Cici’s apartment was slowly coming together. It was different from the house in Queens and she hoped that it represented her new life with her baby. She put her hand over her stomach, as was becoming a habit, as if by touch she would be able to connect to the child who was still more of a hazy idea than reality to her.
She sat down on the two-seater couch with overstuffed cushions, leaning on the patterned throw pillow. She put her feet up on the glass coffee table and looked around the apartment.
She’d worked hard for this place and felt a real sense of pride that she’d earned this. The sweeping curved staircase led to the upper floor and her bedroom and the room she was going to make into the nursery. It was a pre-war apartment building that had been completely redone. Her living room had a fireplace with built-in bookcases on either side and she’d lined the shelves with her favorite books. Her childhood favorites by authors like E.L. Konigsburg, Madeleine L’Engle and her collection of Trixie Belden books. She’d started a collection of Dr. Seuss books for the baby. The next shelves held her paperback collection of romance novels, thrillers and of course all the Harry Potter books.
She had pictures on the shelf as well. One of her, Hayley and Iona on the day they’d opened the Candied Apple & Cafe. Even seated across the room she could still see those big grins on their faces. The sense of joy and happiness she got from her job and her friendship with those women…well, that was something she hoped she could give her child too.
Her child.
Sometimes it still didn’t seem real.
She had tried to reach out to Rich…the man who’d fathered her child, but he really didn’t want to be part of her life or the baby’s. She got it. She was the one who was carrying the kid and even she was dealing with, well, the unreality of it. And as Rich had pointed out, they barely knew each other. It had been a wedding party hook up. Not forever.
She let her head fall back on the edge of the couch and looked up at the ceiling with its ornate trim and realized that no matter how together this apartment looked, she was still a complete mess on the inside.
The timer on her smart phone went off and she jumped up. She had plans tonight. Shakespeare in the park. One of her favorite things about summer.
She got changed into a flowy summery top and a pair of white jeans that were actually a little loose on her thanks to all the morning sickness, and then she opted to skip putting in her contacts and grabbed her prescription sunglasses instead.
She took a look at herself in the mirror, her curly hair was actually not too frizzy tonight and she turned sideways to check herself out. Then she put her hands under the flowy top and pushed it out a little bit. That’s what she was going to look like soon. When the baby started showing.
She pulled her hands out and smoothed the top back into place.
“I don’t regret you, bean,” she whispered, and then filled her mind with love for the unborn child that resided there. Ten weeks pregnant. And definitely on her own with the baby.
No regrets.
She left her apartment and walked through Central Park to her seat. She was ready to relax, sip her juice smoothie and let Beatrice and Benedict sweep her away. She was going to forget that she was almost three months pregnant and alone.
“Excuse me.”
She glanced up to see a latecomer making his way down the row behind her. She really had no tolerance for people who came to shows late. It wasn’t like they hadn’t printed the time on the ticket. But then she was chronically early for everything. She glanced at the seat next to her that was still empty.
Let it stay empty.
She noticed the man on her left standing and realized that the person holding the ticket for the seat next to hers was finally here.
She stood up to let him go by, glancing up with a smile on her face that froze as she looked into those familiar sky blue eyes.
“Hoop.”
“Cici,” he said. “Funny running into you here.”
Yeah, funny.
She sat down after he went past her, pulling her phone out of her bag. How could Hayley set her up like this?
“Don’t blame Hayley,” Hoop said. “I made her do it.”
“Why?” Cici replied.
“It just felt like we needed to clear the air,” he said. “And I hesitated with you before and screwed up so this time…I’m not going to do that again. I’ll tell you all about it after the play. I made us dinner reservations at a nearby restaurant.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Cici said, her stomach sinking. She couldn’t start a new relationship right now. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind and she wasn’t even sure what her life was going to be in six months’ time when she gave birth to the baby.
“Please, Cici, give me a chance to make up for the way I behaved that night. The truth is we had a real connection and that scared me,” he said.
She didn’t want to hear him saying things she had wished he’d said that first night. She glanced down at the round stage set up at the bottom of the bleachers and then further on to the castle with the flag flying. She wanted to believe that this was a true second chance.
If she hadn’t been so emotional and determined to prove that she was still attractive to other men that night in February this wouldn’t be an issue. But she’d always let her temper get the better of her.
And no matter what Hoop thought at this moment, she knew that no man wanted to raise another man’s child. She knew it first-hand. Her stepfather was nice but he wasn’t a dad to her. Not the way he was to his own kids, her half siblings, and she wanted more for her baby. And for herself.
“I … things have changed Hoop.”
“How?” he asked.
She glanced again at the stage, willing Don Pedro to come out on stage and start the show, but they still had a good five minutes before that would happen.
She took a deep breath and that didn’t help. She took a sip of her smoothie. Hoop reached over and put his hand on hers.
“What is it you are trying to tell me?” he asked.
“I’m pregnant.”
There. She’d said it.
“What?” he asked, sitting back in his seat, trying to process what he’d just heard.
“I’m having a baby,” she said.
“And the dad? Oh, God, is that why you have been avoiding me?” he asked. “I shouldn’t have pushed the way I did. You said friends and I’m here like, ‘let’s start over.’”
She put her hand on his arm.
“The dad is out of the picture. It’s embarrassing, Hoop. And honestly, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fair enough,” he said.
She stared at him in the deepening twilight. He had a classically beautiful face, strong masculine jaw, high cheekbones and there was some emotion in his eyes that she couldn’t read.
He’d made a decision at the Olympus nightclub when they’d met, one that had set her on this course and she knew there was no way to change it. In fact, she wouldn’t change it. She wouldn’t change it. She and the bean were going to be a team and they’d have each other’s back. Not like her mom when she’d married her stepdad and started a new family with him…
Or at least that was the plan. So far, it was nothing more than a new attitude and some determination, but she’d always been able to make things happen and she knew that this would be no different.
Pregnant.
He didn’t know how to react to that. It was the last thing he’d expected. He understood now why she’d been so hesitant to see him again. And he’d said they’d be friends…he could do that, right?
He had no idea.
A kid.
Children.
They were complicated.
He avoided them whenever possible. Knew how fragile life was for a child. Families fell apart, kids ended up in the system and if they were like him they ended up in a lot of homes before they found a real one.
He did his part working with the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization but dating a woman who was pregnant…well, she didn’t want to date so that wasn’t an issue.
Frankly, his mind was slammed with a bunch of different scenarios on how to deal with this and the one that would be the easiest would be to be friendly until the end of the first act, fake an emergency work text and leave. Except he was a man and his foster father, the one he thought of as his dad, had raised him to take the right path; not the easy one.
Hoop had grown up in foster care until he’d finally made it to the Fillions’. The man had been gruff and to be honest it had been more of a halfway house where Hoop had been faced with shaping up or going to jail. Pops had reached him somehow and set him on the path he was on now.
“Want to bolt, don’t you?” she asked. She didn’t take her eyes off the stage but he knew all of her concentration was on him.
“Yeah. But I won’t.”
“Why not?” she asked, turning to face him. Those blue eyes of hers behind her dark rimmed glasses were guarded and she had a bead of sweat on her upper lip.
He reached over and brushed it off with his thumb and felt that zing go through him. There was a connection between the two of them and if he hadn’t tried to ignore it when they’d first met, well, maybe things would be different. But they weren’t.
“I can’t get you out of my head, Cici,” he admitted. “And running from you, from this…” he gestured to the two of them, “didn’t really help me before.”
“I’m not the same woman you first met,” she said.
“Of course not. But I’d still like to get to know you better,” he said.
She sighed.
That didn’t bode well for his chances of even having dinner with her tonight.
“That’s a no, isn’t it?”
“Yes. It’s not you, it’s me. I mean, really me.”
“Pipe down over there, the show is starting.”
Cici flushed and then turned to face the stage as Don Pedro came on and Much Ado About Nothing started. Hoop wanted to take her hand and lead her away from here but he noticed that Cici sank back into her seat, took a sip of her smoothie and was entranced by the play. She watched it carefully, laughing at times, and even though this was one of Hoop’s favorite Shakespeare plays, he watched her instead of the action.
When the production was over and they filed out of their seats, he knew she was ready to leave.
“I have that dinner reservation,” he said.
“I know. I’m hungry.”
“Then come and eat with me. We can talk and get to know each other better. No pressure or anything. Just a guy and a girl.”
“But we’re not just a guy and a girl.”
He took her hand in his and started walking on the path that lead to Central Park West and the restaurant he’d booked. “Tonight we are. Just for tonight. We never had a real date.”
“No we didn’t,” she said. “I really liked you.”
“I know. I think it freaked me out a little,” he admitted. He wished it hadn’t but he knew that he liked things, relationships, to be light and uncomplicated and Cici had felt even then like she’d demand more.
“And it’s not freaking you out now?”
“Nope,” he said. “Not tonight. I think you need a night out and I could use one too.”
“Okay but this is just one night. That’s it. Dinner and then I get a cab home.”
“Dinner and then we can see what happens.”
She nibbled her lower lip and narrowed her eyes at him. “What do you want to happen?”
“I have no idea, Cici. You are always throwing my carefully made plans into chaos, so I never know what to expect.”
“Just dinner. That’s it.”
He nodded, but he knew he wanted more. Even as he was making small talk about the play, he was very aware that Cici was different. And one dinner date was never going to satisfy him.
But she wasn’t in a place for anything more. And Hoop would respect that. He would be the friend he knew she’d need. He worked with foster kids and with their birth mothers’ pro bono, trying to bring together families that were broken. He knew how complicated it could be and wanted more than that for Cici.
“Why are you watching me?”
“Just trying to remind myself that you need a friend and not a lover,” he said.
She tipped her head to the side, studying him. “Let’s start with the friend and then we’ll see about the other.”
“Well, friend, why do you love Shakespeare?” he asked.
“Why do you?” she countered.
“When I was growing up, someone gave me a copy of The Tempest. It was addictive. I loved the story and it gave me something to do at night. I was a bit of a troublemaker for a while and had a curfew so if I broke it…I’d go to jail.”
“You were a bad boy?”
“Yes, but not as bad as I could have been. And that’s not as glamorous as it might seem.”
“I was a good girl. If there was a rule, I followed it. Actually, if I even thought something might be a rule I didn’t break it.”
“I can see that,” he said. “But you’ve got a wild side too.”
“Don’t we all,” she said smiling.
“I’m not sure about that. I really don’t anymore,” he said.
“Well, I’m not sure I’m all that wild. It’s just sometimes…well, I get to the point where I can’t follow one more rule. So I end up doing something like playing hooky from work and going to a baseball game or flirting with a guy in a club or…” she patted her stomach. “Sleeping with a guy that I shouldn’t.”
He squeezed her hand. “I had a couple of one night stands trying to forget you.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. I feel like I’ve tried everything to get you out of my head,” he said. “But you just won’t leave.”
She didn’t say anything else and they exited the park and he led her to the restaurant he’d chosen. It was a pop up Asian fusion place that was run by Alfonso, the first kid he’d been a big brother to. That had been almost ten years ago. Alfonso was an up and coming chef and Hoop was proud of the man that he’d become.
“A pop-up?”
“Yes. Do you mind?”
“No. Not at all. Iona wants us to do something like this leading up to Christmas. She thinks that we can make money by having more than one location. But I’m not really sure how to monetize it.”
“Well, I know the chef and he runs this place like a small business. If you’d like, I can introduce you and you can chat with him about it.”
That would be a good idea. Hoop didn’t want Cici to feel pressured by this date, and their talk as they’d walked over had made him realize he hadn’t really thought this through. Granted, Cici was a very different woman than she had been the last time they’d hung out together, but he also hadn’t seen her as anything more than a sexy woman he was obsessed with. Her life was complicated and he could easily see himself falling for her. But he’d always promised himself he’d stay single.
He had no idea how a good relationship worked. He’d seen other couples make it work but he’d always known it wasn’t for him.
Cici was going to need a man who wanted more than a few months of sex and some friendship when he moved on. And Hoop wasn’t too sure he could deliver that. Hell, he knew he couldn’t.
He led her up the steps of the restaurant where Alfonso’s partner, Lulu, was doing the front of house service.
“Hoop. It’s been too long since we last saw you,” she said, coming over to give him a hug. Lulu was tiny, not even five foot tall. She had long brown hair that she wore in a thick braid down her back. She had her nose pierced with a small sparkling gem and she wore heavy eye make-up that made her look exotic.
“It has been too long. I have been meaning to stop by but the job has been crazy,” Hoop said. “This is my friend Cici.”
“Hello, Cici. Nice to meet you,” Lulu said. “Fonz thought being a lawyer wasn’t going to be your thing. Too many office hours.”
“He was right, but I do like the work so it’s not that bad,” Hoop said.
“You sound like me, dude,” Alfonso said as he came in from the back of the restaurant. The place was small and could only seat ten customers. There was a couple in the corner and another party of four eating appetizers near the window.
Hoop and Alfonso hugged and when Hoop stepped back he drew Cici closer and introduced her to Alfonso. He thought about how lost he’d been when Pops had stepped into his life and how he’d passed it on by helping out Alfonso when he’d been in the same place.
He kept in touch with both men, and with the other kids he was a big brother to and he liked it. It was enough for him.
But as Cici was talking and he watched Lulu and Alfonso he wondered if he was missing something.
“Ready for dinner? I’ve got a new dish that is going to blow you away,” Alfonso said excitedly.
“I’m ready.”
“Me too,” Cici said.
Lulu led them to a table and after they were seated and alone, Cici leaned in. “So you do a lot of work with Big Brothers?”
“Yes. It’s a good organization,” Hoop said.
“I didn’t see that side of you,” she said.
“We met in a club. You saw the party animal.”
“I did,” she conceded. “I’m trying to reconcile the two men.”
“They aren’t two men,” he said. “Any more than you are two women.”
“You’re right. It’s just I thought of you as one kind of person.”
“What kind is that?”
“I don’t know. I mean you’re an ex-cop turned attorney, you’re a big brother and you like Shakespeare…I guess I just had a one-dimensional image of you.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that. He wasn’t really super comfortable talking about himself and thankfully, Lulu brought over their complimentary appetizers; some spring rolls. They ate and Hoop steered the conversation to safer topics like books and music. They had some things in common.
Though he was never going to understand why women loved Jane Austen as much as they did. Cici made a convincing argument for the appeal of a man with manners. It was a fun night and Hoop wanted to pretend that he could be satisfied with it, but to be honest, Cici had whetted his appetite. He wanted more. He needed more.
He knew he was going to ask her out again until he could satisfy the growing need inside of him. He just had to.