Chapter 9 - Oh Bi the Way
It had been several days since the article had been printed, and Ryan was finally certain they’d fielded the last of the phone calls from jubilant relatives, both states side and across the border. The conversation with their Grandpère had been an emotional one; he’d expressed pride in his grandsons, proud they were carrying on the family name in such a positive way.
It was with that thought echoing throughout his head that Ryan leaned against the frame of the living room entry and murmured at his cousin, “We need to talk.”
Pausing the video game he was playing, Luke glanced over at his cousin and raised an eyebrow before asking, “About?” But before Ryan could answer him, Luke shook his head a bit, tossed the game controller aside and mumbled, “I know. We didn’t deserve something so good. Especially not from her. Especially not how we - more me than you - have behaved.”
Nodding his agreement, Ryan asked after a half-beat, “So then you have no issues calling off the bet?”
Snorting a bit, Luke gave his cousin a smirk. “Even if I was inclined to continue it, neither of us have a snowfort’s chance in hell of hooking up with her.”
“Snowball.” Ryan corrected automatically. “Snowball’s chance in hell.” But he again nodded his agreement, murmuring, “It’s only a matter of time before her and Trent hook up.”
“Double the disappointment for you then,” Luke murmured as he reached for the controller again, no doubt intending to un-pause his game and continue even as Ryan froze and stared at him blankly. After several moments of the stunned silence, Luke asked, “What, you thought I didn’t notice?”
Gulping, trying to force breath into his now shaky lungs, Ryan prayed silently to himself that Luke wasn’t inferring what he thought he was.
“You’re interested in them both. Despite your claims about being focused on hockey alone, about not wanting the ‘distraction’ of a relationship, you would not object to a relationship with either one of them.” And pausing for a tick, he added, “Or perhaps both at once.”
“What…how?”
“Are you forgetting you’re not the only one with a degree, Tortue? We have grown up together, yes? And I’ve watched you, as you’ve watched me.”
Ryan gulped but nodded, his voice almost a whisper, “And what have you seen, Luke?”
Shrugging his shoulders a bit but maintaining eye contact with his cousin, Luke replied, “I have seen you take note of the young men as often as you take note of the young women. And that you hide behind that goalie mask so you can watch without being noticed, without being judged.”
Staring at Luke without any words for the longest time, Ryan finally began to nod his head slowly before bringing his hands up to his face and hiding. Here was everything he’d tried to hide, to keep under wraps, about to hit the fan. As soon as their teammates found out...
“I’m not going to tell them.” Ryan blinked and pulled his hands from his face – he hadn’t even realized he’d been whispering his fears out loud. “That is not my decision to make. But I will support you if you do, defend you as I always have. You are my cousin, my blood brother.”
Taking a faltering breath, Ryan looked back into the serious eyes of his cousin, shocked and more than a bit amazed that they of all people were having this conversation together. “I…Thank you.” Tilting his head a bit, he asked, “How long have you known, suspected, whatever?”
At that, signs of the Luke that Ryan was so familiar with finally began to appear when the slow smirk curled over Luke’s lips. “Several years. Since we were 16? That big party with all your friends and all the pretty girls.”
Ryan choked on his laughter at the memory. “The one where the Mayor threatened to have you ‘deported’ after you banged his daughter. Oh yes, I remember that party quite well.”
That Cheshire cat grin grew on Luke’s face as he nodded, “Not like he could have me deported, I am a dual-citizen. But it did make for a rather interesting drive back home. Mama was not amused.” His voice grew more serious for a moment. “That party though? I noticed you casually watching one of your teammates. It bothered me at first. But then I realized, as I said earlier, you are my cousin, my blood brother. It didn’t change you.”
Not even realizing that Luke had discarded his controller again, or climbed to his feet, Ryan only felt a big hand pat him on the back and Luke had exited the room. And for the longest time he just stood there, trying to absorb what just had happened. He’d come out – to the least likely of people – and nothing catastrophic had happened in his world.
Maybe there was hope for this season yet.
~*~
A few hours and several video games after his conversation with Luke, Ryan finally decided that he needed to talk with Gabi about things as well. He was certain this day was one of those rare days that she worked from home rather than went into her office or the courtroom in Kansas City. Devin, he knew, would still be at his latest construction site, which would give him the time to have a one-on-one with his sister.
Ryan chuckled to himself at that – the last time he and Gabi had a one-on-one, she was scoring on him top-shelf in a family hockey game. She always had been the best player in their generation. It still made him sad that she hadn’t tried to pursue hockey beyond high school. But at the same time, he understood; she had different priorities, different goals than he or Luke did. And while both he and Luke had gone on to get degrees, they shared the hope those would be a fall back, not a necessity.
With those thoughts echoing around in his head, and after letting Luke know where he’d be, Ryan slid down the stair railing and walked out to the parking lot, noting that there was a new car parked in Emma’s spot – when had that happened? He imagined his sister and her husband perhaps had something to do with that.
Climbing into his own several year old ‘crossover’ – a gift from his family on his college graduation – Ryan headed off towards Gabi and Devin’s place, mentally noting that when his parents drove out with the rest of his and Luke’s stuff, that he’d perhaps be able to bike the distance instead.
Soon enough, he was pulling into her driveway, and didn’t bother ringing the doorbell – with Devin not home, he was certain he wasn’t going to find his sister in a compromising position. “Ohhhhh Gaaaaaaaaabbbbbaaaaa? Where are you?” Ryan hollered as he stepped across the threshold into their house.
“You don’t have to shout, jeezus. And what are you doing here? Did I miss a text from you saying you were coming over?” Gabi had emerged from the office she had set up off the entry way of the house and was reaching for her cell off her hip when Ryan raised his hand to stop her.
“Nah, this is a spur of the moment kinda thing.” Pacing a little bit and purposefully moving away from his sister, Ryan murmured, “You mind if we have a talk?”
“Oh Turtle. What did you do this time? Am I going to need to represent you? Luke? Can’t you two behave for more than a week?”
Ryan’s spine straightened at her words, bristling at the implication that he would only be coming over to talk if he was in trouble. Spinning sharply on his heels, eyes dark and glowing with anger, he growled at her, “Is this what you think of me? Your little brother the fuck up? That you no doubt purposefully arranged for your reporter friend to watch over us, to make sure we behaved? No issues there, sister. She’s already put the fear of God in us both.” He started towards the door, words coming faster as he walked. “Y’know what? Forget it. Just forget it. It doesn’t matter.”
As his hand reached the doorknob, Gabi’s voice – soft, more subdued than her norm – stopped him in his tracks. “Stop. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re a fuck up, Turtle. I never have. As for the rooming arrangement, that was more for her protection than to watch over you. I knew you’d keep her safe.” Ryan’s shoulders were still tight with tension even when he heard Gabi come across the floor and stand behind him, wrapping her arms loosely around his waist and resting her chin against his back. “Now, what’s bothering you?”
Closing his eyes and not making any motion to remove his hand from the door, Ryan’s voice lacked the earlier anger, but the underlying hurt was still present. “Does it matter? I…Y’know what? Forget it. Just forget it.”
Ryan tried to pull the door open when Gabi’s arms tightened around his waist, her voice measured and even. “Don’t make me tackle you. Something is bothering you, and I’m sorry that I assumed the worst. It’s just been a long time since you came to me to ‘just talk’ about anything.”
Softly, almost too soft to be heard, Ryan murmured back, “Maybe because I was too confused to think anyone else would understand? How could they when I barely could myself?”
Gabi tilted her head a bit – Ryan could feel that against his back – before tugging him further back into the house, and this time he offered no resistance to her direction. Soon she directed him to her over sized couch and pushed him down on it, taking a seat across from him and gazing into his eyes. “What were you confused about?” She finally asked softly.
Why did he think this conversation was going to be easy? How could he have left the apartment so confident that he’d just stroll in, drop the news, and stroll out? Ryan held her gaze for a moment then looked down at his hands, nervously starting to pick at his fingernails until Gabi reached across and grabbed his hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. “I…” He finally began softly, soft enough that she had to lean closer to hear him. “I was confused about why I found myself attracted to not just women, but men as well. That’s not the way we were raised.”
“That doesn’t make it wrong.” Gabi retorted immediately, tightening her hands onto his. “What are you trying to tell me, Ryan? That you think you’re bisexual?”
Slowly, Ryan raised his eyes to his sister’s, waiting until their eyes locked before his head shook just a bit. “No. I know I am. I just didn’t know how you would take it.”
When Gabi’s laughter rang out, Ryan immediately tried to pull his hands away and leave, but she tightened her grip so he couldn’t go anywhere. “Silly Turtle. Do you honestly think I didn’t already know? That I hadn’t figured it out on my own? Give a sister some credit here.”
Ryan rolled his eyes but finally squeezed her hands back, telling her softly. “This is hard. I’ve been comfortable in that closet for a long time, taking those first few steps out are scary as hell. I keep expecting rejection; keep expecting my manliness to come under question.”
Snorting, Gabi finally moved so she was sitting beside Ryan on the couch and tugged him into a side hug. “You’ll find only love and acceptance here, little brother. Devin, I’m sure has his own suspicions though we’ve never discussed it. And I’d wager that Mama knows as well.” He raised his eyebrow, she shook her head a bit. “No, I think Papa is clueless. Grandpère too.”
“I should tell them. I know I should, but the thought of disappointing them scares the hell out of me. And I feel like if I told them that I wasn’t the picture perfect young man that damn article made me out to be, that they’d find me unworthy of their love.”
“I should slap you just for saying that.” Gabi replied matter-of-factly. “There is no damn way you are unworthy of anyone’s love. And while they might struggle with it a bit, it doesn’t change who you are Ryan, who you’ve always been. You are still you and that’s all that matters.”
Giving her a bit of a shaky smile, Ryan asked softly, “So now what? As Luke so astutely noticed, the only ones who’ve managed to hold my attention at all are interested in each other. Where could I fit in there?”
Eyebrows flicking up as she figured out his implications, Gabi could only shrug before just telling him, “If it’s meant to be, it will. Any or all of it. Give it time, Turtle.”
Easy enough for her to say, Ryan thought, but still he nodded, closing his eyes and cuddling up a bit to his sister, letting her comfort him as they had so often as children with the age difference as it was.
“It’ll all be okay, Turtle. It’ll all be okay.”