‘No, you can’t leave,’ Diane wailed at her. ‘Come on, what are you so scared of? I don’t get it.’ She batted at Anna’s hand as Anna tried to put another of her sweaters in the suitcase.
‘Come on, Dee. It’s for the best.’ She gently removed Diane’s hand from her arm. ‘I just feel like I thought I could come here and set up this sweet, idealistic life in the country, and all that’s happened so far is I haven’t made any friends. They’re all so cliquey and I just don’t’ fit in.’ She paused, her heart heavy. ‘I’ve just made a fool of myself.’
‘But you’ve got me and your mum!’ Diane said. ‘That’s no reason to leave.’
Anna sighed. ‘Maybe, but you and Larry will have your own life soon, Mum will go back to Bath…’ She wasn’t so sure about this point but ploughed on regardless. ‘And I’m nothing like all the women around here in their perfect houses, with their perfect cars, on the arms of their perfect husbands.’
Diane sat on the bed, taking Anna’s clothes out of her suitcase as quickly as Anna was putting them in. ‘What? And you think I fit in?’ She chuckled. ‘Look at me? I’m into heavy metal, I wear thick black eyeliner and change my nail colour as often as most people change their underwear. I’m now pregnant and with a guy of twenty-three I barely know, and with no job.’
Anna sat next to her. ‘Yeah, but your guy is an angel. He adores you. You’ve just proven that you can find love in a month, and get pregnant and engaged to boot.’ She laughed softly. ‘That’s special.’
‘Yeah, so why can’t it happen to you?’
‘Because I go for men like Richard,’ she paused, ‘and men like Richard treat me like I’m their property. They have no regard for my feelings. I did the same with Simon.’
‘Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places.’
‘And that’s yet another reason to go back to London.’ Anna stood, resolute. ‘Yes, I’ll travel back today. You and Mum will be fine with the children for a couple of days, while I find a flat.’
‘What about Primrose Cottage?’ Diane brought her knees up to her chest. ‘What about this place that I used to think was a dump but which, in fact, is the most homeliest home I’ve ever lived in?’
Anna smiled. ‘You can live here, with Larry.’ She nodded towards Diane’s tummy. ‘And Advocat, or whatever you decide to call him or her.’
‘But Advocat needs her Auntie Anna.’
‘Advocat can visit Auntie Anna and the twins.’
Diane slid off the bed and rushed over to Anna, hugging her. ‘No. You’re my bestie. You can’t do this.’ She held Anna at arm’s length, looking serious. ‘You know, you’re only running because you’re afraid of your feelings.’
‘What on earth are you talking about?’ Anna started to fold her jeans into the case and Diane took them back out.
‘You keep banging on about not fitting in, about everyone being more perfect than you, about making a fool of yourself.’
‘No,’ Anna said firmly. ‘Also, Simon now knows where I live. The twins and I don’t need that sort of aggro and, you know, I actually liked Richard. A lot. But he’s just a moron, like all the others. So, if you think I’m running, it’s only because I don’t need all that in my life again.’
‘Oh, and what are you going to do when you meet someone in London and it happens all over again?’
Anna tilted her head to the side. ‘In London, you can get lost and, if I choose, I can make sure I’m never found again.’
Diane picked up a pillow and started to pummel it. ‘Oooh, you’re so frustrating. What was it that your aunt said? You can only find love if you open your eyes. Well, Anna, open your eyes. He’s right in front of you.’
‘What on earth are you talking about?’ Anna looked at her, bemused and angry at the same time. ‘Diane, I’m leaving. End of.’
‘What about Horatio?’
‘What about him?’ Anna pulled a face. Her thoughts flitted to the man who had been somewhere in her life since she had arrived at Primrose Cottage.
‘Do you have any feelings for him?’
She thought about the way he had watched her at the talent competition, with a kind of gentle protectiveness, and her heart lifted momentarily. Had she been so blind as to not see he had real feelings for her? Anna then thought about the way he had managed to stop the car, the way he’d stood quietly in the background while Richard and Simon acted so immaturely…
But who was she kidding? He had never said anything to her.
Anna’s chest grew tight as she finally spoke unconvincingly. ‘I do not care for Horatio.’
‘Well,’ Diane had moved over to the window, ‘you tell him that. You tell him you’re leaving.’
‘Why should I do that?’
‘Because I rang him and he’s coming up the drive now.’
‘What?’ Anna shrieked, racing over to the window and pushing past Diane. ‘Diane, what he did last night was amazing. I told him so. But he’s my half-cousin, I am no way going there.’
‘Oh, come on, I’m sure it’s legal,’ Diane said. ‘If not in this country, then you can emigrate somewhere, and Larry, Advocat and I will come too.’
A knock sounded at the door. ‘Diane, I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted to kill you more.’
Diane grinned, kissing her on the cheek. ‘What about the time I ran out of dishwasher tablets and squirted Fairy Liquid in your new dishwasher and you had to get the engineer out? Or,’ she paused, ‘what about the time I blew up condoms for the children’s birthday party?’
Anna nodded. ‘Yeah, they were all pretty bad but this is humongously bad.’
As Anna made her way down the stairs, she heard Diane call out, ‘Keep your eyes open.’
Anna wanted to get rid of Horatio by the time the twins returned with her mother. Linda had taken them out shopping and she knew it wouldn’t be long before her mother would realise how hard it was to go shopping with two five-year-olds who had an unhealthy obsession with sliding around shop floors and hiding under clothes rails.
She opened the door and Horatio smiled tentatively at her.
‘Hi,’ they said in unison.
‘Come in,’ Anna said and ushered him into the front room, closing the door behind him. ‘I just want to say…’ She started just as Horatio said, ‘I got Diane’s call and…’
They both tailed off.
‘Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Not sure why she needs to make such a big thing of me leaving.’
He frowned. ‘Why are you leaving? Is it because you’re pregnant? Are you going back to London to live with the father?’
‘Oh, brilliant. You too. No, I am not pregnant. It’s Diane upstairs who’s pregnant and left me at the till with the pregnancy test because she was too embarrassed.’ Anna shrugged. ‘Anyway, I guess it’s not working out like I hoped. So many things have happened. Many embarrassing things, but I can get over that. But what I can’t get over is being made to feel unwelcome by a lot of the other children’s mothers and then by your mother.’
He frowned. ‘She won’t tell me what she said to you but I apologise on her behalf.’ He looked into her eyes. ‘You haven’t given it long. Not really.’
‘Listen, Horatio, I know it hasn’t been long, but I kidded myself when I came here that I could fit in, that I would make this cottage into something even Tom and Barbara would have been proud of.’
‘You do fit in. Not everybody gets to go to yoga with Lucinda and Angela.’ He smiled. ‘But why would you want to be like them, anyway?’
‘Well, because it would mean my children won’t need expensive Harley Street counselling when they’re older because their mother once ran after a giant baked object down a hill, or because she once dressed up as a member of Abba, or because,’ she said, pulling a face, ‘because she can’t even remember to put the blinking handbrake on and now her son copies her and thinks it’s the best game ever.’
Horatio laughed lightly. ‘That’s why you’re so great. You do all those things and you do them well, but most importantly, you’re showing your children not to be scared.’
Anna turned back to Horatio. ‘You know, I’ve been really hard on you, cousin, especially since I now know you didn’t tell Simon where I live and the thing,’ she said more quietly, ‘about your wife.’
Horatio shook his head. ‘Did you just say cousin?’
Another knock at the door stopped Anna in her tracks. ‘Who have you rung now, Dee? Because I’m just about ready—’
‘No one,’ Diane interrupted her flow, appearing halfway down the stairs. She nodded at Horatio. ‘Hi. Thanks for coming.’
Anna rolled her eyes and walked over to the door. She opened it wide and found Richard standing on the step.
‘Oh, well, isn’t this turning out to be a party?’ Anna looked up at Diane who shrugged.
‘Nothing to do with me, Sarg.’
‘Richard, I’ve got company, so unless you want to apologise for talking to me the way you did yesterday, can you just go? I’m packing to leave for London.’
‘What? Why?’ Richard said, trying to look past her. ‘We were just beginning to have fun.’
‘Were we?’ She raised a brow. ‘It only occurred to me last night that you actually can’t accept me for who I am. With the whole loo-roll incident, you appeared mortified, and when you said you would prefer it if my children didn’t come to the farm, that it was just me, I should have known then that you couldn’t get your head around my having children.’
‘It’s not like that.’ Richard pushed his fingers through his hair. ‘It’s just that you’re irresistibly sexy and I wanted you to myself.’ He gave her a knee-weakening smile. ‘You know, I only got a bit angry last night because I thought you were pregnant and I was jealous.’
Anna tried to contain her smile and looked away. ‘But why do you get so moody around me sometimes? Like I’m annoying you?’
‘Oh, Anna,’ he took her hand, ‘if I do, it’s only because I’m desperate to have you all to myself. You’re divine and…’ He looked up sharply. ‘Oh, he’s your company.’
Anna turned and Richard dropped her hand. ‘Yes, I was just explaining to Horatio why I’m heading back to London to look for a flat.’ She paused. ‘Anyway, what is it with you two?’
‘I told you, Anna, Richard is not to be trusted.’
Richard pushed past her and into the front room, pulling himself up to Horatio. ‘Oh yeah? Why is that, Horatio?’
Horatio looked momentarily perplexed. ‘Because from the moment you turned up, a couple of years ago, my mother has told me she has her reasons. I know she wouldn’t lie to me.’
‘What does your mother, Lady Spencerville, say to you, Horatio?’
Horatio took a step backwards. ‘Well, nothing specifically, but I know she’s only got everyone’s best interests at heart. Whatever you did to her, I know it haunts her every day.’
‘Does it?’ Richard started pacing the room. ‘Does it?’
Anna stood in the middle and looked from one to the other. ‘Am I missing something here? Listen, this is probably an argument you need to have elsewhere, not in my house, you hear me?’
‘Oh no, Anna. I think it’s about time we cleared the air.’
‘No,’ Anna said. ‘I have to pack.’
‘No,’ Richard said firmly. ‘Listen.’ Richard stared at Horatio, unblinking. ‘Did your mother ever tell you that we’re brothers?’
Horatio inhaled deeply, his jaw twitching. ‘What?’
‘Anna’s aunt is my mother, your father is also my father.’
‘Wait,’ Anna said, putting her hand in the air, ‘so when Lady Spencerville was talking about her son, a son she paid off, she wasn’t talking about Horatio? She was talking about,’ she paused, looked at Richard, ‘you?’
Richard rocked back on his heels. ‘Yeah, she paid me off, a couple of years ago, when I went in search of my birth certificate and I found out. She paid me to keep my mouth shut, but you know what? I’m sick of it. I’m sick of letting the truth go unheard.’ He nodded. ‘Yeah, sure, she gave me money. Lots of it.’ He pinched his fingers together and rubbed. ‘She also gave me Briars Farm when I refused to leave. It was our father’s farm, and that bench, Anna,’ he said, his eyes flashing, ‘that bench means nothing to me. It was where our father used to sit with Horatio. Where Horatio sat while I was with my adoptive parents. The whole thing makes me sick.’
Anna rubbed her forehead, not wanting to believe what she was hearing.
‘So, when you mentioned your aunt had a secret she wanted to tell you, I knew already. I wanted to watch you squirm. Anna, Anna, Anna.’ Richard pressed his fingers on both hands together. ‘My mother gave you this cottage.’
‘So?’
‘It’s rightfully mine.’ He nodded. ‘I am her son. You are merely her niece.’
‘But you can’t have it,’ Anna said matter-of-factly, ‘because I live here. The probate is done and dusted. Is this what you were talking about?’ Anna turned to Horatio.
He looked at her in earnest. ‘My mother just told me it belonged to the estate. I’ve confronted her over and over again, Anna. You have to trust me. I’ve told her you must keep it.’
‘I will contest it,’ Richard said.
Anna, heart hammering, moved closer to him. ‘You wouldn’t dare. You would never win.’
‘What makes you think that?’
‘You’ve already got Briars Farm and more money than I’ve ever seen.’
‘Anna, I want it all. I want what’s rightfully mine.’
Anna strode towards him, her face inches from Richard’s, and spoke slowly, her voice trembling, ‘You are a vile man, Richard. Vile.’ She looked back at Horatio, who was sitting, his head in his hands. ‘Lady Spencerville bought your silence because she was so afraid of her reputation being marred. So, if you want to be angry, be angry with her.’ She paused, trying to clarify the thoughts speeding around her head. ‘You told her I wasn’t to be trusted with it because you’re angry with her. She then thinks I’m going to show it to everyone in the village, but I wouldn’t do that. You know why?’
Richard sucked in his cheeks. ‘Why?’
‘Because even though my aunt had an affair with your father, I know how much she loved him, and I know she was desperate for that diary to be kept secret, because her words were sacred and she didn’t want any more heartache to come from it.’
Horatio stood. ‘Richard.’
Richard looked at him, his eyes challenging.
‘How old are you?’
Richard paused. ‘Thirty. Why?’
‘I’m thirty-eight,’ Horatio said, swallowing hard. ‘I have this vague memory. I’ve always had it, but I could never place it. Put it in context, you know?’
His question was met with silence.
‘Go on,’ Anna said quietly.
‘I remember your aunt, Anna, appearing at our house one day and she was crying. I sat on the top stair and watched her begging my father. I never knew for what and then I saw you.’ He looked at Richard. ‘I saw you. You were just a baby and a woman came to the door. Your mother couldn’t bear it and she ran into the study. Our father handed what I realise now must have been you, Richard, to this woman on the doorstep. I sat there and felt so sad.’ He gave a small nod, his voice growing gruff. ‘It was like everything was changing and yet I didn’t know why. My mother came up behind me and, oddly, I remember her words.’
‘What did she say?’ Richard said, his face stony.
‘She said something about adults having to make hard decisions, but that it was for the best.’ He rubbed his forehead. ‘My point is that no one let you go easily. Now I realise what was happening that day.’
Silence descended on the room.
‘But,’ Richard finally spoke, ‘you’re missing the point. The point is that they did let me go and it wasn’t for the best. My adoptive parents were good to me but there was always something missing in my life. I felt empty.’
Horatio looked him in the eye. ‘But this is not Anna’s problem. This is between you and my mother.’
‘Wrong,’ Richard said, his voice steely. ‘Anna has what’s rightfully mine and I will fight for it. I am owed this cottage, at the very least.’
‘This isn’t just about my aunt, anyway. Didn’t you speak to your father when you came back?’ Anna asked.
‘Yeah,’ Richard nodded. ‘He told me over and over again how sorry he was. He would come to Briars Farm and we would walk and he would try and explain, but what are words after twenty-eight years? We were strangers to each other.’ He glanced at Horatio. ‘He used to talk about Horatio on those walks. I think he wanted to believe te had a normal father and son relationship, that those twenty-eight years could just disappear and we would start then and there. Only,’ he let out a hollow laugh, ‘how could that happen when I was still being kept away from Ridley Manor? When my brother, Horatio, was living up on the Ridley Manor estate and Lady Spencerville warned me day in and day out of the bad that would come from the truth coming out.’
‘Leave Anna the cottage,’ Horatio said firmly. ‘This is her property and we must allow her aunt, your mother, her final wishes.’
Richard shook his head and strode over to the door. ‘No, that’s what I’ve done all along. I’ve obediently lurked in the shadows of your life, Horatio. No longer. This cottage will be mine.’ He opened the door, looked around the downstairs of the cottage a final time, and left.
Diane tiptoed down the stairs. ‘Anna?’ she whispered. ‘So glad you never even kissed him. Horrid man.’ Diane smiled briefly and went back up the stairs.
Anna turned back to Horatio, who was watching her.
‘What?’ she said.
‘You never kissed him?’ He smiled. ‘I’m so glad.’
‘Why?’
‘Because,’ he said, clearing his throat, ‘I’m in love with you.’
‘What?’ Anna looked baffled. ‘You’re in love with me?’
He nodded. ‘In the short time I’ve known you, I’ve fallen hard.’
Anna stared at him, her mouth suddenly dry. ‘But I’m just ridiculous Anna Compton.’
‘No.’ He shook his head and came up to her, holding her arms. ‘You’re gorgeous. I love your dirty laugh, I love the way you just do everything and do it well. I love the way you love your children. I love you, it turns out, when you’re hurtling down a hill. I love the fact that you buy your cakes and don’t make them. I love the way you’ve made me excited about life again. You’re totally unpredictable and feisty and, God, that’s sexy. I hate to say it but you’re even bloody cute when you’re angry. I love seeing you at the school gates, whether you’re talking to me that day or not. I love you when you’re wearing an incredibly tight jumpsuit singing Abba.’ He grinned. ‘I love it when you get cross with me. I love how you call me Mr Horatio. I love how you speak your mind. I love everyone that comes with you. Your children, your mother.’
‘You do?’
‘Yes, she’s fun.’ He nodded. ‘I love Diane.’
‘Love you too!’ Diane shouted.
He laughed. ‘You see?’
Anna could barely breathe. Her heart was pounding in her ears, her hands clammy. ‘But you’re with Pru. I can’t be anything like her. She’s younger than me. Fitter than me. Definitely more bloody flexible than me.’
He grinned. ‘Oh yes, I forgot, I love how you never listen to me.’
‘What do you mean? I always listen to you.’
‘No, you don’t.’ He touched her cheek gently with his forefinger. ‘I tried to tell you that Pru is my best friend’s daughter. She’s trying to find a house around here and is staying with me until she does.’
Anna nodded, blushing. ‘Oh.’
‘She spoke very highly of your yoga, if that’s any help.’
Anna giggled. ‘Fluke. It’s all fluke.’
He put his lips on hers and murmured, ‘It’s because you’re you.’
Anna responded, her whole body melting against his. She opened her eyes and her gaze met Horatio’s, who whispered, ‘You’re meant to keep your eyes shut.’
She giggled again. ‘Yours were open. Besides, I’ve kept them closed for too long.’
The front door opened and her mother, carrying a single shopping bag, bounced in, followed by the twins, lugging a total of ten. ‘Oh darling, do my eyes deceive me or are you actually getting some action?’
Anna pulled away from Horatio and then, just as quickly, put her arm around his waist. ‘Yes, actually, I am.’
Diane trotted down the stairs and hugged both of them.
‘Dee!’ Anna screeched. ‘Stop. Don’t ruin this for me.’
Horatio laughed and drew them all into a hug. ‘What a mad, mad family.’