Chapter 14

 

Susan knew she would never have gotten through the past few days if it hadn’t been for Keith. He’d been a rock. He’d stayed at the hospital with her all night Saturday and all day Sunday. He’d only left after Dr. Mullin came out at nine o’clock Sunday night to tell them Laverne’s condition had improved greatly, and he was confident she was going to make it. “She’s awake now, and she wants to see you,” he finished, smiling at Susan.

Susan trembled from relief and exhaustion. She had slept very little since she’d arrived the night before—mostly dozing in the chair—and the sleep hadn’t been restful.

“Oh, thank God. Thank God.” She wasn’t sure she could have borne losing Laverne so soon after losing Paul. Smiling through eyes filmed with happy tears, she turned to Keith. “I really appreciate your staying with me, but why don’t you go home now? I’m probably going to go myself after I see Laverne.”

He squeezed her shoulder. “I’ll wait until you come out.”

And he had. Susan had gone in to see her mother-in-law who, although awake, was still terribly weak and tired very quickly. Susan only stayed about fifteen minutes before the attending nurse suggested that she leave. By the time Susan told Laverne she was going home and would be back in the morning, Laverne’s eyes were already closed.

Keith had followed Susan home to make sure she got there okay, and on Monday, he’d shown up at the hospital on his lunch hour. Susan’s heart warmed at the sight of him.

After first asking about Laverne, he said, “Can I do anything to help? I’m off at four.”

Susan asked him if he would mind picking Scott up from his friend Ryan’s house and bringing him to the hospital. “Zoe had to go back to work today, so I had to make other arrangements for him. I was going to go get him myself, but if you wouldn’t mind...”

“Consider it done,” he said. He’d picked Scott up again on Tuesday, too.

Now it was Wednesday and Susan, at Laverne’s urging, had gone into the office for a few hours. But Tom gently chided her and told her they could get along without her for a few more days. “You go on,” he said. “I know you want to be at the hospital, and that’s where you should be.”

Giving him a grateful smile, she headed straight for the hospital, and when she arrived she had a pleasant surprise awaiting her. Laverne had been moved from critical care to a private room. Was, in fact, propped up in bed when Susan walked in. Several bouquets of flowers and a couple of plants lined the windowsill, and Laverne—although still hooked up to oxygen and an IV, as well as a heart monitor—was wearing the pretty pink bedjacket Susan had brought the day before.

“Mom! Oh, this is wonderful!” Susan exclaimed. Her mother-in-law smiled. The smile was weak, and she still looked terribly pale, but it was clear she was definitely on the mend.

Susan bent over the bed and kissed Laverne’s cheek. Her skin felt dry and papery. Love nearly overwhelmed Susan, and when she straightened, she knew Laverne could see the tears in her eyes.

Laverne smiled gently. “Don’t cry, dear.”

“They are happy tears.”

“I know.”

Susan pulled a chair up close and sat down. She reached for Laverne’s hand. “I am so glad you’re doing better. You scared me.”

Laverne nodded. “I know. I was scared, too. I really thought I was going to die.”

Susan’s eyes filled with tears again. Damn, she thought, brushing them away. What’s wrong with me? I’m supposed to be the strong one here. Lovingly, she squeezed Laverne’s fingers. “Well, you’re not. In fact, Dr. Mullin says you can live a long, long time if you’re careful and follow his orders.”

Laverne nodded again and sighed. “You know, when something like this happens, you really start to think.”

“Yes,” Susan agreed. “You realize what’s important and what’s not.”

“Exactly,” Laverne said. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the past couple of days, and there are some things I have to tell you.”

“Mom,” Susan said. “Whatever it is, it can wait.”

“No, no, it can’t.”

Susan started to protest again, but Laverne cut her off, saying, “Susan, please let me talk. The first thing I wanted to tell you is, I love you. I think you know that, but maybe you don’t know how much.”

Susan swallowed. “I love you, too,” she whispered.

“You made Paul so happy,” Laverne continued. “I’ve said this before, but maybe  you haven’t believed it, and I...I want you to believe it, because I mean it with all my heart. You’re a wonderful person, Susan. Giving and loving. You’re such a good mother, and you were a wonderful wife to Paul. I appreciate everything you’ve ever done for him and for me. I’ve often thought that I couldn’t love you more if you were my own daughter.”

Susan was so touched, she couldn’t speak. Laverne sighed. “That was the easy part of what I needed to say.”

Something about her tone and the expression in her eyes gave Susan a funny feeling.

“But with hard things, I’ve learned the best way is just to say them.” Her gaze was loving as it rested on Susan’s face. “I know you’ve been bewildered by the way I’ve acted toward Keith Callahan,” Laverne continued slowly. “By the way I’ve tried to keep you from seeing him.”

Susan could only stare at her mother-in-law. Of all the things Laverne could have said, this had been the farthest from Susan’s mind.

“I suppose you’ve wondered why.”

Susan nodded slowly. “Well…yes, I have.”

Laverne’s fingers clasped Susan’s hand more tightly. “I acted that way because...because...I knew,” she whispered.

“Knew?” Susan said. “Knew what?” Her heart beat faster at the expression in Laverne’s eyes. What was her mother-in-law talking about?

‘‘The moment I saw Keith in your kitchen that first day, I knew he was Scott’s father.”

Susan’s heart nearly stopped. Her mouth fell open. She knew shock had drained her face of color.

“It’s okay,” Laverne said. “I’m not accusing you. I just wanted you to know that I know, because I imagine you’ve been torturing yourself over this.” Susan bit her bottom lip. All she could do was nod and stare at Laverne. Her mind reeled. Had Paul told Laverne he hadn’t fathered her child when they got married? Had Laverne known about Scott all these years?

“Paul didn’t tell me Scott wasn’t his, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Susan swallowed. “Then I-I don’t understand,” she finally got out.

“You see, my dear, Paul was sterile.”

“I know that, b-but he said you didn’t know about it.”

“Did he?” Laverne sighed deeply. “I wondered. In fact, I wondered if you knew.”

“But...” Susan stopped in confusion. “If you knew, what did you think when we got married and you found out I was pregnant?”

“I just thought that somehow, by some miracle, the doctors had been wrong.”

“What made you change your mind? Did Paul say something?’’

“Oh, no. Paul never said a word. Mind you, he never lied and said he’d fathered Scott or that he wasn’t sterile as we’d been told. All he said was, Susan is pregnant, and the baby will be born in December. I suppose he thought if I wanted to know anything further, I would ask, and since I didn’t, he didn’t explain.”

Susan could hardly take it all in. The secret was out, and Laverne didn’t seem upset. The fact that Paul had lied to her when he told her Laverne didn’t know about his sterility was something she would have to think about later. Right now the important thing was Laverne and what she knew and how she felt about it.

“When I saw Keith that day in your kitchen,” Laverne said, “everything fell into place. And I got scared. So scared. All I could think was, now Susan will tell Keith that Scott is his son and then I’ll lose Scott and probably her, too. I couldn’t have borne it, Susan. I-I panicked.”

“Oh, Mom,” Susan said, once again near tears. “You’d never lose us. I was afraid if you knew the truth I’d lose you!’’

They both cried for a while after that, but the tears were good tears, happy tears, because each realized that the bonds they’d forged over the past ten years were as strong as any blood link could ever be.

“Keith doesn’t know, does he?” Laverne said when their emotions were finally under control again.

Susan shook her head. “No.”

“Doesn’t even suspect?”

“I don’t think so. We...we were only together one time. It...” She closed her eyes. This was so hard. But Laverne deserved an explanation. “It happened one night when Keith was in Austin visiting Paul. Paul and I weren’t engaged or anything, but still, I knew it was wrong of us, and Keith knew it, too. In fact, he was so upset by what happened between us that he left Austin the next morning and soon after that, he left Rainbow’s End.”

“So he never knew you were pregnant.”

“No.”

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

Susan sighed. “I—it’s complicated. I—” She stopped. How could she tell Laverne that she hadn’t wanted Keith that way? That she’d wanted him to love her, the way she loved him? Wouldn’t Laverne hate her for marrying Paul when she felt that way about another man? “I just couldn’t.”

“Did Paul know the baby was Keith’s?”

Susan shook her head. “No.” She went on to explain how she’d broken up with Paul after the episode with Keith. How she and Paul had run into each other when she was almost six months pregnant. How shocked he’d been. And how the marriage proposal had come about.

By the time she’d finished telling Laverne everything, Laverne’s eyes were filled with sadness.

“You must despise me now,” Susan said.

“Oh, Susan, no. Please don’t think that. I meant what I said before. You made Paul very happy. And you gave me a grandson. Scott is the most precious gift anyone could have ever given me.”

Susan’s eyes filled with tears again. Laverne was a remarkable woman. She’d always known it, but she’d never realized just how remarkable.

They were quiet for a few moments, then Laverne said, “I hated Keith for a while. I wanted to think of him as the villain, but deep down I knew he wasn’t. I mean, I’d known him for years, since he was a small boy. I’d always loved him!" She sighed. "We all make mistakes. None of us are perfect. Keith is a good man, Susan. And I think he deserves to know about Scott.”

Susan knew what saying that must have cost Laverne. “You do? You think I should tell him?”

“Yes. It’s obvious to me that he loves Scott already, and Scott loves him. I think he deserves to know the truth.”

“But what about Scott?”

Laverne’s face twisted. “Selfishly, I wish he didn’t have to know, but I’m afraid Keith would want to tell him, and...well, I couldn’t blame him if he did.”

Susan bit her lip.

“M-maybe you want to tell him...”

“No,” Susan said quickly, even though part of her did want Scott to know about Keith. “I’m afraid the knowledge would hurt Scott.”

Their eyes met, and Susan’s heart ached for the pain she saw in her mother-in-law’s. “I’m not sure what the right thing is to do.” She sighed deeply. “I know one thing, though. I’m not going to do anything right away. This whole situation is too serious to act without thinking it through carefully.” She gave Laverne an encouraging smile. “And I don’t want you to worry. We’ll talk again before I take any action at all.”

A tear slipped down Laverne’s face. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“You’re the one who deserves thanks,” Susan said.

Their emotional discussion had taken its toll on Laverne, for now she seemed completely exhausted and fell into a deep sleep. Susan sat by her bedside and watched her sleep, while her own mind whirled. She still couldn’t take in everything. That Laverne knew about Keith and wasn’t angry, that she even thought Susan should tell him the truth, was mind-boggling. Susan thought about how she’d agonized over Laverne, and now here she was, giving Susan carte blanche to do whatever she felt she should do.

Susan wanted to tell Keith. She wanted to tell him in the worst way. But even though the problem of Laverne was solved, there was a much bigger consideration with Scott. If she could be sure the truth was something he could handle, she would tell him in a heartbeat. But he had adored Paul. And even though Scott now d a bad case of hero-worship where Keith was concerned, might that not change if he knew the truth? Might he not hate Keith? The truth could devastate him.

Could Susan take that chance?

Could she take her happiness at Scott’s expense?

* * *

Keith stopped going to the hospital after Wednesday night when he discovered that Paul’s mother had been moved into a private room. In fact, he didn’t even see Susan on Wednesday, because once he found out about Laverne’s changed condition and circumstances, he left without ever going to her floor. He knew Laverne would not want to see him. She’d made her feelings about him obvious, and the last thing he wanted to do was upset her, which would, in turn, upset Susan.

He did call Susan later, though. He got the answering machine and left a message saying that he was very glad Laverne was out of woods. He also said he’d be happy to do anything to help, all Susan had to do was call. He asked about Scott and finished by saying he hoped she’d keep him updated on Laverne’s progress.

Later that night, lying in bed, he wondered how Scott was doing. The kid had been awfully worried about his grandmother. It would have been terrible if Laverne had died, especially so soon after Scott lost his dad. That would have left just him and Susan, for there were no other relatives.

Keith couldn’t help comparing Scott’s family to his own. He knew he was lucky. He might complain about his family’s nosiness once in a while, but all in all, he sure was glad he had them.

Scott needed brothers and sisters. And he’d have them, if Keith could only persuade Susan to marry him. Even if they never had a child, Scott would still gain so much if they married. He’d have tons of cousins and aunts and uncles. And he’d have Keith’s parents.

Keith could just see his mother and the way she’d fuss over Scott. She would take him to her heart the same way she took her natural grandchildren.

Keith smiled, thinking of it. After a while, no one in his family would even remember Scott wasn’t his. Shoot, some people already thought Scott was his son. That really was funny, how Lorrie Carmichael had sworn Scott had the Callahan eyes.

I’d have known him anywhere. He looks just like you.

For some reason, after remembering her comments, Keith couldn’t wipe them out of his mind, and it was hours before he fell asleep.

For the next two days, Lorrie’s words continued to nag at Keith. Finally, on Friday afternoon, he decided he had to check something out. So after work, he stopped by his parents’ house before heading home. He found his mother in the kitchen and a big pot of beans on the stove.

“Hey, Mom, what happened to those albums of us when we were kids?” he asked after giving her a hello kiss on the cheek.

“They’re all stacked in boxes in the guest-room closet. Why?”

“I just wanted to look at them. You mind if I take a few of them home?”

“No. Of course not. Help yourself.” She smiled and began stirring her beans.

Armed with half a dozen of the photo albums and a plastic container of beans his mother had insisted he take, Keith headed home to his town house. After showering and changing into clean clothes, he sat down with a beer and starting looking through the albums. Before long, he found what he wanted.

He stared at the photos of himself when he was Scott’s age. Lorrie Carmichael had been right. Except for the color of his hair and the smattering of freckles on his face, Scott looked exactly the way Keith had looked when he was around nine or ten. Same-shaped face, same body type, same stance, same features, same smile, and the same eyes.

Callahan eyes.

I would have known him anywhere.

And this must be your son. He looks exactly like you.

Those Callahan eyes...

Keith could hardly breathe. He closed the album. Swallowed. Stared off into space. Remembered something that had happened at the spaghetti dinner. The way Susan had stammered when she’d said Scott’s birthday was December 22nd.

His mind counted backwards. December to November. November to October.

March. Scott had been conceived sometime around the third week of March.

1992. That was the year I went to Austin. In March. For Paul’s spring break. And it was toward the end of the month.

He remembered how he’d suspected Paul and Susan weren’t having sex. Paul had even hinted as much when he’d said Susan wouldn’t move in with him. That she had high principles. He remembered how, from the very first meeting, he’d felt Susan didn’t have the same feelings toward Paul as he had toward her.

And then there was that night. Keith didn’t remember the exact date, but he did remember that he hadn’t used a condom because he hadn’t planned to have sex with Susan.

His heart hammered.

Was it possible?

Was Scott his son?

* * *

Amazingly, Dr. Mullin released Laverne on Saturday, exactly one week after she’d suffered her heart attack. “She’s doing so well, I see no reason why we need to keep her here. Of course,” he added, “she’s going to need help.”

Susan worried about what to do. Should she bring Laverne to her house? But if she did, how would she care for her? She would have to quit her job. The thought made her feel sick, for as much as she loved Laverne and wanted to do whatever it took to help her get well, Susan did not want to quit her job. She loved it.

But her dilemma was solved quickly. Birdie Collier showed up at the hospital Saturday morning and announced to Susan that she and Laverne had discussed it and Laverne wanted to go home.

“But Mom,” Susan said, “you’re going to need help.”

“I know that, and Birdie and her sister have agreed they’ll stay with me until I’m strong enough to be on my own again.”

“My sister Winona’s a retired nurse,” Birdie said. “Between us, we can handle anything that needs handling.” She grinned at Laverne. “Including this stubborn old woman here.” Turning her smile Susan’s way, she added in a softer voice, “Don’t worry, Susan. We’ll make sure she follows her instructions to the letter.”

And so later that afternoon, Susan and Birdie between them managed to get Laverne settled at home. Then, leaving Scott with his grandmother, both of them under the watchful eyes of Birdie and Winona Collier, Susan went to the supermarket to buy groceries for Laverne and to the pharmacy to fill her prescriptions. By six o’clock Birdie had a tempting stew simmering on the stove, Winona was entertaining Scott with a game of checkers, and Laverne was resting in her favorite chair in front of a cozy fire in the living room.

For the first time in a week, Susan was able to relax completely. She pushed her problems out of her mind, and just enjoyed being there. She and Scott had supper with the three older women, then at eight, when Laverne’s eyes were drooping, they kissed her goodbye and said they’d be back to check on her the next day.

That night, though, Susan’s problems once more came to the fore, especially after Scott was asleep and she was alone in bed with nothing to do but think.

Keith, oh, Keith.

She had missed seeing him the past few days. She had missed talking to him, too. She had thought about calling him, but then she hadn’t. What was the use? The more she saw him, the harder it was for her when he wasn’t there, especially since she had decided she couldn’t tell him about Scott. She just couldn’t gamble with Scott’s well-being that way, no matter how much it hurt.

She wished she could stop thinking about Keith, but her mind refused to cooperate. She wondered what he was doing now. Whether he was thinking of her the way she was thinking of him.

Sooner or later, he won’t be, she thought sadly. He’ll get tired of waiting for me to change my mind and gradually, he’ll draw away from me. Then, one day, he’ll meet someone else and fall in love with her. And that’ll be the end.

The thought was devastating.

To all intents and purposes, Keith was already lost to her. And there wasn’t one thing she could do about it.

* * *

All day Saturday Keith thought about what he should do. Should he confront Susan with his suspicions? Or should he bide his time, just wait and see what happened?

But after spending a more or less sleepless night, Keith knew he couldn’t wait. He had to know the truth. At nine o’clock Sunday morning, fortified by three cups of coffee, he called Susan’s house. She answered on the second ring.

“Oh, hi, Keith.”

“Hi. How’s Paul’s mother doing?”

“She’s doing great. I meant to call you yesterday, then time sort of got away from me. Laverne’s at home now. We took her home yesterday.”

“That’s terrific.”

There was an awkward silence, then he said, “Uh, listen, Susan, there’s something I have to talk to you about.”

“Oh. Okay.” There was a cautious note to her voice that hadn’t been there before.

‘‘Is Scott home?’ ’

“No, he’s gone to Sunday School.”

‘‘Do you mind if I come over, then?’ ’

“Well, um, after he gets home we’re supposed to go over to Laverne’s.”

“This won’t take long.”

“I—”

“I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes.” He hung up before she could say a flat-out no.

Thirteen minutes later he rang her doorbell.

She opened the door so quickly, Keith wondered if she’d been waiting in the entry way. She looked tired, he thought.

She gave him a welcoming smile, although her eyes were wary. “I have coffee made. Would you like some?”

He shook his head. “I’ve had too much already this morning.” Now that he was here, he wondered if he was crazy to think what he was thinking.

She frowned. “What’s wrong, Keith?”

“Look, you might think I’m nuts, but something happened while Scott and I were at the circus, and ever since I’ve been thinking about it.”

“What?” Now she looked alarmed.

“It...what happened doesn’t really matter. It’s just that because of what happened, I’ve come to believe something that has thrown me a real curve.”

Suddenly still, she stared at him. The silence throbbed between them.

He took a deep breath. “I think Scott is my son.”