ISAAC

 

“You want to explain that shit with Via to me?”

Toby shrugs his shoulders and looks away from my stare.

“Really slowly, so I can be sure to understand your fucked-up reasoning which led to her being in the hospital.”

I watch as a muscle jumps in his jaw. Good. I’m pissing him off, that might mean I’ll get the damn truth.

“I didn’t mean that shit,” he bites back turning his angry eyes to me.

I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow. “That doesn’t mean it wasn’t your fault.”

“Fuck you, Isaac!” he snaps.

I move faster than he’s used to, and he startles as I pin him to the wall with my forearm. “Listen, I don’t know what the fuck you’re playing at with Via, but she’s—”

“What? She’s yours?” he chokes out, pushing my arm away from his throat. I take a step back more affected by his statement than I expect. “When was she yours? When you were actually in prison for that first year and didn’t answer her constant pleas? When you ignored her for another four fucking years after you got out? When you lied to her time and time again?” He shoves my shoulder, his anger thickening the air around us. “What about when you came back here and flaunted Shelly in her face?”

“That’s just a front, and you know it,” I snarl at him.

He leans into me, his nose a mere inch from mine, and if he wasn’t my brother, he’d be dead already.

“But she doesn’t.”

He pulls back, and we stare at each other panting hard as our emotions get the better of us both. It’s strange for me, I don’t operate on feelings. I haven’t done for years, not since I let her go. My shoulders slump, he’s only telling me what I already know, there’s no arguing with the truth, but that doesn’t detract from his behaviour.

“You’re right,” I concede and watch his responding frown. “But that doesn’t mean you can act like a bastard and hurt Via in the process.”

He steps away, covering his face and rubbing his palms over the anguish I see so clearly now. Lowering himself onto one of my workout benches, I repeat the process and seat myself on the other one. He found me in my gym at home after I sent him a text ordering him to come and explain himself, but I haven’t gotten to the bottom of anything yet.

“It all got out of hand,” he whispers.

“You got out of hand,” I counter, an edge to my voice.

“Yes, fine.” He throws his hands up. “I got out of hand.”

“Why?” I demand.

He studies me for a moment. “Why?”

Keeping my mouth shut, I nod. Toby sighs dropping his head. There’s a slight sway coming from his dangling arms, and the shadow of them passes across his feet where the sunlight and shade clash. “Two years ago I received a letter from Social Services. They asked me to get in contact with them.”

Easing the bench back, pushing until it touches the mirror, I try to relax against it, but every muscle is strung tight waiting for something to drop.

And then it does.

“I met with a lady at their offices. Apparently, they’d tried to get in contact with you but had no luck, and I was the next in line.”

“In line?” I question.

“The next of kin.”

I bolt up, standing, towering over my brother’s hunched form. “Kin?” I thunder.

Toby’s head snaps up, and his pained eyes meet mine. “Kin,” he says, and I lower myself back to the bench. I have no words. For once in my life I’m shocked, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m having trouble processing this feeling—very little shocks me.

“Apparently, there was an aunt who knew about us.”

I wait, needing to know everything. I’ve pulled myself back from my momentary lapse in self-containment and am ready to take my usual measured approach.

“She had some things that belonged to our parents. I’m not sure why she kept them for so many years.” He shrugs as if it will answer his question. “But it was in her will, to be passed onto the department, and then sent to us, to you.”

“Why me?”

Toby shakes his head. “I don’t know. At a guess I would say because you’re the eldest.”

“So what did they give you?”

“Photos, jewellery, documentation like our original birth certificates.”

“And? There’s more isn’t there?” I push.

“I can’t do this shit.” Toby starts rising.

“Sit down now,” I growl at him.

His eyes widen, but he follows my instruction. My family has never seen the other side of me—they’ve never see Kane. I can tell that although my brother has known what I am for years, the realisation is only just sinking in.

“I’m fucking sitting,” he spits his words at me, but it’s only to cover his fear, and my stomach revolts. I don’t want my family to be scared of me. Not ever.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” I sigh, and he visibly relaxes before my eyes.

“This is one messed-up situation.” There’s a rawness, a torment in his tone.

“Messed up? That’s the verb you’re choosing?” I say with a small grin.

He looks up at me and I watch as a shadow moves through his eyes. “There were letters.”

Raising my chin, I wait for him to continue. “Tell me, Isaac, do you know anything about our parents?”

“Yes.”

His eyes widen at my omission. We were never told much about where we came from. Mum and Dad weren’t told much just that our parents died and we were fostered for about a year before they adopted us.

Toby leans forward, his mouth opening and closing as if he’s trying to capture his words in the air. Seeming to gather his thoughts he asks, “What do you know and how?”

I raise an eyebrow at him, not sure why he’s asking how when he knows I can obtain any information I want in my job.

“What do you know?”

An internal debate ensues as I decide how much to reveal. “Do you really want to know, no matter the answer?” I ask quietly.

His eyes assess me, he takes time to come to a conclusion. “Yes.”

“Okay. Our father got hooked on crack, then one day he shot our mother in the head.”

His torso jerks backwards as though I punched him in the gut.

“Don’t mince your words, big brother.”

Crossing my arms, I lean back stoically. What more can I say? It’s what I know, and now so does Toby.

“They wanted you, not me.” His words are scratchy like they clawed their way up from deep inside. “I’ve got the letters. Before Lawson came along, they were thinking of putting me up for adoption.”

Frowning, I lean forward. “You’re sure?”

“I read the fucking letters, Isaac. I know what they said.”

“What exactly?”

Toby’s head falls back and hits one of the bars from my weight machine. “Bollocks!” He slams the word out, and it’s more than just the instant pain. It’s like a battle cry without the battle.

“Toby.”

“Okay, fuck!” he grunts, rubbing his head. “They were letters from our mother, but they weren’t addressed to anyone and were never posted. I think they were meant to be a diary of sorts.” I nod for him to continue.

“They started by saying how amazing you were, but then went on to say that she was pregnant again and didn’t know how she would cope.” I stiffen as he unfolds the story. “As the letters continue, she has me then admits to contacting adoption agencies.” He looks at me, and all I see is my little five-year-old brother, sad and scared, and I want to rip someone, anyone, apart just to feel better.

“She filled the letters with line after line of how perfect her life was before I came along. And how, because of me, her and our father were on the brink of collapse.” I feel a flurry of anger for my brother. “Basically, she wanted you, but not me. When I came along she was scared, upset, and angry. I found adoption forms, Isaac. She was going to give me away, not you, me.” He digs at his chest and stands up.

“But she didn’t,” I finish the story.

“Obviously,” he snaps. “I don’t know why. There were no more letters after that.” Toby lets out a huff. “They went on to have Lawson…” Our youngest brother’s name hangs in the air, like a lynchpin waiting to be pulled. “They obviously fixed their life, but it was my arrival that nearly destroyed them.” He hurls, ramming his thumb into his chest again.

I stand, stretching my arms, the muscles twitch as I reach upward, taking a moment for myself. I knew a lot about our biological parents. Everything gets dragged up when you go into Black Ops, only to be hidden again. I never knew about those letters though. No one did, and Toby, alone, has been living with the venomous ink scrawled on those pages. But that doesn’t explain his behaviour two nights ago.

Lifting my chin he catches my gaze, and although I’ve been away for a long time, he’s my brother, my best friend, and he knows what I need.

“Shit. Okay, the other night.”

I lean back against the mirrored wall tucking my hands into my jogger pockets—the look is casual, relaxed. I’m neither right now.

“It was stupid. Liv dragged me into the toilets.”

My teeth grind down hard. Toby must see the strain on my face as his eyes widen, and he holds up his hands.

“Fuck me, not like that. She tore me a new one for flirting with your bloody girlfriend.”

My head jerks back slightly as my anger calms.

“It sets something in motion inside me. Something wrong and stupid, but I couldn’t control the frustration anymore. It reminded me that you had the girl.”

“I don’t have Shelly.”

“Shitting hell, I know that, Isaac. But you have Shelly, even if it’s fake. You have Liv, even if you aren’t with her—”

I cut him off. “Are you shitting me here? You trying to tell me that you want Via?” I growl low.

“Will you fucking listen!” he bellows, and I raise an eyebrow at him. “Always so damn impatient,” he bitches to himself, I can’t help the chuckle that lets loose. With a roll of his eyes that seems to release his bitterness, he continues his explanation. “I never wanted Liv, not like that. Hey, I still don’t,” he confirms when I can’t help narrowing my eyes on him. “She dances with me now, did you know that?”

His words cause a sting. It’s like having an open wound with no chance of it healing, and he’s just sprinkled salt into it. I shake my head.

“Well, she does. She never did, it was always you. You got the dance partner, you got the girls…”

“You’ve had your fair share of women, Toby.”

“I know, but it was always you. Our real parents wanted you. I guess it all got on top of me in the end, and I reacted in the worst way.”

I let his words filter and process taking a deep, slow inhale in through my nose. Feeling my chest rising, I blow the breath out through my teeth. Toby hears the hiss, and his head whips up until our eyes meet. He sucks in a breath at what he can see, and I hope it’s the last time I look upon my brother like this.

“I want to say two things,” I tell him, and his eyes are wary. “But I’ll preface them both by saying you are my brother, and I love you, always.”

“Okay.” His voice trembles before he coughs to clear it.

“First, our real parents are Saul and Sophie James. Don’t ever forget that.”

His eyes cast downward, he swallows a couple of times feeling my meaning.

“Second.” The word is hard, and he quickly gives me his eyes again. “I love you, but if you ever hurt Via again…” I shake my head and bite down clinking my teeth together. “Fuck. Let’s just agree that it’s never going to happen.”

“Never,” he repeats, shame filling his eyes. I don’t want to see that look on my brother, but he’s acted like a dick, and I had to spell shit out to him. Never let things slide even with family.

Whatever I am, whatever I end up being, there’s one person who claimed me before I even knew what being claimed was. Olivia McKenna was always supposed to end up being Olivia James. She was always supposed to be mine. My life took a turn which made me re-evaluate, but this is the first time in five years I’ve wondered if I took the wrong path. Seeing her on the floor bleeding, I suddenly felt real fear. After walking away, it’s finally sunk in that, although I never want her to be in that situation again, if she were, it could be some other guy by her side, holding her hand, whispering in her ear. She’ll always be my family. If I want to remain in their lives, I’ll have to swallow a fucking dirty, painful pill and watch her being loved by someone else, or worse, watch her loving someone else.

“What is it? You look… scared,” Toby whispers, his voice sounds so far away. It takes a moment to still my thoughts.

Blinking, I focus my eyes on him. “I’ve done things,” I murmur. “If she found out…”

“She’d still fucking love you. This is Liv we’re talking about,” he shoots back.

Threading my fingers together around the back of my neck, I look out of the window and skyward. “Shit, this isn’t going to be easy.”