Chapter 46

“What has you so worked up, my dear?”

Winnie was sitting in her rocking chair, watching Xander as he paced the length of the house.

“Nothing, Win. I don’t want to worry you with my problems. I should make some breakfast. You hungry?”

Winnie had a motherly instinct when it came to Xander, but during her years as his housemaid she had learned when to let things be.

“I’d love some eggs and toast. Turn on the kettle too and I’ll make myself a cuppa tea. Thank you, love.”

Xander burned the first four eggs and about half of a loaf of bread by the time Winnie strolled into the kitchen.

“It smells like a fire’s burning in here, Xander. Why don’t you let me do this and you can go for a little walk around the yard? I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

Winnie took the spatula from Xander’s hand and put on her apron.

The air was cool—the clouds in the sky masked the intense heat that Xander had grown accustomed to. He crossed his arms to keep himself warm as he walked the paths of the old garden grounds.

Why hasn’t she shown up yet? I thought she’d be here by now, knocking on my door to tell me how wrong it was for me to show up at her work like that.

Xander had been visualizing all morning the scenario that would play out if Molly showed up at his door.

She would slap me for sure. I’d deserve it too.

From the hillside, Xander could see the bottom of his driveway, still every sound he heard coming from the street below made his heart skip a beat.

The flowers growing in his garden had mostly dried in the Texan heat, but Xander decided he would make a bouquet for Molly, just in case.

He foraged for any flowers that still had a tinge of color left, or at the very least weren’t completely shriveled up. Thorns scraped his bare legs and arms as he trudged through the bushes in search of something to fill the sad, mostly wilted flowers he had gathered so far.

The sound of a car pulling into his driveway interrupted Xander’s concentration. He hurriedly emerged from the bushes with dirt on his face and cuts across his knees. The car coming into the driveway was one that had already begun turning around.

Wrong address.

Xander finally admitted to himself that Molly wasn’t coming. He threw the flowers to the ground, stomping them into the ground underneath his bare feet.

She’s probably at work, or having a day off with Elodie. Why would she waste any more of her time on me? If only I knew where she was, and what she was doing.

His thoughts racing, Xander couldn’t fathom thinking that Molly was somewhere out there pretending that he didn’t exist, or worse, on a date with another guy.

The way she looked at me at the bar, it was like she could see right through me. She was enjoying that I was sweating, that I was the one who stood to lose something. I don’t want to lose her though. I don’t to want to lose any of this. Am I going crazy?

Xander never fully understood what his friends meant when they talked about being crazy over a girl. He saw Johnny through his last breakup. He would ruminate on thoughts of his ex to the point that Xander became worried he would have a mental breakdown. He always chalked it up to Johnny’s extreme attachment issues, ignoring the very real fact that it could happen to him some day under the right circumstances, with the right girl.

“Xander! Breakfast is ready!” Winnie yelled from the open kitchen window. “And your phone—it’s been ringing nonstop!”

Who’s calling me this early?

Xander rubbed his hands onto his shorts and made his way through the garden to the house. Winnie took Xander’s phone out of her apron and handed it to him.

“I wasn’t trying to be nosy, but Tommy has been calling and texting you on that messenger thing. I think it’s important.”

Eight missed calls and four text messages? That’s a little overkill, T.

“Okay, I’m going to call him back real quick, then I’ll be there for breakfast. Thanks, Win.”

Xander gave Winnie a kiss on the cheek and went to his bedroom to phone Tommy.

Tommy picked up right away.

“Xander, Jesus H. Christ, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Where have you been? Didn’t I tell you to have your phone glued to your hip in case something big comes up?”

Xander stood in front of his mirror, looking at the mess he had made of himself.

“Sorry, it’s been a bit of a rough morning to say the least. I was out in the garden helping Winnie and—”

“I believe you kid. Spare me all the gory details. I’ve got something over here that’ll brighten your day and maybe light a fire under your ass later at training. The Street G guys will be sitting front row at your fight tonight. I know it’s soon, but I think you’re ready.”

Ready? What the hell is he talking about, ready?

Xander wanted to tell Tommy that it was way too soon, that the scouts can’t possibly show up tonight and expect a top notch performance, but he froze, unable to say anything.

“I’ll take it that you’re too excited for words. Gear up, Xander. I’ll see you here shortly.”

What am I going to do? I can’t do this, I’m not even close to ready. I’ll just have to call in sick. Can I do that?

“Xander, honey, your breakfast is getting cold. What’s gotten into you? I know a boy with something on his mind when I see one. Come on now, tell me what’s wrong.”

Winnie walked right into Xander’s room and sat on a chair facing the window. She usually knocked and never entered without Xander’s permission.

They say, you get bolder with age. Apparently it’s true, at least in her case.

“I can’t talk about it, Winnie. I haven’t sorted out my own thoughts yet, so I can’t go spillin’ them to just anyone who asks.”

Xander heard how sharp his words sounded as they rolled off his tongue, but he was too stressed out to try and watch his mouth.

“I see. Well, a little breakfast never hurt anyone. Come on in when you’re ready.”

Winnie left the room, picking up a pile of Xander’s dirty laundry on the way.

“You don’t have to do that, Win, I can when I come back from the gym ... or maybe tomorrow. Actually ...”

Winnie laughed, “It’s alright, dearest. This is what makes me happy, and there’s no sense in fightin’ it.”

Xander sat on the edge of his bed with his head between his knees.

I’m screwed. They’ll never sign me on like this. I’m not nearly as strong as I was when they first wanted me, and all of the fights I’ve won have been because Tommy has been setting me up with amateurs. Even though he won’t admit it, he’s got some kind of a morale-boosting trick up his sleeve or something.

Xander jolted upright. Trick he’s got up his sleeve!

Flashing through memories in quick succession, Xander tried to remember where he had heard that phrase recently and why they had said it.

It was that new dude at the gym, the one with the massive arms. Mickey. I asked him about his training regimen because I’d never seen someone who was able to keep such a huge body mass and be as quick on their feet as he is. He said, “Ah, I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve. Juicin’ helps me bulk and trainin’ helps me stay agile.”

Juicing? Xander, embarrassed at the time that he didn’t know what Mickey meant by ‘juicing,’ just nodded his head and they exchanged numbers in case he wanted to ‘hang out.’ When Xander later asked what juicing was, Tommy nonchalantly told him it was a street name for steroids.

“Ya know, Arnolds? Roids? The shit that makes your balls shrivel up and your muscles fill with water? It’s okay for temporary use, but man you do not want to start relying on that stuff. Mick gave me his number too, in case I wanted to get my hands on some, but I tossed it in the garbage. I ain’t interested in that shit.”

Xander picked up his phone and flicked through his contacts until he got to ‘Mickey Juice A Lot.’ Tommy said it himself, temporary use is fine. I only need it for this fight and then I’ll never do it again.

“Yo, Xan, what’s up?”

Mickey sounded winded, like he was running on a treadmill or lifting weights.

“Sorry to bug you, Mick, you sound like you’re workin’ out. Hey, so I have a weird question for you.”

Xander could hear through the speaker that Mickey had closed a door somewhere.

“I know what you’re after. Let’s meet up at the gym and I’ll give you a stack. Be there in 15.”

Mickey hung up the phone.

Xander didn’t want to sit still, afraid that he might think himself out of the decision he just made. He threw on some clothes and ran to the front door.

“Where do you think you’re goin’ there, Mister? You haven’t had your breakfast yet!”

Winnie was in her rocking chair, sipping on a cup of tea.

“I’m sorry, Win, but I gotta jet. Just got another call from T and he wants to meet with me pronto. Love you, bye!”

Winnie shook her head, her eyes filling with tears as she watched Xander race down the driveway.

“I’ve never seen that poor boy so lost.”