If anyone is a master at royally fucking up their life, it would be me. I invested my heart in a man, a man I was ready to expose my secrets to, and instead of doing just that, I allowed my fears to push him away.

People don’t fall in love that quickly, it’s just not possible, but my heart is screaming otherwise.

After Bryan, I closed myself off to people in general—with the exception of Jordan and Caleb. Jordan soothed an ache in my heart by allowing me to focus on her problems and not my own, and I hated Caleb long before I liked him. Everyone except those two feels like place holders. The thought of allowing someone—anyone—the power to hurt me again causes my heart to race, my hands to become clammy, and legs to weaken. I thought I was close, and I might have even been, but when I was at the crossroads of giving in or giving up, I gave up. As a result—he left.

As if life couldn’t possibly get any worse, my firm put me on probation, and Caleb is refusing to talk to me. But the thing that bothers me the most is how much I miss Jake.

He left behind a bag of clothes. His toothbrush still lays next to mine in the bathroom. I haven’t washed my sheets in weeks trying to trick my brain into believing he’s lying right next to me at night, but sadly, his scent has finally faded. I feel completely lost and alone, and I have no one to blame but myself.

Over a month after he left, I received a call that Cassie’s new foster parents were looking into adopting her. I had already read the file on the couple, so I knew they were good people, but instead of being excited for Cassie, I was sad for Milo. He told me he wanted his grandchild, but he didn’t have the money to keep her.

Milo and Cassie played in my mind for days until I finally caved and made the trip to the county jail to visit him.

When he sat in the chair across from me, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. His face has some much-needed color, he looks like he’s gained at least ten pounds, and if you didn’t know better, you’d think he spent the last six weeks at a five-star hotel and not in a jail cell.

His eyes scan over my face before he finally smiles. “I have to say, this is a surprise.”

“Well, I’m just as surprised to be here.” I can’t believe this is the same man who wore old, dirty clothes while following me around in the cold. “You look good.”

He shrugs. “Three meals a day makes quite a difference.”

I nod as guilt floods my mind. “We live in a messed-up world where someone can spend hundreds of dollars on one meal and another human being doesn’t even get the chance to eat that day.”

“That we do, my dear, but it’s also a world of possibilities.”

My heart starts to race, reminding me that I need to get to the point of my visit. “Milo, why me?”

“What do you mean?” he counters.

“Did you stop every lawyer you saw and ask for help, and I just happened to be the one who listened, or did you personally seek me out?”

Several long minutes pass, and just when I think he’s not going to answer me, his eyes start dancing back and forth between mine. “You remind me of Kelly.”

My eyes widen in shock. Out of all the things I expected to hear, that wasn’t one of them.

“I remember one of the first cold days we had last fall. I had just taken the bus out to visit Cassie. I met Mary a few times when Kelly was in the hospital. After Kelly passed away, Mary was kind enough to allow me to visit with Cassie as long as it was in her home. I tried to get out there as often as I could, but as the cold weather set in, my trips there and back slowly started to dwindle. Months passed before I knocked on Mary’s door again, and instead of finding Mary, I found her son, who was higher than a kite. I stayed as close to Mary’s house for as long as I could. I knocked on her door every single day, and every time, Mary wasn’t there. And every time, it was clear that kid was on something.”

The pain in his voice is as clear as day.

“I lost my job a few years back. The company I worked for filed bankruptcy—therefore, my retirement fund no longer existed. I ended up spending my savings on treatments to help Kelly. When times became their worst—at least what I thought was the worst—my son became desperate enough to take money that wasn’t his so he could feed his little girl and purchase the medicine his girlfriend needed.”

I quickly bring my hand up to wipe my watery eyes.

“I’ve never had a lot of money, but no one knows what it was like to be poor until you lose everyone in your life and you’re forced to live on the streets. The world doesn’t properly prepare you for that, and no matter how strong you are…it eventually wears you down.”

I swear, I feel my heart crack in two. Everything I’ve been through feels small and meaningless compared to the heartache this man has been delivered.

“One day, when the cold became too much, I decided to spend the day in the courthouse. That was the first day I saw you.” Milo blows out a long breath of air. “I was a homeless man complaining about a little girl in foster care. I knew the police didn’t take me seriously. That’s why when I saw you for the first time, it felt like Kelly was telling me to go to you. That you’d finally be the one who would help our little Cassie.”

Tears I can’t hold in any longer work their way down my cheeks.

“And I was right,” he adds.

“What are your plans when you get out of here?”

He gives me a small smile. “I’ll continue to do what I’ve been doing my whole life. I’ll take it day by day and be thankful for the beating heart in my old chest.”

I’ve never felt more inspired by a person before. “I’d like to help you when you get out—”

Milo puts his hand up. “You already have, my dear.” He casts me a meaningful look, one I don’t think I’ll ever forget no matter how long I live. “Give yourself the gift of love. The gift of acceptance. And most importantly, the gift of forgiveness, and you’ll find no matter where life takes you, my sweet darling, in turn, you’ll be giving yourself the gift of happiness.”

“Time’s up,” a guard shouts behind Milo.

“Give yourself the gift of happiness, Ms. Davis. I promise, in the end, it will be worth every heartache you had to survive.”

Milo stands up and walks away with the guard, leaving me in a state of shock. He couldn’t possibly have known the turmoil my world was in. I came here to check on Milo, and somehow, I left feeling like a different person.

We are sorry to inform you that your request for time off has been denied.

Mother fucker. I asked for four days off to attend Jordan’s wedding. I can’t miss my best friend’s wedding…however, since the day I skipped out on court, my firm has been extremely hard on me. Deep down, I think they’re looking for a reason to fire me, and I think they just found one.

I love Jordan, and I wouldn’t miss her big day for anything, but that’s not the only reason I’m willing to risk my job in order to be there. After my life-altering day in the county jail, I finally know exactly what I want.

Only this time, I’m not going to allow my fears to hold me back.

I quit my job, and I have no idea how I’m going to pay my bills, but that’s nothing compared to the bundle of nerves I feel now that I’m on my way to Honolulu. Weeks have passed since I’ve seen Jake, and while I finally know how I feel, know what I want, I’m sick with worry that he’s moved on—and rightfully so.

He’s given me every reason to trust him, and all I did was push him away until he finally left.

When the plane landed, I fought the urge to be ill. I’ve stood in front of some of the meanest judges known to man, worked next to some of the biggest jerks placed on this planet, and still nothing holds a candle to what I feel now.

The what ifs start plaguing my mind—thoughts of him with a date, being crushed if he’s moved on, and the probability my heart might actually break in two.

Shit, get it together, Davis.

I refused Jordan’s offer to pick me up, so once I have my suitcase in hand, I take a cab to the hotel. Tonight is the rehearsal, tomorrow is the wedding, and I leave the day after that. This gives me no more than forty-eight hours to get over myself and figure out if Jake still has a place for me in his life.

My eyes widen in awe when I arrive at the beautiful hotel. I feel like I’m smack in the middle of a movie set.

“You made it!” I hear seconds before Jordan hugs me from behind.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” I joke before turning around, only to be greeted by the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her face.

“I’m getting married tomorrow. Of course I’m in a good mood.”

“I thought brides were supposed to be all crazy. Running around worried about everything?”

“Are you kidding me? The only thing I have to stress about is someone not showing up…and seeing as you’re the last one to arrive, I’m now officially stress-free.”

That means Jake is already here…

“We blocked off a row of rooms, and I already checked you in. Here’s your key card. Go relax, take a nap if you want, but make sure you’re ready by five for the rehearsal.”

“Got it. Be back down here around seven,” I joke as Jordan rolls her eyes. I take a deep breath, forcing myself to be serious for a change. “I’m proud of you.”

Her face flashes with a shocked expression.

“I know I’ve given you a hard time about Chase. I’ll be honest, I’m still not completely sold on him, but I’m proud of you for going after what you want and saying a huge fuck you to everyone and everything that’s managed to get in your way.”

Her eyes water before she drags me into a tight hug. “Who are you and what have you done with my friend?”

We both laugh before I wiggle out of her grip. “I think I’m going to take a nap now.” If I can get my head to shut off for a few minutes.

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

With the key card in my hand, I pull my suitcase to the elevator. Once I arrive at the twenty-third floor, I walk to my room, wondering which of these doors lead to Jake…and if he’s alone.

My stomach starts to turn again as I wave the key card in front of my door. When it closes behind me, I walk to the bed and lay down.

I need to tell Jake about my past, but like all the times before, a wave of panic hits me.

I can’t open a new door without closing the previous one, and if I want a future with Jake, then I have to tell him…show him what continues to haunt me.

By an act of God, I somehow fell asleep, something I desperately needed. Miracle eye cream can only do so much to remove the bags I’ve been sporting for weeks, but after a shower, I feel worlds better. I put a little more effort into my hair and makeup and slip into a long red silk dress that hugs all the right places.

Knowing I’m going to see Jake, I want to look my best.

I grab my clutch and walk to the elevator.

My mind starts spinning the closer I get to the rehearsal hall. With a deep breath, I push the door open. I step inside a large, open room filled with bright, colorful flowers. Servers with leis around their necks line the wall. I continue to glance around until I spot Jordan, her family, Chase, and his mother, but my jitters start to increase when I don’t see Jake anywhere. I know he has to be here somewhere, and I’m still praying he didn’t bring a date.

“How was your nap?” Jordan questions when she sees me.

“It was perfect. Now I think it’s time to get this party started.” I try my best to act like I’m as excited as I should be for my best friend. Thankfully, Jordan has enough going on that she doesn’t pick up my bogus attempt to appear normal.

“We’re ready,” she says to a man holding a clipboard who seems to be in charge. “Okay, everyone. Let’s get started.”

My eyes nervously dart around the room until I finally spot Jake. My mouth goes dry and my stomach flutters.

He’s wearing a dark suit that looks like it was made specifically for him. He has a red tie, almost like we planned to match our clothing. He pats Chase on the back and laughs about something before finally turning and noticing me watch him.

My heart leaps into my throat as we stare at each other from across the room.

“Okay, we need the maid of honor and the best man to join us, and then we’re ready to begin.”

I blink out of the daze I’m in when Doug, Jordan’s father, places his hand on my arm. “I think they’re ready for you.”

“Of course.” I make my way up to Jordan where the priest babbles on for what seems like forever. I force myself not to look at Jake, but I can feel his eyes on me. However, the second we’re told we could leave, Jake walks off in the opposite direction from where I’m standing.

Tomorrow, we’re going to walk arm in arm down the makeshift aisle, and I hope when that time comes, Jake will do it with a smile on his face.