Forty minutes later, Anna was packed and standing by the door.
‘This time, I really am going.’
‘Anna, please don’t,’ Diane begged for the millionth time. ‘This place will be pants without you. I came here because of you, remember?’
‘Darling, as did I,’ her mother reminded her. ‘And as it’s turned out to be jolly good fun, I can’t imagine why you’re buggering off.’
Anna looked at them both and then down at the twins. ‘It’s just because it’s not what I thought it would be.’
‘It’s been a little over a month, Anna. I don’t know why you expect so much from everything,’ said her mother.
Anna’s chin quivered, a lump rising in her throat. ‘Is it too much to ask that I might meet someone decent? Someone who doesn’t talk to me like I’m something they’ve trodden on? Someone normal?’ She indicated the cottage. ‘This place is great now but it’s never going to be what I imagined it could be.’ She looked at the twins. ‘And they need stability. Not the angst that’s come out of this situation with Richard. And then, there’s him. You know. Him.’
‘Darling, he has a name.’ Her mother looked at her.
‘Yes, Horatio.’
‘Darling,’ her mother said, ‘you had Horatio all along but you kept pushing him away.’
Anna gasped and then, as the words settled, realised how painfully true that statement was. Horatio had shown her such kindness all along and she had been too proud to see it.
Diane pouted and sat heavily on the sofa. ‘Look, if you’re sure, then go and find a damp-ridden flat in London, with mildew climbing the walls and noisy neighbours arguing and having loud sex. Then go join the rat race that is dating in London and take the twins back to that grotty school. See if I care. Because I don’t. In fact, I don’t care at all that you’re leaving me and Larry and the jellybean.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘Not at all.’ At that she bent over her knees and sobbed, her shoulders shaking.
‘Oh, Dee, come on.’ Anna rushed over and hugged her, kissing the back of her head. ‘I know you must hate me right now…’
‘Going to be sick.’
‘It’s a bit harsh, Dee.’
‘No, really, I’m going to be sick.’ Diane shot up and fled from the room, up the stairs and slammed the bathroom door shut.
‘Darling,’ her mother said over Diane’s retching, ‘I always knew you were a coward, but this is totally ridiculous. Who’s to say you won’t meet someone just like my Tony tomorrow?’
Anna gave this prospect a half second’s thought and picked up her case, cuddling each of the twins, in turn, with her free arm. ‘Mum, let’s see what happens. No need for all the dramatics.’
‘Oh, I’m not being dramatic,’ she said, sweeping her pashmina over one shoulder. ‘And Diane’s hormones are all over the place. You’re the one being the drama queen.’ She paused. ‘We are merely watching you ruin your life and—’
The phone rang and her mother ran to it, picked up the receiver and leant her body up against the doorframe, one knee bent with her foot against the wall. ‘Tony, my darling,’ she purred down the line, ‘don’t talk, let me speak. I can’t get last night out of my mind.’Anna dropped her case and put her arms around the twins’ ears.
‘I’m on fire,’ her mother continued. ‘You, you little monkey, have set my body on fire.’ She straightened up and frowned. Anna could hear a muffled voice at the other end of the line. ‘There’s no Amy here.’ She looked at Anna. ‘The one who sang Abba? You mean Diane? No.’ Her mother nodded at Anna. ‘Oh, the clumsy one? Yeah, her name’s Anna.’ She paused. ‘Right you are. She’s here.’
Her mother handed her the receiver.
‘Tony wants to speak to me?’ Anna looked at her, surprised. She wasn’t sure she could bear a game of single-handedly holding a conversation for two until Tony hung up.
‘No,’ her mother said, fluffing up the ends of her hair. ‘Turns out it wasn’t Tony. It’s Angela.’ She refused to make eye contact with Anna and swept from the room.
Anna hid a smile. ‘Hi, Angela?’
‘Amy?’ She laughed. ‘Your mother just called you Anna. How funny’s that?’
‘Hilarious.’
‘How come your mother was talking about her body being on fire? Has she had a cooking accident? Do you want me to call the fire brigade?’
‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ she tried to explain. ‘It was my mother’s attempt at flirting with a mute man called Tony.’ She realised the truth sounded more ridiculous than if she had made something up. ‘Long story,’ she added.
‘Oh, at first I thought I’d misdialled and got through to some phone-sex line.’ She snorted with laughter. ‘I can’t remember when I last phoned one of them.’ There was a long pause before she said, ‘Amy, are you still there?’
‘Yes, how can I help?’
‘Well, it’s Lucinda. I think she needs you.’
Anna’s turn to laugh. ‘Lucinda does not need me. She is not the type of person to ever need me.’
‘Well, actually,’ Angela paused, ‘I was a bit miffed because she asked for you. I went round to see how she was, and well, frankly Amy, she was three pillowcases in the rain.’
‘Three sheets to the wind?’ Anna suggested.
Angela giggled. ‘Oh Amy, you are funny.’
‘What do you want me to do, Angela? I have to be somewhere in a bit.’ She looked at the kitchen clock.
‘Where?’
‘London.’
‘Well, you can’t go before you’ve seen Lucinda.’
‘Angela, I have no choice. I’m looking at flats in London. I have an appointment with an estate agent at four, so Lucinda really will have to wait.’
‘Amy,’ Angela lowered her voice, ‘I think she might do something stupid.’
Anna clenched her stomach and thought for a moment. ‘OK, fine. I’ll be at hers in ten minutes. Meet me outside.’
‘She doesn’t want me there.’ Angela sounded put out.
‘Well, surely, if she’s thinking of doing something stupid, you should be there too? I mean, we need to talk her round.’
‘No can do,’ Angela said. ‘I’m off to yoga.’
‘Angela, you can’t leave me to sort this out.’ Anna put her cool palm to her forehead, wishing away the onset of a headache.
‘Hey, Amy, if she doesn’t want me there. So be it.’
‘When you say she’s going to do something stupid, what do you mean?’
Angela’s tone grew serious. ‘She talked about cleaning the house herself.’
‘You are pulling my leg, right?’
‘No,’ Angela went on. ‘That’s how serious this is.’
‘No, Angela, I always say “yes” to everything and, for once, I’m going to put myself first and say “no”.’
‘Amy, it’s the perfect time because her children are at school.’ She paused. ‘But, actually, I thought you might say that, so I told Lucinda you’d be there within the hour. She’s waiting for you.’
Anna clutched the phone tightly. ‘I don’t have time for this nonsense.’
‘Bye, Amy.’
The phone went dead and footsteps sounded on the stairs.
‘Darling,’ her mother said, bending down to peer at Anna from the staircase, ‘I listened in and I’m afraid you have to go and see Lucinda. You quite simply would be letting down the entire human race if you didn’t.’
‘Mum, seriously, can you stop with the dramatics?’
‘Well, don’t expect me to keep quiet when the poor woman has topped herself. You know, you’ve got to shop your own family sometimes. Harsh, but true.’
Anna drew a long, laboured breath and threw her hands in the air. ‘Fine. I’m going.’
‘Good girl.’
Half an hour later, Anna rang Lucinda’s doorbell. She heard it chime but there was no movement inside the newly built manor house.
‘Lucinda?’ she called out. Eventually, she tried the doorknob and pushed the elaborately carved oak door open. ‘Lucinda?’
Lucinda emerged from a door at the end of the hall, a tall glass in one hand and a mop in the other. Her cheeks were streaked with mascara and her hair looked like a bird might have nested there. She wore a long, pink-silk dressing gown and matching mules.
‘How are you doing?’ Anna asked tentatively.
Lucinda let out a long wail. ‘I almost started cleaning my own house, Anna! What kind of person am I turning into?’
Anna bit back a comment. ‘How are you holding up?’
Lucinda dropped the mop and tottered forward. ‘I’m fine, Anna. Just fine.’ She smiled and released a small hiccup. ‘I may have had one too many but I’m fine.’
‘What are you drinking? A G&T?’
Lucinda threw her head back, barking out an hysterical laugh. ‘None of the T and a lot of the G.’
‘Um, Angela said you wanted to see me.’
‘Come in,’ Lucinda slurred. ‘Lemme get you a drink.’
Anna went to protest but it was too late. Lucinda was already pouring gin into a glass. ‘I’ll give you tonic because mine tastes like shite.’
‘Why are you drinking it like that?’
She smiled. ‘So I can forget about the spectacle I made of myself at school.’
‘Technically,’ Anna said, ‘you weren’t at school.’
Lucinda handed her a glass, liquid spilling over the sides. ‘No, but I heard people were laughing.’
‘With you,’ Anna lied. ‘They thought your acting was brilliant.’
‘Sit,’ she said, flopping back onto a very expensive-looking sofa covered in a damask material. Her gin sloshed onto the cover. ‘Rupert chose it. I don’t care if it’s ruined.’
Anna sat on a matching sofa opposite and sipped gingerly from her drink.
‘Look, everyone knows I wasn’t acting. I’ve humiliated myself in front of everybody. I can never show my face again.’
‘Actually, I think you’ll find people are thinking how brave you are for coming out like that.’
‘Anna, you don’t have to humour me.’
‘Have you spoken to Angela?’
Lucinda drank deeply. ‘No. She came to the door but I didn’t want her to see me like this. I want her to fancy me, not think I’m some sort of Grizabella.’ She paused. ‘Has she said anything about me?’
Anna smiled. ‘She said something about adoring you and you looking hot in your yoga outfit.’
A small smile tugged at the corners of Lucinda’s mouth. ‘Really? She said I look hot in my yoga outfit?’
‘Yeah, she did.’ Anna nodded. ‘You know, you just need to talk to her. Be honest with her.’
‘Dear Anna, I haven’t been honest with myself for the longest time, let alone anyone else.’
‘Well,’ Anna settled back into the sofa, the gin relaxing her muscles. ‘Maybe it’s time you started.’
‘Well, if we’re on the theme of honesty, I’m going to admit something to you.’
‘Go on.’
‘I didn’t bake my cakes.’
‘What?’ Anna raised her eyebrows. ‘You were harping on about them. Plus, we saw you buying the ingredients in Waitrose.’
‘Jane Asher made them for me. I removed the evidence and popped a couple of physalis on top at the last minute.’ She frowned. ‘So, I guess I owe you an apology.’
‘Well, you were very convincing.’ Anna held her glass up. ‘Here’s to normal mothers who don’t bake cakes.’
Lucinda returned the gesture. ‘Here’s to that.’ She smiled. ‘You know the whole zoo thing?’
‘The school day out here? At your house?’
Lucinda nodded. ‘I knew it was ridiculous but I just wanted to spend Rupert’s money, do anything that would make him angry.’ She shook her head and a momentary looks of sadness passed over her face. ‘Here, in Wiltshire, it’s all about who you know, what you wear and where you live. Rupert bought into all that. I did too but, deep down, I’ve always wanted more.’ She looked away shyly. ‘Angela is everything to me and I would live anywhere with her. If she would have me.’
‘And your children?’ Anna laced her fingers around the glass. ‘Are they OK with everything?’
‘They’re staying with friends at the moment while I get myself back together, but, you know, they both said to me they think it’ll be more fun without their daddy around.’
‘Really?’ Anna pulled a face. ‘Only, speaking as a woman whose twins have never had a father figure, I often wonder if I’m enough for them.’
Lucinda nodded. ‘Yeah, Rupert had no time for any of us. Sometimes, it’s for the best when two people don’t end up staying together.’
Anna thought back to Simon coming round to the house earlier that day. ‘My ex wants to see my children.’
‘Do you want him to?’ Lucinda put her glass down and kicked off her mules, pulling her feet under her.
‘At first, I was angry he felt he could just waltz back into their lives and I said as much, but then I realised it’s not really my choice, it’s my children’s, and if they want to see him, then they must.’ Anna gave a half-smile. ‘I guess there was a fifty-fifty chance of him turning up again.’
‘Men, who needs them?’ Lucinda stifled a yawn. ‘Haven’t slept for days now.’
‘You need to look after yourself.’
Lucinda nodded. ‘I know and I will.’ She smiled. ‘Speaking of which, has Horatio told you how he feels yet?’
Anna frowned. ‘How did you know?’
‘I’ve seen the way he looks at you.’
‘I thought you fancied him, if I’m honest,’ Anna said.
‘He’s a terribly handsome and rich man, Anna. You can’t blame a woman for trying her luck. Especially,’ she paused, ‘when she’s in a loveless marriage.’
‘But I thought…’ She shook her head in confusion. ‘You liked Angela?’
‘Darling, I do.’ Lucinda laughed. ‘But what would people think if I started flirting with their wives?’
‘How about not flirting full-stop?’ Anna asked, in earnest.
‘Where would the fun be in that? You know,’ Lucinda said, picking up her glass once more, ‘I married Rupert because my parents thought he was the right man for me. He had money, albeit new wealth. They managed to ignore that fact, though they would have preferred someone with old money. He was charming and charismatic, and they thought our children would be beautiful.’ She laughed. ‘Because of Rupert, not me.’
‘God,’ Anna sighed, ‘that sounds alarmingly like my own mother.’
‘Yeah, well, they were right about one thing.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Our children are beautiful, but Rupert, I found out yesterday, is massively in debt and he’s certainly lost his charm.’
They sat in comfortable silence, drinking and thinking.
‘Why did you ask to see me, Lucinda? I’m not sure I can be much help to you, I’m afraid.’
She looked Anna in the eyes. ‘Because I wanted to tell you my story.’
‘Why?’ Anna said gently. ‘I mean you don’t owe me an explanation.’
‘Oh, I do.’ She sighed heavily. ‘People expect me to be the Lucinda they know and that can become a bit of a popularity contest. Secretly, after a while, I was impressed by you and your friend, the way you stood up to me, didn’t kowtow to me.’ She chuckled. ‘It was quite refreshing.’ She nodded. ‘It’s all so fake around here. I don’t know who my real friends are. Other than Angela.’
Anna nodded. ‘And me.’
‘Really?’ Lucinda smiled. ‘After the way I’ve acted?’
‘Yes, really.’
‘Wow, you’re a forgiving person to boot.’ She kneaded a cushion with her fingers. ‘Also, I wanted to say to you that I know Lady Spencerville very well and about how she’s trying to marry Horatio off to Lady Arabella Ashford. In fact, I know Lady Ashford too.’
Anna frowned. ‘Well, no offence, but I’m leaving and I can’t be bothered with all that.’ She bit the side of her cheek. ‘I gave Horatio his chance to stand up to his mother and he didn’t. That says a lot to me.’
‘Anna, you have to understand that Horatio’s got a lot of responsibility. His father left the house and the care of his mother to him. He can’t abandon that lightly.’
‘Nor can he be afraid of her and not stick up for what he wants,’ Anna spat out. ‘It’s pathetic. He says he loves me and then…’ She looked at the table. ‘And then nothing.’
Lucinda stood and smoothed down her dressing gown. ‘Leave it with me, dear Anna.’ She smiled. ‘I have to get changed into one of my old Lucinda outfits, put on the old Lucinda slap and talk the old Lucinda talk.’
Anna stood, bewildered by Lucinda’s sudden energy and change of spirit. ‘What are you going to do? Don’t you dare talk to Horatio and force him to come and see me. I don’t want charity.’
‘Anna…’ Lucinda came over and put an arm around her, leading her to the front door. ‘He’ll come after you of his own accord.’ She winked. ‘I personally can’t stand Lady Spencerville and would happily destroy her plans. As I’m leaving anyway, I can’t think of a nicer note to leave on.’
‘What should I do?’
‘You do what your heart tells you, but if Horatio comes after you, trust me when I say it was nothing I said. He loves you and would be a fool to let you go.’
Anna turned at the door. ‘I’d be a fool to hang around.’