I’m watching my daughter finally sleep as I hold my granddaughter for the first time. Rose didn’t want to let her go last night. I understand this as I can’t imagine ever letting my little Lorel go either. Sure, this is not what we wanted, but she’s ours, and I love her more than I thought I could.

As I sit in peace, watching her little nose crinkle, making the cutest sounds in the world, I hear my text alerts going off like crazy. “Brody, do me a favor. Can you look at my phone and tell me who is calling? They’d better have one hell of a good reason for interrupting my time with my newest granddaughter.” I think back to the first time I held Aspen, Nick’s granddaughter, and how I felt the same way. Though Aspen is not biologically mine, she means just as much to me as this baby in my arms.

When I married Nick almost five years ago, I accepted Emma as mine just as Nick accepted Rose and Kai as his. His protectiveness of Emma is the same with Rose. Knowing my children have a semi reliable dad, I love that he fills the role of stepdad and loves my kids unconditionally. Though Emma and I had our problems at the very beginning of my relationship with her dad, we overcame them. She now owns a piece of my heart like Rose and Kai do.

I watch Brody, who looks like he hasn’t slept in days, grab my phone, and his face instantly changes to one of horror. Walking over to wake his mother, Ruth, who is asleep in the other chair, he takes my sweet girl from my arms. Giving Lorel to Ruth, he leads me calmly outside.

“Brody, you are scaring the fuck out of me! What is wrong?”

He looks down at the texts one last time. “Where is Nick?”

“He walked down to the cafeteria to get us coffee. Brody … you are scaring me.” I finally take my phone from him and see the texts, sensing the grief in Ty’s messages. Just then, Nick rounds the corner with five Starbucks coffees in a carrier, smiling.

He instantly senses the worry on my face as Brody takes the coffee from him. “Justine, are the baby and Rose okay?” Nick has been my rock, and now I must be his. I don’t know how to tell him what he’s about to see come through the emergency room doors. I know the ambulance is not far away. Since I met Nick Wallace six years ago, he’s been my everything, and I can’t stand to see him hurt, not ever.

Pulling Nick in close to me, I embrace him. I can’t look into his eyes as I tell him this. “Honey, there’s been an accident.” Can I call it a fucking accident? Probably not. “It’s Emma. Ty is on his way here with her. I’m not sure what happened.”

I can’t hold Nick as he runs down the hallway to the emergency room. Looking at my future son-in-law, I’m relieved when Brody says, “Go. I won’t say anything until I know what’s going on.”

When I arrive in the ER just seconds after Nick, they have already unloaded Emma. Nick feels helpless, holding his stomach tight and biting the hell out of his cheek. Hell, we all feel helpless with Emma lying unconscious on the gurney. “Emma, honey, what have you done?” he says, running toward her and Tyler. “Tyler?”

“I don’t know, Nick. The gas was turned on in the house, and she was barely breathing when I got her out.”

“Emma!” Nick shouts. “You stay with us, you hear me?”

The doctor stops Nick and Tyler while I helplessly look on. Nick crumples in my embrace as Tyler, threading his hands through his hair, falls to the floor crying. The look from the doctor tells both Nick and Ty that they won’t be going back with the unconscious Emma. The doctor turns with a sympathetic wince and says, “I’m sorry. We have it from here, and I’ll be out as soon as I know something.”

Thankfully, Brody finds Kai, my son from my first marriage. He flew in from Sacramento for the birth of Lorel. I’ll be the first one to admit our family is oddly shaped. Emma is the daughter of Nick and Annette. Annette is also the mother-in-law to my son. Emma’s half-sister, Jane, fell in love with my son around the time I met Nick, bringing our little eclectic family together.

Running toward me, he’s breathless when he says, “I have Annette and Jane on the next flight to Spokane, Mom.” He’s always been my fixer. It doesn’t surprise me he has Annette, Emma’s mom, and Jane, his wife, on the next flight. Handing me the phone, he pauses. “Annette’s on the other line.”

Taking the phone, I try to calm my body. Emma is not my daughter, and she was twenty-six when Nick and I met. She was really a bitch at first, yet now, she has engrained herself so deeply in my heart. Between the love I have for my husband and her dad, I grieve as if that was Rose or Kai who was just wheeled in here. It didn’t take long for Nick’s family—that included his ex-girlfriend and her entire family—to become part of mine. Nick’s family, like mine, might not be his blood, but we soon discovered our family is who we choose it to be.

I can’t imagine her worry, so I grab the phone to give her as many details as I can. “Annette, listen, I don’t have any news except that Emma is in the hospital. Head to the airport now. Don’t pack and don’t worry about the ticket. Kai has all the details, and he will text them to you and Jane. Thankfully, Lila is here, so I’ll find her now. I’ll have Rafe or Hils pick you up.” I’m thankful in this moment for the close relationship I share with my ex-husband, Rafe and his wife, Hildy. I like him a lot more now, not married to the man. As my husband, he was a bastard. As my ex, he’s a friend.

My husband has not moved from my side, and his grief has transformed to shock. Pulling him close to me, I try to get his attention. “Nick, honey, I got Annette and Jane on the next flight. I just paid for it, so no need for Annette to worry about that at this point. I’ll go get Lila. Do you know what happened?” I’m hoping in the couple minutes I’ve been on the phone, there is some news, plus I really don’t know what to say.

With tears in his eyes, he says, “I can’t lose her,” quietly in my ear as he embraces me.

“Nick, you aren’t going to.” Looking at Tyler, I say, “I’ll be right back.”

Annette’s husband calls me for details. “I’m dropping Annette and Jane off, then going home and packing. I’ll be on the next flight,” he says. “Please find Lila for me.” I don’t have a chance to process all that is going on. I jump into action, now looking for Lila, Emma’s other half-sister and Rose’s best friend.

As I walk into Rose’s room, I see everyone there, admiring my newest little grandchild, but all they need to see is the anguish on my face, and they all stop, especially Lila.