I kept myself together on the way home. I had to, because I was driving. Gavin was in his own car. When we had parked, I held open the door into my building for him since he wouldn’t let me help carry anything.
Once we got inside, I broke.
Sobs took over as rivers of tears streamed down my face. It felt like my whole body was splitting apart and falling to the ground. I couldn’t remember ever having a reaction like that before. The whole situation was an overwhelming emotional experience that needed an outlet.
“Hey, hey.” Gavin directed me to the couch where he sat and pulled me down onto his lap.
I cried into his shoulder as his hands made soothing strokes on my back and legs. I could manage nothing but tears against his suit as I clung to him with one arm.
“It’s okay, baby,” he whispered.
Was it? I’d just been fired in a horrific display by the hotel manager. Everyone had stared at me as I was being escorted out before Gavin got there. Then Phillip followed us upstairs. The things he said to me, about me . . . Thankfully Miguel was there, or I might have slapped the expression from his face.
At least with Miguel I knew he truly hated letting me go, but that was his job. Plus, once Phillip knew, there was no stopping my firing.
But what had he done or said when he’d gotten back to the lobby? What were people whispering about me? What awful things were they saying?
It took a while for me to stop sobbing, and nearly an hour to calm down.
Gavin wiped my tears away, his brow furrowed as he cared for me.
“I hate to see you like this,” he said. “I feel so helpless.”
“I can’t believe I got fired. I mean, I can. What I did was wrong.”
A growl vibrated in Gavin’s chest and suddenly I was on my back, his arms slipping under my shoulders.
“Do you need me to say it again?” Gavin asked, hovering over me as his fingers toyed with my hair.
I nodded.
“You did absolutely nothing wrong. You know how I know?”
“How?”
“Because loving me isn’t wrong. Yes, it was against their policies, but fuck them. I wasn’t some John looking to get my rocks off and using you. I wanted you, and I went after you.”
I nodded. “I know, but it still doesn’t make it an easy pill to swallow. I’ve never been fired before.”
“Everything will be fine, and you’ll realize it was for the best.”
“Yeah, but it’s not going to help me find a job.” I was pretty certain being fired was not a good thing for a resume.
“If you explain to them.”
“Explain that I was fucking a guest?”
“Not crudely.” He sighed. I knew my attitude was making it hard to talk to. “I was there for three months, Emma. Basically a resident.”
He was right, in a way, and if I was asked, I’d find a way to explain it.
Once I was settled, Gavin changed into another suit; my tears and makeup were all over the one he was wearing.
“I hate to leave you,” he said as he pulled on his jacket.
Me too, but I knew why he was leaving. It was late morning on Friday, and he had work to do. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. But I’m only going to go in for a few hours and wrap some things up for the weekend. I’ll have my assistant cancel my afternoon appointments.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, drawing me up into his arms. “Let’s go to dinner tonight. Your choice.”
“There’s a Ninety Nine not too far in Waltham.”
“A what?”
“It’s a restaurant. Huge menu. Casual.”
He gave me a quick kiss as he reluctantly pulled away. “Perfect.”
With the promise to be back soon, he left. It took me a little while before I was able to pick myself up off the couch and go change my clothes.
It all felt surreal, but it was the truth. For the first time in my life, I’d been fired.
All in the name of love, and it was a sacrifice I’d make again and again.
I sat on the couch in some jersey lounge pants, a tank top, and my hair in a messy, not cute, bun. Over the past three days, I’d binged almost three full seasons of The Walking Dead. People had raved about it for years, but I hadn’t had cable or time.
Day four without a job, and I had plenty of time. The first few days were a mixture of miserable and relaxed. It was like a mini vacation, in a way. I spent the days binging Netflix and searching for jobs, and spent the nights with Gavin.
I was paused for a bathroom break when I heard the door open and Gavin stepped in.
“Welcome home.” I loved saying that to him, even if our current home was my tiny-ass apartment. I reached up and pressed my lips to his. “How was your day?”
His gaze scanned down and then back up. “Fine. Yours?”
I shrugged as I headed back over to my nest. “Eh.” I plopped back down in my spot and pulled my laptop onto my lap as I reached for the remote.
“If you’re not careful, Netflix is going to tweet about this obsession,” Gavin said.
I just shrugged. What did it matter? It kept my mind off losing my job, though the depression still sat there, waiting to strike.
Gavin sighed and suddenly, the TV was off.
“What?” I looked up to him.
Next, my laptop was gone from my lap and Gavin was looming over me, his hands resting on either side of my head, his brow furrowed.
“Enough. It’s been three days, and wallowing in this feeling isn’t going to make anything better,” he said.
That got me going. I had to look away as tears filled my eyes.
He straightened out, then moved to the spot next to me, his hand resting on my knee. “I know you’re depressed, but this isn’t helping anything.”
“What else am I supposed to do? I have no money and one task. No interviews and no calls. This is all I have.”
“Then I have an idea. Something that will get you out of here for a little every day.”
“Hmm? What’s that?” I asked.
“Why don’t you pick out furniture for the house?”
My brow scrunched. “Isn’t that something we should do together? I was looking forward to shopping with you.”
He nodded. “We can still do that, but we can make you the scouter and go together on the weekends. Money isn’t really an issue, but there are four bedrooms and nearly five living spaces.”
My eyes went wide. “Oh my God. I totally forgot that we’d need to furnish that whole place.”
He chuckled and nodded. “There are a lot of rooms. Look at the pictures online, figure out any paint colors you want to change. You can go get paint swatches you like.”
“I think you’re just trying to keep me busy.”
“Anything to keep you upbeat and positive,” he said, then took my hand in his, our fingers intertwining. “Look at what we have, not at what you lost.”
He was right, and it wasn’t a bad idea, especially when shopping for so much. It wasn’t just furniture, but a whole house that was ours. I would live in it with the man I loved. Maybe for once it was okay to not do everything on my own. After all, we were a couple, a partnership.
“One thing . . . that suitcase can’t be all of your stuff.”
He chuckled. “No. It’s in storage, waiting for the house.”
“So you have furniture?”
He nodded. “My assistant in New York took photos of everything before they loaded it up. I’ll send them to you. I’m not attached to any of it. If you like it, we’ll keep it. If you don’t, it goes.”
I gave him a small smile. It was a combination of the depression and the happiness that came with thinking about our home.
“Are you going to want to take any of this furniture to the house?” he asked, patting the sofa.
My gaze bounced around the items in the room. It was all secondhand stuff off Facebook Marketplace and Craigslist. The bookshelf was cheap, the shelves bending from the weight of my books. There was a cover on the couch, and I couldn’t even remember what the print underneath was.
The dining room set was a simple, rectangular table with four chairs. In the bedroom, the bed was a cheap mattress with a memory foam topper to make it somewhat comfortable and a cheap frame.
The apartment was just a place to study and sleep. I didn’t do much else there.
“Maybe a lamp or two, and that’s about it,” I said. “Oh, and the TV.” That had been my one splurge over the years, besides my laptop. I’d been one of those Black Friday stalkers a few years back.
“Then you have a lot to shop for. Take lots of pictures and send me stuff you like and where you are.”
I nodded and started making a mental list. “There’s so much . . .” Excitement coursed through me, and a genuine smile formed on my face. “Let’s make a list. Together.”
“That sounds like a great idea.”
I grabbed one of my leftover notebooks and a pen and had Gavin pull the house up. We ended up ordering food as we went through each room, talking about what pieces we needed.
In the end, he pulled me out of it. Gavin was right. Looking to our future was so much better than wallowing in the past.