “I wasn’t being serious. I don’t need your help.”
I wanted to say that I knew she didn’t need my help, but I wanted to give it to her anyway, but I didn’t think now was the right time.
“Is that it, or do you have any more questions?” She was shutting down. The light and laughter were gone from her eyes; her arms were crossed, her expression hard. I knew it was her way of protecting herself. She forced herself to face things head on and not have any emotions about them.
I respected the hell out of her for it, but I also sensed that if I said I didn’t have any more questions, she’d say she could see the lights a different time, and she’d be out of here so fast it would make my head spin. Since I didn’t want that to happen, I figured I had one shot to turn this around and lighten the mood. “I have one more question.”
“What?” her tone was flat and devoid of emotion.
“You said that you love my dad and adore my mom, that she is amazing.” I held out my arms as I cleared my throat. “Besides Milo, is there anyone else you had dinner with tonight that you love, that you adore, that you think is amazing?”
“Yes, there is.” A sweet smile pulled at her lips as she nodded her head, her eyes wide and clear and my heart jumped. “Jade is the best! I love her so much!”
“Oh,” I moaned as I grabbed my chest and mimed a knife twisting in it. “That was cold.”
Her head fell back, and she laughed as she continued walking to the pond. My chest ached with an emotion that felt a lot like love as I walked beside her. The smile was back. It worked. This time…it worked.
When we reached our destination, I pulled back the branches, and I heard her suck in a breath as we entered.
Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my gosh. I didn’t think it would look so different at night, but it does. It’s magical.”
So are you.
“Is that music?” She tilted her head to the side.
I listened. “Yep. It is.”
Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling in Love” was playing through speakers that hadn’t been here before tonight. My dad must’ve snuck out and put them in while we were all finishing our ice cream.
“Is there always music out here?”
“No, I think we can thank my dad for that one. He likes to play matchmaker.”
“Aww,” she sighed. “That’s kind of sweet.”
“Except for the time when I was thirteen, and he found out I had a crush on one of the Turner triplets, so he invited her to my house for a family dinner. When she got here, he had a candlelight dinner for two set up and he told us he was taking my mom and sister out to eat. Which would’ve been great if he’d invited Melody, who I had a crush on, instead of Maisey.”
“Oh, no!” Her eyes widened. “That must have been so awkward.”
“It was fine. She’s a sweet girl.”
The music swelled, and I held out my hand. “I think it would be a waste not to dance.”
She took a deep breath, and I could see that she was fighting what she wanted, which was to step into my arms. I didn’t know why she was, but she was.
“Well, I guess since your dad went to all this trouble.” She placed her hand in mine, and she folded into me.
I wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her tighter. As we swayed to the music, she rested her head on my chest, and I let go of her hand so I could rub my hand up and down her back. She wrapped both arms around my neck, and our bodies moved against each other.
With her in my arms, the music playing, the lights twinkling around us, and the moon spotlighting the water beside us, it felt like we were in a world where only we existed. I closed my eyes so I could memorize how her curves felt, how her chest rose and fell in time with mine, how her fingertips grazed my neck as she held on to me. I wanted this moment to last forever, but since I knew it couldn’t, I wanted to remember it forever.
“Did you get mad at your dad?” she asked breathlessly, breaking the silence between us.
“What?” I asked looking down.
Her head lifted, and her eyes met mine. I noticed that there was a flush to her skin that hadn’t been there before the dance. “Did you get mad that your dad invited the wrong girl?”
I grinned. “No. His heart was in the right place. Just like it was tonight, with all this.” I looked around. “And this time he got the right girl.”
Her breathing was even faster than mine now. Her eyes widened, and when she licked her lips nervously, a groan vibrated in my chest.
I knew that she wasn’t exactly giving me the green light, but if I didn’t even attempt to make a move, I’d never forgive myself. “Kelsi, I’m going to kiss you now. If you don’t want that to happen, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
The corners of her mouth lifted in a small grin, and I waited, giving her time to decide. When her eyes drifted close, and she lifted on her toes, I took that as a green light, and I lowered my mouth to hers.
The first brush of my lips was whisper soft. I took my time lightly grazing my mouth back and forth before I pressed my lips more firmly to hers. What started as featherlight and exploratory quickly turned urgent and intimate. Our lips met in savage harmony as our tongues tangled in fiery possession.
I’d kissed my fair share of girls. Some kisses were sweet and gentle, causing ripples of desire to flow through me. Some kisses were so hot they burned me from the inside out. Some kisses were so tender that love filled my heart. And some kisses were so desperate it felt like I needed it more than I needed oxygen. I’d experienced all of those kisses separately, but never all of those in one kiss with one girl.
That was what this kiss was. It was sweet, hot, tender, and desperate.
And as quickly as it escalated it was over.
Kelsi broke our kiss with whiplash speed and stepped out of my arms.
“I can’t do this.” She looked down at the ground as she touched her fingers to her lips.
“Is it because of Russell?” I wasn’t trying to be a dick by bringing up her ex, I was just trying to understand her reservations.
Her eyes shot up to mine. “What do you know about Russell?”
“Milo told me he’s your ex and that he still texts you sometimes.”
“No.” She didn’t look happy that I had that information. “It’s not about Russell. We’re over. There’s nothing going on between us.”
“How long were you two together? Was it serious? What happened?” I knew that I was pushing my luck, but if this wasn’t going to happen, I wanted to know why. If he hurt her, if she had trust issues because of him, then I wanted to know what I was dealing with.
“That’s none of your business,” she stated firmly.
“I know, it isn’t,” I agreed. “But I thought I would take a page from my mom’s book and just ask.”
That didn’t get a full smile, but the corners of her mouth twitched. She took a deep breath, and she counted off on her fingers. “A while. Yes. We had an agreement, and I broke it.”
“Wow. Could you be any more vague?” That didn’t tell me anything.
“Yes,” she answered confidently with a challenge in her voice. “I can.”
“I’m not the enemy.” I held up my hands. “You said this couldn’t happen and obviously I don’t agree, especially after that kiss, so I’m asking so I can try and understand. That’s all. You can tell me to go fuck myself, but that’s why I’m asking.”
She shook her head slightly in irritation. “Fine. We were together for almost three years. We were engaged. I never wanted to have kids. Russell didn’t either. It was perfect. But then, when I found out about Milo I knew that there was no way I was going to let him stay in a group home or go into foster care. I changed the rules. We broke up.”
“He broke up with you because you needed to step in and raise your brother?” As happy as I was that the dickhead was no longer in the picture, I wanted to kick his ass for abandoning her when she needed him the most.
Her head wobbled from side to side. “Sort of. I left really suddenly when I found out that Milo was in foster care. When I told him that I was going to try and get full custody, he asked me where I wanted him to send my things.”
“What an asshole.” Milo was right. She did date assholes.
“No.” She said without an ounce of anger. “He isn’t. He was very clear about what he wanted, and then when that changed, we both knew it wouldn’t work anymore.”
I couldn’t tell if she was just the most mature person I’d ever met, if she was in denial, or if she’d never really loved Russell. But instead of addressing any of that I asked the question that was now burning my stomach. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker if she didn’t, but it was something that I needed to know. “So you don’t want kids? I mean, other than Milo.”
She let out a frustrated huff. “I didn’t think I did. But then Destiny keeps bringing Lilah in, and Bella has been dropping hints that she’s pregnant and talking about baby names and I don’t know anymore…I think that I was so against it because I had so much responsibility with Milo. I was basically a single mom at twelve. I think that might sour anyone on having a baby. But now…now I’m an adult. And when I hold baby Lilah,”—her face lit up—“and she coos up at me, and I smell her little baby powder head, I don’t want to give her back.”
I had follow-up questions, but I never got to ask them.
“Hey!” Milo crashed through the vines. “I told Sadie that I would play Words with Friends with her at eight. Can I have your phone?”
“Yeah, it’s in my purse.” She glanced at me. “We should go.”
I nodded and followed them out. I watched as they said goodbye to my family, and my head knew what my heart had from the first time I’d seen Kelsi: she was it for me. Her and Milo. They were a part of my heart, my family. Now, all I had to do was make her see that.