Chapter 9
Eliza
There’s a lump in my throat as I walk out of yet another estate agent’s. So far, I’ve seen eight places and none of them have been right, nor can I see myself getting on with any of the people that I’d have to share with. My potential flatmates seem to be either a bit snotty, or grotty students with no one in between.
I can’t believe I have to leave my home. Bloody Angus. And bloody Rose for being such a frigging driplet! Mum is happy living there with me, and I’m happy living with her. We keep each other company.
My eyes sting with tears because deep down I know that the time is right for her to move into something smaller and more manageable. She’s almost seventy, but she’s an old almost-seventy. I think having the three of us in her forties aged her, and she’s definitely suffered since Dad died. I’m not there enough – if I’m not busking, I’m waitressing – and she’s rattling around in that big house all by herself. I know she’s lonely and could do with more company, people her own age, but I’ll miss her and I’ll miss my home. I’ll even miss my stupid waitressing job and my stupid boss, Mario, who looks at my tits every day. No, maybe I won’t miss him.
I sniff and begin a futile search in my bag for a tissue, but I give up and dry my eyes with the hem of my T-shirt instead, glaring at a guy passing on the pavement when he gawps at my bellybutton ring.
I’m tired. I wouldn’t be so emotional if I’d got a decent night’s sleep, but last night’s argument with Angus put a stop to that. It was typical of what happens when we’re alone for any length of time. Our defences slip and we fall back into the past to a place where we can speak openly, laugh, argue, cajole. We can be the best of friends or the worst of enemies.
But nobody else is allowed to see this side of us. They wouldn’t understand how we got to be so close. In front of others, we have to keep our distance. Living 200 miles apart makes this easier.
Sometimes, when I feel like torturing myself, I imagine what could have been, how things might’ve turned out if I’d gone downstairs to introduce myself the moment I’d seen Judy’s car pull up on Mr Templeton’s driveway. I was watching from the window and my jaw nearly hit the sill at the sight of Angus climbing out of the car. He was as heart-skippingly sexy as I’d remembered. The moving truck arrived and he got stuck straight in with helping to unload it while I watched him, fixated.
And then Phoebe appeared.
I felt sick to my stomach because I had an idea how the next few minutes were going to play out. I thought about bolting downstairs and going outside to introduce myself, but I couldn’t make my feet move, so I stayed, frozen at the window with a sinking heart as Angus’s mum came outside and Phoebe won her over, too. You should have seen their faces when Phoebe headed into our house. Judy looked beside herself with glee and Angus was smitten. Phoebe had him, hook, line and sinker.
When she rushed up the stairs to warn us off, I threw myself onto the bed and pretended to be asleep.
I don’t know why I didn’t tell her that Angus was my mystery skateboarder – I’d mentioned him at the time and she knew I’d gone back looking for him – but I doubt it would have made a difference.
Phoebe is determined. If she likes something, she usually gets it – she’s lucky like that – and I can’t even hate her for it because I love her to death.
But also, I’m honest enough with myself to know that I couldn’t have charmed Angus and his mum like Phoebe did. I’m a slow-burner, not a bright spark. Phoebe would probably still have offered to show Angus around, and at the end of the day, they still would have kissed.
I didn’t meet Angus until the Sunday when Phoebe introduced us and I couldn’t help but be a bit standoffish. I remember Phoebe glowering at me, willing me to be nicer to her new boyfriend, but I didn’t have it in me and, after that, I went out of my way to avoid him.
My attempts only lasted so long, though, and a few weeks after he moved in, he overheard me singing. I was sitting on my windowsill, playing my guitar, but this was no Disney movie and I was no princess because it was late at night and I was as drunk as a skunk and intermittently smoking a fag. Suddenly a ball of paper came flying through the window...
‘What the hell?’ I exclaimed, poking my head out into the cool night air.
‘Hi,’ Angus whispered loudly with a grin, waving at me from what I assumed was his own bedroom window a few metres away – our house was a semi and his bedroom backed onto mine.
‘You scared the shit out of me!’ I hissed.
‘Sorry,’ he replied cheekily, nodding at my cigarette. ‘Have you got a spare?’
‘No, it’s my last one.’ I narrowed my eyes at him. ‘I didn’t know you smoked.’ Phoebe hated smokers.
‘I don’t usually, but I’ve had one too many beers,’ he replied. ‘Give us a drag?’
I hesitated, but then thought why not, putting down my guitar and leaning out of the window while he leaned out of his. We must’ve both been very pissed because there was no way in hell we were going to reach each other.
‘Bollocks,’ he said.
‘Shall I throw it to you?’ I suggested.
‘Sure, if you want to burn the house down.’
I sniggered. ‘Guess I’d better not risk it.’
He grinned at me, still hanging out of his window. ‘Where have you been tonight?’ he asked.
‘Pub in the city. What about you?’
‘Just down the local with a few mates.’
‘You’ve made some, then.’ I took a drag of my cigarette and blew the smoke out in his direction.
‘Shit, I really want a drag,’ he said, distractedly ignoring my jibe. ‘I know!’ His eyes lit up and he ducked back inside. I could hear him making a racket in his room and then he reappeared with a long plank of wood.
‘What the hell is that?’ I exclaimed.
‘Skirting board.’ He stuck it out of the window in my direction without further explanation. It wobbled this way and that from the effort of keeping it straight.
‘There’s not much left,’ I said, indicating my almost-butt.
‘Quick,’ he urged, so I popped it on the end of the plank. It immediately rolled off and fell into the flowerbed below.
We both swore at the same time.
‘Sorry,’ he mumbled.
I smirked at him. ‘At least you won’t have dog-breath in the morning. Phoebe will still kiss you.’
‘Where is she?’ he asked.
‘In bed.’ Her room was at the back of the house, overlooking the garden.
‘Didn’t you go out for dinner tonight with your uncle?’ he asked.
Uncle Simon – the youngest of Dad’s three brothers – and his long-term partner Katherine were over from Australia.
‘Yeah, but I stayed out afterwards.’
He nodded and we fell silent, neither of us making any move to go back inside.
‘What was that song you were singing?’ he asked after a while.
I shrugged. ‘Just something I wrote.’
‘Wow.’ He looked impressed. ‘Are you in a band?’
‘Ha. If you can call it that,’ I replied sarcastically. Our drummer, Matt, couldn’t keep time, and Gavin, the bassist, couldn’t play anywhere near as well as he thought he could.
‘Well, if that was a single, I’d buy it,’ Angus said.
‘How drunk are you?’
‘I’m pretty fucking wasted,’ he declared with a chuckle, smiling at me. The look in his eyes made my heart flip.
‘I should hit the sack,’ I said.
‘Already?’ he asked with surprise. ‘I reckon I’ll throw up if I lie down now.’
‘Me too,’ I reluctantly admitted.
‘Stay and chat to me. I’ve hardly spoken to you since I moved in.’
I knew he was just being friendly. But I also knew that I shouldn’t allow myself to get too close to him. Honestly, though? This was the first time I’d had him to myself and I didn’t want it to end.
So we sat and talked about our favourite music, movies, comic book heroes, friends, everything, for another hour – it might have even been two. When we got the munchies, he remembered a squished Twix in his rucksack, and this time we managed to get the plank to work. I’ve never stifled laughter so much in my life. We formed a bond that night that never went away, but it was a bad thing for both of us.
The next morning, I woke up and cursed at the pounding in my head, but when I saw the ball of paper on the floor, I smiled the biggest smile. I don’t know why I didn’t just put it in the bin, but instead I flattened it out and the sight of Angus’s messy handwriting made my heart swell. It was just the start of a piece of English homework – nothing special – but I couldn’t throw it away.
As the days turned into weeks, I longed to have him to myself again, but I forced myself to keep my window shut. Sometimes I caved, but on those nights, he wasn’t about.
Then, in June, just before our eighteenth birthday, his best friend from Brighton came to stay.
I was down the back of the garden, hanging out in the tree house that Dad had built for us when we were kids. Rose and Phoebe hadn’t used it for years, but it had sort of become my sanctuary, my favourite place to go to write.
It was still light, only just, when Angus and Kieran came down to the back of his garden with a couple of beers. Phoebe and Rose had gone to the movies with a few friends, but I hadn’t wanted to see the romcom they’d chosen, so I’d stayed at home.
I listened to Angus and Kieran’s conversation as it carried across the fence to my ears, and it wasn’t long before they started talking about us.
‘I can’t believe you live next door to triplets,’ Kieran said. ‘Jeez, mate, no wonder you’re not missing Brighton.’
‘They’re pretty beautiful, aren’t they?’ Angus replied, his tone laced with dry amusement.
‘Hot as hell.’
‘Oi. That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about,’ Angus said.
‘I’m referring to the other two.’
They both laughed.
‘Seriously, though, are Phoebe’s sisters single?’ Kieran asked.
‘Rose and Eliza? I’m pretty sure they’re both seeing people.’
We weren’t.
‘What are they like?’ Kieran asked. ‘You’re really into Phoebe, right?’
‘Yeah, she’s amazing,’ Angus replied warmly. ‘I reckon she could do anything and she’d be good at it. Rose doesn’t have Phoebe’s sense of adventure, but she’s really sweet and she goes out of her way for people. And Eliza...’ His voice trailed off and I felt like I could hear my heart beating in my throat. ‘Liza is very cool, very smart, and she’s fiercely protective, especially of Phoebe. But underneath it all, I think that she’s the one who needs protecting, although she’d bite your head off if you ever suggested it.’
‘You sound like you’re in love with all three of them,’ Kieran mused. ‘Ever thought about, you know, getting it on with all—’
‘Piss off!’ Angus interrupted.
They laughed, but that was the end of the interesting conversation.
I stayed where I was, not wanting them to know I’d overheard, and eventually they got sick of the midges and went back into the house.
But my head continued to reel. No one had ever had us – me – so well pegged. It seemed like everything Angus said or did made me fall for him a little bit more. I knew I was in trouble, and the feeling was unbearable.
Sometimes I would catch him looking at me and I’d sense a slight confusion radiating from him. Perhaps he also wondered what would have happened if he and I had got to know each other before he’d jumped headfirst into a relationship with Phoebe. Did he ever regret doing that?
I know he’s loved her from the beginning. Even when he was with me, he loved her. But I suspect there’s a small part of Angus that has always loved me, too.
With all of these thoughts still spinning around my head, I come to a stop on the pavement outside another estate agent’s. Gathering myself together, I push through the door. If Angus and Phoebe are moving to Manchester, I really have no choice but to leave.