Chapter 21
Eliza
‘Well?’ Angus asks, his face expectant as I walk out of Elvis & Joe’s. I give him a sneaky thumbs-up along with a chuffed smile and he throws his arms around me.
‘I was trying to be cool,’ I say with a muffled voice against his shoulder.
‘Bugger that,’ he says, drawing away but keeping his hands on my upper arms. ‘That’s amazing. When?’
‘Wednesday night, the week after next.’
‘Wow! Lunch to celebrate?’
‘Yes, I can actually eat, now.’
Stewart lined up the meeting with his dad after listening to my demo. I was so nervous earlier, I couldn’t even stomach the croissants Angus brought over to my apartment. He came first thing this morning, armed with breakfast and a playlist of what he thought I should sing. It was very sweet of him.
‘What are you up to for the rest of the day?’ I ask as we walk.
He shrugs. ‘I don’t have any plans. I don’t have much of a life these days, I’m afraid.’
‘You’re not alone,’ I reply.
Soon afterwards we’re seated on the pavement outside a pub in the Northern Quarter, not far from Roxy’s. It’s been baking hot all week and it’s sheer bliss being able to have a drink with a friend in the sunshine.
‘You look better,’ I declare. He’s had a haircut, but that’s not it. He seems happier, healthier, a far cry from the ghost of a man who found me busking not even two weeks ago.
‘I feel better,’ he replies, leaning back in his chair and grinning.
‘I can’t believe you let Rose cut your hair last night.’ I noticed he’d had a haircut when he arrived on my doorstep, but I got a sharp shock when he casually admitted that Rose did it when they’d both had a few drinks. ‘I guess she’s responsible for fattening you up, as well.’
He laughs. ‘She’s a good cook,’ he agrees. ‘She was out for most of yesterday evening, though, so I had to make do with a ready-meal.’
‘Oh, poor you,’ I say sarcastically. ‘Where was she?’
‘Hanging out with Toby, the boy she works with at the bakery.’
‘Boy? How old is he?’
‘Barely out of his teens. Rose is worried that he’s having trouble at home.’
‘Is she doing her lame duck routine again?’ Angus doesn’t respond to my snidey comment, but seriously, why did she give up nursing if she cares about looking after people so much?
‘Which bakery does she work at again?’ I ask, trying to sound more pleasant as he tells me.
‘It’s called Jennifer’s. It’s in Sale, around the corner from the Town Hall.’
‘Does she like working there?’
‘You know, you could just ask her these questions yourself.’ He leans forward and rests his elbows on the table, regarding me pointedly.
‘Forget it,’ I grumble.
He smiles at me. The sun is bouncing off his pint and onto his face, making his mottled green and brown eyes dance in the light.
I aim for nonchalance with my tone. ‘Well, I’m glad it’s working out for you. If she’s why you’ve perked up—’
‘It’s not just her,’ he interrupts, pausing before adding, ‘I’m glad to have you both in my life again. I wasn’t sure I ever would.’
I can’t hold his gaze for long. I take a sip of my cider and crunch on a chunk of ice.
He smiles a small smile. ‘You seem a bit better, as well.’
If I do, it’s because of him.
‘But you’re still too thin,’ he adds.
‘Maybe I should move in with you and Rose,’ I say acerbically.
His smile widens.
‘Never again,’ I warn, before he gets any ideas.
We sit and chat for a couple of hours, eventually heading back to my apartment so I can get ready for work. Michelle is hanging out on the sofa, watching TV, but she goes to her room when we appear. I frown after her – she didn’t need to make herself scarce.
‘Coffee?’ I ask.
‘Sure.’ Angus comes and stands in the doorframe, watching me.
‘Do you work every night at Roxy’s?’ he asks.
‘Pretty much. I need the money.’
He nods thoughtfully. ‘Doesn’t leave you much room for a social life, though.’
‘I don’t need one.’
‘When was the last time you went on a date?’ he asks.
‘Oh God, here we go again.’ I stare at the ceiling. ‘I’ve got other things to worry about right now than men.’
‘Rose wants me to set her up with one of the guys from my work,’ he continues, not put off by my tone.
‘Are you going to?’ I ask casually, hoping the answer is yes.
‘I told her I wouldn’t,’ he replies with a grin, and I can picture him hamming it up in his overprotective big brother role. I bet Rose loved it, I think meanly. ‘But there is one guy that I think she might like,’ he surprises me by saying.
‘Really?’
‘I don’t know if she’s serious about meeting someone, though.’
‘Is she alright?’ I find myself asking.
‘I think she’s been lonely,’ he replies honestly. ‘She says it’s nice being around someone her own age again. I think it must’ve been hard at times, being with your mum all the time.’
I nod and change the subject.
The following week drags by. I keep hoping Angus will call, but he doesn’t, so on Thursday I call him myself and ask what he’s up to on Saturday. Saturday is a big busking day for me, but I don’t want to go any longer without seeing him, so I’m willing to jack it in.
I’m crushed when he tells me that he’s going away with his mum at the weekend – they’re visiting old friends in Brighton.
‘But I’m coming to your gig next week,’ he tells me. ‘Obviously.’
‘Okay, that’s good,’ I reply half-heartedly.
On Wednesday night, six days later, I’m the most nervous I’ve ever been before a gig. It’s been months since I last played to an audience at a social club and Elvis & Joe’s is a far cry from that sort of venue – it’s easily the nicest place I’ve ever performed. But that’s not why I’m on edge. Nor is it because I’m worried about who will be watching or whether I’ll remember my words. I know my songs inside out and back to front, and it doesn’t matter how many people turn up because I’ll be as comfortable with fifty as I would be with five.
No, what I’m nervous about is seeing Angus again.
I wish I felt as at ease with him as Rose does. She’s always been so relaxed in his company, and no doubt she’s feeling even more so now that they live together.
It still grates on me that she gets to see him every day, not that this is anything new. When they lived in London, Rose hung out with Phoebe and Angus all the time. I used to feel so left out, but I just couldn’t imagine being part of that group, not with how I felt about Angus.
I don’t really understand how Rose can be comfortable with Angus if she has feelings for him. Does she still have feelings for him? Has she ever been in love with him? Knowing Rose, it was just an infatuation, another silly crush. She always was a hopeless romantic.
But what if she does love him? And what if her feelings are one day reciprocated?
The thought makes me want to throw up.
‘You look nervous,’ Michelle says, entering the small backstage area where I’m waiting. I’m due to go on shortly.
‘I’m fine,’ I insist as she passes me a glass of water. ‘Thanks.’ I take a large gulp.
‘There’s a good crowd out there,’ she tells me, impressed. ‘All of the tables are full.’
‘I’m sure they only came in for the food,’ I say. Not that it matters. It’s nicer to play to numbers, despite what I said earlier. ‘Have you seen Angus?’ I ask casually.
‘Yep, he’s here,’ she replies. ‘He’s got a few mates with him.’
‘Aw, really?’ My heart swells and she smiles at me.
Once I’m sitting on a stool on the darkened stage with my guitar plugged into an amp, I scan the room. My eyes find Angus almost immediately. He’s moved forward from the bar and is standing a few metres away with a beer in his hand. He raises it up to me, and as he smiles, my stomach somersaults.
Then the lights above the stage go on. I lean closer to the mic as the crowd noise dies down. Joe doesn’t do announcements, he said, so I have to introduce myself. I’ll say a few more words later, but right now I just want to get down to business with one of my quirkiest songs.
‘Hi everyone. I’m Eliza Thomson and this song is called, “Don’t Forget Your Toothbrush”.’
I strum my guitar and start to sing.
‘You were amazing!’ Michelle enthuses as I step down from the stage. She’s come around to the side to meet me and I’m so grateful for her support. My responding thank you is heartfelt.
Joe appears and opens the backstage door, jerking his head towards it.
‘I’ll just go and lock up my guitar,’ I tell Michelle, glancing over my shoulder. I can’t see Angus.
‘That was a very nice set,’ Joe says as the door closes behind us. ‘I can’t believe we haven’t had you in before.’
‘I’d love to come back,’ I reply with a cheeky grin.
He chuckles. ‘I’m sure we can arrange something. Give me a call in a couple of days or pop in if you’re in town. We’ll set something up.’
‘Thank you!’ I try to resist hugging him.
I put away my things and freshen up, swapping my T-shirt for one that isn’t sweaty from being under the stage-lights. My hair is quite long at the moment and I’m wearing it in a single plait that drapes over my left shoulder. I need to get around to cutting it. My thoughts make the easy jump towards Rose, who recently cut Angus’s hair for him.
I wonder if she knew about this gig. Did she in any small way want to come? As soon as I think the thought, I push it out of my head. I’m not about to go getting sentimental.
Michelle is waiting near the door when I return to the bar area.
‘Do you know where Angus is?’ I ask, cutting to the chase.
‘He’s at the bar, getting you a drink,’ she replies with a smile.
‘Come on, then,’ I urge.
‘Hey!’ he says when we find him a moment later. He sweeps me up in a hug and crushes me to his hot, slightly damp body. He feels incredible. ‘That was great,’ he enthuses, pulling away. ‘Best gig I’ve ever seen you do. Are you happy?’
‘Yeah. I think so. Yes.’
‘Here, I got you a beer.’
‘Thanks.’ We chink glasses.
‘Which is the guy you think Rose might like?’ I ask him a little later, furtively studying his friends.
‘Evan, there.’ He nods at a dark-haired, medium-height bloke wearing a white shirt and navy blazer.
‘You reckon?’ I wrinkle up my nose.
‘You don’t think she’d go for him?’
I shrug. ‘I don’t know. Maybe. Yeah, actually, she probably would.’ He looks a bit too safe and middle-of-the-road for me. ‘What was she doing tonight?’ I ask.
‘Just watching telly,’ he replies casually.
‘You didn’t think about asking her to come?’
He looks confused. ‘I thought you didn’t want her to know we’re seeing each other?’
I shift on my feet, suddenly uncomfortable. ‘Don’t you think it’s a bit odd keeping it from her? I mean, why is it a secret?’
He looks nonplussed. ‘Okay, no worries, I’ll come clean tomorrow.’
‘She’s going to wonder why you didn’t mention it. It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong.’
I blush as soon as the words come out of my mouth. Unfortunately, he notices. He stares down at me for a long moment, his mouth drawn out into a straight line. Then one of his mates interrupts and that’s the last we say on the matter.
Angus drives Michelle and me home. My nerves are back in force as we walk into the apartment.
‘I’m knackered, guys, I’m calling it a night,’ Michelle says, raising a cheeky eyebrow at me as she goes in for a hug.
‘Thanks for the lift, Angus,’ she adds nonchalantly.
‘You’re welcome,’ he replies. He sounds nervous too.
‘Do you want a beer?’ I ask him.
‘No, I’ve had my limit,’ he replies, slumping onto the sofa.
‘Coffee? Tea?’
‘A soft drink would be good. I’ll be up all night if I have another caffeine hit.’ He yawns and stretches, making his T-shirt ride up.
‘I didn’t realise you were driving tonight,’ I call, heading into the kitchen.
‘I wanted to give you a lift home.’
‘Really?’ I glance out the door at him. ‘That was sweet of you.’
He doesn’t say anything else as I get our drinks, joining him on the sofa. I sit at the other end, my knees up, facing him.
‘So, I wanted to run something by you,’ he says, looking awkward.
‘Go on.’ I’m immediately apprehensive.
‘Don’t look so worried,’ he says with a small smile. He can talk. ‘It’s just that I’ve been asked to write a feature about themed hotels and I need to check out one that I think you’d like. It’s called Hotel Gotham. Have you heard of it?’
I sit up straighter. ‘The one in the old Bank building that’s inspired by Batman?’
‘That’s it.’
‘The rooftop bar there is supposed to be great!’
‘And the restaurant is great, too. I know you probably can’t get out of work on Saturday night, but do you want to come for dinner with me on Sunday?’
‘Definitely!’
He grins. ‘I don’t know why I was worried about asking you.’
I pull a face at him. ‘Neither do I, you moron. You should have known I’d jump at the chance to do anything Batman-related.’
We used to get so excited about comics when we were younger.
We chat for a little while, but soon I’m stifling yawns.
‘You’re knackered,’ he notes. ‘I should probably head off.’
‘Sorry, no, you don’t have to go,’ I say.
‘I’d better. I’ve got a deadline in the morning, but I’ll see you on Sunday? I’m going to check in at around three p.m. and chill out so come whenever.’
I follow him to the door and lean against the wall, waiting for him to open it. I wish he wasn’t leaving. He turns to face me.
‘You were incredible tonight,’ he says sincerely. ‘Well done.’
He really means it, too. The words could sound glib coming from anyone else.
‘Thank you again,’ I reply seriously, looking up at him.
He doesn’t make any attempt to leave, and as we continue to stand there facing each other, my heart begins to beat faster.
He sighs quietly, a pensive look in his beautiful eyes.
And then he speaks. ‘I still care about you.’
I swallow, unable to look away, until his small step forward jolts me to my senses.
‘Angus,’ I say, startled. ‘No.’
He touches his forehead to mine and takes my hand, silencing me. That’s all he does. But my heart feels like it’s about to catapult itself out of my ribcage.
‘I’ll see you Sunday. Any time after three,’ he reminds me, and then he steps away, letting go of my hand to open the door.
‘Wait...’ I say, as he walks over the threshold.
He stops in his tracks, but doesn’t turn around.
‘Maybe don’t say anything to Rose, after all,’ I say.
He nods and I close the door behind him.
As soon as he’s gone, my mind goes into overdrive.
What am I doing? Nothing has changed, not really. Phoebe might not be here, but Mum and Rose are, and what the hell would Judy think? Angus and I can’t be together, not like that.
But the thought of going back to never seeing him makes me want to sob my heart out.
Michelle finds me on the sofa in exactly that state a few minutes later.
‘Hey!’ she exclaims, hurrying over to me. ‘What’s wrong?’
I shake my head. I’m crying, so talking isn’t ideal right now.
She runs her hand across my hair, soothingly.
‘What happened?’ she asks. ‘Are you thinking about Phoebe?’
‘I’m always thinking about Phoebe!’
‘Aw, Lize,’ she says gently, still stroking my hair. ‘I know I’ve said this before, but have you tried talking to her?’
‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘I can’t. I wouldn’t even know where to start.’ My bottom lip is trembling like crazy.
‘Can it hurt to try?’ she asks.
‘Yes,’ I bite back. ‘It can hurt a lot.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she murmurs.
‘It’s okay. Maybe I just need to get some sleep. I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning.’
‘It’s been a pretty full-on night,’ she agrees. ‘You’ve had a lot on your plate.’
I nod and get up from the sofa, drying the tears from my eyes.
‘Eliza?’ She calls after me on my way to the bathroom.
‘Yes?’
‘Isn’t it about time you put yourself first? If Angus is the one for you... I don’t think Phoebe would want you to be unhappy.’
‘Phoebe would hate me to be with Angus!’ I hiss, my voice sounding choked.
‘Are you sure about that? Because I’m not convinced,’ she says.
I suddenly feel very weary. ‘I’m so tired of doing the right thing,’ I mumble.
‘Try talking to her,’ Michelle urges. ‘Please. For me.’
I don’t say anything as I head into the bathroom.