“Here. Have some wine.” My cousin says as she pushes a glass of red wine into my hand. I look at the dark red liquid and curl my lip in disgust.

“Is there any beer or whiskey around here?” I groaned.

“Considering it’s a winery, I’d say no. Suck it up buttercup and stop grumbling like a baby.”

“I’ll grumble if I damn well want. You’ve got me in a fucking suit.” I pull on the collar of the shirt because the bow tie is making it impossibly tight.

“Stop fidgeting, or you will wrinkle it. I thought you were going to shave the dead cat from your face?”

“Hey, don’t knock the beard. And, I never agreed to that. I trimmed it. Be happy I did that much.”

She rolls her eyes. “Is your date all set up?”

I roll my eyes and count to ten in my head before answering her. Nadine and I grew up down the street from each other. We’ve always been close and giving each other a hard time is entertainment for us. She really didn’t have to call my mom to get me in the damn auction. I’d have done it because she asked--eventually. I needed to make her fight for it and fight she did—dirty—just like I taught her.

“Yes. Sunday evening before sunset. I’ll take whatever desperate housewife bids on me parasailing.”

Nadine almost spewed her wine, “Parasailing? Are you shitting me, Sebastian? No wonder you dodged my damn phone calls. You couldn’t pick something a little more universal?”

I shrug. If I’m going to do this, I’ll damn sure do something I’m going to get some enjoyment out of,

it won’t be the same as skydiving, but still a rush. If nobody bids, then so be it. I will get to save some money and won’t have to sacrifice my time on Sunday to take a stranger out.

“It’s my date. What they see is what they get. I don’t do fine china and romantic picnics. If they want fun and excitement, then they can bid on me.”

“This is supposed to be for a charity your goober. At least try to get them a little money. My friend who did my hair and makeup is here and has her bags. Let me get her to tame the dead cat and fix your hair.”

“Quit calling it that Nadine. It’s a fucking beard. If they don’t like it, they can bid on another guy. It’s not like there aren’t plenty to choose from. I’m not changing who I’m for a bunch of women, who won’t remember a thing about me after this auction. Plus, I donated a damn tattoo to make up, if no one bids on me. Which means you got me twice.”

“Gah, you are so damn frustrating. First, one guy bails on me. Then I’ve got you looking like a damn Sasquatch.”

“I can leave, Cuz. Say the word, and I’m out of here.” Nadine sends me a scathing look, before going to do her duties as host of this damn party. I roll my neck and shoulders, trying to ease the tension between them.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to tonight’s auction benefiting Healing Heroes…” She continues her welcome speech, playing to the crowd like the magnetic personality she is. My cousin has them hanging on her every word and ready to start throwing money her way. By, the time she calls up the first sucker being auctioned off. I wonder how these schmucks got roped into doing this because I know I sure as shit didn’t want to be. Nadine is my cousin and one of my best friends, so I’m in a monkey suit.

I shake my head as the women go crazy as the first guy comes to the stage. He steps up and plays the crowd of women, eating up the spotlight and the attention like a masked rock star. Better him than me. I sit the wine Nadine gave me, down on a table and move away from the stage.

The wine is flowing and as the bidding continues; the women get louder, laugh harder, and loosen up. I watch as a bidding war goes on for one of the bachelors until the auctioneer said ‘sold.’

“Last, but not least Ladies.” I hear Nadine say into the mic.

“Don’t let the facial fur full you; this guy is quite a catch. He was my first human interest story for the paper.” She informs the ladies.

I clench my fists at my side and go out onto the stage, with my mask covering the top half of my face and my beard hiding the bottom. I don’t wave at the women or crack a smile. Instead, I stand there with my arms crossed and stare at the back wall. If it weren’t for my beard, they’d see my jaw clenched so tight it is causing my teeth to ache.

Nadine explains the date I’d set up, and the auctioneer opens the bid at a hundred bucks. I bite my lip to keep from laughing at the silence that has descended upon the room. Instead, I maintain my irate look and refuse to scan the crowd of women at the tables.

“One hundred.” I roll my neck, trying to ease the tension and exposing the tattoos. Maybe if they see I’m covered in ink, they would think twice before bidding. It seems to have the opposite effect because another voice calls out one fifty. I just want it to be over with and be out of here.

The bids keep coming in, and I’m about ready to jump off the stage. Nadine owes me big for this.

“Going once, going twice. Sold to bidder one thirty-four for six hundred and fifty dollars. That concludes our bachelor auction for tonight. Make sure you head to the tables to bid on the items there.” The announcer says.

I’d tuned him out; and despite my resolve not to, I look down at the crowd of women to find bidder number one thirty-four. If she is in the group, I can’t tell. Women are in line to pay the cashier, and others are bidding on items at the tables. The other bachelors are standing with the women who presumably bid on them, their masks no longer hiding their faces from the room. But there is no woman looking for me or seeking me out.

“Nadine,” I call out to her as she is walking towards the cashier table.

“Hey.” She smiles and moves towards me.

“Am I good to go? Will you call me with the winner’s info?”

“Yes. I’ll send you a text later.”

“Thanks. You did a good thing—annoying but good.” I hug her and leave. The night is still early, and maybe I can get a few tattoos sketched out, for my appointments the following week.