There have been a lot (A. LOT.) of people who’ve graciously listened to me talk about writing books, comforted me through rejection, and celebrated the publishing journey with me, and you all deserve a year-long vacation on a tropical island with a never-ending supply of cookies. Instead, I hope this sincere thank you will suffice.

A heartfelt thank you to everyone at New Leaf Literary. Sara Stricker, thank you for your brilliant notes and guidance. I am so grateful for my incredible agent, Suzie Townsend, who plucked me from the slush pile and continued to believe in me throughout these last several years. Suzie—my god—you’ve read SO many versions of this story and really helped me shape it into something great. You are a phenomenal person, and I am a better writer because of you. Thank you a million times over for your endless support.

To my amazing, hardworking team at Little, Brown/JIMMY Patterson Books: Thank you for reading my words and loving them enough to want to publish them. I am so lucky and fortunate to work with such exceptional people. Thank you to everyone who had a hand in bringing this book to life: Linda, Sabrina, Pat, Erinn, Scott, and everyone involved in the sales, design, and production. Many hugs, thanks, and praise to Sasha Henriques and Aubrey Poole for your extremely helpful edits—and for simply being wonderful.

I am also beyond thankful for my editor, Jenny Bak, who worked tirelessly to not only make this story stronger, but to give it so much more heart. Jenny, YOU ARE A DREAM. Your passion and enthusiasm for this story means more than I can express. Thank you, thank you, thank you for loving this book. You are savvy and lovely and dedicated, and I am so lucky to be on Team JIMMY with you!

I want to extend an endless thank you to James Patterson. It’s still surreal to me that you’ve read and loved this book! Thank you for championing Kira’s story, and thank you for giving it such a spectacular home. I am so appreciative to you and what you’ve built at JIMMY Patterson Books. You’ve helped make my dream come true.

Writing can often be a lonely profession, so I am incredibly grateful for my Los Angeles writer friends who’ve offered their support and friendship over the years, especially Julie Buxbaum, Jeff Garvin, Charlotte Huang, Kerry Kletter, Kathy Kottaras, Adriana Mather, and Nicola Yoon. You all are a wealth of knowledge and genuine treasures. I am so lucky to know you.

Extending enormous thank yous to the following authors who’ve been encouraging, kind, and supportive: David Arnold, Bree Barton, Stephanie Garber, Melina Marchetta, Maura Milan, Bridget Morrissey, Adam Silvera, Josh Sundquist, Jessica Taylor, and Jeff Zentner. I admire each and every one of you.

Sending every single heart emoji to Candice Darden, Lara Parker, and Pablo Valdivia for reading this book in its roughest form and providing notes and feedback that made it better. I am so thankful to have you in my life.

Thank you to the kind, smart, and fantastic debut authors who make up the Electric Eighteens. We did it, y’all!

I can’t even begin to state how grateful I am to every single blogger, vlogger, bookstagrammer, bookseller, and librarian out there. And YOU, reader. Yes, you! THANK YOU.

I am overwhelmingly appreciative to the National Association for Children of Addiction, Alateen, American Addiction Centers, Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, and the many other organizations who provide help, compassion, and support. To everyone out there who has had alcoholism affect your life in some way: You don’t have to go through this alone.

Many thanks to Hector Bagnod for encouraging me when I couldn’t find my words, for comforting me through all the rejections, and for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. You always knew.

To all of my wonderful, caring friends, especially Drew Melton, for being the best bad influence on me, and to Sandy Melton, for being the sweetest. Big thank yous to the always-supportive Bagnod family. I’m also grateful for my ladybabes, Colleen D’Agostino and Serena Gustafson, whose drive and passion I’ll always admire. And the Leslie Knope to my Ann Perkins, Corrie Shatto, you poetic, noble land-mermaid. I cherish your friendship so much.

To my incredible C-Town crew: Britney Cossey, Lauren Davis, Frank Herpin, Shaun Ngo, Kim Patel, and Sophia Shah. I’ve cherished our conversations, laughs, and most importantly our friendship. Thank you for putting up with me for the last ten years. I hope you’ll stick around for the next ten (or twenty) more.

To my BuzzFeed family, especially everyone in LA Editorial. I am so lucky to have the privilege of working with an incredible, talented, and exceptional group of coworkers that I am proud to call my friends. You all kept me smiling during a hard time in my life, and I am forever grateful for you.

To each and every person in my big, loving, supportive family: Pam, George, Keres, Katie, Kent, Laura, Erik, Rebecca, Tim, Angela, Sarah, Jeff, Elaine, Dave, Shawnee, Brendan, Denay, Jaymie, Dan, Deanna, and Joseph. You all bring so much brightness into my life. Very special thanks to Kathy and Greg Roche for your love, generosity, and kindness in housing a struggling writer trying to find her path.

Thank you to my grandmother, Carol Bishop, whose selflessness and strength I will always admire. I don’t know anyone else who has a heart as big as yours. Also, I am certain my love for reading came from you.

To my dog, Gizmo, for being the best companion I could ask for. He can’t read this, but I think he knows.

So much love to my favorite sister, Cianna, who is stunning both inside and out. I may be older, but you’re definitely wiser. Thank you for answering all my weirdly specific questions about high school that I’d blanked on. More importantly, thank you for all the laughs—and for being you.

My mom, my rock, Debbie Penn. Thank you for the overwhelming support you’ve continued to give me growing up. I told you my dreams, and you said Yes, go get them. Thank you for not freaking out when I changed my major three times and for being there every time I have an emotional breakdown. You are smart and beautiful, and you’ve taught me so much about compassion and strength. If I can be only a fraction as incredible as you, I’ll consider myself lucky. I love you.

Finally, this book is dedicated in memory of my father, Richard Penn, and my grandmother, Clara Penn. I love you and miss you both.