Chapter Nine

See You Around...Again

Grayson

This morning, I was ready to not only make my bed and lay in it—a term Mags would always use as a warning—I was ready to wreck my bed and lay in it until it was time to move on from here once again.

It would have already happened, too, had that Blue fucker not walked into my woods and fucked with sacred ground and secret plans, pissing all over them.

Smug little fucker, too. Told me this big-ass story about Mandee and her college years. About a bunch of guys fucking with her. Then he told me to stay the hell away from her. I put him in his place, telling him it was none of his fucking business what I do, and he told me, if I didn’t have good intentions—friendly intentions—he would make damn sure Phoenix knew what was up, because she would for sure protect Mandee from a man like me. I grabbed his fucking throat and told him to pull over. Warned him to shut the fuck up.

When he pulled over, I got out. He spewed some shit about my family needing support around these parts and not more scandal. He said he knew what his community would and would not tolerate, that if I loved them, I would walk the straight and narrow with a girl like Mandee.

When I got back to the Landing, I helped Garrett finish the porch he has been building on his place that he and the girl he has loved forever, the mother of his child who was happy as hell to learn Garrett, not Gage, was Brand’s father. That boy still looks at both men the way I wish I could have my father.

The fucker, Blue’s, words dug in a little. Still, it didn’t sway me.

When I helped Garrett look over plans for Mandee’s family bar and I saw the pride in him, that he was making amends with everything that he had been lied to about for years, and being the bigger and better man, those words dug even a little farther in.

When I googled her name and saw the video Blue was talking about, I saw Mandee at a frat party with a bunch of fuck boys, three of them. They were grabbing her, ripping her clothes off, kissing her, touching her. She was so fucking wasted her attempts at stopping them were not obvious enough for those bastards to get what they had coming to them. Those words didn’t seem as much a threat, or warning, as they were a wakeup call.

I saw my soon-to-be sister-in-law in the video, as well. Little badass Phoenix was fucking raging. I like her more now than ever. Her and Gage, they actually do make one hell of a couple.

This morning, I watched as Mandee cried, screamed, swam, and hid from the pains of her past. I just didn’t know how damn deep that pain ran until he filled in the untold part of her story.

“Gage, come here for a minute?” Phoenix says from behind the bar.

He smiles, stands up, and walks with her to the entry to the new addition.

Once they are out of earshot and view, Mandee walks over to me.

“Everything okay?” she whispers.

I nod.

“You sure?” she asks, putting a glass in front of me and grabbing a bottle from under the bar.

When she’s about to pour me a glass of Jameson, I stop her. “Coffee.”

She nods and pulls the glass back as she sets the bottle down. “Okay.”

She walks out back, and I take in a breath of this bar, of her, and of knowledge that this shit can’t happen.

Regret. Fucking regret sucks.

When she brings out the cup of coffee and sets it down, she whispers, “You sure everything’s okay?”

I shake my head. “Can’t happen.”

“What?” Those big brown eyes widen, hurt and confusion clashing in them, and that regret for my momentary loss of control, it thickens.

“You deserve better than what I have to offer,” I tell her, raising my cup to my mouth.

“What did he say to you?”

“Your boyfriend?”

“My occasional date and never fuck.” She scowls at me.

“He ain’t for you, but he’s better than me. Trust me, Mandee; I’m doing you a fucking solid here.”

“So, I should fuck Blue?” she whispers again, but this time there’s sass behind the words. She’s pissed.

“No. You’ll find a good man.”

“I did find—”

“Shh, Jesus Christ, and this is why,” I interrupt. “You and I, we’re not gonna be, so you should just move on from the idea—”

“I’m over it,” she interrupts, all sass now, and it’s incredibly sexy on her.

Fuck!

The door opens, and Phoenix and Gage walk back in.

“Before it gets busy in here, let’s go over those plans.” Phoenix smiles at her and picks up the damn book on the back of the bar. A book that all her illusions of love and fairy tale shit is written throughout the pages, with little pictures and shit glued inside it. That should have been the only fucking warning I needed.

§

I spend the next week working like a dog with my brother Garrett so I am tired enough to crash at night and am able to restrain myself from going to the bar. I hang out with my nephew Brand, and I listen to her voice, that girl, Mandee, on FaceTime with Juliana and Phoenix, going over the plans for the nuptials happening on Saturday.

Her voice is sweet as honey, making me want to give less shits about what my head’s telling my dick to avoid.

Three fucking days from now, and my father, the man who I despise, is going to be here with his wife, my mother, the woman Gage despises, to watch Garrett and Juliana get hitched. What a fucking joke.

Tonight, I suffered through another dinner with my brothers and the whole crew while watching them all smile and seem actually happy for the first time in years. Hell, I don’t think I remember a time when all was good in the world.

Brandon, my nephew, he’s a gift to this family. Watching him gets you caught up in innocence. Innocence lost to us all. Innocence that was just like that girl, Mandee, and her fairy tale in that book.

Everyone’s gone to their respective side of the hill, and I am looking at the lake. I reach down and grab my guitar, needing it to drown out the noise inside.

“You okay, my boy?”

I look back and see Mags walking toward me.

I nod as she sits next to me and pats my back, then rubs in slow circles like she used to when I couldn’t sleep.

“You wanna talk about it?”

I shake my head and see her smile out of the corner of my eye.

“Can’t keep everything bottled up, my boy. I know that look. Something’s building up inside, and you’re ready to hit the road again. Can’t do that; we have a wedding.” She pats my back gently.

“I know, Mags,” I tell her.

“But...?”

I shrug. “I come back. Always do. Haven’t missed a holiday in years. Just need to breathe, you know?”

“Easy breathing up here in the fresh country air now that things have come out. Looking at you, I’m thinking something’s eating you.”

She reaches in the bag that was hanging off her shoulder and pulls out a smaller bag. Inside is something wrapped in foil. She pulls it out and opens it up. “Phoenix brought this home. Apparently, that friend of hers at the bar, the sweet, little one with those eyes and the perfect skin, made enough chocolate covered bacon to feed half the town. You care to try it?”

“No,” I say, pulling the guitar up on my lap.

“No?” Mags says on a laugh. “My boy is saying no to bacon and chocolate?”

“Suppose I am.” I shrug then run my fingers across the strings.

She puts her hand over my forehead like she is checking to see if I have a temperature. “Don’t feel warm. Gotta be something else. Tell me, Gray, what has you so upset you’re avoiding looking at me and eating something you specifically asked for a couple weeks ago?”

I’m ready to tell her to mind her business, but I love this woman and don’t want to do that to her, not ever. So, I tell her something else.

“Love for bacon was tainted, Mags. That awful shit they tried to pawn off on us has made me leery.”

She laughs as she stands, pats my shoulder, then sets the bag on the bench as she kisses my cheek. “Get some sleep, my boy.”

I watch her make her way up, half-tempted to scoop her up and carry her the rest of the way to Gage’s house. However, I know she would beat the hell out of me with that cane of hers. Woman is as stubborn as the day is long.

Once she’s inside, I scowl at the bag of bacon, cursing myself for being weak when I saw her coming out of the lake.

I strum the strings, hoping to hear something in them that I can make a temporary escape into.

“That girl, Mandee, she’s messing with my mind.

That girl, Mandee, she’s one of a kind.

That girl, Mandee, such a pretty little thing.

That girl, Mandee, is the woman of my dreams.”

I pull my hand away from my guitar and look at… “No.” Then I set it down and look over at the bacon. “Fuck it.”

I reach over and grab it, opening up the Ziploc bag. I fold the foil back and take out a piece of chocolate covered bacon. I eat it. Fucking delicious. Then I eat another piece, and another, and another, and yeah, I eat the whole fucking bag.

When I am done, I sit back and look up at the sky, watching the fireflies dance. My fucking belly is full, and I’m ready to sleep.

“You gonna crash right here?”

I open my eyes, seeing Garrett standing above me, and shrug.

“You can still crash with us,” he says as he sits next to me. Then he reaches under him and pulls up the empty bag, “What the hell?”

“Sorry,” I say as I reach over and take it.

“Still have the nighttime binge, huh?” He smiles, looking down.

“Sometimes, yeah,” I answer.

“Look, I know that started out because you couldn’t sleep at night because of my shit.” He shakes his head and sighs. “Sorry, man.”

“It’s all good, Garrett. Wasn’t your fault that...happened to you.”

“Wasn’t yours, either, man. But little brother, things are turning around. Good times and all that shit Mags talked about when we were kids, they’re right there in arm’s reach now.”

I nod. “Happy for you.”

“You sure?” he asks, looking at me.

I have no idea why he is asking that. Of course I’m happy for him. He fucking deserves it. All the hell he lived is done.

“Of course I’m sure,” I answer honestly.

“Do me a favor?” he asks.

“Sure.”

“Sing at the wedding?”

I want to tell him hell no, especially knowing that girl, Mandee, is going to be in it. But I can’t tell him no. Can’t tell anyone in my family no.

I nod, and he sighs.

“Thanks, man. ‘Bless The Broken Road.’ That’s the song I want. You know it?”

“Better hope so. It’s only a couple days away.”

We both sit back and look up at the sky. Then he sighs, claps his hand on my knee, and stands up. “Thanks, Gray.”

I nod.

“Do me another favor?” he asks.

“Sure,” I answer.

“Find her, man. Find the one who makes you believe shit can glitter.”

“Shit can glitter?” I half-laugh.

“All that shit we went through, Gray, all our lives, it’s part of that broken road. Shit still gonna happen in life, bad shit, man, but when you find your person, your girl, your best friend, she can make that shit glitter.”

“Interesting.” I nod.

He looks at me for a long minute. I know he wants to say something, ask something. I don’t want either.

I grab my guitar and stand up. “Happy for you, Garrett.”

“Stay with us tonight?” he asks.

“Sure.” I nod as I grab the bucket beside me, toss the water on the burning embers in the fire pit, and start walking.

The night is dark, but the sky is clear; therefore, the path is easy. So fucking easy. From point A to point B. Years and years of walking it, in the dark and sleepless nights. I know it like I know the back of my hand. There is peace in darkness, as long as you don’t worry about what it is the darkness hides. Peace here, too, that I wish I could take comfort in, like Gage, like Garrett, but I can’t.

“No interest in what Xavier Steel offered?” Garrett asks, breaking the silence.

“None.”

“Huh,” he says quietly.

“Huh,” I repeat, and he laughs.

“Gray, it could be a really good thing for you and that.” He stops for a minute. “What’s that thing’s name again?”

“Glory,” I tell him my guitar’s name.

He smiles and nods.

“Not my thing.”

“But you’ll sing in little bars and shit sometimes. Why not—”

“Small time, I’m good with. Fun to let go. But no, I’m not gonna become Xavier Steel’s next big thing.”

“How about being Grayson Falcon’s? You are a big thing, man.”

“Been told that a few times,” I attempt to turn this conversation around. It works.

He laughs. “Genetics are a great damn thing.”

The fuck they are, I think. The fuck they are.

§

Sleep? Impossible. But this time, it’s not Garrett’s nightmares keeping me awake. It’s thoughts of her. That girl, Mandee.

I push myself up off the bed and rub my hand over my face as I try to talk myself out of taking a walk to the woods, my fucking sacred place, now tainted by Blue’s interruption of what would have no doubt been a mistake.

I stand up, grab Glory, and walk out the door. Once outside, I sit on the picnic table and run my hands over her strings.

The song he wants me to sing isn’t one I have done often, and although I know it, I don’t actually feel it. I have to feel a song to get lost in it. I have to connect with it.

I have never had professional training. I can’t read music. It’s all through feeling and by ear. I want this to be good for him, for her, for Brand.

After a few minutes, I get the chords straight. And the words, once I hear a song, I don’t forget it.

I begin, “I set out on a narrow road many years ago.” To connect with this line, I think of Garrett and how damn hard it must have been for him to leave home, knowing what he was leaving behind.

“Hoping I would find true love along the broken road.” The line forces me to step back to where he was broken, torn the fuck apart by what had happened to him when we were kids, back to when he found her—Juliana.

I stop playing because it’s out of fucking sequence; the story doesn’t flow. I shake it off. This is for Garrett.

“But I got lost a time or two. Wiped my brow and kept pushing through.” I close my eyes and continue through the entire song, over and over, until it’s perfect.

Why the hell do I care if it’s perfect when I know love is a fucking joke? Because the more time spent here, the more I watch them and see that girl, Mandee, light up when she’s helping them plan, the more I am starting to believe that maybe, just fucking maybe, it’s a choice.

Lightning may have struck not once, but twice here in these trees, but it certainly couldn’t hit it three times without fucking things up.

I would give them happiness, above my own, and love is no different. They can have it. It would be wasted on someone like me.

§

The next two days are spent mowing, planting, building, and working my balls off next to Gage, Garrett, and little Brand.

It’s a fucking amazing time, lost in the feelings of everything’s going to be all right, until night falls and I can’t sleep. Then I get on my bike and drive. Done it two nights in a row, trying to work up the courage to walk in the bar, face her, that girl, Mandee, who was my first female friend, and whose friendship I pissed on. I want to make it right, especially knowing I’m going to be facing her again for the wedding.

However, I can’t erase the image of the hurt in her eyes. I saw it and know there is no making it better. I can’t trust myself to not give her what we both want without hurting her worse.

I won’t lie and say I haven’t sat outside the bar on my bike, looking in through the window just to see her. I have. I won’t even pretend it was just the past two nights. It’s been almost every fucking night.

I won’t lie and say that when I see him, Blue, in there, for the first fucking time in my life, I wish I could trade places with another man, be fucking normal. I don’t even hate his ass enough to want him to have to carry the burden I do.

Then reality hits, and I ride. I ride until I get just far enough away that I know if I go one mile farther, I’m not going to be back, and I have to be back for this wedding, for them.

Today, I am twisted up, angry, and I know it’s because they will be here soon.

When I see the SUV pulling down the drive and kicking up dirt, I know damn well I have to get the fuck out of here.

“Uncle Gray?” I look down at Brand, who is holding my guitar. “Teach me more?”

I take in a deep breath and nod. “Sure thing, Brand, sure thing.”