I hate how badly I want Emma, how much I need her. I can’t deny this pull any longer, I got a fix at homecoming, but that only intensified the pain of not having her in my bed or in my life. With that final goodbye at homecoming, I realized that I needed to figure my shit out with a quickness or I would lose her altogether.

I’ve tried drinking my feelings away, but that did nothing but serve up a pretty significant hangover. When I close my eyes, I see nothing but her tear filled blue eyes staring back at me on homecoming day. I don’t want to be away from her, I can’t do it any longer. This is different than my relationship with Chelsea, I loved her, but I never needed her. Being away from Emma is not getting easier with time, but harder.

Kissing her, having her pressed against me was part heaven and hell. She is the sun, drawing me toward her in the darkness of the last few days. As I drive toward Logan and Katie’s place, I continue to run all the ways of how I am going to get her to even talk to me through my head.

Without a solution, I arrive at the BBQ, immediately looking for Emma. When I don’t see her, my heart sinks.

I make my way to the cooler and grab a beer. I try to make some small talk with the other guys from the team, some of them being guys I trained before getting out, but before long everyone is off with their families or trying to find someone to warm their bed for the night. As I nursed the rest of my beer, I watch, relax, and have fun. I’m relieved to see Charlie and the Tornado’s here, joking around as usual.

A hand claps me on the back, startling me from my thoughts.

“Hey Jimmy, I wanted to say thanks for helping my sister. I really appreciate it.” Justin squeezes my shoulder.

“Uh, yeah, no problem man. I’m happy to help.”

“She has a knack for finding trouble,” Justin smirks at some memory.

“Is she here?”

“Yeah, I think she’s in the house.” Suspicion clear on his face.

“Just want to check in on her.”

Heading toward the house, Justin’s stare is making my shoulders itch. I find Emma sitting on the couch, staring at nothing.

“Hey,” I kneel in front of her, gently placing my hands on her knees.

“Jimmy,” she breathes my name in surprise.

Giving her a half smile, I push her hair behind her ear and trail my fingers down her neck.

“How are you, Little Bit?”

She shudders at the nickname, and I hear her breath hitch.

I love that she wants me just as desperately.

Using the hand resting on her knee, I open her legs to make enough room to slip between them. On my knees, I scoot closer to her, her thighs grip my hips shutting down all logic in my brain. I can smell the fruity scent of her shampoo, feel her breath on my chest, see her pulse pound in her neck.

I cup her face in my hands and press a kiss to her forehead. Her hands grip my wrists, holding me to her. I’m terrified of how much I feel for this girl, terrified I can’t keep her, or that she’ll walk away and never even give me a chance.

Looking up at me, tears making her eyes shine, she whispers, “Kiss me.”

She doesn’t have to tell me twice, I cover her mouth with mine. Savoring the tremble of her lips, the surrender in her body, the taste of her tongue.

Slowly, opening her lips, I deepen the kiss.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Immediately turning to block her from the threat, I see Justin standing in the doorway, seething, body tense, and fists clenching.

“Hey, man, it's not what it looks like.” I stand, putting my hands up, trying to defuse the situation.

“It’s not what it looks like? It looks like you were about to fuck my baby sister on Logan’s couch!” Justin makes his way closer, blocking my exit. This is going to be ugly.

“Look, I’m not fucking Emma. Calm down.”

“Calm down? You’re taking advantage of an innocent girl's bad situation! She needed help, she didn’t need some old dude to step in and demand payment for that help! Get the fuck away from her and don’t show your face around here again!”

“Justin, stop! He didn’t do anything wrong!” Emma steps between us, not the best place to be right now.

“Emma, get out to the way, or you're going to get hurt.”

“Are you threatening her old man? I’ll kill you.” Justin’s voice has turned into a growl, not the way I was hoping this would go.

“Hey! No fist fights in the house! I just bought that TV!” Logan hollers as he comes toward us.

“Emma, why don’t you go find the girls, I’ll get this handled,” Logan tells Emma, removing her from the situation.

I let out a breath, knowing she wouldn’t be in harm's way.

“Hey man, maybe you should go. Let this blow over,” Logan tells me.

“Alright, thanks for the invite. I’ll see you guys another time.”

“LT, out back. This is over.” He uses a tone I’m betting Justin isn't used to hearing, but I don’t stop to see if it's effective.

“What the hell is wrong with men?” I yell in frustration when I get outside. I wait, eyes on the back door, waiting for someone to come out when I hear some kind of a roar and ‘Son of a bitch’ from the front.

Logan yells, “LT let it go, man!”

I go running through the house, everyone following behind. When we get to the front yard, we see Justin and Jimmy wrestling on the grass like children. Punches are thrown, followed by grunts and curses as they land.

Charlie and Danny both throw their hands in the air and yell, “FIGHT!”

“I got twenty on Jimmy!” Avery hollers.

“Baby, can you grab my med pack? I’m betting someone is going to need stitches,” Logan asks Katie.

Katie rolls her eyes and waddles inside. I can’t believe no one is stopping this craziness! Walking toward the fight, Amber grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop.

“Let them work it out, they need to.”

“They are going to kill each other!”

“If you step in there, someone will hit you by accident, and the other will come unhinged. This is how men communicate, trust me.” Amber, crosses her arm and continues to watch the fight.

Both men are dirty, covered in grass stains and blood, and their clothes are ripped in places. This is ridiculous, and I’m furious.

Apparently, no one thinks very highly of me. I’m nothing but a problem and am too immature to make any decisions for myself

Fuck this. I turn on my heels, heading in the opposite direction of everyone, and start walking down the street. Tears fill my eyes once again, it seems to be the only thing that I do constantly anymore.

“EMMA!” Avery yells, running to catch up with me.

Stopping to wait for her. “What?”

“Where are you going? The fights just getting good.”

“I’m done with all this. Justin thinks of me as a child in need of a babysitter and Jimmy wants to make decisions for me because how could I possibly make decisions for myself. I’m done with both of their bullshit.”

“Hey, men are stupid. Most of them think with their Herman von Longschlongenstein.”

“They're what?” I need a translator for Avery.

She starts cackling, at least someone finds her amusing.

“With their dick,” Amber provides, Avery has tears streaming down her face as she continues to laugh. “Come on, it should be over soon, they're losing steam.”

Standing on the sidewalk watching them circle each other, blood dripping from Justin’s eyebrow and Jimmy’s lip, my frustration returns.

Logan and Charlie step in. “Alright, alright. That’s enough.”

“LT sit down, let me check that eyebrow. Jimmy get some ice on that lip,” Logan instructs.

Jimmy turns to leave but stops when he sees me. I can feel the pain I see in his eyes as he looks at me. I’m sure he can see the same pain reflected back at him. It breaks my heart to know he’s hurting because of me. Breaking eye contact, he continues toward the truck. Unable to hold it in, I begin to sob. Avery and Amber are on either side of me, supporting my weight to stop me from collapsing into a puddle on the ground. How am I to choose between my brother and Jimmy? Why should I have to make this choice in the first place? This entire situation is unfair, making me sob even harder. Leaning into Avery for support, I hear her whisper in my ear,

“Go after him, or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. You need each other, anyone can see that. Justin will figure his shit out eventually.”

I lift my head from her shoulder, so we’re eye to eye. She gives me a wink and shoves me in the direction of Jimmy’s truck. I look over at Amber, who quickly mouth’s the words ‘go.’ With one final look at the house, I take off running after Jimmy.

I hear Justin yelling at me to come back, and then Avery and Amber give him a piece of both their minds. I love those two, and Katie, they are all the big sisters I never knew I wanted. I can still hear him yelling as I catch sight of Jimmy climbing into his truck, but I don’t listen to him. This one time, I am going to ignore my big brother, and I listen to my heart.