I never thought I’d be one of those wishy-washy females, but where Jake is concerned, that’s exactly what I am. I want him, but I can’t have him—at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Therefore, every time he calls or texts, I hit ignore. I keep telling myself I should block his number, but I’ve yet to do it.

Without asking him, I don’t know if he invited me to San Diego to impress the owner of his team. I think it’s possible—after all, he hasn’t known me for long—but then again…if he did, there’s no sense in continuing the charade and acting like I mean something more to him.

The bottom line comes down to the fact that Jake is right. I’m hung up on my past. I’m so fucking scared that history will repeat itself that I won’t allow myself to truly open up to him.

If I want to settle down, I need to choose someone who doesn’t cause my body and heart to react the way it does for Jake. Someone I could care about, but not a man who will leave me devastated if and when he walks away.

I shake off my thoughts when I realize I almost missed my stop. I pull my coat as tight as I can as the bitter cold hits me in the face. I swear the air feels even colder after spending two days in California. I’m almost to my firm’s building when someone tugs on my arm. I turn and recoil when I spot the man who’s been following me.

“Please. I need your help. My granddaughter’s life depends on it.”

I glance around, only to see people everywhere. If he wanted to hurt me, he picked a horrible place to try.

“She’s only two and she’s in foster care. The people who have her are awful human beings. Please.” The man holds out a piece of paper, begging me with his eyes to take it.

“You should call the police if your grandchild is in danger.”

“I have. They won’t do anything.”

He takes a step closer, still holding out the piece of paper. Hesitantly, I take what he’s offering. “Those people sell drugs. They only have my grandbaby for the paycheck. You have to help her. I’d take her, but I don’t have any money.”

I finally nod when he does nothing but continue to stare at me. “I’ll see what I can do.”

The man gives me a small, verging on sad, smile before he steps out of my way. I rush up the sidewalk to the main door where I find Caleb waiting on me.

“Shit, I think you enjoy taking your time on freezing cold mornings just to see how long I’ll stand outside for you.”

I debate for a second if I should tell Caleb about the man on the street, but I know the argument that will follow if I do. He’ll be pissed I didn’t tell him sooner, and he’ll demand I toss out the paper the man gave me.

“Sorry. I zoned out. I almost missed my stop altogether.”

“Oh, still daydreaming about the football player?” He laughs as we step onto the elevator.

“No, I think things are finally over between us.”

He stops laughing and frowns. “What the hell happened? You just flew out to see him less than a week ago.”

“I don’t want to get into it.”

His eyes roam over my face, but thankfully, we arrive at our floor. “Don’t think we won’t discuss this later,” he shouts as I walk to my office.

Even with the huge stack of files sitting on my desk, I fire up my computer and start searching the name that’s scribbled on an old, dirty napkin.

I lied to the legal secretary we have on our floor and gained access to Mary Ownings foster care file. The woman appears perfect. She’s fifty-five and has been providing foster care for over twelve years. She always passes her surprise inspections and her case managers have never had a bad thing to say about her. I searched a little deeper into the children she currently has in her care, and sure enough, she has an adorable little two-year-old girl, Cassie Mae Peters.

Cassie’s father, Austin Peters, is upstate serving a five-year sentence for armed robbery, and Cassie’s mother, Kelly Parsons, recently died after a short battle with ovarian cancer. Cassie was actually placed with Mary while her mother was still alive and in hospice care. After digging a little more, I uncovered the identity of the man who has gone out of his way to track me down. Milo James Peters. For some reason, I was expecting him to be Kelly’s father, not Austin’s.

Milo has an arrest record stemming back the last three years after he was laid off from a factory in Jersey he worked at for over thirty years, but his arrests were for nothing more than petty crimes. Sleeping in a public park seems to be the reason the police continue to take him in.

On paper, everything seems fine, but Milo has clearly gone out of his way to contact me, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s more going on than what a stupid computer file can tell me.

I stood out in the frigid air for almost an hour hoping like hell my ex-stalker would appear out of nowhere and tell me why he thinks his granddaughter is in harm’s way, but Milo never showed. Now, I’m mindlessly walking through the cold on a busy Friday evening in the middle of February.

Jordan asked me if I wanted to have dinner with her and the moron she just recently got back together with, the same one she also agreed to marry, but I nicely declined. I’m not in the mood to sit through a meal and pretend I like Chase. If he manages not to screw up again, and if they do in fact get married, then I’m going to have to figure out how to at least tolerate him, but I’ll cross that road if it ever happens.

Caleb asked me to have dinner with him too, but I turned him down in hopes of finding Milo. But now it’s long after seven, and I’m several blocks from my firm when I realize how close I am to Morgan’s apartment.

Without texting or calling, I decide to show up unannounced. My eyes take in all the lavish touches her building has that mine seriously lacks. Like a fancy elevator for one, or brightly lit hallways for another.

Two more years, I chant to myself, and my damn loans should be paid off, then hopefully, I’ll be able to afford a place as nice as this.

Once I finally arrive at Morgan’s door, I knock for several long minutes. Seconds before I give up, she opens the door.

“Lace? What the hell are you doing here?”

I hesitantly smile. “I was in the neighborhood?”

She laughs before opening her door the rest of the way as she motions for me to step inside.

Unlike the last time I was here, her apartment is filled with stylish furniture. She has several abstract paintings that fit her personality hanging on the wall. I have to fight back the urge to act jealous. Morgan has worked her ass off to get to this point in her life.

“Did I catch you at a bad time?” Her hair is wet and she’s only wearing a bathrobe.

“No, but I just got out of the shower. Ervin asked everyone to meet him later for drinks.”

Shit, even my boring older sister has plans. I think it’s official. I’m a loser.

She carefully studies me. “What’s with the look?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Lace. If you were looking for company, you can always come out with us.”

I wave off her comment. “No. No, I’m fine really.”

“Are you still upset about Jena and Chris? I know their relationship had to trigger some serious emotions.”

Morgan was the only person in my family I didn’t completely shut down on. I didn’t quite open up to her either, but she’s the only person in my entire world who told me to do what I thought was best.

“I just sometimes wonder what if…you know?”

“I do too.” She reaches out and pulls me in for a hug.

“Life is one huge, ugly bitch, that’s the only reasoning I can come up with.”

I laugh my agreement and wipe my eyes.

“But let me tell you, I still get up every fucking day ready to kick life’s ass if needed, and so do you. Don’t let one night of what ifs control your life.”

I whisper, “What if it’s more than just one night?”

“Oh, Lace…” She trails off.

“I have a guy who claims to really want me, but on paper he seems like a carbon copy of Bryan, and that scares the fuck out of me.”

“The crap you read on paper rarely gives you a true idea of what’s going on.”

I pause, wondering about Milo and everything I discovered today.

“Has the guy given you any reason not to trust him?”

I shrug. “I don’t think he was completely honest with me last weekend when he asked me to come to San Diego, but fuck, I don’t know.”

“The entire time you were with Bryan, you refused to listen to anyone who tried to warn you about him. You let your ego get the best of you, but you grew up—shit, you didn’t have any other choice but to grow up faster than most of us.”

I nod, fighting off tears.

“You placed your heart in Bryan’s hands, even though you knew you shouldn’t. What I want to know is, are you really ignoring the warning signs this time or are you making them up because you’re scared?”

My heart starts to vibrate against my chest as her comment flows through my head.

“That should tell you everything you need to know. Unless you plan to live the rest of your life alone like Lori and me, then maybe it’s time you allow that huge heart of yours the happiness it deserves.”

I roll my eyes, ready to change the subject. “Mom and Dad are going to make such a big deal out of Jena’s wedding.”

“You bet your ass Mom is. This might be her one and only chance at being the mother of the bride. Unless, of course, you pull your head out of your ass and let this guy in.” Her eyes flare. “I mean really let him in. That means telling him everything.”

A wave of fear hits me like a slap in the face at the idea of telling Jake about my biggest secret, my biggest regret… The raw emotions I feel cause me to take a seat on the couch.

“Calm down. Find out if this guy is really worth it, then baby-step your way there.”

I wryly smile. “When did you become a know it all?”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve always been one, just ask Lori.”

I laugh as my mind finally starts to settle. “Thanks, Morgan. I’m actually glad I stopped by to see you.”

“Likewise, and just so you know, the offer to move in with me still stands.”

I glance around her amazing apartment, almost ready to agree with her, but then I remember how much I like my own space. “I’m a crabby bitch when I have to share a shower with someone else.”

“Well, lucky for me this place has two bathrooms, but that doesn’t bode well for you and the guy who kind of sort of wants you. Unless of course he can convince you to move somewhere nicer.” I flip her off for both her comment and for having two fucking bathrooms.

“I better get going. Drink one for me tonight.”

“Oh, shit. If I’m drinking for you, I’ll be drunk an hour after I arrive.”

“I said one, asshole.”

I walk over to the door, ready to leave, when Mo calls out one last time. “Free yourself of the past, Lace…it’s the only way you can move forward.”

I pause with the knowledge that her words couldn’t be more spot on if she tried.

Professionally, my life has moved mountains compared to the life I almost had, but personally, I’m stuck somewhere in a place where I can’t forgive and I definitely can’t forget—and the anger, the sadness, the utter confusion I feel when I allow my mind to wander into the past practically eats me alive.

“Thanks again, Mo.” Without waiting on her to reply, I open the door and step out.

I’m too cold and heartless to ever forgive Bryan for what he did to me, but the real question remains whether or not I can forgive myself.