I HAVE UNINTERRUPTED TIME IN the bathroom as I get ready for Breck’s party Saturday evening. We won the game against East Meadow yesterday, which put us all in a great mood. Raegan didn’t even complain about Breck’s party once.

I pull on my new cream-colored top, wrap my hair into a messy bun, and because I’m feeling festive, I slip into a pair of strappy wedges and slather on a bold, red lipstick. For the first time in weeks, I feel good. Confident.

When Alex gave me a ride back after the cleanup yesterday, I was tempted to ask if he was coming to Breck’s party. In the end, I didn’t. I knew it wasn’t exactly his type of thing. At least that’s what I tell myself. The honest part of me knows it’s because Jay will be there, and perhaps I don’t want to admit my feelings toward Alex are slightly complex.

I still don’t know what came over me yesterday. I blame the heat.

I grab my purse and keys from my nightstand. I’m a few feet away from the stairs when Nonnie whirls around the corner, Wallis at her heels. When he spots me, he begins to pounce toward me.

“Stay!” I shout.

Wallis turns his wet nose to me, then back at Nonnie. He flumps his butt on the ground.

I let out a breath.

Nonnie takes in my attire. “Oh my, where are you going?”

I didn’t expect to run into anyone as I was leaving. Earlier I told my dad that a few of us were going to hang at Breck’s house and that, yes, parents would be home. Other than having to check in twice, either by text or by call, he was okay with it. The less he knew, the better.

“A friend’s.” I don’t elaborate.

Nonnie grins. “There’ll be boys at this party?”

I fold my arms. “I said I was going to a friend’s.”

“Oh good lord, child. I was born at night, but not last night. Just be careful of those young fellows. At your age, they don’t exactly think with their brain, if you know what I mean.”

Wallis gives a resounding woof! as if he’s a part of this conversation.

I slide by her, antsy to leave already. “I will.”

I blast my music loud as I make the short drive to Breck’s house. It’s a beautiful, cloudless Texas night with the slightest stirring of a breeze. The stars are bold freckles on the sky, brighter than I remember them being in Portland. Once I park, I grab my purse and head inside.

Surprisingly, the party is pretty low-key. There can’t be more than three dozen people here, including a majority of the boys’ basketball team. I say hi to a few girls I know from the Wavettes as I step through the doorway, moving past a small group chugging from red Solo cups.

I spot Colton first. He’s wearing a black skull T-shirt with his headphones around his neck, and he waves when he sees me.

“Glad you showed,” he says, and I notice he’s traded his green braces bands for black ones. “Whitney and Lin are outside.”

I almost say a quick thanks and leave, but I remember my list and the fact that he’s number 9. Colton and I were never close, but we were friends. I don’t want to dismiss him so quickly.

“How’s band practice going? Don’t you have a show coming up?”

He looks surprised that I remembered. “Actually, yeah. Two Fridays from now at the Pit. You should come.”

“For sure,” I say. Even though Colton’s music isn’t my particular taste, I still want to support him. “Let me know?”

He grins. “Rad.”

I turn toward the sliding doors and head into the backyard. This is Breck’s mother’s pride and joy. A few summers ago, she built a wooden porch with an overhanging terrace. Fairy lights are strung above it, giving the patio a soft, magical vibe. The rest of the yard consists of perfectly manicured grass and an abundance of strategically placed planters, pots, and patio furniture.

Lin grabs my attention first. “Kira!”

I wave, then head over to the farthest corner of the porch where they’re standing. Whitney’s armed with a plastic cup and a lazy smile. She’s wearing a navy dress that enhances her cleavage in what has to be a purely intentional way. Lin stands next to her wearing a Peter Pan–collared blouse that’s patterned with cherries, paired perfectly with a black skirt. She has on her signature purple cat-eye glasses, and a bright-pink color is slathered on her lips.

Even though Whitney is adamantly disinterested in rekindling our friendship, I’m still determined to make things right between us.

“Are we being antisocial?” I say, gesturing to the exclusiveness of the corner.

Whitney brushes a piece of stray hair away from her face. “We’re avoiding Jay. He’s being a dick.”

My eyes widen in surprise. Not only because she directly answered my question, but at her blatant insult toward her boyfriend. I look to Lin for clarification.

She sighs. “He had Jennifer buy them beer.”

“He knows I don’t like her!”

“Wait,” I say. “Who’s Jennifer?”

Whitney takes a long chug of her drink.

Lin sighs. “Jennifer White? She hangs out with that other girl, you know, Jessica?”

Oh. Right. The college girls who are “obsessed” with Jay.

“Then she hung around for like, thirty minutes,” Whitney says. “You should have seen her. She was all over him, and he was eating it up.”

I’m surprised at how much she’s confiding in me. I think back to my list. Maybe we’re actually making progress. But then she swigs what’s left of her drink and I realize that must be the source of her sudden chattiness.

I’m not a prude when it comes to alcohol. Back when we were freshmen, Whitney would insist on going to house parties she heard about from sophomores. I always preferred more cranberry than vodka in my drinks, but I never got wasted. And when my dad’s addiction became increasingly worse, I lost interest in drinking. With everything I’d been through with him, it didn’t seem worth it.

She shakes her empty cup. “I need a refill,” she declares, then walks back inside.

I want to get more details from Lin, but before I can she turns to me. “Want to go in?”

I shrug, so we do. Breck has his Spotify playlist blasting in the kitchen, so almost everyone is sitting in the living room so they can talk without shouting. From across the room, I see Whitney has propped herself up on a beige love seat next to Breck, who polishes off the rest of his beer. I don’t see Jay, which is weird. He was never one to disappear at these kinds of things. He likes the attention too much.

“How are decathlon practices going?” I ask Lin.

Her eyes find Breck on the love seat. “You know, not terrible. Breck is pretty smart—but don’t tell him I said that. His ego is big enough already.”

“Massive.”

“Right! At first, I thought he was only in it for the scholarship money if we win—which, I mean, I think we all are in some way. But I genuinely think he enjoys it?” Her voice heightens at the end. A question. “Anyway, the rest of the team is happy with him, too. We may have a solid chance at winning state this year.”

“That’s great,” I say, and I mean it.

“It is,” she agrees. “Hey, I miss this. One-on-one time, I mean.”

Relief eases through me. It feels good to have one of my best friends back.

“I do, too.”

“You should spend the night soon. Like old times.”

“Only if we can Netflix an obscure movie we’ve never heard of and reenact all the cringeworthy scenes.”

She laughs. “Absolutely.”

My hand slides to my pocket, which is empty. I quickly check my purse. Crap. I left my phone in my car. If I don’t text my dad to check in, he won’t hesitate to revoke my newfound freedom.

“My phone’s in the car,” I tell Lin. “I have to update my dad or I’m at risk of being grounded.”

“That’s very authoritative of him.”

“I know,” I say, but for some reason I smile. “I’ll be right back.”

Lin raises her cup. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”

I wander down the hallway and toward the front of the house. When I open the front door, I freeze. Jay is standing on the porch, but so is another girl I don’t recognize. He takes an automatic step back. The other girl appears unfazed. Her honey-blond hair is perfectly straight despite the humid evening, and she’s wearing a top that’s tighter than a lid on a pickle jar.

“Kira.” Jay fiddles with his left earlobe. It’s a nervous tic. I noticed that he did it a lot during tests our freshman year. “Jennifer stopped by with more beer.” He holds up a twelve-pack.

Oh. This is Jennifer.

“I better go.” She eyes me like I’ve interrupted something. “I didn’t realize I was holding you up.”

I don’t want Jay to think I was looking for him, so I let my keys dangle from my fingers. “I left my phone in the car.”

I step around them and walk down the porch steps toward the driveway. When I glance back, Jennifer is still standing there talking to him. The whole image makes my stomach churn. How long has he been out here? Why was he nervous? I mean, it’s not like they were doing anything, but it doesn’t exactly seem innocent.

I haven’t talked to Jay since Tuesday’s history class when he put my name in that hangman puzzle. I feel guilty. I know it wasn’t my fault, but still. If Whitney is overreacting about Jennifer, she would definitely overreact if she saw my name written in his notebook.

And since when did Jay start talking with older girls? And when did he start accepting beer from older girls? He’s always had a reputation for being a star student and star basketball player. Breck’s the one who’s notorious for flirting, not him.

After I grab my phone and lock up, I head back to the house. Jay is still on the porch, but there’s no sign of Jennifer. He gives me a small wave as I come closer.

“So,” I say, raising an eyebrow. “You’re on beer duty?”

He shrugs. “I thought we could use more. The night is young.”

I’m not standing very close to him, but I’m close enough to smell his cologne. It’s a little overpowering, something that’s musky and unfamiliar. He’s wearing a black button-down with a pair of jeans. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in a nice shirt before. It’s like he’s stepped out of a J. Crew ad. It feels… wrong.

“Whitney’s looking for you.”

His amused expression deflates a little. “I figured,” he says, opening the front door. “Better go.”

He’s distant again. I step inside behind him, but instead of feeling uneasy at how weird our friendship has become, I feel a little irritated. He’s acting like being with Whitney is a chore. Which is annoying. Even though we’re not on the best terms at the moment, Whitney is one of the most caring people I know. She’s witty and kind and pretty, and if he can’t appreciate all the great things about her, why does he even bother?

Jay goes into the kitchen to deliver the rest of the beer, but I make a right into the living room. Lin is scrolling through something on her phone when I come up and stand next to her.

“I ran into Jay outside,” I blurt before I can think about what I’m doing.

Lin slides her phone in her pocket and looks at me. “You did?”

“He was with that girl. Jennifer.”

Lin’s eyes dart across the room to where Breck and Whitney are still sitting together in the love seat. Her head is tipped back in laughter, her brown hair spilling down the open back of her dress.

Lin sighs. “Don’t tell her.”

I frown. “Doesn’t that go against best friend code?”

“Trust me. She’s already thinking the worst. It’s better if she doesn’t have confirmation.”

“They were just talking,” I say, but I don’t know why I defend him.

Lin looks at me like I’m as transparent as a glass of water. “Do you believe that?”

I’m not sure. It’s like my life has been divided into two phases and I’m still living in the pre-Portland phase. That Jay was completely committed to our relationship. He was friendly, sure, but he wasn’t intentionally flirty. I never felt like he was untrust-worthy.

Now I’m not so sure.

Lin lifts her cup to her lips and says, “You see what she’s doing right now, right?”

I turn my gaze back to Whitney. She has one hand resting on Breck’s knee, and it looks like she’s whispering something in his ear. He cracks a smile and playfully nudges her waist with his elbow. We’ve all been close friends for a long time, but the whole room must be seeing what I’m seeing. And what I’m seeing doesn’t appear innocent.

“They’re stuck in some type of jealousy loop,” Lin says. She adjusts her frames before turning back to me. “I don’t think they’ve cheated on each other, but it’s like… I don’t know. Some kind of validation?”

I’m so confused. “What do you mean?”

Lin thinks for a minute. “It’s like they’re sending each other a message saying that they could each easily be with someone else, but at the end of the night they’ll leave together. They always do.”

I run my tongue across my bottom teeth. That doesn’t seem very healthy, but it’s not like I have the right to judge other people’s relationships. All I know is that was never how I felt with Jay, like I had to prove myself. Whitney shouldn’t have to, either. She deserves better.

My insides turn cold. If I think she deserves better, then why would I want Jay back at all?

The question immediately dissolves when I hear Whitney yell, “Kira! Lin!” from across the room. Lin gives me a strict look that says, this stays between us. I nod, even though I feel weird about the whole thing.

“Comeer,” Whitney giggles, motioning us closer. She’s clearly drunk because this is the most enthusiastic I’ve seen her act toward me since I came back. “Hey!” She says way too loudly once we’re standing next to the armchair.

“That’s it,” Breck says, attempting to take her cup away from her. “I’m cutting you off.”

Whitney pulls her arm away just before he can grab her drink. “Nope.”

I look around, but there’s still no sign of Jay.

“Hey!” Whitney says again, snapping her fingers in front of my face. “I was try’na tell Breck… remember that one night in fourth grade when we spent the night at your house? And played truth or dare?”

I’m so surprised she’s directly acknowledging me that it takes me a moment to think back. There were a lot of those times, so I nod like I know which one she’s talking about.

“And you dared me to eat a whole box of Thin Mints? Remember I did it?” She turns to Lin. “Remember?”

“She so didn’t,” Breck says, egging her on.

“Shut up!” she squeaks. “I totally did. Tell him, Kira!”

Now that she’s mentioned it, I do remember that night. Whitney, Raegan, Lin, and I moved the couch and coffee table to separate corners of the living room so we could spread our sleeping bags across the area rug. It was my idea to play truth or dare. We made Lin eat ice cream with ketchup on it and Raegan had to ding dong ditch Mrs. Riley from across the street. Whitney didn’t follow through with her dare, though. She left half a roll of Thin Mints behind before falling asleep.

I can’t tell if Lin remembers this, though. She stays quiet.

Pieces of stray hair are stuck to Whitney’s forehead. Some of her mascara is smudged, but she doesn’t seem to know. Or care.

I think about what Lin said about the both of them trying to prove themselves to each other. It makes me sad. I wish she didn’t feel like she has to do this, but Jay obviously isn’t worried about finding her anytime soon. It’s like they’re playing these stupid games to test each other’s commitment.

Then a thought occurs to me. What if she’s testing me? I know what she wants me to say, even if it’s not the truth. But maybe that’s what she needs from me for us to be close again. And that’s what I wanted, right? To make amends with her, to finally be best friends again.

So I take her side.

“She did,” I tell Breck. “I was there.”

Breck looks impressed by the lie. Whitney gives him a smug grin. I know this was the right answer, but somehow I don’t feel like I’ve won.