Chapter Five

Miles and Josie

“I’m thinking about getting married.”

Phebe, Josie’s sister, and I sat in a crowded coffee shop in downtown Pinegrove. The aroma of coffee beans and the hissing of the espresso machine filled the air as we sat comfortably in the corner farthest away from everyone, trying to warm up after an afternoon of Christmas shopping. My back was to the restaurant and Phebe, of course, faced the place so she could see everything going on. She never sat anywhere with her back to people. Even six months after her rescue.

At my statement, Phebe paused with her cup halfway to her mouth. She set it back on the table before responding.

“I hope you mean to my sister,” she said, cautiously.

I had to laugh at the expression on her face. “Of course, I mean your sister.”

Her tight shoulders loosened, and she relaxed back into her seat. “Sorry, Miles, my brain was elsewhere.”

“Care to talk about it?” I asked, hoping she would. Oddly, Phebe and I had grown close over the last six months. While in no way similar, we both suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, and in a way, it bonded us. I’d killed a man who tried to shoot my boss and Phebe had survived two hellish months being held captive by a Russian sex trafficker who’d “trained her” to be his.

“Maybe. But let’s talk about this marriage thing first.”

I let her deflect the conversation from herself. For now.

“Josie and I have been together for almost a year, and I’ve been collared for half that time. I love your sister, but we both know I’m not getting any younger. I can’t explain it, but I’m feeling compelled to get married.” I stopped to take a sip of my coffee.

If I were being honest, it was my age that was causing this sudden need to get married. Yes, I wore a necklace signifying I belonged to Josie, but a ring was important to me. I knew being a collared sub showed the level of commitment Josie and I had, but I wanted her to claim me in a way that the “real world” recognized. I also wanted a symbol that she belonged to me as well.

Josie was twenty-eight to my forty-three. I hated that it bothered me so bad that she was sometimes referred to as my daughter by strangers, because she looked much younger than her age.

“Have you talked to Josie about this?” Phebe asked. “I’m pretty sure she would be the one to ask.”

I sighed in pure frustration. “I’ve hinted at it, but she’s either ignoring my hints or they’re going over her head. Josie’s a damn genius so I find it hard to believe that she’s not figuring it out.”

“Josie’s brilliant at computers, Miles. People… she needs a little work.”

I leaned forward, my hands wrapped around my coffee cup. “I know. Which is why I’m talking to you. Has she said anything to you about it? Even something in passing or casually?”

Phebe seemed puzzled. “About what? You wanting to get married? No, she hasn’t mentioned anything at all. She talks about work and Casey, and Casey and Philip and whatever ’thing’ is going on between them that isn’t going on. I mean, she talks about you too, but not about the marriage thing. It’s mostly about something funny you said. Or how you’re the most amazing roommate ever because you put the toilet seat down after you pee.”

Affronted, I stared at her. Roommate?

Phebe’s lips twitched before she burst into laughter, causing several patrons to turn and see what was so funny. She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the sound.

“Oh my god, Miles, you should have seen your face. That was priceless.” She spoke between chuckles. “I’m sorry, that was kind of mean, wasn’t it? Bah, no it wasn’t, that was epically funny, especially after that reaction.”

Now, I glared. “You suck. I’m trying to have a serious conversation here, Phebe. See if I come to you with any more of my problems.”

She bit out another bark of laughter. “Ha! Please, you’ll come crying to me tomorrow about something else. But seriously, I didn’t mean to make light. I know you’re bothered by this. But truly, Miles, she hasn’t said anything to me about it. I think it’s just not registering with her.”

I thought about what Phebe said, and more and more I realized she may be right. Josie was a straight shooter. A lot of times she didn’t get subtleties. She appreciated bluntness and candor.

“If you had to take a guess, though, what do you think she’d say if I asked her?” I hated that I sounded so unsure of myself. I hadn’t felt like this in a while.

Phebe took a long sip of her coffee before answering. “My sister loves you, Miles. Whether you’re married or not. I may be new to the whole D/s lifestyle, but I know what that collar you’re wearing signifies about your relationship. The full commitment you two have.”

My heart dropped at her words. It didn’t sound like she thought it was a good idea. When I was about to say something, she spoke again.

“However, I know that Josie will give you what you need. As your Domme, it’s what she does. If there is a need you have that she isn’t satisfying, you have to communicate that with her. And if marriage is that important to you, a need that’s being unfulfilled, then I think she’ll totally say yes. You guys love each other. And if a ’real-world’ symbol of that love is something you need, she’ll be completely on board with it.”

My excitement ramped up. “You really think so?”

Phebe nodded. “I do.”

I laughed at her answer. Her forehead wrinkled in confusion, but then it quickly smoothed out as she burst into her own laughter.

“You know what I mean.” She stuck her tongue out at me.

“I’m giving you a hard time. But you have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that.” I paused before reaching into my pants pocket. “Because I bought a ring.”

I pulled out the small box and displayed it in my palm to Phebe.

“Shut the fuck up.” She snatched the box out of my hand and pried it open.

I only shook my head. “You’ve been hanging out with Bridget too much. You’ve picked up her potty mouth.”

Phebe waved off my words as she examined the princess-cut diamond in a platinum band. She fidgeted excitedly in her chair.

“Oh, Miles, it’s absolutely gorgeous. Josie is going to die over this ring. I can almost guarantee it.” She looked up at me. “You have great taste and know exactly what Josie would like.”

“I’ve known your sister for seven years, Phebe. I know what she does and doesn’t like,” I told her with a self-satisfied grin.

“Eww, that’s my sister. I don’t want to hear about that.” She sent me a mock horrified look.

I threw my balled-up straw wrapper at her, and she giggled as she dodged it. “Whatever, kid. I wasn’t talking about that and you know it.”

“Hey, just because you’re old enough to be my dad doesn’t make me a kid.” She stuck her tongue out me again.

“You just love bringing up that fact, don’t you?” I mimicked her action.

“I love teasing you, Miles. You’re too easy.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that you’re done harassing me, let’s talk about you. What had you a million miles away earlier?”

Phebe groaned softly at my words, and her posture stiffened slightly. I knew it was her defense mechanism kicking in. Even after months of therapy, she still struggled with talking about things. I knew it had to do with her past and how no one had given two shits about her. But that wasn’t the case anymore. She was family, and there were so many people who cared about her and who were there for her no matter what. She knew this, but it was easy to forget sometimes.

Her eyes darted back and forth around the coffee shop. When she appeared satisfied with whatever it was she was looking for, she leaned forward in her seat and spoke so low I had to strain to hear her.

“Complete and total submission.”

I blinked a couple times, sure I had misheard her. When I noticed the flushed cheeks and that the tips of her ears were red as well, I knew I hadn’t been mistaken. She’d really said what I thought.

Warily, I asked the dreaded question. “What do you mean?”

“I want to give Donovan the best Christmas present he’s ever had. We’ve been exploring deeper into the D/s dynamic, but he’s still scared to bring out his full Dominant side in case I freak out. I keep telling him I’m ready for more, but to be honest, I’m scared too.” She paused for a moment, a faraway look in her eyes. She shook off whatever it was she was thinking about and brought her attention back to me. “You’re a submissive, Miles. And a man, which, I assume, makes being a submissive harder. Or maybe I’m wrong. But, I would think it would be. How, as a man, did you let go of all your inhibitions and completely submit?”

Damn, she didn’t ask an easy question. I thought about my answer for a moment, and then I realized that I’d gotten it wrong. It was really pretty simple.

“I don’t think it makes a difference that I’m a man. I offered my complete submission because it was Josie I was submitting to. My connection is with her. Yes, it’s scary, but there is no one in this world I trust more than Josie. She is my entire life, and I’m hers. So, for me it seemed easy. It took a while to get there, but not because of her. My head wasn’t screwed on right, and only when it was, was I able to take the leap to full submission. The question remains, do you trust Donovan?”

Now Phebe looked affronted. “Of course I trust Donovan. I trust him more than anyone in my entire life. Even Josie, no matter how much I love her.”

“Then the only thing you can do is jump and know he’ll catch you when you fall.”