NOBODY BOTHERS ME FOR THE rest of the evening, and the next morning I wake up early enough to get ready before anyone is awake. I don’t want to face them. It’s cowardly, but I’m still rattled from my outburst last night. As soon as I hear Peach lock herself in the bathroom, I walk to school with an entire hour to kill.

I avoid Alex for the first half of the morning. I don’t stop by my locker, and I take a different route to history so I won’t run into him as he’s leaving theater. I have no idea what I’m going to tell him, or how to answer the questions he’ll undoubtedly ask. He sent me a worried text once he was home—is everything ok?—but I didn’t reply. I didn’t know what to say.

When lunch rolls around, I buy two slices of pizza and slide into my spot next to Lin. Everyone is sitting at the table, except for Colton, who is mysteriously absent.

“Halloween weekend is almost upon us,” Breck announces, then nudges Jay. “And we got the invite to a senior party at Winsor Lake.”

Raegan snorts. “Trashy.”

Ever since Breck was voted Homecoming King, his confidence has been at an all-time high. Lin explained that she’s been letting him ride this wave only because it’s given him a boost in decathlon practice, which he has apparently been crushing.

Whitney glares at Jay. “You weren’t going to tell me?”

Lin gives me a look like, typical.

Jay immediately looks uncomfortable. He clears his throat. “I don’t even know if I’m going—”

“Dude!” Breck interjects. “You said you would.”

Whitney rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Have fun in that STD cesspool.”

“Hey, guys!”

I turn toward the voice. Colton is striding toward us. He’s wearing a typical band T-shirt with a dark green and gray flannel shirt over it, but it’s his smile that’s different. His braces are gone.

He takes in our blank stares. “It’s me, Colton.”

“We know that, dork.” Whitney laughs. “You’re still recognizable without a metal mouth. Congrats, by the way.”

“They took them off this morning.” Colton slides in the seat across from Jay. “I’m a free man.”

“Does this mean you’re giving up toothpicks?” I ask.

Colton shoots me a playful glare. “Hey, toothpicks are good oral hygiene.”

“They’re also disgusting,” Raegan adds.

“Kira?”

My smile fades at the sound of my name. I turn toward the voice, my stomach twisting into knots as I see Alex standing a few feet from our table. Despite the six pairs of eyes currently focused on him, his worried stare finds only mine.

I feel the shame swell over me again. I know why he’s here. He wants to make sure I’m okay, because that’s the type of guy he is. I should feel grateful, but instead I feel my defenses rise.

“Hi,” I say, but it comes out colder than we both expect.

He’s clearly uncomfortable, tugging on the back of his beanie. “I just wanted to see how you were.”

It’s a kind gesture, but I inwardly cringe. Because if he’s going out of his way to come over here to check in on me, then he knows something’s wrong. The last thing I need are his questions. It’s a stinging reminder of how awful I acted toward my dad last night.

“Fine.” I say quickly, hoping he can read my expression and drop the entire thing.

He nods. I expect him to tell me he’ll see me later and go sit with theater friends, but he doesn’t.

“Who… uh, who were those people?”

Everyone at the table is listening closely, and I suddenly realize why. Aside from Lin, my friends don’t know how close I’ve become with Alex. Not once have I invited him over here, yet he’s making an effort because he cares.

But I can’t answer him truthfully, and I don’t have any reasonable excuse to use as a cover-up. So I do the first thing that pops into my head and deny everything.

“What people?”

Alex’s brows furrow. “Last night? At your house?”

I’m weighed down by stares. I’m sinking faster than I can swim.

And then I ruin it.

“Why does it matter?” I snap.

His eyes widen. “I just—”

“Just stay out of it, okay? It’s none of your business.”

My words are sharp. Hurt crushes his features. I immediately want to take it back, but I can’t. Before I can say anything else, he shakes his head and walks away.

I close my eyes. I am the worst.

Whitney turns back to glance at him. “Was Alex at your house last night or something?”

I shake my head. Lin aggressively slams her flashcards on the table. She knows I’m lying. Alex knows something’s up. I’m stuck in this terrible, sick cycle that I can’t seem to break.

I backtrack. “Sort of. He gave me a ride home.”

“He’s cool,” Breck says. “Gave me a jump the other day in the parking lot when my battery died.”

Lin’s disapproving look cuts me deep. That’s when it hits me: My twelve-steps list will never, ever work. You can’t create a set of goals to make your future more like your past. That’s not how you move forward. Instead I’ve twisted everything into a giant lie that I’ve been attempting to live out, and keeping up with it is exhausting. I’m destroying everything good around me.

I turn to get Alex’s attention, but he’s not sitting at his usual table. When I do a quick sweep around the room, I notice he’s not there. He’s already gone.