Hallie
I was stunned when my ex-husband walked into my gallery wearing a firefighter’s uniform. WTF? When we were together, he had been selling cars at his uncle’s dealership. His uncle had been grooming him to take over when he retired since he didn’t have any kids of his own to pass the business on to.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded as he approached my desk. “How did you even know where to find me?”
“Google,” he said, shrugging. “Besides, you post stuff online about your gallery all the time.”
But it had never occurred to me he could be reading it. “I’ll ask again,” I said, trying to remain calm. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see if you’d thought about what I asked when we talked last night.”
I’d thought of little else. “What’s with this?” I asked, gesturing to his uniform. “You’re a firefighter now? What happened to your uncle’s dealership?”
He leaned on the glass counter, getting too close for my comfort. I thought about Spencer’s warning. Was it possible Rob was using our son to get to me? I wouldn’t have put anything past him.
“I’d had enough,” he said, raking a hand through his dark hair. “After my… um, after some things happened, I decided I needed to start making better choices, trying to be a better man.”
He’d never been the heroic type. Once we’d seen a couple in a heated argument in the parking lot of our local shopping mall, and the man had gotten up in the woman’s face, threatening to hit her. When I implored Rob to stop him, he said he wasn’t getting involved, so I had to throw myself in harm’s way to stop the maniac from hurting his wife.
“How’s that working out for you?” I didn’t want to be a bitter shrew, but this man brought out the worst in me. I couldn’t look at him without being slammed with bad memories.
“I’m trying, Hallie.” He looked me in the eye, pleading for understanding. “I’m really trying. I’ve been doing this job for five years, and I really love it. It makes me feel good about myself, knowing that I’m making a difference, helping people.”
“Good for you.” Sure, there was a bite of sarcasm to my words. For the past five years, he’d devoted himself to helping strangers but didn’t seem to give a shit about his own flesh and blood. Real admirable.
“I don’t expect you to believe I’ve changed,” he said, hanging his head. “But believe me, you can’t be through what I have and not see life differently.”
Where was a customer when you needed one? It was too quiet, giving me no excuse to bail on him and this conversation. “Tell me, Rob,” I said, tapping my foot against the tile floor. “What have you been through? What’s made these years so hard on you? The fact that your wife or girlfriend or whatever the hell she was left you?”
“I had cancer.”
We shared a brief, emotional look before I whispered, “Cancer? Really?”
“Testicular. I can’t have any more kids.”
“Wow.” I thought to apologize, but why should I? He hadn’t wanted the child he had. Why should he be blessed with more? Okay, now I sounded like a bitch, and I didn’t want him to have that kind of power over me. “Are you in remission now?”
He nodded. “It had spread, but they were able to catch it in time, thankfully. A year of surgeries and treatment, but I’d do it all again if I had to. Makes me appreciate life a hell of a lot more, I’ll tell you that.”
“I bet.” Nothing could affect change quite like a brush with death, I assumed.
“That’s why she left me,” he said, swallowing as his gaze drifted to the colorful art decorating the small gallery’s stark, white walls. “She couldn’t deal with it, the disease, the treatment, the fact I’d never be able to have kids even if I survived. It was all too much for her.”
I could have made a snarky comment about karma, but that wasn’t the person I wanted to be. I thought of my son and the fact that I always preached to him about kindness, forgiveness, and compassion. I had to practice that now even though I didn’t want to. I still wanted to throw Rob out on his lying, cheating ass, but that wouldn’t help me move on. Forgiveness would. For my sake and Chris’s, not for his. We deserved to move on.
“That’s when I realized you never would have left me.”
His gaze was so heavy with sorry and regret that I wanted to smack him. He had no right to those feelings, not after what he’d done to us!
“You would have stuck by me because that’s the kind of woman you are. Loyal—”
“What the hell do you know about loyalty?” I demanded, trying to quash the rage sweeping through me. “You are the most disloyal excuse for a man I’ve ever met! You not only failed to honor your commitment to me, but you failed to honor the commitment you made to your own child when you got me pregnant! Remember that, Rob? You were the one who suggested having a baby. Not me. I wanted to wait another year, until we had more money saved—”
“I knew our marriage was in trouble,” he mumbled. “I thought getting pregnant would help.”
“It did help, didn’t it? It helped you decide you didn’t want to be with me anymore!”
“If it’s any consolation, I knew in no time I’d made a huge mistake leaving you for her. But it was too late. I knew you’d never take me back, and since I hadn’t been paying child support…” He shook his head, the shame etched in every line on his face. “I’ve been putting a little money away every month since I started this job. I thought maybe Chris could use it for college.”
I’ll admit to being surprised by that admission. When he’d walked out, I told him we needed nothing from him, though my parents and friends criticized me for not accepting his financial assistance. It was his child too, they’d reasoned, and he owed us both.
It took me a minute to realize we weren’t alone. Spencer. Oh no, how much of our conversation had he heard? “Hey, Spence,” I said, my smile wobbly as I looked past Rob. “This is a nice surprise.”
He was boring holes into the back of Rob’s head, and the fear seeped into my bones. I imagined an all-out brawl in my shop. Original art ruined along with the dreams of the artists who’d entrusted me with their work.
“Rob, you need to go,” I said quietly, hoping he’d heed the warning.
“I need to see him,” he said softly, not bothering to turn around. “You know why, Hallie. I can never have another child. Chris is my only shot at being a dad. Don’t take that away from me, please.”
“You selfish prick,” Spencer said, coming at him from behind. He grabbed his shoulder, turning Rob to face him. “That’s all you can think about it, isn’t? Yourself? What you want? What about what your son wants? Do you even care about that?”
“This is none of your business,” Rob said, knocking Spencer’s hand away. “This is between me and the mother of my child.”
I could tell Spencer hated that Rob could claim that connection, but to Spence’s credit, he let it go. “I heard Hallie ask you to leave. You need to go. Now.”
Rob’s gaze locked on mine before he sighed heavily and stomped out the door, his big, black boots echoing off the high ceilings.
Spencer turned to me slowly as soon as the door closed. “You okay?”
I realized I was shaking. It had been such an emotionally charged conversation that I didn’t realize how long I’d been waiting to vent to that man. I’d thought I was over him and what he’d done to me, to us, but it wasn’t until I saw him again and said my piece that I realized I could finally let it go.
Spencer rounded the desk and hauled me into his arms, letting me cry on his shoulder. I wasn’t crying because I was sad or confused, as he may have suspected. I was crying because I was relieved that it was over. I didn’t know if Chris would want to have a relationship with Rob, but even if he did, I was going to be okay. I finally felt free of all the bitterness and resentment that had been weighing me down for years. That man, whether I begrudged him or not, was a part of my son, and for that reason alone, I had set us both free.
“I’m okay.” My eyes were still watery as I met his. “I really am.”
He closed his eyes, the pain obvious as he tried to rein it in. “I hate that he can still affect you like that.”
“I know what you’re thinking,” I said, curling my hands around his wrists. “That I must still feel something… to be so hurt and angry, but you’re wrong. I don’t. I feel nothing for that man anymore. Nothing.” I let that sink in before I said, “For so long, I’ve resented him, maybe even hated him, but seeing him again was the best thing that could have happened to me because it allowed me to let all that go.”
“You’re really over it?” he asked, his voice gruff. “What he did to you?”
“I am.” I smiled, wiping away the tears. “I couldn’t have said that just a few days ago. I thought the bitterness was something I’d have to carry around with me forever. But I don’t. I know that now.”
He hung his head as his hands curled around my hips. “I still hate him.”
I chuckled. “Maybe it’ll take you some time to get over that, just like it did me.”
“I know it’s stupid and I have no right to feel this way, but I feel like he took something from me too.”
“It’s not stupid. You have a right to your feelings too.”
“It’s just that he got the things I wanted… you for his wife, a baby with you. And he didn’t even appreciate it. Makes me so fucking mad every time I think about it.”
“So don’t think about it.” That was easier said than done, but I knew how much holding on to anger could hurt in the long run, and I didn’t want Spencer to have to deal with that. “Don’t even let him enter your mind.”
“It might be hard if he’s a part of your life again, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know that he will be.”
He looked hopeful when he asked, “Does that mean you’ve decided not to let him spend time with Chris?”
“No, I’ve decided to let Chris make up his own mind about that.” I rested my hands on his chest, hoping he could understand my position. “You know it’s the right thing to do, don’t you?”
He sighed, tipping his head back. “Yeah, but I don’t have to like it, do I?”
My lips twitched as I patted his chest. “No, you don’t have to like it.”
He leaned in to kiss me, and I forgot all about my ex. Spencer was the only man in the world for me in that moment, and I suspected my heart had already known that truth. “What brings you by?” I asked, when we finally broke the lingering kiss.
“I wanted to see where you work,” he said, looking around at the various paintings featured on the walls.
“Liar.”
He laughed. “Okay, you got me. While your gallery is cool, I couldn’t get you off my mind. I hate that we fought over that douchebag last night.”
I pushed him back so he was seated on the leather stool behind my counter-height glass reception desk. I slipped between his open legs while he curled his arms around my waist. “We are gonna fight sometimes, you know. That’s what couples do.”
“I know. It just felt like kind of a big deal. I know you probably think I overstepped last night. Even though we have history, we haven’t been seeing other long, and it’s a big decision, whether to let your ex be a part of your son’s life. You must have thought I had no right to voice my opinion. You didn’t ask for my advice—”
I shut him up the only way I knew how. With a kiss. “I would’ve asked for your advice, Spence. That’s what people in relationships do when they make a big decision. I just needed a little more time to process it first.”
“I get that.” He made my heart melt when he burrowed his face into my neck. “I’m sorry I went off on you like that, babe.”
That was the great thing about Spencer, then and now. Even though he was a passionate man with strong beliefs, he wasn’t afraid to back down or admit he was wrong when the situation warranted it.
“Apology accepted.” As I wrapped my arms around him, it felt good to know I’d never have to forgive him for the kind of sins my ex had committed. Spencer was twice the man Rob was, and both my son and I were lucky to have this man in our lives.