“You did what?” Grace is borderline yelling at me.

“I filed for divorce. It’s time Tyler gets on with his life. He’s dragging out the inevitable.”

“No, he has been one of the most patient men I have seen in my life, dealing with a situation that has torn him apart, and he still wants you. I know he’s on your HIPAA, but as your therapist, I can’t tell him a lot. But I listened to him, and he’s torn up. He was in the middle of an euthanasia when the lawyer’s goon served him. Emma, you are ready for the next step, and you being scared is not cutting it with me right now.”

I stand, walking toward the door. “You are supposed to be on my side here, Grace.”

She stands, her clogs making a loud thud as she approaches me, “First, what are you, ten? And second, I’m on your side, I’ve always been, but you are being stupid right now.”

“Calling your patient stupid doesn’t seem very professional,” I say, indeed as if I were ten.

“Then it is a good thing I’m telling a friend she’s fucking off and that she needs to get out of my sight right fucking now!”

As I walk out, surprised by her words and the way she went from zero to sixty in a matter of mere seconds, I hear her slamming the door behind her.

Passing Jolie in the hall with Reagan tucked into her baby Bjorn, she seems upset but instead asks, “She didn’t take the news of you serving divorce papers on Tyler well, did she?”

“Nope. Hey, you want me to take Reagan for your session?”

“No,” she replies too quickly.

“Why? You know I’ll take good care of her.” Jolie looks away from me at my words.

“Grace spoke with you and told you not to let me bond with Reagan?”

“Sort of mentioned I should watch how much time you spend with her. I mean, I know she’s in great hands with you, Emma. I trust you, that is not it. But she has a point. You have a baby at home, and somehow, she needs you more than Reagan or I need you.”

“She thinks I’m placing my maternal need on you and Reagan?” I ask.

“I’m sorry if these words hurt, but yes, and I agree with her.” She walks off before I can say any more.

When I hear those words, the hurt that comes with them increases my already imminent panic attack. The triggers that set off my PTSD are the words or events I can’t quite prepare myself for, and Jolie’s words are just that, words I had not quite expected.

Opening the door to my room, I sit in both silence and darkness when I work on the breathing techniques that Grace has taught me effortlessly, in order to help me against the full-blown anxiety attacks that can overtake me in a matter of seconds.

* * *

On the grocery run today with Ellis, a man who lost his wife in a fire, and Jordie, a twenty-year-old girl who has been sober for three months, I catch a glimpse of Jolie and Reagan as she dashes from the dining hall to the administration offices. Her lawyer’s car is parked next to Anders, and I know her parents wanted to visit her. My heart aches for her. I really miss her. I was confused by her words, and at today’s therapy session, after a week of Jolie steering clear of me, Grace didn’t deny asking her to keep her distance from me for a while.

“It’ll give you some time to clearly think. I’m not asking her to break ties with you; I know you care for her, Emma. I think your maternal love is being placed on that baby, and you are not giving yourself a chance to visualize your life with Aspen.”

I didn’t say much more, plus she had been pissed as hell about the divorce papers I had delivered to Tyler.

Sitting in the back of the van, I listen as Jordie and Ellis chat about life in New Mexico, something I can’t relate to. When Ellis speaks of his wife’s death with such clarity, as Anders did the day I arrived here, I could tell nothing would stand in both men’s ways if they were given a second chance with their spouses. This is the slippery slope I’ve been sliding down lately, comparing myself with other consequences, which Grace has told me on many occasions will lead to great anxiety and depression.

“Perspective is one thing, Emma, but when you take these people’s lives and place them directly over your own life, you are not giving yourself a chance to experience it through your own eyes.”

As much as I hate Grace right now, there is a level of genius to her words. I guess I need to remember that the next time I want to take her head off, as was the case today.