Ripley
A week has gone by and I haven’t seen Brock at all. It’s a good thing though—it would hurt too much to see him right now, knowing my feelings are still there and he doesn’t reciprocate them. Things have gone back to normal and I feel good. Today I work until noon, and then I’m off tomorrow. I just wanted a long weekend with just me and my little man. . My mom has Alex right now, so I make my way across town to get him. I didn’t tell her about Brock because she’d ask questions I really didn’t want to answer.
I pull into the driveway of my childhood home and as always lately, sadness washes over me. It seems just like yesterday that my dad came out to greet me with Alex over his shoulder, my little boy squealing with joy because he loved his Papa so much. I hate that he may not remember him.
I walk right in and find my mom knitting as a cartoon plays on the television. She looks up, smiling. “Hi honey.”
“Hey Mom.” I step farther into the room and find Alex asleep on the other end of the couch with his racecar blanket. “How was he today?”
“He was perfect as always. Just fell asleep about ten minutes ago. Do you want some lunch? We can let him sleep a bit longer.” I follow her as she gets up and walks into the kitchen. My mom watching Alex when she’s not working has been good for her; it helps with her loneliness and gets her out of the house.
I plop down at the breakfast bar while my mom makes us a couple of sandwiches. She has just taken a bite of hers when I blurt out, “Brock’s in town.” My mom covers her mouth with the back of her hand as she coughs around her mouthful of food. “Are you okay?” I hand her a glass of water and watch with worried eyes as she takes a sip and finally stops coughing.
“Yes, sorry. I was just a little surprised is all.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “Have you seen him? How did it go?”
I refrain from telling her all the details; I know a part of her hopes someday we’ll reunite, he’ll be a father figure to Alex, and we’ll live happily ever after. Obviously my mom is delusional, but I’d never tell her that. I am fine, though. I don’t need a man complicating my son’s life, or mine. We’re doing fine on our own.
“It didn’t go well, but I don’t really want to talk about it. Let’s just say I got my closure.” I bite into my sandwich and have to force it down my constricted throat.
“What does that mean? Why’s he back after all this time?”
“It means nothing. He’s back because his mom finally left his dad.”
“Oh.” I can hear the disappointment in her voice. “That’s good he’s a terrible man.”
“Yeah it is.” I honestly have nothing else to say at this point.
After we finish our lunch, I sit down on the couch next to Alex and stroke a hand over his head until his blue eyes flutter open. He looks up at me and it takes him a few seconds to really come to before his lips tip up in a smile. “Hi Mommy!” I wrap my arms around him and pull him into my lap.
“Hey my big boy, did you have a good day with your grandma?”
“I did. I falled asleep watching a moo-bie.” He hops off my lap and disappears down the hall, probably to go to the bathroom.
When I hear the toilet flush down the hall, I holler, “Wash your hands.”
We hug my mom goodbye and I’m glad when she tells me she’s got plans this weekend. It’s good that she’s getting out more.
After buckling Alex into his seat, I climb in and we pull out of the driveway. “Buddy, we’re going to stop at the farmer’s market before we head home. Do you want me to get some more peaches?” This boy of mine loves peaches, furry skin and all.
“Yes! Can we get some more jelly?”
“Of course we can baby, if they have some.” On weekday’s the farmer’s market is only open for a few hours in the afternoon. Alex loves to go with me because of course everyone loves giving him samples of their goodies. We reach the lot and after parking, we get out and start weaving our way through the small crowds.
I scan the peaches and start placing some in a plastic bag. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Alex take off, so I drop the bag on the table and call after him. When I see him stop, I freeze. Brock is up ahead with his mom and his huge ass dog. My son, the animal lover, has his arms wrapped around the neck of the dog.
Brock’s eyes meet mine, but I ignore him and move toward Alex. “Alex, you can’t run away from Mommy. It’s not safe.”
“But Mommy I had to see the big doggie.”
“Okay, well let the dog go so we can finish up and they can get back to whatever they were doing.” I stand up to full height and turn toward Brock’s mom. “Hello Ms. James.” She gives me a sweet smile and then looks from Alex to me.
“Oh Ripley, you look wonderful. He looks just like you.” Ms. James squats down in front of him. “What’s your name?” A knot forms in my stomach.
My boy, the lover of attention, gives her a huge smile and announces proudly, “I’m Alexander Karel Brown.” He doesn’t notice the space around us going wired at his words. When Brock and I were together, not only did we decide on first name options, but also on the middle name Karel, pronounced like Carol. It’s his granddad’s first name.
I feel Brock’s eyes on me, and mine lift up to meet his. The look on his face is hard to read, but I feel a strange tingle come over my body. I’ve never understood why I did it, especially since Brock isn’t Alex’s father. Maybe a part of me wanted something Brock and I had considered for a future that never came to fruition.
I hear his mom’s swift intake of breath, and she clears her throat before saying, “Well that’s a wonderful name. Your mom did a wonderful job picking it out.” She stands up and looks at me, also bearing an expression that can only be described as sad. If only she knew.
“What’s your dog’s name?” Alex has his arms wrapped back around the dog’s neck.
Brock steps toward them and rubs the top of the dog’s head. “Remember you met him at the pet store? His name is Tiny.”
Alex looks up at Brock, shakes his head and bursts into peals of laughter. “He can’t be named Tiny, he’s too big.”
Brock gets down on one knee next to him. “It’s meant to be funny since he’s so big. He sure likes you.”
“He wants to come to my house and play. Can he?” Alex looks between Brock and me.
I hate that I’m going to have to break his heart, but there is no way I can be around Brock, at least not yet, and he’ll be gone before I’m completely over him, or at least over the situation. “No baby, probably not. Can you thank him for letting you hug his dog?”
Alex shocks me when he rushes toward Brock and hugs his legs. Brock freezes but then reaches down, resting his hand on top of Alex’s head. My stomach rolls as I watch them. “Thank you for letting me hug Tiny. I wish he could come see me. He might miss me.”
I smile at Brock and roll my eyes, but look away when I realize what I’ve done. Brock’s hand is still resting on Alex’s head. “You’re welcome bud. I’m sure he’s going to miss you, but maybe we’ll see you guys around.”
Alex looks at me and then at Brock before wrapping his arms around Tiny’s neck again. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” Oh boy, he’s laying it on thick. “I lub you Tiny.” The massive dog licks up the side of Alex’s head and a laugh bubbles up in my throat—Alex’s hair is standing straight out to the side after being licked by Tiny.
“Well Ms. James, it was great seeing you again.” I glance at Brock. “Thanks for letting him love on your dog. Alex, can you tell them bye?”
“Bye!” He isn’t even looking at the adults; he can’t take his eyes off the dog. Is it weird that they seem to have some weird bond already? I really shouldn’t let it happen because when Brock leaves, he’ll be taking his dog with him. Maybe I could look into getting us a dog this year—though certainly not one as big as Tiny.
“Goodbye Ripley. It was great seeing you,” Brock’s mom says with a small smile. I grab Alex’s hand and with my free one, I give them a quick wave before we head back over to the peaches. While paying for them, I hear a squeal and something hits the back of my legs. Tiny is sitting next to Alex and I immediately grab his leash, looking around until I spot Brock moving toward us.
“Are you looking for him?” I look at the massive dog next to my son.
“Yeah, apparently he didn’t like being away from Alex.” I hand the leash to him and his fingers skim mine. I don’t want to admit that just this little touch causes a riot of emotions inside of me, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters when it comes to us. We’re nothing but exes to each other, and that hurts so much.
Brock
My eyes follow them as they walk away. Why does it still hurt so fucking much? It’s been a week since I lied to her, but it was for her own good. When she told me she still loved me, it warmed me inside, but then all I could see was her body crumpling into Jonah’s arms. I knew right then that I needed to push her away and make her hate me, and that was the only play I had.
Over this past week, I’ve found myself driving past her house and her mom’s on multiple occasions, just hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Every time I do it, I tell myself it’s a bad idea, but I’m an idiot so I don’t listen. Yesterday, Ripley’s mom caught me as I was driving by. I played it off and gave her a wave, choosing to ignore her when she waved wildly and motioned for me to come back. I just kept driving.
Now, I smile as I watch Alex and Tiny together. My dog has always been okay around kids. He’s patient when they gather around to pet him, but with Alex, it’s like he’s part of Tiny’s pack. Tiny is licking Alex’s face and the kid is giggling so hard that people are watching them. I move slowly toward Ripley until we’re standing side by side. She doesn’t move away from me, and I take that as a good sign. A sweetly rich citrus scent wraps around me, and I know it’s her. What I wouldn’t give to bury my nose in her hair like I used to when we were younger.
An older woman stops in front of us and she smiles at us. “Your son is beautiful.” She nods her head at both of us before walking away. I open my mouth to speak, but before I can, Ripley holds out her hand to Alex.
“Come on honey, it’s time to head home.” She clears her throat and I watch Alex place his little hand in hers.
“Bye Tiny!” Alex waves at my dog, who whines as he watches the little boy walk away.
Every instinct I have is telling me to follow after them, to talk to her, but instead I spot my mom up ahead and go to her. “Hey, are you ready to go?”
“Sure. Were you talking to Ripley?”
I stop and look at her pointedly. “Don’t start, Mom.” I head away again and feel her come up next to me.
“Don’t start what, Brock? It’s so obvious you both still have feelings for each other, and if you could just talk to her—”
“Mom, I love you, but you need to back off, because it’s never going to happen. It can’t ever happen.” I hope my heated glare conveys how serious I am. I lead Tiny toward my truck and my mom follows behind us. We drop her off at her new place and just before she shuts the door, she looks at me with glassy eyes.
“I promise I won’t mention it again. I just want you to be happy. You were so happy when you were together. I know you were younger, but what you had was a true and pure kind of love. She looked at you like you hung the moon and you looked at her like you’d die protecting her. That was the kind of love I wanted with your father, the kind of love we had for a while.” She wipes the tears from her eyes. Reaching across the truck, I grab her hand. “I just don’t want you waking up one day and regretting that you didn’t fight for her.”
I can’t seem to say anything; the words are there in my mind, but they just seem to be stuck in my throat. My mouth opens again, but my mom holds up a hand. “Just think about what I said. You’re both older now. You guys deserve to see if there is still something there, and I think there is. Please.” She squeezes the hand she’s holding before saying goodbye then Tiny and I watch her go inside before driving away.