JACKSON

 

I FUCKED UP.

Katya has been ignoring me for the past couple of days with a look on her face that can only be described as wounded.

But instead of making things right, I've been ignoring her right back.  I have bigger things on my plate right now, and I can't even begin to sort through the shit that's going on with Katya.

This morning, when I made my usual trip to Lucien's room, he moved his fingers.  It could have been an automatic reflex to stimuli, but I'm hopeful that it's a sign he's regaining consciousness.  I've lessened the drugs that could inhibit him from waking up.

And so, there's nothing else to do but wait.

Wraith and I visit Lucien's room together late that evening.  Maria excitedly springs out of her seat to tell me that Lucien's eyes were fluttering.  I don't want to get her hopes up just in case everything doesn't work out, so I just listen to her and nod and give her a forced smile.

All of his movements could be simply automatic reflexes.  He could still have extensive brain damage.  Hell, he might not even be Lucien when he wakes up.  He could be a different person entirely.

And even though that thought fucking guts me, I try to hold on to positive thinking…even when it feels like I'm grasping at straws.

He's gonna be fine, I tell myself over and over again as I raise his eyelids to check his pupils with my penlight.

Maria leaves the room, and then I feel another presence join us.  A presence that I've become so accustomed to over the past couple of weeks.  She brings in with her a scent of peaches — Adeline's body wash.

And it drives me insane.

I've been going off the deep end every day that we don't find Adeline, and Katya is a constant reminder that she's here instead, in her place, wearing her clothes, using her things.

Gritting my teeth, I turn to glare at Katya.  "What are you doing in here?"

She looks taken aback by my tone.  But then she quickly schools her features and glares right back at me.  "I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to be in here.  I'll leave if you want."

Fuck, I shouldn't be berating her.  I should be apologizing.  But I just can't seem to force myself to do it.  I'm clearly wound too damn tight, and there's a point coming probably really soon when my strings are gonna finally snap.

But when I hear a groan coming from Lucien, the world around me stops.  I turn my attention back to him.  "Lucien?" I ask, and I can hear the hopefulness dripping from my voice.  I want him so badly to wake up and join the rest of us in the land of the living.

"Lucien, can you hear me?  Luc?"  Glancing up at Wraith, I joke, "You would think he would want to wake up after sleeping for so long."

"Maybe he's not ready to wake up," Katya whispers.  "He'll wake up when he's ready."

She's right.  Lucien will wake up when he's ready.  Maybe not today.  Maybe not even tomorrow.  But I need him to wake up soon.

Sighing, I stare at Lucien's face.  His stubble has grown into an almost full beard.  Maria has been meticulously trimming it, but she let it grow out some.  It would drive Lucien insane if he knew.

And then I see Lucien's cracked lips open.  "Ad…"

"Wait.  He's trying to say something," I say, gripping his hand.  "Luc, you need to wake up.  Do you hear me?  Adeline needs you."

There's no response for a long time after that.  No automatic reflexes, no more lip movement, nothing.

"Do you think he can hear you?" Wraith asks.

"I'm going to find out," I answer determinedly.  "Luc…Adeline is gone.  She was kidnapped, and I lost track of her.  I need you to wake up and help me find her," I tell him, feeling desperate and hearing the desperation leaking into my voice.

That gets me a response.  Lucien manages to crack one eyelid open.  He squints and grunts, and closes it again quickly.

"Turn off the lights," I tell Katya.  When she obliges and the room is bathed in only natural light from the windows, I squeeze his hand again.  "Luc, please wake the fuck up."  After a deep sigh, I tell him, "I need you.  I can't do this without you."  And then I add, "Adeline needs you."

A guttural moan escapes Lucien's mouth.  And then his reactions begin slowly — first with his fingers twitching and then his toes under the thin blanket.

And then…finally…he squeezes my hand.

"He's waking up," I whisper breathlessly with tears in my eyes.

Every twitch of muscle, every single movement has me practically sobbing with relief.  It feels like I've been waiting for this moment for so damn long.

Lucien's eyes move rapidly under his eyelids, and I have to wonder if he's remembering what happened.

I stand when I notice how hard he's gripping my hand.  It's to the point where he's going to start breaking bones.

And then his entire body convulses and a scream rips out of his throat, shaking me to my core.

"Easy, Luc!  Easy!" I yell at Lucien, wrenching my hand from his grip and holding him down against the soft mattress.

Gasping for air, Lucien's eyes snap open, unfocused.  He's wheezing like he's struggling to breathe.

"It's all right.  You're safe now," I say hurriedly, gripping his arms tightly.

"Adeline!" he croaks, his voice gruff and hoarse.

"We're going to find her," I tell him assuredly.  "I promise you we'll find her."

His dark eyes scan the room, but he seems visibly upset when he sees the IV in his arm.  He begins to tug at the tubes, but I quickly stop him.  "Easy, tiger," I chuckle.  "You still need this stuff to get back to a hundred percent.  And if you pull your IV out, I'll just have to poke you again with a new needle," I explain to him, knowing that my words will profoundly affect him given his aversion to needles and, well, almost everything.

He grimaces, and then falls back against the mattress, shaking his head.  I watch his heart rate on the monitors, and his breathing picks up as his pulse accelerates.  The monitor begins beeping to convey his elevated blood pressure and erratic heartbeat.  He's going into a full-blown panic attack, and I can't afford to have him having a stroke or worse at this point.

"Luc, calm down!" I yell at him.  "You're safe now.  You're going to be okay."  I squeeze his arm gently before letting go.  "Breathe nice and deep for me.  Try to calm your breathing."

His eyes snap shut as he sucks in air, rapidly at first, but then more deeply and evenly as he goes along, trying to calm himself down.  It takes several minutes, but eventually his breathing returns to normal and he visibly relaxes.

"How…long?" he bites out, his voice gravelly.

I hesitate before I answer him, because he's not going to like the answer.  "You've been out of it for a little over two weeks."

My answer seems to floor him, because he sits up quickly, too quickly, and he grips the bed after what must be a bout of dizziness.  "Fuck," he grates out, slumping back against the bed.

"It wasn't easy bringing you back.  Trust me," I say with a tremor in my voice that I can't conceal no matter how hard I try.  The fact that I almost lost my cousin, my best friend, the man who is like a brother to me, is all I've been thinking about for weeks.  "We're just lucky Wraith got to you in time."

Lucien's eyes meet the tall, burly Russian in the corner of the room.

Wraith is standing perfectly still with military precision and regards Lucien with stone-cold blue eyes.  "I was on my way back to the island when I received your distress call.  I made it just in time to save you.  I pulled you out of the pool and gave you CPR until Jax arrived."  He grits his teeth as he bites out, "But I couldn't stop them from taking Adeline."

Lucien glares at him.  "You should have gone after her!  You should have fucking saved her, not me!" he yells.

"He saved your life, Luc!" I tell him sternly.  I don't care how sick the bastard is — I'll still kick his ass for acting like a jerk.  "He couldn't fucking save you and her.  Don't you get that?  If he wouldn't have pulled you from the water and stopped you from bleeding out until I could get here, you'd be dead.  And you're the only chance we have of finding Adeline.  So, I would have lost you both," I say, my voice breaking on the last word.

Lucien's eyes meet mine, and I'm sure he can tell by my expression that I'm fucking torn up inside over the whole ordeal.

"Wraith was only doing his job," Katya speaks up, and it's full of anger.

Lucien's gaze falls upon Katya standing near Wraith with her arms folded across her chest, a cocked brow and looking like she's ready to take on the whole world.  She gives him an unforgiving and hard glare, and Lucien simply stares at her in confusion.

"This is Katerina," I tell him, answering the question that's written all over his face.

"Katya," she corrects me, giving me the side eye.

"Katya is my…my girlfriend," I say, knowing full well it will only piss her off even further.  I can't help but love when she gets all riled up.  That's the Katya I know, not the sweet, innocent girl she was pretending to be.

"In your dreams," Katya snaps, and I grimace.

Oh, her little innocent act is definitely over with now.

"She's clearly not ready to put a label on us yet," I say with a sly grin.  "She's just avoiding the inevitable, though."  Then I add, "Besides, I think our couple nickname, Katson, has a certain ring to it."

Katya dramatically rolls her blue eyes to the ceiling, and it makes Lucien smile.  The bastard.  He's totally smitten with her already, just like I was.

"He kidnapped me, you know," Katya reveals with a cocked hip and a snarky attitude.

Lucien raises a brow at me, but I simply shrug my shoulders. 

"It looks like I have a lot to catch up on," he tells me.

"You have no idea," I answer with a shake of my head.