Cici got as far as the main office of the marina before she had second thoughts about just leaving.
Running away.
Again.
That was her way of dealing with problems she didn’t want to face. And it had been for longer than she wanted to admit. She pulled her sunglasses from her large bag and put them on and then looked around for a bench. Right there in direct view of Hoop’s yacht.
Instead she decided to keep walking. She’d told herself she was going home but the more she walked the less she wanted to be alone. She stopped at a coffee shop and ordered a herbal tea for herself and a coffee for Hoop. She also picked out an assortment of pastries and then determinedly walked back to the marina.
Last night was the first time in a long time that she’d had sex with a man and she hadn’t been drinking. There hadn’t been the inhibition freeing power of alcohol to convince her she was making the right decision or make her not care if she wasn’t. She’d chosen to sleep with Hoop.
And that was why she’d left.
She hadn’t slept so peacefully in a long time. It was easy to say that it was him, but a part of her knew she had simply been exhausted. From the pregnancy and the day in the sun, but also from resisting Hoop for as long as she had.
It had taken more energy than she’d expected it to.
And he had been a very thorough lover. She still tingled when she thought about being back in that bed with him.
She took her time, her steps slowing as she got back to his yacht.
The Lazy Sunday.
That was the name of his boat. She wondered if it meant something or if it were already named when he purchased it.
She knew she was delaying, but now that she was back, she worried he might have woken and knew she’d already cleared out.
“You’re back.”
Well, hell. Of course, he had woken. Nothing was easy where they were concerned.
“I am.”
She pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head with the hand holding the pastries and tipped her head back to look over at him.
He wore only his shorts, which hung low on his hips and had his arms crossed over his naked chest. His eyes were hard to read from this distance but his body language was defensive.
It hit her that she wasn’t the only one who could be hurt. That despite the fact that they had joked yesterday that he only had a few flaws, Hoop was vulnerable to her just as she was to him.
“Can I come back on board?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said.
She climbed up the gangplank very carefully. She hadn’t been clumsy at all when she’d walked to the marina but simply being close to Hoop made her feel like she might miss a step or slip.
Something she didn’t want to do. Not now.
He reached for the cardboard holder that held the hot drinks and as soon as she was within arm’s reach she handed them to him.
“Want to eat up here or down in the galley?” he asked.
“Down, I think” she replied. The harbor was starting to get busy and she felt…raw. She knew there was no way she could just be blasé about last night or about Hoop.
And she was still a mess. It didn’t matter that she’d already decided that being herself was the only way to move forward. She was trying that. But she hadn’t counted on the fact that every time she was just Cici she made mistakes and missteps and had to deal with the consequences.
And that was what was bothering her this morning. Last night hadn’t felt like a mistake.
But she wanted something more for Hoop than she could give him. The man who’d grown up as he had, even though he’d turned out wonderful, deserved a wife and a family of his own. She wagered that he’d be a very dedicated family man when the time came and in her mind, as wrong as it may be, she wanted him to have a family that was his.
She followed him down the steps into the galley and he slid onto the curved bench behind the table, taking a seat opposite him. She put the bag of pastries in front of her and tore the paper so that he could see what was inside.
Acid swirled in her stomach, not nerves but morning sickness. She might have left eating too late.
She reached for a buttery croissant, tore a bite off and just as she brought it to her mouth, she felt her stomach heave. She dropped the pastry and ran for the head. Swallowing and trying to keep the morning sickness at bay.
She got sick. It was worse today than it had been in a week. But she put that down to her emotional state.
She felt a wet washcloth against the back of her neck and when she stood up, Hoop handed her a glass of water. She rinsed her mouth with it and spit it into the sink before flushing.
She looked up in the mirror over the sink and saw him standing there, watching her. He didn’t hide the emotion on his face, but that didn’t mean she had a clue what it meant. It looked like he cared and maybe was a little worried for her.
“Sorry,” she said. “I have to eat first thing or else.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “Can you eat now?”
“Not for a little while,” she said. “But I think I’m ready for my tea.”
He squeezed her shoulder and then turned and walked back to the table. She didn’t understand how but something had changed between them. As she sat there sipping her tea, listening to Hoop make light conversation about the harbor, she realized it was that the anger and fear had left them. Throwing up had burned through the inhibitions they both had this morning.
Interesting.
He’d been mad when he’d woken up alone, no doubt about that. But she’d come back. She’d come back and brought coffee and then she’d reminded him that she was pregnant and dealing with a lot of emotional and physical stuff that she wasn’t used to.
It had been the wake-up call he’d needed to remind himself that he and Cici were in unchartered territory here. Sex had been great, as he’d long suspected it would be, but it was past time for them to just be lovers.
He cared about her. More deeply than he had anyone else. He wanted to protect her, make her happy. Make her his. But that was something deep in his DNA that he couldn’t change.
He was a modern guy, he got that she was her own woman and that she really couldn’t belong to him, but all the same some primal part of him wanted to claim her.
She watched him with amusement in her eyes and that made him feel like he was ten feet tall. He’d done that. Well, him and morning sickness.
Who’d have thought the act of throwing up would be a tension breaker?
“What?”
“Nothing. I just love how much you love the city.”
He shrugged. “It’s been the one constant in my life. No matter where I ended up in foster homes, whatever the situation was, I could always come here to the harbor and watch the boats. Water…it soothes me.”
“Are you a Pisces?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“My little brothers are both Pisces and my mom used to put them in the bath tub when they were little and getting ornery. Always just calmed them down.”
“I am Pisces,” he admitted, surprised. “I never thought about water and my astrological sign before.”
“First time for everything,” she said, taking a small bite of the croissant.
He watched her as she chewed carefully and then swallowed. He was ready to spring into action if she couldn’t keep the bite down. She gave him a little half smile.
“All good,” she said. “Thank God. I don’t think my dignity could handle throwing up in front of you one more time.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” he said.
“Maybe from your side,” she said, with a wink. “Seriously, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Cici. Morning sickness is just part of the process,” he said.
“Not about getting sick. For bugging out like I did,” she said.
He leaned back against the padded seat back. “Why did you?”
He had eaten a bear claw—a pastry that was filled with almond paste—and finished his coffee. She’d bought a large cinnamon roll and an éclair as well and he was tempted to eat something else but she was pregnant and he remembered his sister said she had been hungry. A lot. So Hoop waited.
“Everything seemed different this morning and I wasn’t sure if you would want me to stay or if I wanted to stay. I got really nervous and just decided to leave,” she admitted.
“I missed you when I woke up,” he said gently. “I’m glad you came back.”
He wasn’t sure what it was about Cici but she made him say things that normally he would keep to himself. But with her he didn’t want to. He wanted her to know how deeply she affected him.
“Me too,” she said. “Are you done eating?”
“I was waiting for you. My brother-in-law warned me to never get between an expectant mother and food.”
Cici laughed as he’d hoped she would. “Well, I can only eat one of these.”
She picked up the éclair and he took the cinnamon roll and started eating it.
“I’m curious about your family,” she said. “My stepdad was always very careful to draw a line between me and my half-brothers. I never really felt like his daughter…but your family wasn’t like that, was it?”
“Not at all. We were all the same,” Hoop said. “Tommy, my oldest brother is Mom and Pops’ biological son but they never treated any of us as if we were different. I didn’t come to them until I older so I was used to being an outsider, but my mom wouldn’t let me be. She treated me like I was hers from the first moment we met.”
Cici nodded. “She sounds like a really good woman.”
“She is. I’d love for you to meet her and my Pops too. They’d like you.”
“You think so?” she asked. “I’m not sure I’m ready to meet your folks, Hoop.”
“I know. But start thinking about it. We have a big Fourth of July party at their place in Montauk. I want you to come with me.”
He hadn’t meant to invite her. She’d just left him while he was sleeping. He wasn’t sure that he trusted her. It was only June. But he was grasping at any reason to keep her close.
But she’d come back.
He wanted that to be significant. He really felt like there was something between the two of them. His folks were the best litmus test he had for seeing if something was real. They’d helped with college, careers and even past relationships. And with Cici he felt like she was different and a part of him wanted their feedback to make sure he wasn’t fooling himself because of sex.
“I’ll think about it. My mom and stepdad have a summer cottage in Sag Harbor. If we go to your folks for the Fourth I’m going to have to tell my mom I’m pregnant and visit her as well.”
What?
“You haven’t told her yet?” Hoop asked.
“Nope. Well to be fair I haven’t known all that long,” she said. “It’s just if I tell her, she’s going to ask about the father and if he’s in the picture and I wasn’t ready for that conversation before. But I think I am now,” she admitted.
He hoped so.
He hadn’t realized how much she was running from until that moment. She’d said she needed time and as usual he’d ignored it and just pushed ahead for what he wanted. He hoped that he hadn’t made a mistake in doing so.
Telling Hoop that she hadn’t mentioned to her parents that she was pregnant really drove home the fact that she hadn’t been ready to face up to anything yet. She’d been in denial for a long time. Hadn’t wanted to face anything to do with the baby or Rich until she’d moved. Then she’d decided to start carving out her own path.
But there were still parts of it that had to be dealt with. Things that she wouldn’t be able to leave behind as easily as a sublet house. He’d sort of thought that time was standing still until she had finished processing everything but it wasn’t. She was nearing the end of the first trimester and really she needed to talk to her mom about being pregnant.
Though her parents were back from their vacation with her brothers, she’d resisted going home for a visit. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say but she knew she should call them.
She’d do it. But not right now. Now she was going to just enjoy this lazy morning with Hoop. Pretend that she had few worries.
“I’m not judging,” Hoop said. “Honestly, there are times when the last people I want to talk to are my folks so I get it. But I think this is one of those things that will only get harder with time.”
She rubbed the back of her neck. She knew that. Did he think she didn’t know that? But when she glanced up she saw just that same kindness on his face that made her feel like a big meanie.
“Ugh. I thought I should sort out stuff with Rich first. I had no idea what his response would be and he’s one of my cousin’s husband’s best friends. So it’s bound to come up at some point.”
“On that subject. I heard you met with Lilia. How’d that go?” he asked. “Do you think she’ll work for you?”
“Yes. I liked her a lot. She sent over the draft of the paperwork and I reviewed it, but honestly I have no idea what I’m supposed to look for,” she admitted. The paper was like a contract except that it dealt with the baby and herself and personal things instead of business arrangements. It had been weird to read and she’d truly had no idea what to do with it next.
“I’m sure it’s all in order. The legalese protects the both of you. Do you want me to go over it with you?” he asked.
Did she? “Lilia explained it all to me. I asked her to add in something so that our child can contact him and his family one day. I don’t know if the baby is going to want to know him or not. What do you think?”
“If it were me, I’d want to know. Hell, I tried to find out who my dad and mom were when I was an adult. It’s just a big empty hole inside of me at times,” Hoop admitted.
He leaned forward as he spoke and she could see why he was good at his job. There was a real note of sincerity in his voice; and confidence. Her heart ached. For him and for her little bean. It was hard to think that her decisions now were going to affect the child as an adult.
“Thank you for sharing that,” she said. “I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing but also I want to respect Rich’s wishes.”
“Would you get together with him if he said he thought that was best for the child?” Hoop asked tentatively.
“I don’t think so. I mean, we hardly know each other and this entire situation hasn’t put him in the best light,” she said, looking over at Hoop as something else nudged at her subconscious.
The fact that Rich wasn’t Hoop. He wasn’t sitting here quietly with her talking about things that were complicated. He hadn’t seen her get sick from the pregnancy and he hadn’t made love to her the way Hoop had.
“I want this to work,” she said at last. Hoop was important to her. She couldn’t guess if he would continue to be in the coming months as her pregnancy continued but for right now he was.
“Me too,” Hoop said.
Her phone pinged and she glanced at her watch first before digging her phone out of her bag. It was after nine.
“I’m late for brunch with Hayley and Iona,” Cici said.
“I didn’t realize you had plans for today,” Hoop said.
“We have a standing date for mimosas and egg white omelets,” Cici said. “Though I’ve been having orange juice instead of mimosas.”
She pulled her phone from her bag and verified the text was from Iona.
Iona: You okay? We are at the Plaza.
Cici: I’m good. Hanging with Hoop this morning.
Iona: Want details. Be prepared to spill tomorrow. Xoxo
Cici smiled to herself. She understood how someone who wasn’t related by blood could be closer than family. She felt that way about Hayley and Iona, but the parent child bond, that one still worried her. Was she doing a disservice to Hoop by starting something with him and knowing that he might never really have a solid relationship with her child or would he, because of his own upbringing, be able to love her child as if it were his own?
And when was she going to relax enough to take a chance on that happening.
“I’m free for the rest of the day,” she said. “Do you want to spend it with me?”
He nodded. “I’d like that. A lot. What did you have in mind?”