I open the closet in my old bedroom and look around until I find the small box that holds a piece of my cold black heart. With the box in my hand, I walk over to the bed and sit down. I take a deep breath and glance over my shoulder, confirming I’m still alone as I slowly open it. My eyes instantly start to water, but I force down the emotions I feel every time I revisit this part of my life. I pull out the picture Bryan sent me from my pocket and carefully set it inside.

I forgot he had a picture—then again, when it comes to him, I’ve blocked out a lot of things. I’ll be shocked stupid if he doesn’t come today. I don’t want him to, God I don’t want to see him again, but I know he’ll be here. He sent that picture in some desperate attempt to gain my attention. It worked beautifully, but I haven’t forgotten the past, and he’s long lost the ability to sweet talk me.

“Maybe it’s time to forgive and move on?” I jump when I hear my mom’s voice. “There’s nothing worse than watching your child in pain. If I could’ve shielded you from anything that happened, I would’ve in a heartbeat. But the past is exactly that, and it’s time you stopped allowing it to control your future.”

“That’s so much easier said than done.”

Mom sits next to me as I place my head on her shoulder. I love my mother, but we’re a lot alike, which means we butt heads more often than we agree.

“Sometimes I go days, maybe even months, without thinking about what happened…then a wave of guilt takes over, and I feel like a horrible person.”

“Oh, sweetheart, no. You’re nothing of the sorts. Your father and I are so proud of you. You’ve come a long way.”

“Is he coming?”

Mom’s shoulder tenses. “I believe so. His mother said the entire family would be here. It is his brother’s engagement party after all.”

I sigh in defeat. I already knew this was more than likely the case. My eyes drift back to the box in my hand.

“People should be arriving any time now. I’m going to head downstairs and check on things but, Lacey…?” She trails off until I sit up and look at her. “Cry if you need to. Get everything out of your system now, then please, I’m begging you, when Jena and Chris arrive, at least pretend to be happy for them.”

“I’ll try.”

Her eyes go stern.

“I promise.”

“Good.” Mom stands up and walks to the door before glancing back. “Thank you for coming home, Lacey, even on short notice.”

Before I can say anything else, the door clicks shut. I sit with the box in my lap for what seems like forever until I hear the front door open and close several times.

Shit. The damn party has started. I walk to the closet and place the box back on the shelf. When I leave the room, I swear it feels like I can’t breathe.

You can do this, Lacey, even if it means you have to act like a bitch, you can get through the next couple of hours.

I mentally pat myself on the back and start walking down the stairs. I hear a mix of voices knowing several people must have arrived. I look around the living room for Jake when my world tilts. Jake is standing by the bar talking to him. I’ve closed off my heart for years, and now my past and a guy who pretends to want a part of my future have crossed paths.

Slowly, I walk up to the two of them. “There’s my girl.” Jake extends his arm and wraps it around my shoulder.

“Your girl?” Bryan questions in a voice that almost sounds pained.

I smile as sweetly as I can manage, and say, “How are you doing Bryan?”

“Good. I’ve been…good.”

My mind starts spinning. Time has been kind to Bryan, and to be honest, that pisses me off. He still wears his dark brown hair cut short, and he doesn’t look a pound heavier than he weighed in high school—if anything, his body appears just as built.

Jake glances at me. “Bryan here went to college on a football scholarship. Where did you say, you went?”

“Penn State,” I answer for Bryan. “He was a three-time state champion,” I add.

Jake goes stiff. “I thought you said you didn’t know anything about football?”

“Oh, she doesn’t.” Bryan laughs as I glare at him. “I mean…she didn’t back when I knew her. She’d go to my games on Friday nights, but she usually brought a book with her to read instead of paying attention to the game.”

Jake stiffens next to me. Clearly, he picked up on what Bryan was implying.

“I told you, games that involved balls have never been my thing.”

Bryan smiles at me the same way he once did, only instead of getting excited, it causes my stomach to turn.

Jake clears his throat. “I’ve been teaching Lacey how to play with a set of balls and even a stick. She has some unbelievable talent.”

Jake smirks as Bryan’s face falls, and until he opens his mouth, I was actually starting to feel bad for him. “Did you get my gift?”

Jake clenches his fist next to me but doesn’t say anything.

“Yes, it was very inappropriate of you to send. I won’t even ask how you managed to find my address.”

“I wanted you to know I’ve never forgotten.”

I become dangerously angry. If he brings this up in front of Jake, I’ll slap him across the face. “I don’t care to discuss this with you. We’re here for my sister’s engagement party.”

Bryan’s eyes flash with what appears to be frustration, but I don’t care. “Yes, of course. I hope you enjoy the party.” He nods before turning and walking over to his parents.

“I can’t believe you,” Jake mumbles under his breath.

“What?” I snap.

“Nothing. We’ll discuss this later.”

I grab the drink next to Jake and quickly down the liquid, hoping to relieve the tension I feel streaming through my system. But the second I glance around the room, I know I’m out of luck.

My sister’s face is lit up with excitement as she practically dances her way over to us. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Jena.” My voice sounds hoarse as I attempt to hold in my emotions.

“Holy shit,” Jake murmurs next to me.

“Oh, this is my date, Jake Girard.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Jena proudly says, and I know she means it. She loves me. She cares about me. I only wish I had it in me to feel the same.

“Lacey didn’t tell me she has a twin.”

“She’s not my twin,” I quickly add. “She’s the original, better version of me. Isn’t that right, Jena?”

Her mouth gapes open in shock. “Um, I need to go check on the food Mom had catered.” She turns and almost runs off.

“What in the hell was that?” Jake blurts the second Jena is out of earshot.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb; it’s not a good look on you,” he hisses under his breath in a low, almost ominous tone. “First the guy who clearly had a thing with you, then a sister who looks like your twin but isn’t. And she’s marrying who exactly?”

My eyes dart around the room until they stop on Chris. “Jena is marrying Bryan’s older brother, Chris.”

His jaw clenches as he looks around the room. “I’m missing something. What aren’t you telling me?”

Seeing Bryan forces raw emotions, ones I keep buried deep inside of me, to bubble to the surface.

“I don’t like coming home, Jake. I start doubting everything about my life, and that includes why the hell I’ve even considered dating a man like you.”

“Oh, this is fucking priceless. You’re punishing me for that dude’s mistakes? And why, because I play the same damn sport he does?”

“This has nothing to do with football and everything to do with the way you live your life. Like women are just toys who are going to fall at your feet and do whatever you ask.”

“You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Really?” I sneer. “Do you not remember the smug attitude you had when I first met you?”

Jake shakes his head with disgust. “You want to turn this around on me? Fine I’ll be the arrogant asshole.” Jake walks off before I have the chance to say anything else.

“Can I have everyone’s attention?” The room goes silent as my dad’s voice carries over everyone else. “My daughter Jena met the man of her dreams when she was just a kid. She knew then what she wanted, but life is messy and these two went their separate ways for a lot of years. But I can’t tell you how proud I am that my little girl is about to finally become Mrs. Chris Winters.” Dad holds up his glass, as does everyone else who must’ve been served drinks while I was arguing with Jake. “To Chris and Jena.”

The room breaks out in celebration, but I don’t say a word. Instead, I disappear out the side door through the kitchen then outside to the backyard.

I wander around the yard for what seems like forever. A gust of cold air sends a chill through me, but rather than go back inside, I take a seat on our old swing set.

Right before Thanksgiving, Jena told everyone she was officially dating Chris again. My parents were thrilled, but the same nauseating feeling I get every time I think about Chris, Jena, and Bryan consumed me. I drank like crazy. I worked out in the gym non-stop, but nothing helped. I knew if they got back together after all these years, a wedding and a family would soon follow, and they didn’t disappoint.

“I thought I saw you sneak away.” My oldest sister, Lori, takes a seat on the swing next to me. “You better slap Morgan for me when you see her next. It’s not fair she gets to miss out on all the Davis family fun.”

“Morgan just moved out of my apartment. She probably knew about this party a long time ago and purposely planned her move around it.”

Lori laughs. “That wouldn’t shock me, and yes, this party wasn’t as last minute as Mom made it sound. She was worried about you. We all are, but then you showed up with some freaking hottie Dad claims plays professional football?”

“It’s nothing. He was at my apartment last night. I figured this would be a good way of running him off, and I think I was right.”

“I don’t know about that. I saw the way he was looking at you a few minutes ago.”

I roll my eyes at her comment.

“I’m serious. At least tell me he has a hot friend you can hook me up with before you dump him.”

“You are the biggest hornbag I know, and I think the older you get, the worse you are.”

Lori laughs about the same time we hear someone next to us clear their throat.

“Hey.”

I look up to see Jake standing a few feet away with his gaze locked on me.

“I’ll just give you two some privacy.” Lori winks at me before walking back into the house.

The two of us silently stare at each other until Jake finally takes the seat Lori just vacated.

“You are one confusing woman.” There’s an edge to his voice that he hasn’t had in the past. “I’m not sure what you really want from me, and I’m even more confused if I can give it to you.”

Honesty. He’s being honest, and that’s more than Bryan ever gave me.

“If I didn’t like you, I would’ve been gone long before now, but I’m not because I do…like you. I felt something that day you showed up in Phoenix looking for Jordan. I told myself at first it was nothing more than my hormones, but even if that was true, a woman hasn’t grabbed my attention in any real way in years. I convinced myself you’d come up with some reason to show up at one of my games.” He laughs. “I didn’t know the real Lacey then—I still don’t—but I know you don’t chase after men. I doubt you ever will.”

“Jake I’m—”

“I just want to know if you’re still hung up on him. I might be willing to chase after you, but not if you’re running toward someone else.”

My heart starts to race. “Most days, I like you too, Jake.” I smile, and the corners of his mouth turn up as well, mimicking mine. “But if I’m being honest, I doubt I’d be good at a relationship.”

“Because of him?” I can hear the accusation in his voice.

“I blame Bryan for a lot of crappy things that happened in my life, but truth be told, I was warned. I knew the kind of boy he was, and I foolishly drank the Kool-Aid thinking he’d be different with me.”

A tear somehow manages to fall. I quickly wipe it away, hoping he didn’t notice, but when his breathing picks up, I know he did.

“I’d love nothing more than to go in there and punch the dude in the face.”

I choke on a laugh. “I actually wouldn’t mind seeing that myself.”

I screech as he jumps to his feet.

“I was kidding. I mean not really, but you can’t punch him at my sister’s engagement party. Everyone expects me to be the one who makes a scene, but I’m not going to give them the satisfaction this time.”

He gives me a breathtaking smile. “Good. My agent would probably have kicked my ass if I broke his nose and got blood on your mother’s carpet.” He grabs my hands and looks me directly in the eyes. “I’ve been living with doubt for years, Lacey. I know exactly how you feel, but right now, about me, you can either decide to go with the flow…” He gives my hand a squeeze. “…really go with the flow and see how things unfold, or I can leave you the fuck alone no matter how much it might kill me.”

Anxiety starts to consume my thoughts. “Why the hell do you suddenly sound like Dr. Phil,” I snap, which only makes Jake smirk.

“Acting like a bitch won’t make me leave. Tell me I’m wasting my time. Tell me you don’t feel whatever this is between us, and I’ll get on a plane tomorrow and leave you alone.”

I hate him. No I don’t. Fuck…I like him. I shouldn’t like him, but I do. I really like having sex with him. The idea of hooking up with someone else doesn’t even sound appealing, but I’m not sure I can trust myself. Not Jake…me. Can I trust myself?

“Tell me what’s going through that beautiful head of yours.”

I laugh. “Believe me, you don’t want to know. If I’ve given you the misguided impression that I’m only a little crazy, then telling you what’s playing out in my head right now would seal my fate.”

He draws in a breath. “Give this a chance, Lacey. I’m not going to stand here and make promises I can’t keep, but I will always be honest with you—that I can promise with all my heart.”

Honest…if Bryan held that quality when he was younger, I’m certain my life would’ve turned out completely different.

Jake isn’t promising to love me, he just promises to be honest, which means, if I continue to guard my heart, then maybe it’s worth a try.

“Are you sure? I mean, I’m usually a bigger bitch than I’ve been in the last week or so. I’m blaming all the sex as my reason for going soft.”

He tilts his head back and laughs, and I swear I’m hit with a sudden wave of lust. “Then I’ll make sure to do everyone a favor and fuck you as often as possible.”

I shake my head as he pulls me tightly against his body. “I think the party is starting to fizzle out. Maybe you should go tell everyone goodbye before we hit the road?”

“Okay, but one more thing?”

Jake fixes me with a stare. “Shoot.”

“I still don’t want Jordan or Chase to know about this. They’re our friends, and to be honest, I doubt Chase has the ability to make it another week without fucking up, so it’s probably for the best they don’t know.”

He almost looks disappointed by my request, but he nods in agreement. “I won’t say anything.”

Guilt starts to rear its ugly head. I’m not ashamed of Jake, but I know exactly how Jordan will react if she knows I’m considering a relationship with anyone, let alone her boyfriend’s friend.

“Thank you.”

He leans down and places a kiss on my forehead. “It’s not a problem. Now let’s go tell your parents goodbye and hit the road before it gets dark.”