On Saturday morning I sat at the table with a notebook, coffee, and a plate of eggs with turkey bacon. I’d already checked my bank account, and my last check was in. It was for a whole pay period, but still, it was all the money I had for probably another month, and I had to make it stretch.
“What are you doing?” Gavin asked when he saw me. He headed straight for the coffee pot and the plate I’d made for him.
How did he still look so incredibly hot wearing pajama bottoms and an undershirt? Even his hair was a mess, and all I wanted to do was jump him.
I cleared my throat and took another sip from my mug. “With my first day on Monday, I need to make sure I’m ready.”
“Ready how?”
I tapped the pen on the paper. “That’s what the list is for. I need clothes, maybe some shoes.” I wracked my brain, trying to figure out what I needed.
Five items made up the list: slacks, light sweaters, dress shirts, cardigan, heels?
Heels were questionable. I had a few pairs, but they had some good miles on them thanks to the hotel. They weren’t in bad shape, but they were definitely beginning to show their age.
A few hours later we found ourselves in the women’s department of Macy’s. While I was happily plucking possibilities from racks, Gavin was grumbling.
“Why are we at the clearance rack?” Gavin asked.
“Because you can find great things at a great price,” I said as I pulled two shirts from the rack and threw them over my arm.
“Don’t worry about the price.”
“Yes. You may have paid the rent, but Friday was my last check and that’s all I have for probably four more weeks.”
The dress code for my position was business casual and didn’t require the skirt suits I wore at the hotel. Thus, I was having a major wardrobe emergency.
“Ooh, cardigan.” It would probably be chilly at times and for seven dollars, it would help.
“I’m going to pay for your clothes,” Gavin said. “You don’t have to resign yourself to clearance.”
I shook my head as I moved to a rack full of pants. “I’m not resigning myself to anything. There is nothing wrong with any of this stuff. It’s a great deal. And no, you’re not paying.”
“Yes, I am.”
“No.” I locked eyes with him. His jaw was locked.
“Half.”
If I continued on, we were going to blow up into a full-fledged argument over something stupid. Him paying half was a compromise we both could live with.
“Half,” I agreed.
“I never give in to anyone.”
“You just did to me. Even if it was a compromise.”
“Do I get a reward?”
“Maybe if you’re good, we can come to an arrangement in the dressing room,” I said with a wink.
His brow shot up, and he gave an approving nod.
I took a deep breath as I looked in the mirror. Time was running low, and I was getting nervous.
“How do I look?” I asked as I stepped out of the bathroom. Gavin was still working his cuff links when he looked up.
A smile grew on his face. “Beautiful, as always, and perfect for your first day.”
“Thank you.” I reached up and gave him a peck on the lips, careful not to mess up my lipstick. “And thank you for your help shopping.”
“You’re more than welcome, though I wish you’d have let me buy you more.”
“I let you pay half.” I knew he wasn’t happy about that.
“Yes, well, it is my fault you needed them.”
“I was going to need them anyway,” I pointed out.
He pulled his jacket on and straightened the collar. “You won’t let me win this one, will you?”
“No, Mr. Grayson. It’s called compromise. Get used to it because you don’t always get your way.”
He stepped forward and smacked my ass before grabbing it with both hands. “I’ll just take my frustration out on you later.”
Heat spread through my cheeks, and I bit down on my lower lip. “Promises, promises. Now come on. I don’t want to be late.”
Our cars were parked a few spots from each other and I could hear him grumbling, the muscles in his jaw tightening. He’d also lost the fight about driving together.
It was a traffic-filled drive, but not too bad. When we pulled into the parking garage, Gavin followed me to a spot instead of taking his reserved spot near the door.
He came around his car and pulled me close, his arms wrapped tightly around me. “I don’t like not driving with you. We’re going to the same place. This is ridiculous.”
It was, but it was necessary. I understood why he was against hiding our relationship, and I agreed, but I didn’t want to start out with whispers about getting the job because I was fucking the boss. Especially not after how I was fired from my last job because I was fucking him.
“We are, but give it a few weeks and we can go together.”
“Fine, but I still don’t like it,” he grumbled.
My eyes widened as I looked at him. His bottom lip was jutted forward, his lips downturned. “Are . . . are you pouting?”
He pressed his lips together, removing the pout. “No.”
“Oh my God, you are!”
He shook his head. “Good luck,” he said with one last kiss before we separated.
It was hard to pull away from him, but I did. I stepped out from between the cars, and Gavin followed about ten steps behind. All I wanted to do was turn around and smile at him, to show him how excited I was, but I couldn’t.
The elevator ride up to the lobby was excruciating and jammed with people. His fingers brushed against mine, and I linked my pinky with his.
Upon entering the lobby, I spotted Julianne in the distance near the elevators. The closer I got, the more Gavin began to slowly move to the side.
“Emma, welcome,” Julianne said with a smile.
“Good morning.” I couldn’t keep the returning smile from my face if I tried.
“Good morning, Gavin,” she called out.
“Good morning, Julianne,” he said as he glanced at me, then continued on.
“How are you this morning?” she asked. “Ready for your first day?”
I blew out a breath. “Nervous and excited probably describes it best.”
“Well, let’s get going. Lots to acquaint you with.”
We headed to the elevator bay where Gavin was waiting. When the doors opened, around ten waiting people crammed in. I ended up right in front of Gavin in an overcrowded car. It was an opportunity he took to touch me, his hand resting on my hip, his thumb caressing.
“How are the monthly figures coming?” he asked.
His voice near my ear shocked me, making me jump a little.
“I will have them for you this afternoon,” Julianne replied before gesturing to me. “As soon as I get Emma here set up, I’ll finish them.”
“Good,” he said. “I have a meeting at three with Tom.”
“You’ll have them by two.” The elevator doors opened, and Julianne gestured to it. “This is us.”
Gavin gave a quick squeeze to my hip before I stepped away from him. I couldn’t help but glance back as I stepped out, and our eyes locked.
“That was our VP, Gavin Grayson,” Julianne said as we walked down the hall. “Don’t take any offense to him not introducing himself. That’s just how he is.”
“Rude?” I asked, trying to play it off. It didn’t surprise me, knowing him.
That got her to let out a small laugh. “That’s one way to describe him. Brilliant business man, great with customers, but he lacks some finer finesse with . . .”
“The worker bees?”
“Ah, you got it again.”
After a trip to HR to get my ID and fill out paperwork, we headed up to the twentieth floor. For the first hour, I went over a training manual and an overview of what I would be doing before she took me to whomever I would be shadowing.
“This is Josh. He’ll be the one training you today.”
“Hi,” I said as I held out my hand.
“Hey.” Josh had a soft smile and the most brilliant pair of blue eyes framed by a pair of chunky black eyeglasses.
“I’ll connect with you later,” Julianne said as she stepped away. “I have IT coming to set everything up. With the short notice, they are a bit behind, but Josh will be able to start showing you were things are.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled at me, then headed off toward her office.
“Ready to learn?”
I nodded. “Oh, yeah.”
After a few hours my brain was bleeding with all the new information. I was exhausted, scared, freaking out, and wondering what I’d gotten myself into. It all seemed so foreign, but I had to remind myself that it was just because everything was new to me.
“Do you want to go to lunch?” Josh asked just before noon.
I nodded, greatly appreciative of the break. “Sure. I’m not really familiar with what’s around here.” While we were downtown, the Cameo was over a mile away and everything was different.
“There’s a lot of great places, tons. Sandwich shops, Italian, American, bars, Chinese, Thai . . . really, just about anything.”
“Any good salads? I think I’ve been emotional eating too much lately.”
He chuckled. “There’s a place in the building across that makes your salad right there. Loads of ingredients.”
“Perfect.”
There were so many ingredients that I had a hard time choosing, so I had them throw in just about every vegetable they had and topped it with a raspberry vinaigrette.
“How is your first day going?” Josh asked as we sat down.
“Overwhelming. I’m not sure my degrees prepared me for practical use.”
He let out a chuckle. “You’ll see it more later, once you get the hang of things.”
“Thank you so much for helping me today.”
“No problem. I’m the resident training guru. Julianne always has me show people the ropes.”
“That just proves how good you are at your job.” Not only was he friendly, but I could tell as he showed me things just how good he was at training. He wasn’t getting irritated that I was interrupting his workload and happily answered all my questions.
“Thanks,” he said with a grin.
I took a couple bites of my salad, loving all the toppings I’d chosen, especially the dried cranberries for the hit of sweetness. “How long have you worked for Cates?”
He finished his bite before replying. “Six years.”
“You must like it.”
He nodded. “The company is great. One of the few that knows their employees work better and harder if they feel appreciated and compensated.”
“That’s really good to know.”
“Where did you work before?” he asked.
“I worked over at the Cameo Hotel. I was a reception supervisor,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t ask why I left.
“Oh, wow, that place is swanky. My wife and I looked into getting married there, but it cost too much.”
It felt like I’d eaten a ton, but my salad was only half gone. “How long have you been married?”
“Three years. We just had a baby girl, April, three months ago,” he said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.
On the screen was a chubby, smiling, pink-covered little girl. “Aw, she’s so adorable!”
My heart melted at the sweet sight. Maybe one day Gavin and I would have that.
We returned to work shortly thereafter. The rest of the day continued on with more head-splitting knowledge. I’d written pages and pages of notes and only hoped I’d be able to decipher them. I knew I greatly slowed down his work speed, but he didn’t seem to mind it or my millions of questions.
“How was your first day?” Gavin asked when we got home.
“Great. Tiring, though.” I kicked off my shoes and pulled my shirt off. I was more than ready to get into some vegetating clothes and become a bump on the couch with a takeout container in my lap. “Julianne was great. Josh was amazing.”
“Who’s Josh?” Gavin asked, his brow furrowed.
“Don’t you know your staff?”
“There’s a lot of people. Tell me about him.”
“We went to lunch, and he couldn’t stop talking about his wife and new baby. She was soooo adorable.”
“Hmm,” was all he said, his lips pursed.
“You’re not jealous, are you?” I asked, fighting a smile.
“We just left a place where there was a man who thought you were his, and now you’re crammed in a cubicle with another man.”
I rolled my eyes. “A married man. And you’re the one who stole me away, remember?”
“Yes, because there’s one thing they all need to know,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
“What’s that?”
“You’re all mine.”
I smiled up at him and squeezed him closer. “All yours.”
The days got better, and my fears and insecurities began to slip away. By the end of the week, my computer was up and running and I had my own accounts. There were still thousands of questions, but at least I felt like I was actually doing work.
“What’s the grand plan for the weekend?” Josh asked as he helped me with trying to figure out a discrepancy between a bank statement and the corresponding general ledger.
“Going furniture shopping with my boyfriend. You?”
I was looking forward to the weekend with Gavin, relaxing. We’d planned to do some furniture shopping based off the stores I’d selected.
“Sounds like fun. I’ll be taking my lovely ladies to the beach.”
“It’s warming up.”
“You should come. Does your boyfriend like the beach?”
I shook my head. “Not the cold ones.”
While it sounded like fun, I couldn’t exactly accept the invitation. At least not until we came out to the company. Only a few more weeks. By then, we would close on the house, which meant I’d have to update my address with HR.
“I’m going to go get some more coffee,” I said with a yawn. “Want one?”
“No, thanks. I’m good.” He pointed to the giant can of Monster on his desk.
I’d barely gotten through the door of the break room when my stomach turned. It was so intense my arm had crossed over my waist and my mouth began to salivate—the warning bell that I needed to find a trashcan ASAP.
I drew in a breath through my nose, then instantly blew it out. Whatever it was smelled awful.
“What is that?” I asked Jan as I peered down at the container in her hands.
“Chili,” she said. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, then immediately backed out without my coffee.
“Change of plans,” I said to Josh when I got back to my desk. “I’m going to take a break and go get some tea.” I loved that there was a small coffee house in the building. It may not have been Starbucks, but it was better than nothing.
“Everything okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah, my stomach is a little upset.”
The tea helped, and the nausea let up. Not entirely, but I was able to finish work, leaving at my regular time.
The drive home was brutal, and when I arrived, I’d beaten Gavin. As I climbed the stairs, my phone chirped in my purse.
GG: I have a late meeting, be home soon
The words seemed to make me float. I loved how he said home. Something simple, especially knowing how much he hated my apartment, but it singled me out as his home.
After changing, I peered into the fridge, but nothing was appetizing. Maybe by the time Gavin got home, I’d have a craving for something.
Netflix was my go-to relaxation of choice, and I pulled up a movie I’d seen a hundred times—Sing—and lay down.
Before I knew it, I was being jolted awake by the slamming of the door and Gavin calling out.
“Hey, baby.”
I stretched and let out a yawn. “Hi.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” I said as I sat up. “Felt a little off today. Guess I was tired too because I don’t even remember falling asleep.” By the time on the clock, I’d been out for about an hour.
“What’s going on?” Gavin asked, his brow furrowed.
I shook my head and rubbed my stomach. “I don’t know. My stomach doesn’t feel good.”
“That’s not good.”
I shrugged. “It’s not bad, just some nausea.”
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Let me go change, and we’ll look at ordering something it likes.”
“How was your meeting?” I asked as he walked to the bedroom.
“It went longer than I anticipated,” he called from the other room. My apartment was so small he barely had to raise his voice. “In a way, that wasn’t so bad since the traffic seemed lighter.”
“It was a bitch when I was in it.”
“I can’t wait until we live closer.”
“Me either.”
He came back in wearing gym shorts and a T-shirt and sat down next to me, pulling my legs across his lap and making me giggle.
“Okay,” he said as he settled and pulled out his phone. “Should I just go through the list to see if anything strikes you?”
“Perfect.”
His free hand absently move up and down my calf.
“Let’s see . . . we have some Thai?”
I pursed my lips. “No.”
“Mexican?”
“Uh-uh.”
“Chinese?”
That made my stomach turn even more. “No.”
He hand stopped, his caress a gentle whisper of his thumb across my skin. “What sounds good to you? We’ll do that.”
Chicken and cheese and Frank’s Red Hot popped into my head and instead of nauseous, my stomach growled hungrily.
“Don’t hate me.”
“You’re going to say buffalo dip, aren’t you?”
I nodded vigorously as he rolled his eyes.
Gavin just sighed and pulled up Ninety Nine’s menu. “Anything else?”
I shook my head. “I might have a bite of whatever you have.”
He quirked a brow at me and slowly turned his head. “My bacon cheeseburger?”
A giggle left me. “Not that, but maybe some of your fries.” I shook my head. He was possessive over his burgers, though he did have to get a gym membership until we got into the house. Sex wasn’t burning enough calories, especially when we were eating out a lot.
The next few days I continued not to feel well. It wasn’t much, but a constant state of nausea. It was enough to curb furniture shopping, so we surfed from the couch.
I credited my ill feeling to my new job, as the prior week had been quite stressful in learning everything. That, and I swore the building was moving. I did learn that the building wasn’t moving, but the floor was. Apparently Sean in the row next to mine bounced his leg constantly and due to where he was, the movement traveled. That didn’t help.
All of the new information they were throwing at me, as well as the systems, made me wish that I had taken a job more in my field of study while in school, but the problem was they just didn’t have the flexibility, nor the pay, that the hotel could provide.
Due to my job at the hotel, I was able to pay for everything I needed while I went to school full time. I had a small savings, one that would have been wiped out entirely if Gavin hadn’t paid the bills two months in advance when we left the Cameo. Not that it was much to him; all of my bills for two months equated to about three to four nights at the hotel for him.
I was sitting at my computer sometime after lunch when another wave of nausea washed over me. It was so strong I found myself in the bathroom heaving up the contents of my lunch. As I rinsed out my mouth, I looked into the mirror. A bone-chilling thought raced through my mind briefly before settling in. It made some sense.
I whipped out my phone and pulled up the calendar. My eyes scanned back and I counted the days. Forty-two.
I froze, standing there in front of the mirror. I was regular, twenty-eight days, never deviating. I tried to convince myself that it was just the stress of losing my job and gaining a new one, but deep down I knew.
I took a few steadying breaths, convincing myself it did no good to freak out when I didn’t know for certain. Returning to my desk, I sat down and resumed my work, all the while my theories nagged at me.
As soon as it was five, I was out the door. I stopped by a pharmacy on my way home; my hands were shaking the entire time.
I returned to my apartment building and ran inside. I didn’t have much time. Gavin would be home soon. Taking my bag from the pharmacy into the bathroom, I opened up the box that contained two pregnancy tests. I removed them from their packaging and set them on the counter before stepping back. I stared down at them, folded my arms over my chest, and paced for a moment.
Realizing my time was limited, I pulled my pants down and went at it. Once completed, I set the tests on the counter and washed my hands. While waiting for the results, I returned to the bedroom and changed out of my work clothes.
After changing into some shorts and a tank top, I cautiously walked back into the bathroom. My eyes avoided the tests and went straight to the box as I read and reread the results signs and their meanings. It wasn’t rocket science; plus symbol or minus symbol. I knew I was stalling and couldn’t let it continue. My stomach was tied in knots, and my hands were shaking again.
I took a deep breath, and set the box back down on the counter and looked over at the tests; each showed a pink plus sign.
My eyes scanned back and forth between the tests and the box, hoping that I was somehow reading it wrong and the plus sign somehow meant not pregnant.
In a daze, I moved back into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed before slipping down to the floor, staring off into the distance. Tears began to well in my eyes. How would he react? Would he be happy? Angry? God, I hoped for happy.
I tried to ask myself how I felt, but I was just . . . numb. In disbelief and full of anxiety. I mean, I wanted kids, but I also had wanted to be married and for it to be something we decided as a couple to do. This was unplanned.
I was so trapped in my own head that I didn’t even hear Gavin enter.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked, entering the bedroom and kneeling in front of me.
I pointed to the counter in the bathroom where the decider of our fate sat. He walked over, and I watched his back tense as he froze.
“How did this happen?” he asked, his voice flat, empty of emotion. “How did this happen, Emma?”
“I don’t know,” I responded, my tone much like his; lifeless.
He shook his head. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he growled. “Not this again.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked. He wasn’t making sense. “Again?”
He turned back to me. “We’re about to move, you just started a new job, I’m about to take over as CEO. We don’t need this right now.”
It wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for. “Well whether we need it or not, it’s happening.” My chest flared up, tears filling my eyes.
His eyes became slits, and I felt the warmth drain from him. It reminded me of his earlier days at the Cameo. Mr. Grayson had returned, and nowhere in his features could I see my loving Gavin.
“Is this what you planned? What you wanted all along?” There was no life in his voice. It was cold, thinly veiled anger.
I pulled in a sharp breath as I stared at him. “What the fuck are you implying, Gavin?” What was going on? Why was he so angry?
“Was this all about money?”
Shock and confusion bathed me. Money? Did he think I was some gold-digging slut?
“Why, Emma?”
“Condoms aren’t infallible, Mr. Grayson,” I spat. “Neither is pulling out.”
“Is that why you gave in so easily to my advances?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Answer me!”
Anger vibrated through me. I wasn’t going to continue listening to the shit he was spewing.
“Get the fuck out of my apartment.”
“Did. You. Plan. This.”
He stood there, staring at me.
“I just wanted you. I wanted you. Now, after what you just said, I want nothing to do with you. I don’t need you or your money. Now, get out!” I fumed, the tears streaming unbidden as I pushed on his chest.
My dreams of a life with Gavin were crumbling apart.