As the day's pass and homecoming get closer, Katie is starting to get antsy. I’m anxious to see my brother, although I don’t want to fill him in on my latest screw up. I’ve always been naive, getting into trouble because I always see the good in people.

At twenty-one, I have an arrest record full of stupid charges, crap that my so-called friends got me into during high school. Everything from trespassing (they wanted to tip cows), to vandalism (spray painting the railroad bridge). Javier is just one more bad choice, and one Justin will have to deal with for me.

Disappointing my parents was hard, but disappointing Justin, my hero, was the worst. Once he left for boot camp, I didn’t have one. I was desperate for a friend, to be accepted. I put my trust in the wrong people. I’ll never forget his voice after I was arrested that first time.

Sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop, the knot in my stomach getting bigger every time I hear the ring from Skype calling Justin.

Tears sting my eyes, and I have to bite my lip to keep it from trembling when his face fills the screen. From the stern look on his face, I can tell that Mom and Dad already talked to him. I let out a sob, completely breaking down.

He just sits there, watching me, not saying anything while I get it all out. I hate that he’s disappointed in me. All I’ve ever wanted was to make him proud. I’ve failed miserably.

“Emma.”

Trying to suck in a deep breath, my face is covered by my hands.

“Emma, look at me.”

Peeking through the space between my fingers, I see him fighting the urge to smirk. He knows what I’m doing.

“What happened, Emma?” His voice is hard, I hate that tone. It feels like a knife in my heart.

“I-I-I don-don’t know.”

“You know those girls are trouble, why are you hanging out with them?”

“They’re my friends.”

“They are not your friends! They got you arrested!” He’s angry now, starting to shout.

I don’t have a response, so I don’t say anything.

“You’re better than that, better than them.”

Dropping my head, I feel like I’m the size of a grain of sand.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, do better. Learn from this and make smarter choices.”

“Okay,” I whisper, not looking at him. I’ve let him down.

Mom and Dad said the same things, but it means more coming from Justin, it always has.

He lets out a sigh as someone calls him in the background.

“I’ve got to go, I love you, sis. I’ll talk to you as soon as I can, okay?”

“Okay.”

He signs off and goes back to defending our country. I slam the laptop closed and hug it to my chest, breaking down again on my way to my room.

Running up the stairs, I throw myself onto my bed and hug the computer to me, the closest I can get to hugging my hero. I fall asleep with tears running down my face.

Having him deploy is still hard, every time he leaves, I’m afraid it's going to be the last time I get to see him and that he will die being disappointed in me.

I have to start making better choices in my life. All I’ve ever wanted is to make my brother proud.

I slam my shot glass down on the bar after another shot of whiskey. Drinking seems to be the only thing I’ve been doing since I sent her away. I know in my head that it was the right thing to do, but every part of my being is begging me to go to Katie’s and get my girl. Yeah, my girl, I can’t deny it any longer, Emma belongs to me, but we can’t be together. Hence, the drinking.

If you would have told me this would happen again, I would’ve laughed in your face. But here I am, wanting someone I can’t have and drinking to forget. It worked last time, and it will just have to work this time around as well, there is no way I’m going to ruin her life.

I was almost finished with my SEAL career when I met Chelsea. She was everything a man could ever dream of, vibrant green eyes framed by the strawberry blonde hair and a sprinkle of freckles barely visible to the eye. We met at The Mission of all places, started talking and were inseparable. That is until I had to let her go. I can still hear her voice telling me the news.

“Jimmy,” Chelsea whispers in my ear as we walk down the beach.

“I got accepted! I got into Oxford.” Chelsea squeals with excitement, but my heart drops into the sand.

I still have another year of my enlistment, I can’t follow her to England. To expect her to wait that long for me, it’s unfair. I reach into my pocket, gripping the little black box I’ve been hiding from her.

“That’s amazing, Chelsea! I am so proud of you.” I lean in, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. I put a forced smile on my face before grabbing her hand and continuing our walk…

I jolt awake, covered in sweat, laying with my head on the bar. It must have been a dream. Just like Chelsea, I refuse to keep Emma from her dreams. She has her entire future ahead of her, she doesn’t need an old man like me holding her back.

Chelsea fought me tooth and nail, but eventually went on to Oxford, without my ring and became an English professor. I still hear from her every once in a while when she comes back to visit her parents, with her husband and three kids. She was surprised to find me here the first time she came home, back at the place we first met. I couldn’t let her go, so I held on to the only place that reminded me of her and what it felt like to be truly happy, until the day I laid eyes on Emma.

Pouring myself another shot, I throw it back. Feeling the burn of whiskey as it makes its way down my throat. I should head upstairs, but it only serves as a reminder of what could have been. For now, I drink. I’ll figure the rest of this shit out later.

Dragging my ass upstairs, I make my way to the bathroom to take a hot shower. Even now, thoughts of Emma fill my mind.

I don’t know how long I was at the bar, drunk, but it was too long. I stink of booze and sweat. I can barely function enough to run the bar, my paperwork is a huge mess, but that’s what I get for being an asshole. It's a headache for another day.

Standing in the boiling spray, I’m sure of one thing only, I miss Emma. I’m a bastard for wanting her, but my heart doesn’t care. Drying off and pulling my jeans on, I turn my phone on. I can’t help but smile at the missed calls and texts from Katie. She can’t stop herself from caring about everyone.

Checking the date, I see the boys are due home today. With a cryptic message from Katie, I know the location and time of expected arrival.

It isn’t until I’m in the truck and headed to Coronado that I realize I’m not going to see the boys, I’m going to see Emma. I need to make sure she is alright.

Maybe seeing her will loosen this tightness in my chest. She came into my life unexpectedly, I sure wasn’t looking for anything, but now that I found her, I don’t want to let her go.

She’s young, barely able to drink, young enough to be my kid, but I need her like I need air to breathe.