Lind was no stranger to anger. He had spent most of his life with that bubbling, all-consuming sensation in his chest, threatening to take him and his life over. But he had never felt anger such as this. He was angry at the whole wide world. He was angry at the MC for giving him a life he simply could not bring anyone into. He was angry at himself for being angry at the only family he had ever really known. He was angry at Jacob for pulling that awful stunt on them. He was angry at Jessica for betraying Eve. He was angry at Eve for leaving. He was angry at himself for being angry at Eve—when he knew that she really had had no choice.
He thought about her every day, all day—and it was driving him mad. Still, he couldn’t help it. Lind was no stranger to anger, but he was a stranger to love. Sure, he had had women before, but nobody he had ever been in love with. He hated that Eve had gotten under his skin in such a short amount of time, and in such a way that he simply couldn’t get her out of his mind.
“Out of eye, out of mind,” they said, but it proved to not be true at all. Eve was definitely out of Lind’s sight, but he couldn’t get her out of his head.
It wasn’t just about how good they had been together physically speaking. It was about how she had made him feel. Like he was worthy. Like he was special. Like he was more than a common criminal. She had made him feel like Lind, not like the Viper. Eve had not cared about the Viper. She had cared for Lind, and for some reason, that was still completely out of his grasp. Nobody had ever made him feel like he was good enough. Eve had done that, and with her, that wonderful sensation of worthiness was also gone.
He tried to lose himself into the business of the MC, but it all seemed empty and futile to him now. He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Alec said that he should just resign himself to the fact that he would be miserable for a while, because that’s just what love does to you. Lind hated that. He was angry at love, too.
A few times he considered checking out Eve’s neighborhood and see what she was up to. A few times he got as far as a few blocks away before turning his bike around, telling himself he was being a crazy stalker, and leaving. He couldn’t stop wondering whether she had gone back to that fiancé of hers. Alan Sutherland. He had read about him in the paper; the guy sounded like a pretentious asshole. He didn’t understand what it was that she saw in him.
She saw nothing in him, and that was the problem. That was what was driving Lind insane. Eve saw nothing in her fiancé. She didn’t love him, and he probably (from the way she had been talking about him and their relationship) didn’t love her. Why was she with him?
Lind knew that he couldn’t be with Eve. He knew better than delude himself. He knew it couldn’t possibly work. But he wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to be with someone who made her happy. He wanted her to be with someone whom she loved and who loved her. She deserved that. He hated the thought of her stuck in a dull, loveless relationship.
He didn’t know when he had started to think so much about love and relationships and emotional fulfillment. But he had, and he had begun to think about that for himself also. Could he really be destined to be alone for the rest of his life, just because his life was of the dangerous kind? Alec was having a family, and he seemed happy, and no one had kidnapped Linda so far.
Why couldn’t Lind have that? He couldn’t really see himself having kids, but a woman…well, why not?
He tried. After parting with Eve and coming to the conclusion that he would have liked to find that kind of companionship again, he tried—much to the hilarity of his pals from the MC. He went on a few dates. He slept with a few women. He tried to talk to them. None of them had worked out. No matter how hard they may try, none of them had given him that thrill that Eve had given him without even trying.
Lind was no stranger to anger. He was no stranger to pain. But he was a stranger to longing. He had never allowed himself to want anything or anyone in his life before, let alone long for anything or anyone. But he longed for Eve. He longed to have her by his side. He longed to have her in his bed. He longed to feel her skin and taste her mouth. He longed for their conversations. He longed for mundane things like watching a movie together. He longed for kisses that did not necessarily have to lead to anything else. He longed for breakfasts. He longed for days and nights spent together.
He longed for her. Period.
Alec said it was just a matter of time. Alec said the pain would fade eventually. Alec said he would find someone else. Lind was beginning to think that he would feel like this forever. He didn’t want someone else. He didn’t want anyone else. He wanted Eve. He couldn’t have her; he knew that.
So, he would just live in his anger and pain and longing to the fullest. Just like Eve had taught him to.