One Week Later

In solitude there was no comfort, no peace, no calm. I stood out on the porch taking a long drag from the cigarette, letting the nicotine fill my lungs and taste cover my tongue.

Immediately, I tossed it to the ground and put it out, watching it crumble beneath my shoe. Smoking wasn’t giving me the relief it once did. For so long, it was my way of coping and allowing myself to have the drug it needed, or at least I thought it needed. In fact, now it made me want to puke. The taste wasn’t as appetizing as it once was.

I lifted the Zippo lighter and flicked it open. Striking the flint, I watched the flame dance. Once upon a time, the flames from this lighter danced in front of us as it released Onyx, Dane, Garrett, and me from our hell. It would be of no use getting me out of mine. I was living in a hell of my own making. My heart twisted and turned, making it hard to breathe. It’d been that way since I locked myself in my room.

Ellen Sue came out from the house and stood behind me. “Paxton, I don’t think you need to be here alone.”

“I’m not stayin’ here,” I explained, looking out at the woods in front of the house.

This property was serene. When it came on the market, it was the perfect place to recreate Grandma Nadine’s cabin. When Laurel and I first met, she and I talked about how important our grandmothers were. We bonded over the loss because Grandma Nadine passed a few years before. Her mother was a mess who was never there for her kids. Losing the one place she felt free was hard, but Laurel had the memories.

Using my resources, I found the original plans from Grandma Nadine’s cabin and with the memories Laurel had shared with me, I recreated the safe haven with all the updates.

The project was something to put my head into that kept me from rushing to Laurel’s house and refusing to leave until I made her mine. It worked for a while. I knew the moment I broke up with her before college I was making a mistake. I also knew she needed to be free from me, and it was the only way I could see giving her a life away from what I knew I was going to be tied to.

She was my obsession because she was my safe haven. Now that haven was gone.

Laurel never judged me.

She always looked at me with respect no matter what I did. She saw beyond the surface with me. Something most people didn’t.

When you came from an orphanage, everyone looked at you different. I was trash. Tossed aside by my biological family. It was how everyone viewed all of us. Laurel, though, she saw me. She saw potential in me to go into life and make something of myself.

“You should talk to her,” Ellen Sue said from beside me. “You’re miserable without her and, Pax, honey, she was a mess before she left here being away from you.”

“In time, she’ll be fine.” She was so strong, there was no doubt in my mind she would bounce back and be able to live her life. Free—without me.

“Known you since you came to the farm at twelve, almost thirteen-years-old. You were a skinny boy with these soft eyes the color of the trees. No matter what was said to you or about you, Paxton Williams, you stood tall.”

I found myself standing up straight at her words, letting them penetrate my thick skull, and putting me back in time.

“You never ran from anything. Not Levi, not Amos. Why are you runnin’ from Laurel?”

Because I’m not good enough. “You ever had something so good you just knew you would mess it up?”

Her wrinkled hand squeezed my shoulder. “Yeah, I had four boys come into my life when I knew everything was a mess. These four precious boys that God put in my life, under my care at times, deserved love, happiness, and freedom. Instead, you boys got sent to a place that worked more than they loved. You were surrounded by men who believed in harsh punishments and free labor. It broke my heart to watch the way Amos and Levi treated you boys. I’ve told you before, that’s where I messed up. I didn’t do enough to help you boys earlier.”

I looked over at Ellen Sue. Moving, I wiped the tears from her eyes. “You were what kept us going. If you hadn’t picked us up when we were down, I for one wouldn’t be where I am today.”

She sucked in a breath trying to control her emotions. “Loved you boys then, love you now. And I love you enough to tell you, you’re messing up with Laurel. She’s an angel, your angel. You ever think she’s a gift from your own grandma?”

I paused, taking in her words. I shook my head because I did see Laurel as my angel, but I never thought about the timing and that she came into my life on the heels of losing my grandmother.

“Maybe that’s why it’s been so hard for you to let her go? Ya know, you should never return a gift.” Ellen Sue smiled, and I found my heart filling in a way it hadn’t in so long because I refused to think of what I lost with my grandmother.

“What’s done is done.”

“There’s always time to fix it.”

I sighed, knowing Ellen Sue wasn’t about to let this go. She didn’t understand the full lengths I’d gone to bring Laurel back. How I’d watch her from so many place. She’d have a royal conniption if she knew. Laurel was my addiction, obsession, and I needed to let her live her life and not influence her decisions like I’d done for so long.

She’s a hell of a woman and had a great head on her shoulders. Pushing her to be with me would only make her eventually resent me. Then I would resent myself even more than I did at this moment.

Dane pulled up, saving me, and I was thankful as Ellen Sue gave me a short hug and retreated to the cabin.

“Hey, slick,” Dane greeted as he climbed out of his Jeep. He approached the porch as I reached out and shook his hand. He felt the lighter between us and smirked. “Can’t believe you got that thing from Onyx.”

I put the lighter away and let it settle in my pocket. “He was ready to let go I guess.”

“Love does that I suppose.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I said as I stared out to the wood-line again, feeling my entire world crumbling and crashing to the ground.

“That’s your own damn fault from what I understand.”

It was necessary. “Yeah, yeah, anyway. Why the fuck are you out here?”

“Paternity test came back—Petrov’s kid. Garrett delivered the healthy baby boy this morning. Ivan and all of his associates were wiped out. Garrett said we can call this one done.”

I nodded. “Good to know. I’ll be heading back to the city tomorrow. Ellen Sue’ll be transitioned back to her rotation.”

“Garrett said Riley and Laurel will keep quiet about what we do.”

I nodded. “Riley got fucked by Melanie. She’s taken her money and ran. With the wife gone, it’s only a matter of time ‘til Petrov eliminates her. Laurel may hate me, but she won’t betray me. We got nothing to worry about with the Conrads. I wouldn’t have sent them away if I thought it would put any of us at risk.”

“Read that all over her expression.”

I raised an eyebrow at Dane. “When did you see Laurel?”

“Mine line of work, I find it best to visually check a target before I make any moves.”

I stood up eye-to-eye with him. “You touch one hair on her head and I’ll end you myself, Dane Anderson.”

He laughed. “So much for letting go.”

“You’re a hired hitman, you refer to her as a target again and friendship, family, or God himself won’t save you.”

“Damn, you got it bad,” he said. “Relax, man. I checked her out to see things for myself. My job is to protect our business and all of our interests, not just yours. She’s in love with you. Anyone with half a brain cell can see it in her eyes. I’m not here for your love life. I sought her out to cover all our asses. That’s it.”

“Fair enough,” I told him, understanding where he was coming from, but knowing I meant what I said. I wouldn’t stand down for him or anyone trying to hurt Laurel.

“You’re going back to the city and back to work?” he asked, genuinely concerned. “You healed enough for all that, man?”

“Yeah,” I told him on a sigh. Physically, I was moving easier and healing on track. Emotionally, I would never be okay. Laurel was this huge piece of me that I would never get back. I’d live every day of my life though, knowing that I did the right thing for her. No matter how much it cost me.

Everything I did was for her, but it still didn’t mean it felt good.