Lind dropped her off a couple of blocks away from her house. They stood awkwardly outside of a café, looking at each other and not knowing what to say. Eve spent the next few minutes repeatedly trying to force herself to pull away, walk away…with no success. She simply could not bring herself to step away from him. In a little less than a month, he had given her more than her fiancé had given her in five years. He was leaning against his bike and looking at her with a lost expression on his face that perfectly mirrored the way she felt.
“Should we do this quick and painful, like ripping off a band aid?” he said.
Eve could not bring herself to smile. All of her energy was devoted to not bursting into tears in front of him. “I really don’t know how to do this,” she admitted quietly.
“Me neither,” he said.
She took a deep breath. “I guess you’re right,” she said. “I guess we should just do it.”
Lind nodded. “I’m going to miss you, you know?”
She smiled sadly. The word “miss” sounded like a giant understatement. “I guess thanks are in order,” she said after a moment.
He looked at her in confusion. “For what?”
Eve shrugged. “Saving my life.”
Lind grinned. “Oh. That.”
Eve shook her head in amusement. She reached up and cupped the back of his head. She brought him down and kissed him, deep and long and tender. There was none of the urgent, frantic passion from a few hours ago. Right now, she needed the gentleness. She needed to savor him. She needed to commit his taste to memory.
Lind seemed to sense her needs (or perhaps he needed the same) and didn’t try to sneak raw passion or lust into it. He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her.
They kissed for what felt like an eternity, and still it wasn’t long enough. They pulled back, reluctantly.
“What are you going to do now?” Lind asked. “Are you still going to dance at night?”
Eve grimaced. “God, no,” she said, groaning. “I think I’ve had enough of that to last me for a lifetime.”
“Only corporate work then?” He grinned.
Eve blew out a frustrated puff of breath. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’m sure I don’t want to do that, either.” She shrugged. “I guess I’ll figure it out.”
He hesitated. “Your fiancé…”
Eve’s eyes narrowed. She stood a little straighter, in a defensive stance. “What about him?”
“Are you going back to him?”
Eve hesitated. Was she? “Yes,” she said then. “I guess I will.”
Lind looked incredulously at her. “Really?”
“Maybe.”
“Why? You don’t love him and he doesn’t—”
“Don’t start again,” she cut him off, as gently as she could. “I told you, some things are just not about love.”
Lind scowled. “Seems to me like marriage should be, at least.”
Eve gave another shrug, like she did not care. Like she didn’t want to throw up at the mere thought of going back to her dull, loveless relationship. “I’ll figure it out,” she said again.
“No, you won’t.”
Eve looked at him incredulously. “Excuse me?”
“You talk like having a loveless marriage is normal,” Lind said. “How are you supposed to figure it out?”
Eve took a deep, calming breath. “Look,” she said, “I really don’t want to part ways like this.” I really don’t want to part ways at all. “Can we leave my engagement alone?”
Lind hesitated, but he finally nodded. “OK. As you wish.” He winked at her.
He was clearly referring to the night when they had watched The Princess Bride together. Lind had outed himself as a fan of the movie, which had shocked Eve to the core. The memory of that night almost had her burst into a fit of crying. There was a pain in her chest so fierce that she felt like she might double over if she didn’t do something about it very soon.
There was only one thing she could do, and that was leave.
“I have to go,” she heard herself say. The words tasted like bile on her tongue and felt like razor blades in her throat. “I’m sorry.”
Lind nodded. “I know.” He reached out and stroked her cheek lovingly. “Goodbye, Eve.”
Eve swallowed hard. She felt like she was choking. “Goodbye, Lind.”
She stepped away. It took all of her physical strength and all of her mind’s resolution to turn her back on him and force herself to walk down the sidewalk. Her heart broke more and more with each step she took that took her away from Lind.
It felt wrong to leave him. But it also felt wrong to even consider staying. The whole wide world felt wrong, like her universe was suddenly askew. She guessed it was. And she had no idea how to right it again.
Her house was blissfully empty when she walked in. She was relieved to not find anybody there—not Alan, not her brother, not her parents. No one. It was getting dark, but she didn’t bother to turn on the light just yet. Let them believe that no one was home for just a little bit longer.
She threw herself onto the bed, face down. The tears came then, unbidden and unstoppable. She felt like she could cry forever. She didn’t try to fight it; she had tried to fight enough of her emotions for one day. She thought of Lind and of his touch. She thought of how she would never see him again and how absurd it all was. She thought about Jessica and she cried for her, and she thought about how absurd it was that she was crying for her. And then she cried because she had thought it may be absurd to cry for her.
Eve cried until she had no tears left. Then she slept, and she dreamed of the Viper.