LIV

 

“What should I do?”

“Get shitfaced,” Helena answers with a shrug, then goes back to packing her bag.

“This is serious,” I whine, plonking myself down on her bed. She’s going to visit her grandparents for a couple of days. They’re the only family she has, but they live up north, so she only goes to visit them a couple of times a year.

“I’m serious. Drink everything you can get your hands on and don’t look at him or her all night.” Her eyes search around for something, then she jumps up and rushes over to the bedside table. “Here, I was going to give you this for your birthday.” Roaming my face with her eyes, she grasps a black box in her hand and thrusts it toward me. “You seem like you might need it earlier.” She hands it to me winking.

With cautious fingers I prise open the box and pull out a brand new vibrator. I look down at the huge black object in my hand, then back into my friend. “Well, it’s better than a voodoo doll.”

Helena bursts out laughing. “Right, let’s hustle. Put on something sexy.”

 

 

I’ve never been nervous attending a family function before. I guess there’s a first time for everything. As I push through the swinging double doors of the local karaoke bar, I spot my family front and centre. This was their thing—my parents, aunts, and uncles. They used to sing at a regular place in Brighton. When that place closed down, they decided to pool their resources and buy a lounge club in London, which they then turned into a karaoke bar. Five years ago they sold it, but it’s still their frequent haunt, especially on special occasions like today.

“Livvie!” shouts my plastered-looking mum.

“Mum.” I smile as she collides with my chest and hugs me hard. My mum and I are very similar. Our personalities, both quiet, but also fiery, and if I weren’t tatted up and my hair bleached, then our looks would be considered similar too. As much as I look like my mum, I have my dad’s eyes. Staring over my tornado of a mother’s shoulder, I meet his gaze as he closes in on me. In that instant, I’m Daddy’s little girl again, and I want to cry.

“Liv,” my dad whispers as mum lets me go, and I almost throw myself into my dad’s chest. “Are you okay?” he asks me quietly.

“I’m fine, Dad,” I murmur, absorbing his love and knowing nothing can hurt me when I’m in his arms.

“Isaac!” My mum shouts, and I stiffen, closing my eyes.

“You want to talk about it, baby girl?” Dad offers rubbing his hand up and down my back, and I relax a little

“No… no.”

“I’m always here, Olivia. Always,” he says pulling back and kissing me on the forehead. I smile up at him, making sure not to look back. Stepping to the side, I walk over to the rest of my family making a beeline for Tobias.

“Toby,” I whimper pathetically as I step toward him.

“Here.” He offers me his arm, sadness in his eyes, and I tuck myself into him taking comfort in the shelter of his body.

As I stand next to Toby, with his arm around my shoulders and fingers running up and down the top of my arm soothing me, Isaac and his girlfriend step up to us. I don’t meet his eyes, I can’t. Not until he grinds out my name. “Via…”

His voice is like a command my body automatically reacts to, and my eyes move of their own accord darting to his. I see a simmering anger aimed at me. There’s something he’s trying to keep contained as his stare bounces between Toby and me, finally landing on my arm. His eyes narrow and his lips thin. I can almost feel the jealousy vibrating from him and I frown chancing a quick glance to Shelly. I figure she can feel it too. Her frustration is clear as she elbows him in the side and I try not to giggle.

“Hi, I’m Shelly.” She offers me her hand. Searching her face for anger or bitchiness, I’m surprised but pleased when I don’t see anything negative, so I take her hand and smile back.

“Hello, I’m Olivia, Isaac’s cousin,” I add and notice him stiffen.

Toby steps in. “Hello again, Shelly.”

“Hi Tobias,” she replies with a tentative smile. Although I don’t get the feeling she’s a bitch, I do feel like she’s suddenly hiding something.

“It’s Toby, please,” he replies smiling.

She giggles and tucks her hair behind her ear and my eyes widen as I stare between the two of them. There’s an obvious chemistry here, and I’m startled by it. I once again look at Isaac. His jaw works as he watches the moment between his brother and his girlfriend play out. I feel both a stab of jealousy and a wave of sadness.

“Nice to meet you,” I rush out. “Come on,” I snap at Toby, grabbing his arm which was around my shoulders, I drag him with me. “What the fuck was that?” I hiss as we find some privacy.

“What?” he asks with a bite and a dark look. I take a step back as my heart throbs in my chest. My God, he looks like Isaac. I rub my eyes, and Toby’s stare darkens. Stepping back again I slam into a hand dryer which whirs to life.

“Fuck,” I gasp, then frown.

A hand dryer? Shaking my head, I look around and realise we’re in a disabled toilet.

“It’s always him. Every fucking thing is about him,” Toby mumbles to himself.

“Toby?” I call, trying to break his focus, but he’s gone somewhere. His body is here, but his mind isn’t. I’m not sure if he can even see me right now, this isn’t a side of him I’m used to. His anguish is etched across his chiselled face, and I’m in the extraordinary position of not knowing what to do.

Out of the three brothers, I was always closest to Isaac growing up, but Toby and Isaac were best friends. Since he left, Toby and I have filled that void with each other. Yet, I’ve never seen him like this, and I’m slightly rattled. He paces back and forth like a caged animal in the small space, his movements push me into the corner. “I love him… he’s my brother,” Toby continues mumbling to himself, then he stops pacing and looks at his feet while rubbing the back of his neck.

“Toby,” I murmur, not sure what to say as I wring my hands.

“Don’t,” he snaps at breakneck speed.

Frowning at his response and slapping my palm on the wall, the storm inside is suddenly rumbling. “What the fuck is your problem?” I grind out.

“You. Him. All of it,” he barks as a loud bang hits the door.

“What the fuck is going on in there?” I hear the deep growl of Isaac and close my eyes for a second, unsure whether I’m relieved or not.

“Always him.” Then, as if it’s happening in slow motion, Toby throws the bottle from his hand. It’s such a small room that I dart back thinking it’s going to hit me, instead the bottle slams into the mirror behind me. I slip twisting as I lose my footing and throw my hands out trying desperately to grip onto something, but all my fingers find is the broken mirror. As I fall, the shards slice into my hand, after which my head smashes into the toilet.

Darkness blurs the edges of my vision. Toby’s wide eyes are the last thing I see before the light fades completely.