CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
If someone had told Cordelia that she’d be walking on clouds and racked with heartache simultaneously, she never would have believed it possible. But even a full week after her afternoon and evening with Alec at Tanglewood and then in the B&B, the sweet bliss, the pure joy, the breathtaking pleasure still lingered. She would find herself in the midst of her flowers daydreaming about his kisses, his hands roaming over her skin. Standing in full sun, thrill bumps would break out across her skin at the sensual memories.
Their final night in each other’s arms had been about so much more than sex, however. For a handful of precious hours in the dark, she’d felt as though Alec had dropped his walls and let her inside his heart.
Yes, she missed his touch, missed his kisses. But most of all, she missed being close to him.
Thus, the heartache.
She knew she’d gotten closer to him than anyone else ever had. And she felt lucky to have vaulted so many of his walls. If only that felt like enough…
Catching herself daydreaming again, she silently told herself to snap out of it. William Sullivan’s birthday party was tonight, and she needed every ounce of focus. Mooning over Alec Sullivan was definitely not in her job description.
Suzanne had invited William to stay with her and Roman for the weekend, the ruse being that they wanted a small family dinner in his honor. Cordelia was certain William was happy that his kids wanted to celebrate his birthday with him. She couldn’t wait to see how thrilled he’d be about the big surprise party.
Cordelia had thought she understood what Suzanne meant when she’d said the Sullivans were a huge family. But she honestly couldn’t have conceptualized anything like this—of the one hundred and fifty guests, more than half were Sullivans who had come from all over the world to celebrate with William and his children.
Beautiful. Accomplished. Nice. Those were the top three words that came to mind when she thought about the family members she’d met so far today. Cordelia’s head was spinning as she worked to keep straight the Sullivans who fought fires and took photographs and raced cars and built sailboats and restored historic homes.
She already knew about Smith Sullivan, the movie star, and Ryan Sullivan, the pro baseball player. Another movie star, Tatiana Landon, was engaged to billionaire Ian Sullivan. Marcus Sullivan owned the Sullivan Winery in Napa and was married to Nicola, a pop star whose songs Cordelia had been listening to for years. Ford Vincent was yet another rock star at the party, married to a pretty and very fun cousin of Alec’s named Mia. They lived in Seattle. And then there were Alec’s cousins Sophie and Lori Sullivan, twins from San Francisco, each of whom had bagged seriously gorgeous husbands. Lori looked about to pop any day now with her first child, while Sophie had twins of her own.
But she was getting the biggest kick of all from the Sullivan kids, who ranged in age from nearly one to ten. They’d been running through her gardens for hours, and every time one of their parents started to apologize or tried to rein them in, she made sure they knew that not only did she love kids, but also that she definitely didn’t mind things getting a little messy.
Most of the little Sullivans were currently focused on a new garden bed she’d suggested they put together—shoveling soil, planting seeds, watering the dirt until it turned to thick mud, and then playing gleefully it. She was glad that she wasn’t the only one covered in dirt stains. All of them would have to be hosed off before the party, she thought with a laugh.
“Chips off the old block, each and every one of them.”
Alec’s sudden appearance at her side sent an instant shot of joy coursing through her veins. “Oh, hi!” Her voice sounded a little too chirpy, but she was doing the best she could. Hopefully in a few months—or years—she’d be able to act normal around him. As though she wasn’t head over heels in unrequited love. “I was just about to check with you in the kitchen to see if you needed any help.”
“Aunt Mary has taken over for a few minutes,” he told her. “She sent me out here to see if you needed any help.”
“Mary is just wonderful,” Cordelia said. “Although I can’t imagine what it must have been like to raise eight kids. Not to mention giving birth to them.”
A surprised laugh shot from his throat. “People are rarely brave enough to mention that part.”
“I think crude enough is a better way of putting it.”
She loved it when they teased each other like this, with easy, friendly banter. They hadn’t avoided each other this week, thankfully, but that didn’t mean Cordelia wasn’t having a hard time getting used to their new dynamic.
Friends meant she could touch him with her hand on his arm, or even over his. It meant she could hug him. But anything beyond that was out of bounds. Especially sizzling-hot, naked kisses. Feeling her cheeks flame, she hoped he’d think it was the sun she was reacting to, rather than him.
“What can I help with?”
“Everything’s under control, although I probably should stop the mud-slinging before it gets even more out of hand.” One of the kids was currently holding down a smaller one and spreading mud on the top of his head, while a toddler was spinning in a circle, hurling hunks of mud at anyone who wasn’t fast enough to get out of the way.
“Are you kidding me?” Alec looked like he thought her suggestion was nuts. “Sullivan kids are raised on this. You can’t hold your own in a field of mud, you deserve to go down.”
While he was enjoying watching the kids play, she let herself look at him. Really look, the way she’d only gotten to look at the B&B when she’d woken up a few minutes before he did. He truly was a shockingly handsome man. But it was more than his perfect features that had stolen her heart—it was how sweet, how kind, how giving he was on the inside.
“Your family is great,” she said, her heart feeling even softer and mushier than it usually did.
“I know.” He looked over to where her mother and father were pitching in by arranging vases of flowers for each of the dining tables. “I’m glad your parents could be here today. I like knowing they’re always there for you. Although I thought I made it clear that we’d like them to be guests, not unpaid staff.”
“Trust me, they’re happier helping than standing around with a drink.”
“Just like you.” His eyes were warm as he turned to her, reaching out to brush some hair back from her face and making her knees go weak the way he always had before—and surely always would. “Suz texted. They’re heading out and should be here soon.”
“I can’t wait for your father to see everything you’ve done for his birthday, all the people you’ve brought here to celebrate, and then to top it all off, the amazing dinner you’re putting together. He’s going to be so touched.”
Unfortunately, talking about his father’s feelings was all it took for Alec’s face to shutter. “If you’re sure everything’s good on your end, I’d better get back to the kitchen.”
“I’ll do one final check of the grounds, send the kids off to their parents to get cleaned up, and then go clean up myself.” She looked down at her clothes. “I swear I wasn’t rolling around in the mud with the kids, it just looks that way.”
“You wanted to play with them, didn’t you?”
“Who wouldn’t?”
He didn’t disagree, and she suddenly had a picture of what Alec had been like when he was three or four years old. Before the weight of the world had landed on his shoulders. Before he’d lost the two people who meant everything to him—one from suicide, one from grief. He’d probably been just as goofy, just as silly, just as happy as Smith Jr., who was currently smearing mud all over his twin sister’s cheeks. Jackie, to her credit, was beaming as though she were getting a top-flight spa treatment.
Alec and Cordelia both had places they needed to be, but neither of them moved away for several long moments. Finally, Cordelia forced herself to pick up her feet and say, “See you in the barn in a little bit.”
* * *
Cordelia had no idea how close Alec had been to grabbing her hand and skidding into the mud with the kids. Three weeks ago, he would never even have considered it. Then again, until Cordelia showed up in his life, it was unlikely he would have spent this much time working out and perfecting the menu for his father’s birthday party either.
Or even attending it.
Now that he’d given his executive staff more responsibility, he’d been able to cut way back on his hours this week at S&W Aviation so that he could spend the bulk of his time in the kitchen. The employees at the local farmer’s co-op in the city not only knew him by name now, they also understood precisely how high his standards were for the produce he was buying to test his recipes.
Still, the ingredients that he could get near his city apartment were nowhere near the quality of what Cordelia grew. Her fruit and vegetables were extraordinary. No wonder her garden center was always busy. She sold only the best. Just like her birth father—even if he was selling rides on planes instead of greens.
Yet again, Alec found himself wishing Gordon could be here to see Cordelia glowing in her element. His friend would have been so proud.
Pride. It was a word Alec had been chewing on all week. Especially after Cordelia’s visit to his father in Summer Lake, when she’d come back saying she thought the two of them were similar.
He hadn’t wanted to hear it, even though the truth was that it was part of the reason he’d never allowed himself to fall in love. Because he couldn’t fail a woman the way his father had failed his mother.
Fortunately, just because a romantic relationship couldn’t work, that didn’t mean a business relationship was out of the question. He’d been giving her onsite restaurant suggestion a ton of thought this week. Any way he turned it over in his head, it looked good. Especially the part where it meant he’d get to see and work with Cordelia every day.
“William’s driving into the parking lot!” Alec’s Aunt Mary untied the apron she’d put on to protect her dress. “The appetizers are ready to go out with the waitstaff, Alec, so we should be fine for the next half hour at least.” She reached out a hand. “Come, let’s say hello to your father together.”
Mary Sullivan was one of the wisest, nicest people Alec had ever known. Once a world-famous model, she’d married her true love, Jack Sullivan, then ended up raising their eight kids alone after he’d died of an aneurysm at only forty-two. Alec had never heard her complain, but he sometimes saw flashes of sadness in her eyes when it seemed clear she was wishing she could share something with Jack.
Alec guessed she’d seen the same in him more than once over the years, when he was wishing his mom was still around to be a part of his life, his achievements, even his struggles. Perhaps that was why he felt closer to Mary than to his uncles Max and Ethan—Alec and Mary were kindred spirits in loss. And he was glad for the steady warmth of her hand in his as they headed out of the kitchen and into the main seating area of the barn.
His brothers, Suzanne, and Cordelia had done a great job with the decorations. The barn looked both festive and masculine, with plenty of the blues and deep greens his father preferred mixed in with the floral arrangements and colorful electronic paper lanterns hung from the ceiling. Marcus Sullivan had donated several cases of wine and bubbly, and Jake McCann had done the same with his popular artisan beers. Alec’s cousin Cassie had carefully transported the birthday cake from her bakery in Maine. Her cake-making talent was such that Alec had been working on her for years to let him invest in a chain of Cassie Sullivan-branded products. Hopefully after everyone tasted her cake tonight, they’d join him in pestering her to expand her business.
On each plate lay a handwritten menu. Cordelia had insisted on writing each one personally, and though he’d tried to talk her out of the gargantuan job, she’d been right. It was the extra touches like the handwritten menu, and the large baby-gated play area in the back corner of the barn, that made all the difference.
Mary walked with Alec until they were standing with Harry, Drake, and Rosa. “Thirty seconds, everyone,” Drake said when Suzanne texted him to say they were walking up the gravel path.
Alec’s heart was pounding faster than it should. After all, he was simply standing there waiting for his dad to show up to his party. Taking a covert deep breath, he worked to unclench his teeth. Especially since, as the eldest, he knew everyone would be expecting him to take the lead in the celebrations.
The door opened and William walked into the barn. “Surprise!” A hundred and fifty voices rang out, reverberating against the wooden rafters.
William was clearly stunned as he looked around the large space. “You’ve thrown me a surprise party?” The way he said it, it sounded as though he didn’t think he deserved such a big celebration in his honor.
Alec knew it was time to step up to the plate. “Happy birthday, Dad,” he said as he moved toward his father. “We figured eighty-five was a pretty big deal, so—”
“Eighty-five!” his father sputtered as everyone laughed.
“Seventy-five is a pretty big deal too,” Alec said with a grin. “And the perfect excuse for another family reunion.” With that, he handed his father the ice-cold Adirondack Brewery beer he preferred and let well-wishers surround him.
As he headed back toward the kitchen, Harry waylaid him. “Well done.”
Alec shrugged off the compliment, knowing how low his brother’s expectations were. “Dad looked happy to see everyone, so it’s already a win.” Alec grabbed a beer from a passing waiter, then pushed through the swinging door to the kitchen.
Cordelia had insisted on setting a place for Alec at his father’s table, along with his brothers, sister, and their significant others. But he wasn’t planning on using it. He needed to be here in the kitchen all night.
Currently, the waiters were circulating with trays of roasted sunchokes with smoked paprika aioli, daikon summer rolls, and pickled French breakfast radishes. Alec’s cousin Mia had already come in to exclaim in raptures over the appetizers, which he appreciated, even knowing she tended to have that over-the-top reaction about things. He’d long wondered if there was any man who could keep up with her—but as soon as he met her husband, Ford Vincent, he’d known they were the perfect fit. The rock star had happily given up touring to settle down in Seattle, and Mia had never looked happier.
Alec plated the roasted rutabaga salad with pistachios and charred onion, thinking back to the many family weddings and birthdays he’d been to during the past several years. One by one, his cousins and siblings were finding true happiness. Even Lori, his San Francisco cousin, whom everyone had been sure would remain footloose and free forever, was about to have a baby. Alec still couldn’t quite get over the fact that she lived on a farm with her husband, Grayson—not to mention the chickens and pigs and goats. When Alec had visited them earlier that year at the tail end of a business trip, he’d been surprised by how much he liked their place out in the wilds of Pescadero. Alec had always assumed city penthouses were more his style.
Then again, no place had ever felt quite so much like home as Cordelia’s cottage and garden.
As if he’d conjured her up, she came through the door, all smiles…with his father in tow. “I told the birthday boy you would be back here.”
“Son, you’ve gone above and beyond tonight.” His father sounded a little choked up, which put Alec on instant alert. “I had no idea you were throwing me this party. None at all. And Cordelia said you’re singlehandedly cooking a farm-to-table dinner from her garden.”
Just then, Cordelia was grabbed by one of the servers who needed help in the seating area, which left the two men alone. “It’s no big deal,” Alec said.
“Putting on dinner for a dozen people is hard enough,” his father countered as he walked up to the large stainless-steel worktop. “Feeding more than a hundred of us is a marvel.”
“Cordelia has great produce. And plenty of people have helped.” Even to his own ears, Alec could hear how terse, and grudging, his responses were. “But yeah, I came up with the menu.”
“Even as a tiny kid, you were a hell of a cook.” His father picked up one of the edible nasturtium flowers and twirled it around in his fingers as he spoke, as though he had nervous energy to expend. “I remember the first time your mom and I found you standing at the stove, cooking scrambled eggs. You couldn’t have been more than four. I ran over to yank you back from the stove, but she told me you knew what you were doing. She made me see that you were perfectly capable, even though you looked so small. It wasn’t long before you were moving beyond scrambled eggs—my amazing kid who already knew his way backward and forward around a kitchen. And later…” As the flower dropped from William’s hand, it suddenly struck Alec that his father’s skin looked a little strange. Gray and sort of shiny. “Later, all I could think was thank God you knew how to cook, so your brothers and Suzanne wouldn’t go hungry.”
“Not tonight, Dad.” Alec’s voice was borderline curt. “Everyone’s here to have a good time, get a little drunk, eat some birthday cake. Not to hash out old family dramas.”
“When?” His father’s voice was so quiet that Alec barely heard the word. “If not tonight, then when are you going to be willing to sit down with me and work things out?”
“There’s nothing to work out.” Alec’s words sounded as hollow as they felt.
William’s color looked even more off as he said, “You can’t really believe that.”
“How the hell do you know what I believe?” Alec’s voice boomed out in the kitchen. “You checked out of my life so many years ago that I don’t know how the hell you can actually think you know one damned thing about me, about my life, about who I am or what I want.”
“You’re right. I don’t know those things, Alec. But I want to.”
A war raged inside of Alec—through his head to his heart, through the present to the past, through the good and the bad memories. The same war he’d been fighting for nearly thirty years. Long enough for him to know the only way to fight the demons back was to pretend they weren’t there.
“Go enjoy your party, Dad,” he said. And then he turned and walked out the back door into the garden. Away from his father. Away from Cordelia. Away from everyone.