Chapter 5
Rose
There’s a strange sort of melancholy in my heart as I gently place Eliza’s diary down on my stomach, trying not to dislodge any of the old concert tickets or scraps of paper that meant something to her years ago. It’s late at night and I’m lying in bed, my eyes sore from the strain of keeping them open. Mum seemed keen for company after dinner, but I was desperate to get back to my clandestine reading.
I have an unusual urge to give Eliza a hug. She’s still out at her gig and I’m tempted to wait up for her, but I’d only freak her out. She wouldn’t understand the reason for the gesture and I wouldn’t be able to explain my sudden affection for her.
I had no idea she’d fallen so hard.
‘Fuck.’ That’s her opening word. And then: ‘It’s him. That guy from the park. He’s our new next-door neighbour. And Phoebe has a date with him tomorrow. How the hell did that happen?!’
I just don’t understand why she never said anything. I mean, okay, Phoebe had lined up a date with Angus within minutes of meeting him and when Phoebe wants something, the rest of us tend to step aside and offer our best wishes. She has that effect on people and no one holds it against her because she’s personable and popular, not bullish. Well, not usually, although she was pushing it the day she met Angus with all her ‘I saw him first!’ nonsense.
But that’s the thing. Phoebe didn’t see him first. Eliza did. A whole year before he moved in.
She was at the local park and he was on the skateboard ramp. She sat and watched him for ages, but couldn’t pluck up the courage to say hello. She went back looking for him for months afterwards, but never saw him again. Well, not until he bloody well moved in next door and, within minutes, her cherished Phoebe had got her claws into him.
Poor Eliza. She didn’t even try to fight for him.
Unlike me...
My face burns as a few choice memories flood my brain...
I didn’t meet Angus until the Saturday morning after he’d arrived. I’d gone outside to bring in the recycling box and he happened to be doing the same. I’d just reached the footpath when I heard his front door slam.
‘Hey!’ he called, jogging lazily down his driveway towards me.
I hadn’t brushed my hair and was still wearing my dressing gown – mortifying.
‘Hello,’ I called back weakly, trying to hide my blushing face. But I caught his smile and couldn’t resist looking at him as he approached.
‘Let me guess. Rose?’ His eyebrows pulled together adorably. He was so tall – towering over me at about six foot two or three.
‘Yes,’ I replied, both surprised and flattered that he’d guessed right. ‘And you’re Angus.’
‘Yeah. No identical siblings to confuse you.’
His eyes were curious – stunning. It was both a struggle to look away and to make eye contact. His dark-blond hair fell just so across his forehead and I remember I had a strong desire to run my fingers through it.
‘I heard my sister is taking you out later,’ I said, wanting to kick Phoebe.
‘Hopefully,’ he replied. ‘If she’s still up for it.’
‘I’m sure she is.’ I knew she was. She hadn’t stopped going on about it.
Maybe he sensed the downturn of my mood, because the next thing I knew, he was inviting me.
‘Come along, too, if you like?’
I could tell he meant it and I was genuinely tempted.
‘Oh, thanks!’ But Phoebe would kill me! ‘Um, maybe,’ I added, not committing either way. Perhaps Phoebe wouldn’t mind too much. ‘Guess I should go and get dressed, in any case.’ I bent down and picked up our recycling box.
‘Maybe see you later then,’ he said amiably.
‘Maybe.’
I caught his eye again and my blush intensified.
Phoebe was still at the kitchen table eating breakfast with Dad when I went back inside. I casually mentioned that I’d met Angus and he’d invited me along today.
‘Oh no, you don’t,’ Phoebe said firmly, putting her spoon down in her bowl with a clatter.
‘What’s this?’ Dad asked, glancing up at me.
‘Rose is trying to get in on my date with Angus,’ Phoebe said and her unusually cold tone made me squirm.
‘Rose,’ Dad said, eyeing me with disappointment. I felt ashamed. Phoebe and Dad were very close and she had evidently already told him about her crush on the boy next door.
‘I didn’t say yes,’ I snapped at them both. ‘God!’
I stormed out of the room and we never spoke about it again.
I was still awake when Phoebe came in that night and I went to the landing and watched her moon her way up the stairs. I knew from the moment she looked up at me that they’d kissed. I tried to be happy for her – I didn’t usually begrudge my favourite sister – but my heart sank. She always got the best of everything.
But it was done, and after that I had to live with it, had to witness The Angus and Phoebe Show. He was clearly besotted with her, but I wasn’t convinced of the level of her affection for him. I knew that she liked him a lot, but she always acted so confident and independent, certainly not clingy or needy. I had the impression that his feelings for her ran deeper.
Sometimes he’d call round and she’d be off rock climbing with Dad, without even telling him that she’d be out for the day. I felt sorry for him when that happened, and I’d invite him in for a cuppa to try to cheer him up. Eventually we became friends on our own terms, but I still had a soft spot for him. Being completely honest, had Phoebe stepped aside, I would have picked up the pieces.
Angus was sweet. He still is, bless him. I love him to bits, but luckily not like that any more. Now he’s just Gus, my gorgeous big brother who looks out for me.
I had absolutely no idea that Eliza, while acting like she couldn’t be arsed to come downstairs and say hello when Angus called around, was actually avoiding him because it hurt too much to see him. That seems like an entirely different level to what I felt.
The urge to hug her returns.
I’m being ridiculous. All of this happened years ago and Eliza must be over her feelings for him by now. She’d better be, because she’ll be seeing Angus all the time once he moves here.
I feel a stab of jealousy. I’ve been a core part of Phoebe and Angus’s London gang for years, and now Eliza will have them all to herself. It makes me remember that hellish year at school when Mum and Dad decided to separate us. We constantly squabbled so they put us into different classes and Eliza was the one who got Phoebe. I feel a pinch even now as I remember them tailing off to go to their classroom together.
I sigh heavily. At least I’ll still have Josie to spend time with in London.
I was disappointed when Phoebe didn’t invite me on her hen holiday, although I did understand. Chamonix was her and Josie’s thing, not mine, and Phoebe could hardly ask me without inviting Eliza. But I’ve got to know Josie well over the last few years and she feels almost as much my friend as Phoebe’s.
Luckily she and her husband, Craig, will still be in my life when Gus and Phoebe leave. And Gerard, too, of course.
I jolt. What’s the time? He was supposed to call me tonight.
Oh well. We’ll speak in the morning. I pick up Eliza’s diary and continue to read.