Everything hurt. My jaw throbbed. My arms felt like noodles. Worse was my brain; it was foggy, and everything over the last few hours was slowly coming back to me.

Arms were wrapped tight around me and as I inhaled, I smelled him. It had to be a dream because he wouldn’t come for me. He told me he didn’t want me. My heart began to crack once again.

My eyelids were heavy and felt like grains of sand as I tried to open them, but succeeded. Memories smacked me in the head as the room came into focus. Paxton’s room. This couldn’t be right.

“Angel,” his deep voice breathed with relief.

Looking up, the worry lines around Paxton’s face were so pronounced I’d have sworn he aged since the last time I saw him.

“She’ll be just fine.” My gaze snapped to the other man in the room, and I remembered him from stitching up Riley. “She’ll need rest, but should be good to go.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Paxton responded, and I shook my head.

Why was I in his arms? In his room? In his bed? The last thing I remembered was being tied to a chair with some sort of cloth that stunk with strong cologne in my mouth. It was taped on so I couldn’t spit it out.

“Paxton?” I asked stupidly and felt the feeling come back in my limbs. He gripped me tightly, but I shifted, needing to get out of his grasp, needing distance.

“Angel, how are you feelin’?”

“Why am I here?” I slid off the bed and moved to the open door, needing to be near an exit. This man had hurt me one too many times, and it wouldn’t happen again.

“I got you out of that place.”

“Where’s the baby?” That innocent child had screamed not wanting that man to hold him. I wanted to hold him and soothe his pain, but couldn’t.

“Downstairs.”

I breathed out deep.

“Good.” I turned to make my way to the baby. Paxton was done with me, there was no reason to delay the inevitable.

At the entryway, his voice halted me. “I fucked up, angel. Twice with you, I let my head get filled with shit that wasn’t true. There is no safer place for you than in my arms every night and every day.”

A smile came to my lips, but it wasn’t humorous one bit. “So what, you save me from some crazy man that I really had no connections to except through you and my brother, and now we’re going to be together in some fantasy world—live here and have a happily ever after. No, Paxton. You had your shot, and you blew it.”

I turned to leave but a hand grabbed my arm. “Angel, please.”

Turning to him my heart constricted, and it took every amount of willpower I had to stay strong.

“I’ll give you everything. All of me, holding nothing back from you. It’s been my fault from the beginning with us and I’m not making excuses, but my childhood made trusting and believing that I deserved good things almost impossible. I let those thoughts control me, but I’m done with it.”

“Right. And for how long, Pax? Until you fuck me again, then decide you’re going to leave because you can’t be with me? No.” I shook my head. “It’s not happening. I’m done with your games. I’m done with you thinking so little of me that you could just scrape me off at any time.”

He tried to interrupt, but I bulldozed over him.

“You gave me up, Paxton, twice. Twice, I gave you everything, and both times you threw it in my face like I didn’t matter. Screw you, Paxton Williams. I’m done.”

I ripped my arm out of his grasp and darted down the stairs, breathing in and out slowly, trying my damnedest not to let the tears that threatened to fall succeed. Each breath was more painful than the last, but I made it to the living room where Riley was holding a small bundle wrapped in blue.

Riley looked about ready to shit himself. “Please help me,” he pleaded, making me smile for the first time since being in this space again.

Reaching out, he placed the little one in my arms. My heart melted at his wide eyes, dusting of blond hair, and a small little smile that I assumed was gas or something. Or maybe babies knew how to smile. Hell if I knew. The only thing I was certain about in this moment was this baby was innocent, and I was driven to protect him.

“Hey, little man,” I cooed and felt a presence in the room. Paxton was behind me, but I ignored him and went to the other presence—Onyx Blake. “What’s going to happen to the baby?”

“Your brother there said he wanted to keep him, but we have some connections who can take the baby.”

Fear and panic rose as something came over me I couldn’t explain. It was in the little one’s eyes or the way he grabbed my finger with his tiny little hand. He couldn’t go to someone else. He just couldn’t.

My brother looked as if he were going to throw up at any given moment. “Are you keeping him?”

He turned some weird shade of green and rushed off down the hall. I heard him puking in the bathroom which didn’t bode well for this little guy.

“It appears he’s not an option at the moment,” I said as so many emotions overwhelmed me.

Onyx shrugged. “We’ll figure it out.”

Was I really thinking this? Was I about ready to turn my entire life upside down for something so pure and innocent? It would be hard. Probably one of the hardest things ever, but they say nothing good ever comes from easy.

If I let him go, would I always wonder what if? I saw his little head come into this world. Yes, the after part was jacked up, but this little guy needed stability and a home. Something I could provide.

Childcare and work would just have to figure themselves out, because I couldn’t let him go.

“I want him. I’ll keep him.”

Surprise hit Onyx’s face and it felt like a rare moment, like not much surprised the man, which felt good.

“Angel, you don’t have to do this,” Paxton informed me, and I wanted to punch him in the nuts; not for the pain he caused me, but for this baby.

I turned fully to Paxton. “See there’s a difference between you and me, Pax. When I love something, I love it with everything I have. There are no ‘what ifs’ or ‘they’d be better offs’. I work the problems out and come to a solution. Whereas you just throw people out of your life who would inconvenience you. This baby is mine. I’m leaving here with him.”

Paxton’s face cracked and tears welled up in the rims. “You were never an inconvenience, Laurel. I just wanted you to be happy.”

“And funny thing was—the only time I was happy was here with you. Too bad I have other things to worry about now. Bye, Paxton.” I turned and walked out the door, waiting for Riley who took the three of us back to my place.

What in the fuck was I thinking? Keaton screamed at the top of his lungs, and I knew he was hungry, but he wouldn’t take the bottle. The temperature was just right, but for some reason he would not take it.

I swaddled him up, one thing I learned quickly was to search the Internet, and walked around our home bouncing him softly, trying to get him to calm down. He’d only been with me for two days, and Riley, as I suspected, dodged the responsibility at every turn. He was not on my happy list at the moment.

The door knocked. Learning from my mistakes, I looked out the window and saw Paxton standing there. My heart squeezed and pitter pattered roughly. He didn’t hide the fact that he camped out in front of my house, but he’d never made a move to come to the door.

Now, he was here.

“Go away, Paxton,” I yelled over the baby and through the door.

“Open the door, angel.”

“No.” The bouncing was not helping Keaton one bit so I ceased, grabbing the bottle and trying once again. “Come on, baby boy. I know you’re hungry.”

Keaton’s wails turned louder, and my frustration level was rising. What in the hell was I doing wrong? I mixed the bottle just like it said on the back of the package. I put the powder in using the scooper included. Measured the water just right, making sure it wasn’t too hot for when I gave it to him, and I shook it up, mixing the formula. I did it exactly like the other bottles, and he never gave me an issue before.

“Angel, let me help you.”

“No!” I barked back with a whole lot of attitude. “I don’t need help from you!”

Anxiety pulsed like a devil inside me, and my arms began to shake. I was horrible at this mother thing. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my abilities would be this horrible, but I couldn’t even feed the poor thing. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I felt this connection that I thought would get me through.

“I’m coming in one way or the other, angel. You know I can.”

He was one more complication I didn’t need, and I walked away from the door. Knobs and locks turned, and Paxton was standing in my house. Little Keaton screamed louder.

“Get out!”

Paxton ignored me and came up, holding his hands out for the baby. “Let me have him. He’s feeding off your frustration.”

“He is not.” Just then Keaton cried so loud I was sure glasses in the kitchen broke.

“Angel, breathe and hand him over.”

Oh hell. I had nothing to lose and when Keaton screamed holy hell, Pax would see he wasn’t some miracle worker. I gave the baby to him.

“Hey, little man.” Paxton looked down in Keaton’s eyes like he had all the keys to the world. “Why won’t you eat? Huh? True, I’d want a boob too, but you get a bottle and you’re going to have to suck it up.”

A chuckle escaped me, and I had to quickly cover it up.

Paxton winked at me and moved over to the bottle. He tipped it over and nothing came out. Without a word, he strolled into the kitchen with a screaming baby attached to him like he did it every day.

Balancing the baby, he opened the nipple and ran it under some very steamy water. After waiting a few moments, he stuck the nipple between his lips and blew. A small something came shooting out of it. Paxton reattached the nipple.

“I know you’re pissed off, but there was something jamming you up. Let’s calm down and then you can eat,” he talked to the baby like he did this every day.

Paxton pulled little Keaton close to his chest and started humming. Yes, humming. Within a few minutes, the cries turned from terror to small whimpers. Paxton grabbed the bottle and stuck it inside Keaton’s mouth who began eating immediately.

I fell onto the couch and put my head in my hands. This motherhood gig was harder than I anticipated, and this was only a little over twenty-four hours.

The sounds of Keaton eating filled the room as tears ran down my face.

“Go lay down and get some sleep. I’ve got him.”

I shook my head. “No, I’ve got this, Paxton. Now that he’s calm, I’ve got him.” I rose and held out my hands for the baby.

“Angel, you’re exhausted, and you can’t take care of this little one if you’re not taking care of yourself. It’ll only be for a few hours. I’m not going anywhere.”

That was hard to believe. Paxton had the worst track record for sticking around, but my body felt it—the fatigue and desperate need for sleep.

“For an hour and then wake me up,” I ordered and got a gorgeous smile that I tried desperately not to let hit me in several places, one being that organ in the body he crushed not too long ago.

“Right. Go lay down, angel.”

“And stop calling me angel. I’m not that anymore.”

“You’re wrong there. You will forever be my angel. You’re my safe place, Laurel. One I never had before, and it scared the shit out of me. Instead of talking I reacted, and I’m so pissed at myself for it. Without you, angel, there is no safe place for me.”

I didn’t answer because everything was lodged in my throat. Therefore, I darted from the room, crawled into bed, and felt the tears roll down my cheeks. At some point, sleep took over.

Waking up, I popped out of bed, the only thing on my mind, Keaton. Entering the living room, Paxton was laying in the recliner with his shirt off, eyes fast asleep with Keaton in just a diaper laying on his stomach asleep as well. Skin on skin therapy. I read about it on the Internet to soothe a baby, but to see it with my own eyes and a baby I felt connected to as my own was powerful.

The scene was beautiful. Yet, unbelievably painful. How many times had I thought about having a family with Paxton? How many times did I dream of our future? Too many to count, but they always ended up being burned to dust.

One thing I had learned was never wake a sleeping baby, let alone two. I smiled to myself at the joke.

Taking a quiet seat on the couch, I stared at the two men in my life. One was so innocent and precious, ready to take on the world. The other had so much devastation as a child, he never was able to break through it. His grandmother loved him with everything she had and when he lost her, he lost himself.

I’d thought being with each other, he was able to find himself once more. We were set to take over the world. Damn, I loved him so much. Still did, and wasn’t that the kicker.

Paxton looked so relaxed with his hand protectively against Keaton’s back. It was as if nothing had happened to him and all he saw was kindness. I wanted to be the one to give him that. Always had.

“You’re thinkin’ pretty hard over there, angel.”

“Quiet, you’ll wake him up,” I whisper yelled.

“One thing to know about babies, the more noise you make the better. I’ll show you how I got him to sleep sometime.”

There wouldn’t be a sometime, Paxton.

“Paxton,” I whispered letting my fears win for a moment. “Is Melanie going to be an issue? Is she going to come back for him?” There I said it.

Paxton shook his head. “I won’t give you details. Just know Dane took care of her and she won’t come back.” His eyes told me I had nothing left to worry about from her, and I would never need to think of her again much less mention her name.

I nodded, finding relief that I wouldn’t have to worry about her coming back for my son.

“I’d have you give him to me, but I don’t want him to wake. So just go back to sleep.” I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. There was no need to. He’d laid so many cards out earlier, but I couldn’t trust a single one of them. Sadly, I wanted to with everything inside of me.

How could we build something from nothing?