The darkness filled the night sky, and the sounds of crickets was soothing. With the windows closed, it was difficult to hear, but I took what could. Being stuck in a home that wasn’t my own was strange. At least the sound from the outdoors was this comforting reminder that life was still going on. It had been hours since Paxton left, and something in the pit of my gut didn’t feel right, but there was no way to place where it was coming from.

“Precious, come and eat,” Ellen Sue called from the kitchen, making me jump. She might have lots of opinions, but she could be as quiet as a panther sneaking up on its prey.

Was I feeling worry? Yes, there it was loud and clear. Whether I liked it or not, I was concerned for them. It wasn’t just for my brother, though. He was never far from my thoughts, but this was different. This was Paxton. While I hadn’t been here long at all, it seemed odd he wasn’t here for dinner time. I thought back on how many times I went out with my friends even for a simple dinner to find Paxton parked outside the restaurant watching.

He was always watching.

Even in school, he would pop up wherever I was. Back then, I loved it. Everywhere I turned it seemed there he was. In a life where I had lost so much, Paxton was this weird semblance of normal.

Then, life happened.

College happened.

Nursing my heartache from our breakup, I tried to put my focus solely on studies. Except even there it was like I could sense him. It was crazy because I didn’t see him, but I felt him. Since I was told he was going to a different college, I thought this was just my heart wishing, hoping. But once graduation came, I learned Paxton went to college with me too.

All his nonsense when he dumped me about giving me freedoms to see the world was bullshit. He told me letting me go was the hardest thing he had to do, but he wanted me to know what it was to have a life with someone better than him.

The problem was, for me there wasn’t anyone better. And he never actually let me go.

It only made everything worse.

Shaking myself out of the thoughts, I rose and joined Ellen Sue in the kitchen. She had a single place set at the table and a pang of loneliness crept in. It had to be from not getting ahold of Riley. Nevertheless, sitting at the table alone wasn’t an option. I was used to living alone and eating on my couch alone, but never did I sit at a table alone. Maybe it was from the many meals Riley and I shared without our mother, but we always ate dinner together and at the table. To sit at a place setting, well, I just couldn’t do it alone.

“Can you please eat with me, Ellen Sue?” She stopped, obviously surprised with my request. The last time we talked it hadn’t gone well, and I still felt like shit for yelling at her. Not my finest moment.

She set the plate down in front of me, the smells of pot roast, carrots, and potatoes filled my nostrils and made my stomach growl. Eating wasn’t a top priority today. Now that I thought back on it, I was starving.

“It looks delicious. Please have some and have a seat.” In my peripheral vision, I could see her contemplating what to do in this scenario, then she moved back to the stove. Did she normally eat with Paxton? I wondered if she would join me or not.

When she came back, she took the seat across from me, and internally I smiled.

“Thank you.”

Placing the roast between my lips, I closed my eyes as the flavors burst on my tongue. It was the best roast I’d ever had in my life. Trying not to inhale it quickly proved difficult, but with Ellen Sue next to me I did it. A soft moan of appreciation escaped my lips as I took another bite. I ate the entire plate, and Ellen Sue made me a second helping. I was full but couldn’t stop eating; it was so good.

“Precious, what’s going on?” Ellen Sue took a bite of her food and nodded. I guessed to herself, but about what I had no idea. The woman was a conundrum. She was this puzzle I couldn’t figure out. Her body language, demeanor, and overall energy was comforting. Yet, the way she protected and defended Pax was fierce. She would hurt someone for him if she felt he was threatened. I could feel it.

Only, I wasn’t trying to hurt Pax. Yes, I pulled a gun on him. It wasn’t my finest moment, but I needed his attention. I was in shock and had lost everything. It was stupid.

“You can talk to me,” Ellen Sue encouraged. “What’s wrong, precious?”

The question was impeccably loaded. There was so much going on in my mind, trying to put it all together led to more twisted thoughts. The better question would be, what was not going on. That one would be easier to answer.

“Just wondering where my brother is. Pax said he had a man on him, which doesn’t make sense because my brother is pretty boring for a bachelor in his twenties. I just want to know that Riley’s okay.”

The food was seriously unbelievable. I slid the plate away from me unable to consume another bite. No wonder all of the men shared Ellen Sue.

“Precious, if he says he’s takin’ care of it, he is. You never have to doubt that.”

Where did her loyalty to him come from? Hell to all of them. Her persistence in knowing the guys and trusting them was very admirable. Even if she didn’t get where I was coming from. It was nice to know Paxton had someone in his corner after the childhood he endured.

“How do I know it?” I replied, just trying to find some peace.

She set down her fork and pushed her plate slightly forward. “I’ve known Paxton since he was little. And never, not even then, did he lie to me or do me wrong. And with the life he grew up in, that’s a quality I do not take lightly.”

Paxton lived in an Amish orphanage after his grandmother passed away. It was how we met, both attending the same school. Except to him, I was this dirty little secret he kept on the sidelines. He talked about Onyx, Dane, and Garrett all the time, but we never hung out together as a group. It was always me and Paxton alone.

Back then, I felt special—that he wanted me and only me. As time passed, the realization hit that he didn’t want anyone to know about me. That hurt. Pretty much everything with Paxton ended up hurting me. And now this situation was going to add to the pile of shit between us.

Instead of arguing or telling Ellen Sue about our past, I changed the subject. “Do you enjoy bouncing around from house to house?”

She pulled her plate back and picked up a carrot with her fork. “Absolutely. It gives me the one on one time with each of them. And with my boys I take what I can get.”

A silence fell over the table as she ate and I allowed my food to digest. There were questions to be asked, but they stayed bottled inside of me unable to be released. She was an easy woman to get comfortable with. She gave off the motherly/grandmotherly vibe.

“Are you alright?” Ellen Sue asked with a puzzled look.

“Besides being held here so I can get my money back. Not being able to connect with my brother and my job that I’ll be missing—Yep, peachy.”

She chuckled, and I loved that she got my sarcasm.

“Precious, you’re just shakin’ the whole table is why I asked.”

My body stilled instantly taking in the inventory of where the motion came from. My foot. It began bouncing up and down rapidly. I halted it.

“Sorry, nervous habit. Well, actually just a habit in general. Most of the time I don’t know I’m doing it.”

“If you’re worried about Paxton, he’ll be back for you. The only way that boy won’t come for you is if he’s dead.” The smile on her face didn’t stop the floor from dropping underneath me. Dead. He said he had business and that he’d be back. And now she’s talking about death.

There were too many things that needed to be said between us. Too much history that we needed to lay to rest. Dammit, I hadn’t thought of any of that when he left earlier. No, I was happy to have him gone for a while and get some space.

My stomach rolled. “I’m sorry, but I need to go lay down.” Yes, I definitely ate way too much.

“Oh dear, what’s wrong?”

I rose, my legs a little shaky. “My stomach is just having a gymnastics tournament, and it’d be best if I laid down.”

“If there’s anything I can bring you, please holler down and I’ll bring it to you.”

On a soft smile and my thanks, I made it up to the bedroom. Not wanting to feel trapped, I left the door open as I went to the bed. Laying down, the softness of the mattress was calling to me. Except as I shifted it wasn’t as velvety or squishy as I thought it would be. My entire body felt scratchy and just plain wrong. I knew what it was. The connection I had with Paxton was getting to me. It was hard enough to get over the first time, now to try to do it again… I wasn’t sure I was strong enough. I wondered if Paxton would even come home. Then my mind went to where he might be. Only my gut told me he wasn’t with another woman. No, something was off, I just didn’t know what. First my brother and now Paxton.

I still remembered the first time he ever kissed me.

Paxton pushed me against the concrete wall of the high school gymnasium. I’d just finished volleyball practice, and sweat covered me everywhere. I was sure my smell wasn’t the most pleasant, but when I saw him standing outside waiting for me, there was no stopping me from running to him.

“This is a surprise,” I teased, knowing how much he loved it. He said it gave him a rush, and it did me too. The air between us was electric making sparks flitter into the sky like fireworks. I’d never had a guy make me feel the way Paxton did every single time.

The problem was we were just friends. There was flirting, but it never went beyond that. It was as if something was holding him back, and lord knew my shyness didn’t help.

“Couldn’t wait to see you.” The intensity of his gaze made me weak in the knees. When that much power was focused solely on you, there was no way to not feel desired and wanted.

“Is that so?”

His lips came down to my ear as he leaned into me. “Yeah. I’m going to kiss you, Laurel.”

My breath caught in my throat and my heart began to race a marathon. He was going to kiss me. Me? Holy shit. This couldn’t be happening. I was in a dream, and in a few moments I’d wake up and reminisce about how good it was.

Paxton leaned down and his lips brushed me in a way that was so gentle, yet also would mark me forever. Then, he kissed me, full on with breaths being stolen from my lungs. I hadn’t kissed a guy before that I actually cared about. My first kiss was at Tammy Jo Baker’s party where we played spin the bottle. It was one of my worst experiences.

This, however, was nothing like the way Billy Troutman slobbered all over me. Paxton knew what he was doing, and I felt like a fish out of water. He pulled away just a bit and whispered, “Relax, angel. I’ve got you.”

When I did relax into him, our lips molded together and tongues danced. It didn’t take me long and I was all in it.

Still to this day that was the kiss I measured every man I came into contact with, not one meeting it either.

Just the possibility that he could be gone ached so far into my soul I didn’t know exactly how to cope.

“Snap out of it, Laurel.” The air around me didn’t answer back. Instead, I curled into a ball and laid there waiting for him to come back. Seconds turned into minutes that turned into hours that all got away from me.

At some point my eyes became heavy. Taking a small nap would be okay, right?

Thoughts of Paxton rolled through my head as darkness took me over.

Waking up, the sun was shining, the birds chirping, the bed ice cold from where Paxton hadn’t laid all night. He hadn’t come home, and my nerves were getting the best of me.

“Where are you?”

Hopefully, I’d find something out soon. This feeling inside needed to go away.