CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
“Son…you’re here.”
William Sullivan woke up two hours after Alec took his seat at his bedside. His father’s voice was weaker than usual, but still stronger than most people’s. William had always been larger than life, and it was beyond strange to see him lying in a hospital bed with tubes sticking out of him.
The nurses had made it clear that Alec shouldn’t upset his father in any way once he woke up, and he’d promised to take the utmost care. But he couldn’t let another second go without saying what he should have said a long time ago.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, Dad. And I’m sorry. So damned sorry that I kept pushing you away, that I shut you out every time you tried to talk. When you were lying on the floor of the barn, all I could think was that I’d lost my chance to know my own father.” He gripped William’s hand, not shoving away his painful emotions for once. “I want that chance, Dad.”
His father’s eyes were damp as he said, “I do too.”
“You don’t need to try to talk,” Alec said, even as relief flooded him that it wasn’t too late for the two of them. “You need to save your strength to get well.”
“I already feel a million times better. Just because you’re here.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Dad. Not without you.”
William’s eyes closed and he fell asleep again. Alec didn’t let go of his hand, not even for a second. An hour later, when a nurse came in to check his blood pressure and IV, his father woke with a smile. And a request.
“Talk to me. Tell me about Cordelia.”
“Subtle and Sullivan might start with the same letter,” Alec said with a smile, “but that’s as far as the connection goes.”
“I really like her,” William said, undaunted.
“Me too.” The only reason Alec didn’t use a stronger word for his feelings was because he wanted to say it to Cordelia first. Wanted her to know before anyone else that he loved her. “I know it might not seem like it from the outside, but Gordon loved her and wanted the best for her.” Alec thought again about the note Gordon had left for Cordelia’s adoptive parents—asking them to give her everything he couldn’t, and trusting them with her life, her happiness. “He was wrong to think that meant staying out of her life, but he was right to bring us together. She makes me want to be a better man, makes me think it might even be possible.”
“You don’t need to be a better man, Alec.”
“Yes, I do. And I will be. Starting here, now, by fixing things with you, no matter what it takes.”
But his father simply shook his head on his pillow. “You’ve always carried so much weight on your shoulders, son. Carried the entire family since you were a child. It’s time to stop taking care of everyone else, Alec, and start taking care of yourself. And this time, let all of us help you.”
“Harry, Suz, and Drake—they’ve already been trying to help,” Alec told his father. “Mostly by pointing out that I’m going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me if I don’t wake up and get my act together.”
“They’re right.”
Alec hated being wrong about anything. But the thing he hated most was screwing up something with someone he loved. That was why it had always been easier to keep his distance. But he couldn’t do that anymore, couldn’t make sure a wide gulf always lay between him and everyone else.
“The past few weeks,” he said, “you kept asking me if you could help.”
“Anything,” William said. “Anything you need, I’ll make it happen for you.”
Even lying in a hospital bed, his father still radiated power, and Alec believed he truly would move heaven and earth for him. If only he’d understood this sooner.
“Help me convince Cordelia to marry me.” Maybe he should ask her to consider dating him first, but Alec had never been a patient man. Once he knew what he wanted, he moved heaven and earth to have it. Three weeks of knowing Cordelia was more than enough for him to know that he wanted her by his side forever. Not just as his friend, not just as his co-worker, but as his everything.
“You’re not going to need my help with that, Alec. I may not know Cordelia well, but I’m damned positive about how she feels about you.”
“You also know how great I am at shutting out the people who matter most,” Alec reminded him.
“Fortunately,” his father said, “those also happen to be the people who love you the most. When Cordelia came to me, I nearly begged her to sit for me, nearly dragged my paints and canvases out of retirement just so I could paint the love in her eyes when she talked about you, when she said your name. Nothing could be more beautiful for a father than knowing that someone else loves his child as much as he does.”
Alec’s throat tightened up. “If she’s willing to give me a chance, will you do me the honor of officiating at the wedding?”
His father nodded solemnly. “It would be the greatest joy of my life, son. The greatest one of all. Only…”
“What is it, Dad?” Alec looked at the numbers on the machines and the drip to see if anything seemed off. “Should I call the nurse? The doctor?”
He was about to press the call button when his father put a hand on his arm. “No, don’t call anyone. I don’t want them to make you leave before I finally get the chance to say something to you that I haven’t been brave enough to say before.”
After so many wasted years, Alec hated to waste another second. But his father had just come out of major surgery. “The nurses told me not to do or say anything that would upset you—”
“Forget the machines. My heart is strong enough for me to say this. It’s time,” his father said. “Now that you’re finally here. Now that I’m finally here with you.”
Alec took a deep breath. “I’m listening.”
“I don’t know if you remember, but your mother loved flying. Once we got in the air, she would always be so happy. Free from everything that weighed her down on the ground.” When Alec shook his head, William said, “She loved to cook too. Do you remember that?”
Even if Alec had blocked out other things, how could he forget that? “Of course I do. She’s the one who taught me.”
“She always marveled at what a quick learner you were. She said you not only made every dish better than she did, but that you had a knack for knowing exactly what was missing from a meal and what might overpower it.” William squeezed his hand. “I know she hurt you, Alec, but I hope you know how much she loved you.”
“I loved her too.” But while Lynn Sullivan would never be able to hear Alec say the words, this was his chance to make sure his father did. “I love you, Dad.”
“And I love you, Alec. I’ve always loved you. Even when I didn’t show you. Even when I wasn’t there for you.”
“Dad—” This was everything Alec needed to hear, but he couldn’t let his father make himself sick again. “You don’t have to do this now.”
William continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “It’s no excuse, but I saw so much of her in you. Only the good, beautiful parts of her. And yet, it was still too much for me. Every time I looked in your eyes, I saw Lynn. And I grieved all over again. So I disappeared.” Tears rolled down William’s cheeks. “I know you blamed me for her death. And you were right. I didn’t know how to love anyone enough. Not her. Not you. I have so much to make up for, and I will. I promise you, I will.”
Alec instinctively put his arms around his father and hugged him in a way he hadn’t since he was a little kid. “We both screwed up, Dad. But it doesn’t matter what happened in the past, because we’re both going to work like hell not to keep making the same mistakes in the future.”
His father smiled through his tears. “I’m proud of you, son. So damned proud.” He squeezed Alec’s hands. “Tell your brothers and sister I’m ready for them to come in now. It’s time for you to go and get the girl of your dreams.”