There wasn’t much sleep to be had, even as tired as I was. All the additional labs and tests came back fine, and I got the all clear to leave mid-morning. As we headed out, I was already starting to feel a little bit better. Stronger, at least.
Gavin commandeered some scrubs for me to wear and bought a pair of actual slippers from the hospital gift store.
When we got to my apartment, Gavin wouldn’t even let me carry my purse or clothes as we walked. He even made me hold onto his arm.
“Fuck, it’s sweltering in here,” he said as we entered.
“Shit,” I said as I walked over to the window air conditioner. It wasn’t doing anything. Sure enough, it was dead. That could have been why it was doing such a shitty job. Good thing I had a few fans to help.
Gavin went around and started opening windows, which was good, because I wasn’t sure I had the strength to open them. They always got stuck due to past over-painting.
“Well, I’m home.”
He quirked his brow. “If you’re looking like that expecting me to leave, you can forget it. If I have to sleep on the couch, I’m not leaving you.”
“You just going to stay in your suit again?”
His lips formed a thin line. “Well, I may run and get a few things.”
“Fine. Go do that. I’m going to take a nap,” I said as I headed to the bedroom.
“Emma, wait,” Gavin called out.
I stopped and turned. “What?”
He reached up and cupped my face, his eyes soft as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead.
“I’ll be back in no more than two hours. I’ll pick up the iron supplement while I’m out. If you need anything, absolutely anything, call me.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. He was melting my heart each time his lips touched my skin.
“Anything,” he repeated as he headed out the door and locked it.
As I stared at the door, a panic crept in. Was he really coming back? The last time he walked out, he didn’t.
“Get a grip, Emma,” I said to myself as I headed to the bathroom. I needed a quick shower to clean up before changing into something and falling asleep.
There was no energy left in me when I was done, and after putting on some panties and a tank, I turned on a fan and fell onto the bed. In seconds, I was out, taken down by utter exhaustion.
Twenty-four hours later, Gavin was still sitting in the heat with me. He’d kept to his promise of two hours, returning with a duffel of clothing and a couple of grocery bags. However, I ended up sleeping a lot of the day. Between the exhaustion of everything and the anemia symptoms, I was only awake for a little while every few hours.
“Here, baby,” Gavin said as he moved his closed fist in front of me. I opened up my palm and he slipped the pills into my hand, then handed me a glass of water.
“Thank you.” The prenatal pills were huge, at least to me. Taking pills had always been a struggle, and it was very difficult for me to swallow them. Thankfully, the iron pills weren’t nearly as big.
After watching me take them, Gavin sat back down on the couch and pulled my legs onto his lap. It didn’t take long for me to relax around him. We seemed to fit right back into place, but there was still the scar he left on my heart.
“What do you want for dinner? Anything sound good? Buffalo dip?”
I let out a chuckle. “Slow your roll.”
“What?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the look of utter confusion on his face. “I know you’re eager to please, but one question at a time.”
“Does anything sound good for dinner? You barely ate any lunch.”
My stomach wasn’t cooperating much. Lunch had arrived and one of the dishes had to immediately go to the dumpster out back while I threw up in the bathroom.
But Buffalo dip? “I’m beginning to think Buffalo dip is my pregnancy food.”
“Pregnancy food?”
I nodded. “My cousin Britney craved junior bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy’s all throughout her pregnancy. It was so bad she couldn’t pass one without stopping.” I pulled up my phone and opened a browser window and typed in Buffalo dip recipes. “I bet it’s really easy to make at home.”
“Well, while you look at that, I’m going to get a burger and some buffalo dip. Anything else?”
I shook my head. “Well, maybe a side salad. Ranch dressing.”
“Got it.”
We’d binged the entire first season of Stranger Things. Gavin was totally enraptured with it, especially being an 80s’ child. I enjoyed it as well, but the fatigue made me miss an episode. Gavin happily watched it over so I didn’t miss anything.
I made him sleep on the couch Friday night, but I felt bad when I came out Saturday morning to find he was quite a bit longer than my couch.
The truth was, I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I didn’t want to be angry with him. I just wanted his arms around me again. To feel the way I had just a few weeks ago.
As the day wore on, we’d moved from opposite ends of the couch to my legs across his lap, his hand over my stomach. He’d bunched up my tank, exposing an inch or two of my stomach, and made slow circles across my skin.
He catered to my every need, making sure I took it easy.
“I’m not an invalid,” I said after I started to get up to get a drink and he stopped me.
“I know, I just . . .” He blew out a breath. “I’m just . . . afraid.”
“Of what?”
“In the hospital, you were so sick. I just want to take care of you and keep our baby safe. I’m so afraid that with your anemia still being an issue, we could lose him or her.”
An overwhelming need to throw my arms around him took hold, but I held it back.
I wasn’t ready to show that level of affection. “Okay,” I said as I sat back down and got comfy again. Really, I was at a loss for words because it was another thing that thawed me. After the number of times we’d been told how lucky we were, he wasn’t taking any chances. At least not until I was better.
A few hours later a yawn left me, and my eyes grew heavy with sleep despite the naps I’d taken and the little movement.
“Bedtime?” I asked.
He nodded and removed his arms that were draped over me, and I immediately missed the warmth of his touch. My chest clenched. All I wanted was to be surrounded by him.
“You okay?” he asked, his brow furrowed as he examined me.
Was I? No, not in the least.
So much was going through my head, and my emotions were everywhere. I was scared of everything—him, me . . . us. Of what my mind decided I should do, but my heart fought against.
“Come on,” I said as I stood and held out my hand. “The couch is too small for you.”
He stared down at it, then looked back up to lock eyes with me. “Are you sure? I’m okay—”
“All I’m offering is sleep. Nothing else.”
He nodded. “If you promise me it’s okay.”
“It is.” With my confirmation, he slipped his hand into mine.
I turned on the fan as I slipped onto the bed and lay on my side, facing the wall. The bed dipped and Gavin brushed up against me. Unlike the last time we were together, we were both stiff like strangers trying not to touch.
“Y-you . . .” I cleared my throat, fisting the sheets “. . . can move closer. I don’t want you falling off.”
The bed was so small that cuddling was a necessity, but it was better than the couch. Luckily, there’d been a break in the heat, but even a sheet was still too much, especially with the added body heat.
He adjusted his position, his body inches from mine. I felt the heat pouring off him, the electricity. All things that made me want to back up into him, to feel every inch pressed against me.
“Can you get the light?”
“Sure,” he said. His arm brushed across mine, his chest pressing against my back. The room wasn’t quite black, light streaming in from the street lamp outside the window—I’d forgotten to close the curtains.
When he moved back, he lined his body up with mine. One arm crawled under my head while the other draped over my waist.
“Can I hold you?”
“Gavin, I—”
“Please.”
That word broke something inside me. All I could do was nod. No matter how much I still hurt, I needed him surrounding me. The comfort that melted away my pain.
There was a pause, then his arms folded across me, pulling me tightly against his chest.
“I missed this,” he said. His lips pressed against my temple.
A shuddering breath left me, and a few tears escaped, sliding down my cheek onto his arm. He pulled me closer, holding me like he was afraid I would leave if he let up. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t told him to leave, but the reality was that I knew the answer. I loved having him there, near.
Everything he did reminded me why I had loved him so much, and how I still very much did. The pain, the trust, it just took time.
“I don’t think I’ve ever told you what you did to me,” he whispered, his voice soft.
“What did I do to you?” I stretched my neck to nuzzle his hand where it rested on my shoulder.
His touch was tender. Every time he touched me lately was that way. Soothing, healing.
“Katrina . . . my relationship with her was never like ours,” he began. I froze at the mention of her again—the reason there was such a wall between us. “She was a quintessential socialite. All about money and trying to one-up her friends with the things she bought.” His fingers absently brushed against my skin. “I got tired of it, tired of her. There was little affection there. When she had the baby and I realized everything was a lie, I shut down my heart, shut down my ability to love.”
“Then why are you here?” That was the question I’d been asking since he’d barged into the hospital.
Gavin shifted, settling me on my back as he loomed over me. His brow was furrowed as he stared down at me. Turning my head, I focused on the wall. I couldn’t look at him. There was a sob too close to the surface.
“Don’t you get it?” His fingers cupped my cheek, bringing my eyes back to his. “You brought me back to life, Emma.”
The dam broke, the sob pouring out of me. “You left me.” You doubted me.
His thumb wiped away the tears that fell. “And I’m prepared to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. To restore your faith in me . . . in us. I’m never leaving again, Emma. Never.”
“But . . . what if this was a sign we weren’t meant to be?” I tried to settle myself, but the tears continued to choke out of me.
“Walking into the Cameo was my sign.” He leaned down and nuzzled my nose. “From the first moment I saw you, I was mean, nasty to you. All in an attempt to drive you away, but you fought back. You never let me push you without giving some sort of resistance. Without putting me in my place.”
He lowered his body, settling on his forearms, his hips between my traitorous thighs that spread easily for him. “Seeing you on that bed shook me to the core. Just the thought of losing you kills me. I love you. All I want is to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“Please.” I didn’t know what I was begging for. For him to be closer? Further away? To never stop telling me he loved me?
My emotions poured from me in the form of tears. Sobs that shook my body. The weight of his words was crushing.
“Baby, please don’t cry. I know I caused this. I’m so sorry.”
Gavin moved us again, shifting so that he was on his back and I was draped across his body. The breeze from the fan along with Gavin’s soft touch eventually lulled me. Crying turned into low sniffles, and my arm draped around his chest, pulling him closer. I wanted to burrow myself inside and never come out.
“I do love you, too,” I whispered once I’d calmed down. He blew out a breath and kissed my temple again, letting me know he heard. “I’m just still hurting.”
“I know. But I’m going to make sure you never doubt me again.”
I stretched a bit and placed my lips on his chest, right above his heart. “I’d like that.”
“Good night, my love,” he whispered.
“Goodnight, Gavin.”