Chapter 20
Kelsi
“Life is short and full of blisters.”
~ Rowan O’Sullivan
“Why didn’t I label these?” I said out loud, to myself, as I looked at the piles of boxes in my garage.
I hadn’t taken the time to properly pack either time I’d moved, Milwaukee to Detroit or Detroit to Wishing Well. My method had been to throw things in boxes and hope for the best. And it wasn’t just my possessions in these cardboard boxes that had no distinguishing characteristics. Milo’s things were haphazardly piled in as well. I honestly didn’t know what I would be facing as I opened these.
But, if I wanted to find the red lace bra and panties that I’d bought at the Sexy Siren party, I was going to have to dive in. I was supposed to meet Bryson at the park in less than an hour.
I pulled the box cutter from my back pocket and sliced through the tape covering the top of box number one. As I opened it and searched through the contents, I started to think about the fact that I’d attended the Sexy Siren party over a year ago and never had the impulse to wear this lingerie for Russell. And the reason why was a glaring example that it was probably for the best that things had worked out the way they had with him.
A large part of what initially attracted me to Russell was the fact that he was a very regimented and routine guy. I think I craved that kind of stability because I’d never had it before. So when I’d told him about the pleasure party my friend was hosting and his only response was to ask if that meant he was on his own for dinner that night, I didn’t think much of it. When I’d gotten home that night to find him watching the news on the couch, hours past his nine o’clock bedtime, I’d gotten excited. I thought he’d waited up for me so we could enjoy whatever purchases I’d made. I still remember the feeling of my emotions deflating when he’d explained that he’d taken allergy medication too late in the day, thus making it impossible for him to sleep. He never once asked to see what was in the bag I was carrying. So I never showed him, either out of stubbornness or a sense of rejection, or both.
Looking back now I saw that it wasn’t his fault. He was just being himself. He’d never been a particularly passionate man. He was structured, scheduled, and secure. From the very beginning of our relationship, I’d always been the more aggressive one in the bedroom. Nine times out of ten, I’d been the one to initiate sex.
At first, I’d been fine with that because I knew that he wasn’t just using me for sex like the string of losers I’d dated before him. But, after a year or so, I’d known something was missing. I’d wanted to be wanted. To be desired. To have someone wait up for me after a pleasure party because they couldn’t go to sleep thinking about what I might be bringing home, not because they were high on Claritin. It was just one more example of how I’d changed the rules, not him.
I tugged on the cardboard flap of box number two, and my eyes lit up when I saw the contents. “Bingo!”
It was filled with clothes, and since my wardrobe was lean, I knew that all of the clothes that I hadn’t packed in my two suitcases were in this one box. As I dug in, I reminded myself to pull out the one and only cocktail dress I owned. There was a town fundraiser next week that Bella had purchased a table at for the salon. It was the same day as Milo’s birthday, so I’d planned on skipping it, but he’d told me last week that Sadie asked him to go with her, so it looked like I needed to find the dress and the heels, too.
Ooh, the heels might be a nice addition to the red bra and panties.
I was just starting to pull out what I thought was the dress when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my back pocket and saw it was a Facetime call from a number I didn’t recognize.
I answered and was shocked to see my brother’s face pop up, his hair was damp, and his naturally olive skin was even more sun-kissed than usual. “Milo? Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he smiled brightly, and for the first time since he walked into the visitor’s room at the group home, he looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. “I’m great.”
“Whose phone are you using?” I’d almost given him his birthday present a week early so he’d have a phone at camp, but when I’d researched the ranch, I’d noticed that they discouraged the use of phones and computers. They wanted the youth to “unplug” and have a fully immersive experience in nature.
“Sadie’s.” Milo turned the camera to Sadie, who was sitting beside him, her hair was also damp.
“Hi, Miss Kelsi!” She waved.
“Hi, Sadie,” I smiled.
The two of them had seen each other every day since he’d walked her to get 7UP and crackers for Bella. And when they weren’t together, he was constantly asking for my phone so that they could text or play games. I thought it was sweet. Colton didn’t seem too thrilled about it. But, Bella was all about “Salo.” She combined their names like Bennifer or Brangelina and seemed to get a kick out of teasing her husband about the fact that Sadie and Milo were the same age that they’d been when they’d first got together.
When Milo’s face returned on the screen, he explained, “She just called home, and she thought I should call you, too.”
I loved that girl.
“Thank you, Sadie!”
Her face popped into the corner of the screen. “You’re welcome.”
“So are you two having fun?”
“So much fun,” Sadie answered. “We went horseback riding yesterday and today. Milo’s been working in the stables helping to rehabilitate an injured llama that likes to spit on him. I’ve been working there, too. We both learned to milk a cow, which was gross and fun. Today we went waterskiing, and there’s a bonfire tonight.”
I watched Milo’s face as Sadie talked. It was clear that he’d been bitten by the love bug and I was just so relieved it was with such a sweet girl.
“And tomorrow we’re going to climb the rope obstacle course before we have to go home.” She clutched her chest. “I hate heights, but Milo said I’ll regret it if I don’t try and he’s right so I’m going to do it, but it’s his fault if I freak out.”
“You won’t freak out,” Milo told her confidently.
I’d felt a swell of pride when he’d offered to walk her bike for her, but now I was bursting with it. If the only thing right I did in this world was help raise Milo to be the man that he was, then I will have done something right.
A muffled announcement sounded over a speaker.
“They’re calling us for Nerf gun wars,” Milo explained.
“Okay, bye.” I smiled and waved. “Have fun guys.”
“Bye Miss Kelsi,” Sadie waved.
Milo waved, too. “Bye, love you.”
“Love you,” I said as Milo’s face froze and then disappeared.
Tears sprang to my eyes. Seeing him so happy and having the childhood he deserved felt like how I imagined people felt when they won the lottery. I’d always dreamed that it would happen but never actually believed that it would.
Before getting back to my lingerie-finding mission, I saved Sadie’s number in my contacts. I’d just finished when a text popped up.
I’ll be at your house in thirty, we can walk together. Can’t wait to see you.
That was going to cut fifteen minutes off of my getting ready time. I wrote back immediately.
We said we would meet there.
I was still considering whether or not I should insist on sticking to our original agreement when another message appeared.
Plans changed. See you in fifteen.
The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my sex clenched at the domineering and demanding tone to his message and the fact that he moved the time up by fifteen minutes. As much as I wanted the extra time to get ready, the thought of seeing Bryson sooner rather than later was even more appealing.
Delilah was right. You are bossy and impatient. Sheesh!
I sent it and couldn’t help smiling from ear to ear at the thought of what this night had in store. I pressed the arrow in the left-hand corner of the screen to exit out of the text, and when I did, I saw that the message below it had Sadie’s name on it. I pressed on it, thinking it might be new, but saw that it was a conversation between her and Milo. I was just about to close out of it when I saw the words “my sister.”
I had a fleeting thought that I was invading their privacy, but my curiosity overrode that impulse. Plus, this was my phone, and he was twelve, at least for another week. I was pretty sure any real parent would do the same thing I was.
As I read the line of messages, I’d immediately regretted my decision. It wasn’t that Milo was saying anything bad behind my back, in fact, it was the opposite. Sadie was talking about the fact that she’d been raised by a guy that wasn’t her dad and that she’d just met her biological dad, Colton, a couple of months ago. And that she loved having two dads.
Milo said that he never knew his dad. He said that the only guys that were around were the boyfriends me and my mom had. He told her he hated it. Hated having different guys in and out of his life and his house. Hated that they thought they could tell him what to do. He told her I was the only mom or dad he’d ever had and that he’d be happy if I never had another boyfriend again.
My heart lodged in my throat. I’d never really thought about the effect that my boyfriends had had on him, but I should have. I’d hated the constant parade of men that my mom went through. I’d never known how long they would be there or if there was going to be fighting or yelling, or worst of all, sounds that I didn’t want to hear coming from her bedroom. As an adult, I’d told myself I was lucky none of them had ever been abusive to me. I’d heard stories of people in similar situations that weren’t as lucky as me. But still, it was a shitty way to grow up.
I’d always promised myself that if I did ever have kids, I would never do that to them. If for some reason, things didn’t work out with the father, I’d be single. This situation with Milo had come out of the blue, and I hadn’t really thought about it in those terms, but that’s what it was. I was his guardian, hopefully until he turned eighteen. I needed to honor the promise that I made to myself for him. He deserved that and more.
As the gravity of that decision set in, I saw the red lace peeking out beneath a sweatshirt, and I grabbed it. If I had one more night to sow my wild oats before I was, for all intents and purposes, a single mom, I was going to make it a one more night for the record books.