Cadu
I get to the office earlier than usual. I’ve been restless since Saturday. After I dropped Mari at her place, I went home, climbed into bed, and slept until the evening. When I woke up, I took a shower and I was planning on calling her when the intercom buzzed. It was the doorman letting me know my brother, my sister-in-law, and my nephews had arrived. I let them come up and decided to call her once they were gone.
Zeca is older than me and he’s been married to Lucinha for five years. They have three-year-old twins. We are very close and I consider them not only family but, my friends.
I made us dinner and at some point, I ended up sharing too much and talking about Mari. I didn’t tell them who she is, just said I met a girl and told them where she lived. They heard the whole story, but Lucinha looked worried.
“Cadu, do you think it’s worth it to start a relationship with this girl?” I look at her confused by what she’s saying. “You barely know her and she’s not in our social circle. Besides, she lives so far away. Judging from where she lives, she’s definitely from a poorer walk of life,” she points out and my brother nods in agreement.
“If you consider what Lucinha is saying, then I have to agree. I don’t mean to judge, brother, but you’re ‘a catch.’ You have money, you manage a popular magazine . . . I don’t know, I think you should consider if you really want to get involved with a person who may turn out to be in it just for the money,” he said.
I started thinking about last night and I remember the small comments that caught my attention . . . I knew they were right. It was risky indeed, no matter how taken I was. Not so much about where she lived, but for the simple fact she and I work together.
“I’m sorry, Cadu, but it reminds me of what happened to my dad, you know?” she says and I nod in agreement. Lucinha’s father got involved with a girl who looked like an angel. She was sweet, nice and delicate, but eventually she almost sucked him dry.
When they left, I thought about it and decided not to call. While I remembered her sweet and gentle manner and thought it impossible that she could be faking it, I also couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss on my bed. It drove me crazy. She had gone from kitten to tigress in the blink of an eye, and it just proved that my brother and my sister-in-law might be right.
On Sunday, after giving it much thought, I decided to end whatever happened between us first thing on Monday morning. I didn’t want to lose my assistant for an affair that might end poorly or even end up doing me harm.
After sitting in my office for about an hour, I hear noise in the neighboring office. She’s here. I take the phone and call her desk.
“Mariana, could you come over, please?”
“Sure, just a second.”
Less than five minutes later, she walks in smiling and carrying the coffee tray. When she looks at me, her smile fades a bit. I feel my chest tighten, but I stick to the plan.
“Sit down, please,” I say, pointing at the chair in front of me. She sits, her brown eyes wide open. I say everything at once, before I chicken out. “Mariana, I thought a lot about this during the weekend. I must apologize. I crossed a line with you and I shouldn’t have done it. We work together and things might get complicated.” I look somewhere beyond her, not having the guts to look her in the eyes. A low moan catches my attention and I see her looking down, a hand covering her mouth in a baffled expression. It makes my stomach hurt but there’s no going back now. “I wanted to ask you to forget what happened last Friday and . . .” I can’t finish it.
She gets up, takes a deep breath and says, “Of course, Carlos Eduardo. No problem. I need to answer a few e-mails we got over the weekend. Will that be all?” she asks and I nod.
“Sure, Mariana. Thank you,” I say, surprised at her reaction. She walks out the room without a word and closes the door. I feel bad, like that door is a real barrier between me and something I want really badly, despite it being no good for me. I just hope I won’t regret this later.
I lock myself in the bathroom and only then do I fall apart. Tears of heartache, disappointment and shame fall uncontrollably. I can’t believe this is happening. Why did he even bother to come after me and insist on it if he wasn’t even interested in me to begin with? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! He probably thought I was just another stupid poor girl who would fall for him easily. Still crying, I grab my phone from my pocket and send Lais an e-mail.
From: Mariana Costa
To: Lais Menezes
Subject: Heeeeeeelp!!!!!!
I’m crushed. He just dumped me.
From: Lais Menezes
To: Mariana Costa
Subject: RE: Heeeeeeelp!!!!!!
WHAT???? I’m so gonna punch this jackass. Where r u? He didn’t fire you, did he?
From: Mariana Costa
To: Lais Menezes
Subject: RE: RE: Heeeeeeelp!!!!!!
No!! I’m in the bathroom, breathless and crying like a baby. I want to go home and hide. I’M SO STUPID!!!
From: Lais Menezes
To: Mariana Costa
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Heeeeeeelp!!!!!!
No! U’r gonna take a deep breath, wash your face, put some makeup on and work as if nothing has happened. I’ll send something to you. We’ll drown in ice cream later tonight. Man, I can’t believe this idiot did that!
From: Mariana Costa
To: Lais Menezes
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Heeeeeeelp!!!!!!
From: Lais Menezes
To: Mariana Costa
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Heeeeeeelp!!!!!!
Try to see it from this angle: he’s an idiot. He’s a rich bastard with a tiny dick. You deserve better.
From: Mariana Costa
To: Lais Menezes
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Heeeeeeelp!!!!!!
Oh, buddy. It isn’t tiny
From: Lais Menezes
To: Mariana Costa
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Heeeeeeelp!!!!!!
You bitch! U said u didn’t sleep with him!
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PS: Is it big?
From: Mariana Costa
To: Lais Menezes
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Heeeeeeelp!!!!!!
And I didn’t! What do you take me for? Hahahahahaha but I did feel it.
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PS: Yeah, it’s pretty big!
I’m a wreck for the rest of the day. I’m depressed and I can’t wait to go home, but I need to stand strong even though I’m a mess inside. Cadu spends the whole morning locked in his office. That jackass sent me an e-mail asking me to cancel all his meetings. Almost one hour after my bathroom breakdown, a courier brings me a package. That’s odd. I haven’t ordered anything!
It’s a small box. Inside I find five chocolate bars and a handwritten note with several hearts drawn in it. I soon realize what it is:
At lunchtime, I get up when I hear noise coming from his office and I run to the bathroom to avoid him. I don’t feel like eating or leaving the office. I just want this day to be over. But I’m still not ready to face him. I cry a bit more in the bathroom and when it’s near the time he usually gets back, I calm down, do a touch-up, and breathe in a few times.
The afternoon drags on. He doesn’t leave his office and I’m grateful for it. We communicate exclusively through e-mail and I breathe a sigh of relief when the day is over. I get my stuff and when I’m ready to leave, I knock on the jackass’s door and leave it slightly open, as I do every day.
“Excuse me,” I say, surprised to see his chair turned to the window and to the view, instead of to his computer like it always is. He turns to me, seeming surprised to see me there. “I’m leaving. Do you need anything?” I try to sound as professional as possible.
“No . . . you can go, Mariana” he answers and I nod. When I’m almost closing the door, he calls me again. “Mariana?”
“Yes?” I open the door again. My heart is beating so fast it’s like I’ve just run a marathon.
“Are you all right?” he asks, and I want to punch him in the face. I’ve spent the whole day trying to get a hold of my emotions so I could talk to him before I left, and he decides to ruin everything right when I was succeeding? Breathe in and out, Mari.
“Am I all right? Yes, of course! Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask, managing to keep my voice steady. “Well, I’m sorry, but I have to run. I have stuff to do.”
“Of course. Good night.”
“Good night,” I answer, then close the door.
I go home feeling extremely upset, but not knowing exactly why. I should be glad Mari took my talk about us so well. But truth is, I feel sad. I walk into my apartment, take off my tie and my suit, and go straight to the shower. I take a long shower and when I finish, I put a towel around my waist and walk around the house. There, in the silence, the penthouse seems too big for me. I go to the bar and pour myself some whiskey. I drink it all in one gulp and decide to go to bed. I’m probably tired, that must be it. I go in my room, lie down on my bed, and close my eyes. At the same time, a sweet perfume takes over me, and a pair of expressive brown eyes come to my mind. Shit. I’m obsessing over a woman just because I can’t have her. My cell phone rings and I take it from my nightstand. It’s Miguel.
“Hey, man!”
“Hey, Cadu, what’s up? I tried calling you today, but Ms. Dragon wouldn’t put me through.”
“Who?” I ask, confused.
“Ms. Dragon, your moody secretary.”
“Don’t talk about her like that, Miguel. I asked her not to be disturbed today. I was busy.”
“Oh, she’s pretty and all. But she looks like she can bite my head off,” he says and laughs. “Though if she wanted to bite me somewhere else, I wouldn’t say no to it.” He laughs out loud and the joke pisses me off.
That’s Miguel, who thinks every woman on the planet is an object. He never gets involved with anyone. He goes on dates for a while then dumps them. Yeah, I know you’re going to say I’m like that too, but I’m always very clear to the women I go out with that I don’t want anything serious. This way, there’s no expectation. He does everything to make them fall in love with him, no matter the cost.
“Miguel, I told you to leave Mariana alone. I can’t lose my assistant just because you can’t control yourself near women.”
“Okay, okay, bro! I won’t do anything.”
“Did you want to talk to me about something or is this call just to chitchat?”
“I did that tech research from our branch office in São Paulo, like you asked.”
“And?”
“We’ll need a few adjustments to install the tracking software, but I think it’s possible.”
For a few months now, I’ve noticed that some of our stories are very similar to the ones our competitors are publishing, especially the ones produced by our branch in São Paulo, making me feel like something isn’t right and that someone may be trying to trick us. So, I asked Miguel, who manages the IT department, to check if we can track e-mails, online chats, and transmitted data to see if we can find out who’s selling our information to the competition.
“Great. So, get ready cause we’re flying to São Paulo tomorrow to settle this,” I say and he agrees.
“Okay.”
“I’ll have Mariana book us tickets in the afternoon. I won’t be in the office tomorrow morning; if you need anything, call me.”
“Sure, buddy. I will,” he says, and we finish the call.
From: Carlos E. Moraes
To: Mariana Costa
Subject: Tickets
Mari,
Book two tickets to SP fr me and Miguel living today (Tuesday) rigt after lunch.
I hate typing e-mails on my phone. I always have typos and misspellings. I’m too lazy to correct it after it’s typed. Just as I’m about to hit send I type:
Will you be ok?
Cadu