CHAPTER 23
Two more weeks.
Ethan stared at the paperwork he’d gotten from the doctor the day before. He’d been home from the hospital for two weeks and he wasn’t cleared to return to duty for another two weeks. It was also “strongly suggested” that he start seeing a grief counselor.
He would do it, just like he’d gone to see a therapist after he lost his dad, but he doubted it was going to go any better now than it had then. His therapist, or he should say therapists, plural, had tried so many different ways to get Ethan to open up. To express himself. To communicate what he was feeling. None of it worked. But Nana had insisted that he keep going. Then, his junior year of high school, she’d finally let him stop because he played two sports, had a part-time job, and he’d told her that it was too much and he needed to maintain his 4.0 GPA.
It was one of the only times he’d lied to his grandmother. With the exception of his fake relationship with Jess. But he didn’t count that because it was real to him.
“Hello!”
Speaking of Nana…
“I’m in here.”
His grandma was here for her daily visit and he knew that he needed to man up and have the conversation that he’d been putting off having. He’d been spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to break it to the woman that raised him that he and Jess weren’t going to make it, but he still hadn’t come up with the right words to say. Maybe the problem was that he needed to find the right words to say to Jess first. He’d tried to tell her but she insisted that if they broke up the town would turn on her and she’d lose business.
Ethan wasn’t sure if he believed that was true or not, or if he was just going along with that story because that meant he would still see her. But either way, it was time to end it. He couldn’t let things keep going the way they were now that he knew they didn’t, they couldn’t have a future, no matter how much he wished they could.
For the past couple of weeks he’d been allowing himself the luxury of spending time with Jess, but the more time they spent together, the harder it was going to be to do what he knew he had to do.
She’d told him that she loved him on the car ride home from the hospital. It had shocked him but he’d told himself that she just meant as a friend. But then something happened last night. They were binge-watching the American version of The Office and she fell asleep, curled up beside him. He’d stared at her. She was sleeping so peacefully. Something about the moment made him tell her that he loved her. He had to say the words out loud to her, just once, even if she was unaware. He had to.
Then, a few hours later, when it was close to midnight, he’d gently coaxed her awake. Her eyelids fluttered and when she saw him hovering above her she’d whispered, “Ethan,” before her lips curled up in a smile so sweet and vulnerable it had caused his chest to ache. Her grin grew larger and she whispered, “I love you, too,” and he froze.
It had been hours since he’d said those words. Had she heard him? Had she been awake? While his mind panicked, Jess’s eyes opened wide and she sat up abruptly. She looked around as if trying to get her bearings. It was then that he realized that she hadn’t been fully awake.
When she saw the time she asked if he needed anything before she left and when he said no, she said a quick goodbye and hurried out the door.
He’d told her that he loved her, and meant it. She’d told him that she loved him and he was pretty sure she’d meant it, too. It was past time to end this.
Nana breezed into the living room wearing a cheetah print shirt paired with lime green pants. If he hadn’t had his coffee already, those pants would’ve woke him right up.
“You need some light in here.” She proceeded to walk around to each window and open the blinds.
Light was Nana’s answer to everything. If he was being moody as a teen it was because there wasn’t enough light in his room. If he was feeling under the weather it was because the house was too dark. If he was tired it was because he hadn’t been getting enough sunshine.
Ethan winced as bright sunlight streamed into the room and he did his best to avoid looking directly at the lime green pants.
“There, that’s better!” she enthused.
Better for who? he wondered.
“How are you feeling today?” She leaned down and kissed his cheek.
“I’m fine.”
“Fine,” she spoke at the same time he did. “Fine. Just like you were yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that.”
He could see that Nana’s frustration with him was increasing each time he saw her, which was every day. He wasn’t sure if she and Jess had worked out an official babysitting schedule, but his grandma came by around seven in the morning and stayed until three or four, and Jess showed up within ten minutes of her leaving and stayed until close to midnight every night. It was too well-choreographed not to be done intentionally, even though they both denied it. He’d told them both several times that he didn’t need anyone here with him and he was fine on his own.
His Nana turned the television on so she could watch her beloved GMA and he zoned out. There was some big news story that had broken about a politician that had some organized crime ties. Ethan had seen a segment on it on E!, Access Hollywood, and TMZ. He figured it was getting so much coverage attention because the guy looked like a cross between Jon Hamm and George Clooney. If he looked like Paul Giamatti, he doubted it would be on the entertainment news outlets.
At the first commercial, she shifted so that she was facing him, her mood turning serious. “I saw Lori yesterday. She’s decided to take the kids and go back to California to be closer to her parents.”
His entire body tensed at the mention of his partner’s wife and kids. He hadn’t seen them since the memorial service, but he checked in on her every day through text. She was sad, of course, but she was holding it together. She actually seemed to be doing a lot better than he was.
“I asked how she was doing, and you know what she told me?”
“That she was fine?” Now he was just being a smart ass.
Nana rolled her eyes. “She said that there were two little girls that were depending on her and needed her now more than ever. And she said that she and Carter had talked about what would happen if one of them were left to raise the girls by themselves and they made each other promise that no matter how bad it got, they’d get up each and every day and be grateful that they got to be with their girls. They promised each other that they would live life to the fullest, and they would show the girls that there was life and joy even after loss.”
Ethan’s teeth ground together as he thought about Carter not seeing his little girls grow up and Lori having to be a single parent.
Nana continued, “She said that at times it’s been a lot harder than she thought it would be to keep that promise, but she was determined not to let him down. No matter what.”
She paused. “She asked how you were doing.”
“I’m…” he was about to say that he was fine, but he stopped himself.
Nana shot him a look.
“No. You’re not fine. So stop saying it. I know you’re upset about Carter. I know you blame yourself. But it’s not your fault.”
The doorbell rang and for the first time since he’d got home he was happy for the interruption. It turned out to be a delivery, and though he very much expected Nana to pick up right where she left off when she returned, she mercifully just sat and watched her shows, leaving him to his own thoughts.
Thoughts that were filled with one person: Jess. His grandma was right. He wasn’t fine, he was a sinking ship and there was no way he was going to take her down with him.
* * *
“Well, Elvis, if this doesn’t do the trick I don’t know what will.” Jess pulled the underwire on her bra and her modest cleavage spilled over the top of the white material pulled taut against her chest.
Her cat glanced at her with feigned disinterest, flicked his tail once, and then went back to licking his paw and then wiping it on his head.
“Let’s hope Ethan’s more impressed than you.”
After a final check in the mirror, Jess grabbed a trench coat that she was glad she hadn’t got around to storing for the summer and threw it on. She wasn’t sure what would grab more attention, her driving around with a winter coat on in one–hundred-degree weather, or the outfit she was rocking beneath that coat…
Probably the outfit.
It was a short drive to Ethan’s, but the last thing she wanted was to be pulled over in her naughty nurse ensemble…although, it would probably get her out of whatever infraction she got pulled over for in the first place.
She grabbed her bag filled with some “props” and was headed out the door when her phone vibrated. She looked down and saw that Ali was facetiming her.
“Hey, I was just heading out. I’m running late,” she answered.
“You? Late?” Ali spoke in a shocked tone.
“Hardy har har.”
“What are you wearing?” Ali tilted her head up to see more, forgetting for a second that they were talking on a screen.
“A jacket.”
“You know it’s a hundred degrees outside, right?”
“Then why are you…” Her friend’s face clouded with confusion before it relaxed in realization. “Wait a minute. What are you wearing under the coat?”
Since Elvis’s reaction was lukewarm at best, she figured she’d get a second opinion. She opened the coat and tilted her phone down.
“Holy hot tamale!” Ali yelled.
“I’m a naughty nurse,” Jess pointed out the obvious.
“Yeah, I got that. You better be careful not to give the patient a heart attack.”
“Speaking of the patient, I need to go. Daisy texted that she left almost twenty minutes ago.”
“Okay, I was just calling to see how Ethan’s doctor’s appointment went yesterday.”
Jess had insisted on taking Ethan to the doctor yesterday for his checkup, much to his great dismay. She’d even used Daisy as leverage, saying that if she didn’t take him then his grandma would. That got him to agree real fast.
“He’s doing better. He’s got some mobility back in his arm. It’s just not happening as quickly as he wants. He didn’t get cleared to return to work, even limited duty for another two weeks.”
“Oh, that’s not good.”
Jess had been giving Ali updates on Ethan. Basically letting her know that he was moodier than a hormonal teenager and maybe the worst patient in the history of patients. He was also going stir crazy being in the house all the time.
“Yeah, he didn’t take the news that well. But, I’m hoping this will cheer him up.”
“Well, if it doesn’t, I don’t know what will.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Great minds.” Ali nodded.
Jess smiled, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She disconnected the call, retied her coat, grabbed her bag of props, and was out the door.
The shortest route to Ethan’s house was Lakeside Drive, which was lined with tourists enjoying the warm summer evening. Jess watched a man pick his toddler up and put her on his shoulders and then lean down and kiss his wife who was pushing a stroller beside him.
Jess never thought that was something that she’d have. A family. When you don’t think you’ll live that long, you tend not to plan those kinds of things. But she was going to be twenty-nine in a couple of months and she was healthier than she’d ever been in her life.
And she wanted that. Maybe not the kids, but the husband. The marriage. And she wanted it with Ethan.
These past few weeks had shown her that she didn’t just love Ethan when things were easy. She loved Ethan when he was cranky, irritable, and mean. He’d tested her patience and even though there were more than a few times that she’d considered smacking him upside the head, she’d refrained and reminded herself that he was like an injured animal lashing out. And besides, his bark was much worse than his bite.
As much as she wished that he’d never been hurt and that his team had never been ambushed, she had to admit that the circumstances had given her a clarity she wasn’t sure she would’ve reached otherwise.
She loved Ethan Steele. For better or worse. For richer or poorer. Till death do they part.
She wanted the ring, the white picket fence, the whole shebang and she wanted it with him.
The night before, she’d fallen asleep next to Ethan while they were watching The Office. She’d dreamt that she and Ethan were Jim and Pam, but they looked like themselves. They were sitting at Jim and Pam’s desks and Ethan looked over at her and said, “I love you,” she’d been so shocked she hadn’t said anything. Then, the dream took a weird turn when Steve Carell wanted them to join the circus. But then real-life Ethan shook her shoulder and she opened her eyes and saw that he was looking at her and she was transported right back to the moment in her dream when he’d said he loved her. This time she didn’t hesitate, she said it right back.
Ethan looked horrified and that woke her up immediately. When she was fully aware of her surroundings she sensed a weird energy. Maybe it was just her, but regardless she got out of there right away.
It was the second time she’d confessed her love to the man, and both times he hadn’t said anything back. Her batting average was not great but she wasn’t out yet. She was going to take one more shot at it. This time she was going to do it with a little flare.
Jess took a deep breath as she pulled into Ethan’s driveway. She was ready to lay her cards on the table. And the naughty nurse outfit was just her way of stacking the deck in her favor.
Without giving herself time to overthink it, she grabbed her bag and jumped out of the car. Her heels clicked on the brick path to his front door in perfect time to her heartbeat. She’d never done anything like this before, and her mind was racing with possible outcomes.
At this point, she’d be happy just to get a smile from Ethan. He’d started out as RGF, then it was Mr. Sunshine, and now she was calling him Oscar, as in the grouch. He was miserable, and she wanted to cheer him up.
With a confidence she didn’t quite feel, she opened the door and walked straight to the backroom, where Ethan was lying on the couch watching television.
“Hey.” He started to sit up, which still took considerable effort on his part, but he stopped when she untied the belt and shrugged off her coat.
“Holy shit,” he breathed as his mouth was wide open and his eyes were devouring her and his reaction gave her the extra boost of confidence she’d been missing.
“Mr. Steele, I’m Nurse Myers here to do your physical.”
She grabbed the television remote and turned it off before kneeling beside him. She pulled her prop stethoscope out of her bag and placed it over his chest.
“Take a deep breath for me, Mr. Steele.”
She watched as his chest rose beneath her hand. She started to move the instrument down and when she got to the waistband of his sweats he spoke.
“Jess,” he said in a low warning tone.
“It’s Nurse Myers.” She continued her examination, placing the round disc over the bulge beneath his sweats.
“Oh my, I think that I’m going to need to examine this growth.”
Without asking for permission, she tugged his sweats down, taking his boxer-briefs with them, and his erection sprang to life.
She wrapped her fingers around his thick flesh and used her most professional voice as she explained. “I’m going to administer massage therapy, let me know if I need to increase or decrease the pressure.”
“Jess.”
He said her name again, and it only spurred her on more.
“It’s Nurse Myers. I don’t want to blur the lines of professional and personal,” she said as she tightened her grip and began stroking him.
She hadn’t got a smile, but this wasn’t a bad runner-up. A raging hard-on was definitely the next best thing.