Ripley
Today’s the day—Jonah and Jessica are finally getting married, and Alex and I are on our way to the church to finish getting ready. My mom watched him this morning while I got my hair and makeup done, and I brought along hair gel to style his blond mop when we get there and he’s dressed. The past week has been crazy busy between work, Alex, and Jessica’s bachelorette party, which was a success and a lot of fun. Last Monday night, Brock stopped over.
It had been a long day; I’d had to work right through lunch, and I had been late picking up Alex, who had also been a grouch, but I think he was just feeding off of my mood. After a late dinner, I helped Alex shower quickly and got him ready for bed.
“Mommy will you read me a story?” He grabbed Where the Wild Things Are, climbed into his bed, and scooted over so I could lie down next to him. I began to read him his story and he fell asleep almost immediately, so I gently climbed out of the bed and headed downstairs.
I grabbed the laundry out of the dryer and took it into the living room to fold while I watched Top Chef. When I watch that show, it always makes me want to take cooking classes. My cooking repertoire is pretty limited right now because with it being just the two of us there is no point going all out for meals sometimes.
A faint knock on the door pulled my attention away from the TV; it was eight-thirty and I had no idea who it could be. I knew it wasn’t Jonah because he never just shows up; he always calls or texts me. Moving across the living room, I peered out the window to find Brock standing on my porch. A part of me wanted to let him sit out there all night, but the other part of me wanted to hear what he had to say about everything.
I took a deep breath and opened the door. “Hey.”
“Can I come in?” He looked like shit; he had bags under his eyes, was sporting a thick five o’clock shadow, and his hair was all disheveled.
I nodded as I pushed the screen door open and stepped back as he came in. I shut the door and followed him into the living room, watching as he paced back and forth. I wasn’t sure if I should speak or wait for him to start, but he decided for me when he turned to face me.
“I came to say goodbye. Tomorrow I’m heading back to North Carolina.” My stomach sank. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone because I have loose ends to tie up there, but I’m coming back, and when I do, I want us to talk about everything—about us, about Alex, and our future.”
“Why haven’t I seen you since you found out about Alex? Do you have any idea how that made me feel? After it happened, I felt dirty and ashamed, like I let it happen or somehow it was my fault.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand to stop him. “No, I don’t want to hear it right now. I want you to listen to me. I meant what I said. I love you, so fucking much I ache, but you run when things get rough or hard. I can’t allow you back in my life, in Alex’s unless you can prove to us that you aren’t going to bolt every time things get difficult.”
As Brock moved toward me, I backed away until I met the wall. His hands caged me in and my belly fluttered, but I ignored it. He dipped his head so his face was level with mine. “I am going to prove it to you. I will be back, and when I am, we’re going to talk. We’re going to work on being an us again, and that includes that beautiful little boy of yours.” I felt the tears leak from my eyes because I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t, at least not right then.
His fingers sifted through my hair and he gripped me by the back of the neck. “I love you, Ripley.” He kissed me softly before pulling away. “I’m going to go because Tiny and I have to be on the road pretty early tomorrow. I’ll call you when we get there and when I know for sure when I’ll be back. Next week, I sign my End of Active Service papers. I have to arrange movers and pack, but I don’t think it’ll take me long to get everything going. They’ll help me with expenses and relocating. I’m coming back.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.” I hated being bitchy, but I just couldn’t believe him, not yet.
“I get it baby. I know I haven’t earned your trust yet, but I will.” He pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tight then let go and grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the door. “I’ll call you the day after tomorrow. I’m hoping to be home by six. Remember, I’m an hour ahead of you.” He kissed me one more time before leaving then I watched him walk to his truck and climb in. With a wave, he was gone.
I shut and locked the door. After I finished folding the laundry, I shut down the rest of the house and headed upstairs. As I lay in bed, I stared up at the ceiling and said a little prayer that things would finally work out for us.
Arriving at the church, I slip out of my car and grab Alex out of the back seat. Jonah’s already got Alex’s little tux so I just grab my garment bag and duffle bag out of the back seat. Inside, I find Jessica’s brother, Scott. Jessica tried to set us up, but I couldn’t do it because if something happened or didn’t work out, I didn’t want it to affect our friendship. I’ve always felt I could never be in a serious relationship until I finally stopped loving Brock, which hasn’t happened.
Brock kept his promise and called me when he got to North Carolina. I didn’t tell him I missed him, that even Alex had asked about him—and Tiny, of course. He promised to call me when he knew for sure when he was coming back. I’m still skeptical that he’s actually coming back, but we’ll just have to wait and see.
“Hey Ripley. How are you?” He looks down at Alex. “How are you little man?”
I give him a quick hug. “We’re good. How are you?”
“Doing great, can’t wait to see my baby sister get married. Do you want me to take Alex to Jonah? He’s got his tux out all ready to go.”
“Yeah that’d be great. I’ll come over as soon as I’m dressed so I can finish his hair and whatnot. Alex, go with Scott and be a good boy. I’ll see you in a little bit.”
I make my way downstairs where the bridal suite is. Knocking once, I poke my head in. “Is it okay if I come in?”
The girls wave me in and I go right to Jessica where she’s drinking champagne and sitting in her robe. Her brown hair is pinned back on the sides with jeweled bobby pins and hangs in big loose curls down her back. We hug each other before I grab my dress and take it into one of the dressing rooms. My dress is the same style as her bridesmaids’ dresses, but mine is black with white edges. It’s column style so it’s formfitting and hugs my body, and it’s strapless so the bodice is tight, pushing my breasts up.
I slip on my black stiletto heels and head back out into the main room. I get a lot of wows from the girls and Jessica comes over to me, wrapping me in her arms.
“You look gorgeous babe.” She’s smiling widely at me.
“Thank you, you too. I can’t wait to see you in your dress. I love you chica and I’m so happy for you. I’m going to let you spend time with your girls and go help Alex finish getting ready. See you in just a bit.” I kiss her cheek and then wave to the rest of the girls and Jessica’s mom.
I reach the groom’s suite and see Jonah’s parents getting ready to step in. “Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell,” I call. They both turn to me, giving me huge smiles.
“Ripley, darling. Don’t you look beautiful,” his mom says. Jonah looks a lot like her with matching blond hair and blue eyes, but he’s tall like his dad and has his strong cheekbones.
“Thank you.” She kisses my cheek, and Mr. Mitchell pulls me into a hug before the three of us step inside. Alex is already dressed, and from the looks of it, someone already did his hair. It’s slicked back with a slight wave at the front, and he looks like a little man.
“Mommy! Gramma and Grandpa M!” They both love on Alex before greeting their son, who just shakes his head at me. We both tend to take a back seat whenever my son is around, but that’s not a bad thing. I certainly can’t complain that my son isn’t well loved.
Everyone starts heading to the vestibule, but I hang back. I move to stand right in front of Jonah then reach up and straighten his bow tie. “You look so handsome. Are you nervous?”
“No, I’m just anxious to make her my wife. I do wish we could put off our honeymoon for another couple of weeks though.”
“Why?”
“To make sure Brock comes back.”
I hold up my hand to stop him. “No way, you’re not delaying your honeymoon because of me. You’re starting a new Chapter in your life and I’m not going to be the cause of you two putting your lives on hold. I feel stronger now than I ever have. You’re going to go on your honeymoon and have a great time, and not worry about us because Alex and I are going to be just fine.”
Jonah leans forward, placing his lips on my forehead. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had Rip. You and Alex have made me a better person.”
My eyes fill with tears, but I lean back and fan them away. “Same. Now let’s go get you married.” I leave him at the back stairs that lead to the front of the church then make my way to the vestibule where I find Alex with Jonah’s parents and my mom.
“Okay everyone, let’s start lining up,” the wedding planner says. Jonah’s dad leads my mom and Jonah’s mom inside.
When it’s our turn, I grab Alex’s hand in mine and we walk down the aisle. Alex is the unofficial best man, so he stands with me next to Jonah. “Wedding March” begins and everyone stands. As soon as Jessica appears at the end, I hear Jonah’s swift intake of breath, and I can’t blame him. She’s a beautiful bride, and when she finally reaches Jonah, they get married.
I stick the key in the lock of my front door as I try to juggle a sleeping Alex in my arms. The reception was a blast and my sweet boy danced his little booty off until he finally passed out on my mom’s lap. As Jonah and Jessica went through all reception stuff—cake cutting, dances, my speech, the maid of honor’s speech—I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of envy and maybe a little sadness because I want the kind of love they have.
Yes, I love Brock and he loves me, but I don’t know if I can trust it. I tried to push those thoughts out of my mind and enjoy my evening, and most of the night I danced with Alex, though I did dance with Jonah’s dad once, and once with his favorite uncle. It wasn’t until toward the end of the night that I danced with Jonah. Neither of us had to say anything to each other because the bond we have is so strong.
I carry Alex upstairs and strip him out of his tux, leaving him just in his underwear. I’m exhausted after the long day so I take off my dress and slip on my robe. In the bathroom, I take the pins out of my hair, brush it out, and wash the makeup off. Back in my bedroom, I climb into my bed and pull out my phone.
RIPLEY: Are you up?
BROCK: I am. How was the wedding?
RIPLEY: It was great . . . perfect. It truly was. I miss you. I shouldn’t tell him that, should make him wonder, but I don’t want to play games. We’ve been dealt enough shit and I’m not going to add to it, because it’s not going to do us any favors.
BROCK: I miss you too. Fuck I miss you. How’s Alex?
RIPLEY: He’s good. He’s passed out. You would’ve been so proud of him today. He did such a good job. I’ll send you a picture of him in his tux.
I send Brock the picture of Alex and me at the reception.
BROCK: Wow! You both look great. In two days I sign my papers and I’m out. I’ve already started packing and should be heading back a week from Friday.
That’s almost two weeks. We still have yet to talk about things, but he’s insistent that we do it in person. I’d rather do it over the phone, at least some of it.
When it comes to Brock, I’m so confused. On one hand, I shouldn’t give him the time of day after everything that’s happened, but—and it’s a big but—on the other hand, I know I’d regret it if I didn’t see where things went, didn’t see if we could get past everything and have a future together.
Alex and I are a package deal, and I need to know that he can handle being around my boy knowing that his father is also Alex’s.
RIPLEY: That seems so far away. :( Alex misses Tiny, just so you know.
BROCK: I think Tiny misses Alex just as much. I’ve never seen him pout so much.
I cover my mouth as I yawn. We say goodnight and I put my phone down, and it doesn’t take long before my eyes drift shut.
Brock
Since I’ve been home in North Carolina, I’ve been busy, pretty much running myself into exhaustion every day, which keeps me from obsessing about Ripley and Alex. I’ve started packing up my house and selling the furniture I don’t plan on taking with me. My mom is letting me stay with her until I find a place, and maybe I’ll be lucky enough to share that place with Ripley and Alex. In a perfect world, I’ll share it with any other children we might have as well.
My boss was a little disappointed that I was signing my EAS papers, but we had a long talk about everything—my mom, my dad, Ripley, and Alex. I don’t think I’ve ever talked about my feelings so much, but I do admit, the more I talk, the better I feel. When I think about it, the rage is gone—well, maybe not gone, but it’s not as strong. He understood my need to be home, closer to my family and the people I love. No matter what happens with Ripley and me, there is no doubt that I want to be home in Aldridge. I’ve already applied for a couple different jobs, and with a letter of recommendation from Sergeant Richards, I should hopefully have no problem getting an interview.
Friday night, Tiffany’s coming over to talk. I’ve kept our communication limited to phone calls and texts since I’ve been back; it’s not that I don’t want to see her, it’s just that I need to figure out how to approach our talk so I don’t hurt her or lead her on. I’d love to remain friends, but I think once I move home, it’ll pretty much be over.
I look at my phone and again pull up the picture Ripley sent me from the wedding. I hate that I wasn’t there to be their date, but I’m glad they had a good time. She looks fucking gorgeous in that dress, and Alex looks like a little man in his tux.
With a couple taps on my phone, I make their picture my wallpaper so I can see them whenever I want. I wasn’t lying when I told Ripley that Tiny missed Alex—the dog has been moping around like a sad sack, and if I say Alex’s name, Tiny perks up until he realizes his little buddy isn’t there.
I set the alarm on my phone and set it on my nightstand. These two weeks are going to go by so slow for me, but I just need to remember that when all is said and done, we’ll at least be in the same town.
My team decided they wanted to take me out for drinks last night—of course, I just had a beer and that’s it. Most of them know I’m not a big drinker and why. After all the training we went through together, it’s natural that we know each other’s dark secrets and what drives us to do the things we do. They didn’t give me shit for switching to pop, and I ended up giving a few of them a ride home.
It’s true that when you work closely with a team, you become brothers. Miguel Rodriguez got shot when I did, on what was supposed to be a simple scouting mission but ended up being based on bad intel. He took one to the chest, and it was while I was dragging him to safety that I took the two shots to my shoulder and leg. Luckily, reinforcements showed up and got us the rest of the way to shelter.
We don’t talk about it a lot, but we can share a look and know that the other is thinking about it. It’s sad that I’ve had an easier time getting over getting shot than dealing with the demons from my childhood and teen years.
I drove Miguel home last and ended up sitting and talking to him and his wife, Rosa, until the wee hours of the morning. Rosa drilled me about Ripley and Alex, and what I was going to do. She insisted that I needed to make a grand gesture and prove I was in it for the long haul. She was right; that is what I need to do. They invited me to come over for a goodbye dinner before I left, and I happily accepted.
Now I’m waiting for Tiffany to get here, and this is the last thing on my to-do list before I head home. I do a walk through and my place looks so bare without most of my furniture and everything else in boxes. I brew a pot of coffee while I wait for her and take Tiny outside, tossing his rope toy around the back yard. Hopefully Tiny will behave while she’s over.
When it’s time for her to arrive, I head back inside and pour myself a cup of joe just as the doorbell rings. I take a deep breath and move through my house to the front door with Tiny following behind me, growling. “Dude shut it. Go lay down.” The temperamental pain in the ass plops down on his bed with a sigh.
I open the door to Tiffany and she flashes me a huge smile. “Hi honey.” She wraps her arms around me in a tight hug that lasts a little too long for my taste. “I’ve missed you.” She sighs. Carefully, I step back, and she looks confused by that.
“It’s good seeing you. Do you want some coffee?” She follows me into the kitchen, but I don’t miss that she’s glancing around with wide eyes.
“Yeah, sure. Where’s all your stuff?”
I pour her a cup of coffee and hand it to her. “Well, that’s what I wanted you to come over for. I wanted to tell you that I’m moving back to Illinois.”
A low growl pulls my attention to Tiny, and I give him a look that makes him stop and lay his head back down. I look back at Tiffany and see she’s got tears running down her face.
“Why are you leaving me? What did I do wrong?”
“Tiffany, you didn’t do anything, it’s just time for me to go home and see to things there.” I’m not sure what to do here. If I hug her, I could be giving her the wrong signal, but if I don’t, I’m a jerk.
“You mean back to Ripley and her kid.” She swipes angrily at her tears. “What is so special about them that you’re willing to lose what we have?”
“She’s my world, and Alex has . . .” I swallow the lump in my throat. “He has begun to mean just as much. I’m sorry if this hurts you and you can’t understand it, but it’s the way it is. I never meant to hurt you . . .”
Her face falls. “Is he your son? Is that why?”
“No he’s not my son, but he’s my . . .” Fuck, I almost let that slip and screwed everything up. Thank goodness I couldn’t stand seeing the hurt look on her face, realized what I was doing, and stopped before saying too much. She’s looking at me with assessing eyes now, but it’s not her business to know. Tears leak from her eyes and I know I’ve hurt her feelings, but it couldn’t be helped.
“I’m sorry if it hurts you that I’m leaving, but I have to. My life is in Aldridge now.” I grab her hands. “It was never my intention to hurt you, but do you get it? Do you get why I have to go?”
She lets out a puff of air. “I get it, but I don’t like it.”
We sit and talk about easy stuff after that while we drink our coffee. The pleasantness in her voice is completely forced, but at least she stops giving me an uneasy feeling. I’m relieved when she gets ready to go. “I still would like to check in with you occasionally if I can?”
“Yeah, that’d be okay. You take care of yourself.”
“You too, and good luck when you get home.” She hugs me and then kisses my cheek, rather slowly; it makes me a little uncomfortable. She finally pulls away from me and I watch her walk to her car and then climb in. Right before she peels out of the driveway, I swear she gives me a nasty look, but I can’t be sure from here.
That’s all right—I won’t be here much longer.