Chapter 29

Aurora

I felt like I was floating on air.

Everywhere I went, everything I did, was tinged with a feeling of happiness and certainty. Certain in my love for Brendon, certain in his love for me, and certain in the future we were going to have together. I didn't have to hide the pregnancy anymore and it felt like there was nothing more between us to cause problems. I felt free.

This new openness about the pregnancy couldn't have come at a better time, as I started to show soon afterward. Brendon was delighted. Anytime we were alone he'd find some reason to rub my belly, or to put his face to it and talk to the perfect miracle growing inside. His behavior filled me with warmth and hope for our future, and I should have known that so much light and hope could only mean I was due for a little trouble.

I was on a mission. Even though I'd only lived in my apartment for a few months, I'd somehow accumulated year’s worth of clutter and grime. I had no idea how. Maybe it was some combination of the age of the building and the size of the apartment, but one weekend I decided to tackle it before I got too big to take care of it. I tied a bandana around my head to get me in the right frame of mind, then dove into the fray. Two hours in, I was covered in dust, sweat, and other grime that I chose not to think about.

Just as I was wondering how on earth I had let it get so bad, a knock on the door brought me from my reverie. My heart leapt at the thought of Brendon dropping in on me, even though I was disgusting right now. I walked over to the door with dreamy thoughts of a shower for two, but was immediately doused by the cold, bitter spray of reality.

Nolan looked rough. I wasn't sure what he'd been up to since I last saw him, but by the looks of him it didn't involve much sleep. I struggled to feel pity for him, which was odd since all I used to do was make excuses for him. Funny how things change.

"What do you want?" I asked, skipping straight to business. I still had two sets of blinds to clean and I wasn't in the mood to waste precious cleaning time on my lousy ex-boyfriend.

Nolan's neutral expression deepened into irritation. "New York has made you cold."

I laughed bitterly, which probably only made me seem colder. Good thing I'd stopped caring about what Nolan thought of me a long time ago.

"New York hasn't made me colder, sweetie," I drawled. "A fresh dose of reality has just made me wiser."

"I disagree."

"We could debate this all day, or you could just tell me what you are here for. If you're here for the results of the test, I haven't gotten them yet. I told you I would let you know when I did."

Nolan screwed up his mouth in a classic sign of repressed anger and nodded toward the apartment. "Aren't you going to let me in?"

"No." I folded my arms over my chest. “Why are you here?"

"Well, I thought I'd check if the results had come back in person," he said. "I don't want to find out that I'm a father over a text."

I snorted. He hadn't ever wanted to be a father before, so I didn't know why he was taking it so seriously now. Well, I did know. It was about control for Nolan, always had been. It was the same reason he'd helped persuade me to drop out of college as soon as I started having problems, instead of encouraging me to keep going like a good boyfriend would.

"No results yet," I repeated, and started to swing the door closed.

Nolan stuck out a hand to stop it. My pulse jumped and I tried to push the door closed regardless. He was much stronger.

"I'm not finished." His voice was harder now. Colder. There was something in his eyes that made me wish I wasn't alone, and that scared the crap out of me.

"What is it, Nolan?" My voice shook a little but I tried to keep it together as much as I could. If I showed fear, that would only push him further. He was like a predator in that way.

"I just want to make sure you remember our deal," he said.

"I remember it."

"And you're going to remember to honor it?"

I swallowed hard, unable to form a response right away. I wanted to tell him to go screw himself. I wanted to scream at him for daring to intimidate me in my own goddamn apartment about my own goddamn baby. I channeled that rage to pull me out of my fear, to help bolster my confidence enough to say the words I needed to say.

"Even if the baby is yours, I'm not going back to Bridgefield with you. I'm sorry, Nolan."

And I was. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I knew he wasn't a psychopath. In his own twisted way, he cared about me. If the baby was his, I knew that he would care about it too. Refusing to go home with Nolan was bound to hurt, but there was nothing I could do. How could I go back to a place that had made me so miserable for so long? Back to people who didn't understand me? Didn't try to understand me?

Nolan was silent, though his hand on the door was just as firm as ever. The fist at his side tightened, and I clamored to fill the silence.

"I was in a bad place when I made that deal. I need to do what's right for me and my baby, and I don't think Bridgefield is that." I tried on the most compassionate expression I had and continued. "I'll make sure if the baby is yours that you spend lots of time together. I would never keep your child from you, I just can't do it—I can't go back."

Nolan was quiet still, and the unease that settled in my bones soon paired with panic. He wouldn't hurt me, right? So why did he look outright murderous right now?

With a hard push, Nolan sent me stumbling back from the door. He stalked toward me, and I scuttled out of the way and toward the phone I'd left next to the couch. Nolan didn't follow me. He wasn't heading for me. I saw a moment too late that he was going for the standing lamp in the corner.

"What are you doing?" I asked breathlessly.

Nolan said nothing. He grabbed the lamp by the base, ripped it out from the wall, and tossed it to the other side of the room. I covered my mouth in shock and let out a yelp.

"You lied to me!" he roared. "You told me you would come home and you fucking lied!"

The panic in my veins was soon pushed out by rage, and I found I couldn't resist the urge to yell back. "You lied to yourself! I left you, Nolan. I left you and I left everything that backwater shit hole stands for. If you had any sense you would let it be and respect my wishes, but instead you keep crawling back for more punishment!"

I squared up to him, ignoring the instincts that warned me to back away from the threat. I was the threat now.

"You had hundreds of opportunities over the years to be a better boyfriend, but all you've ever done is hold me back and keep me down. I'm done with it, Nolan. I'm done with all of it, and the sooner you get that through that impossibly thick skull of yours, the sooner you and I can start mending the bridge that you ripped from its foundations the second you chased me to New York and tried to emotionally blackmail me into going home with you!"

I panted. My face was hot and my fingers ached from how tight I was clenching them. Nolan may have stood taller than me, he may have been wider than me, but there was no way in hell I would back down from this fight. I wasn't going to let him push me around anymore. I had to be strong enough to raise my baby, and how could I do that if I couldn't even be strong enough to stand up for myself?

"You were mean and cruel and sadistic when we were together, and it only got worse when we broke up. I only hope that this serves as a lesson to you for the next time you somehow manage to earn some poor girl's affections," I said. "Because as far as you and I go? That's it. We're through. You're all out of chances and I'm all out of shits to give, so why don't you get the fuck out of my apartment and I'll call you when I have the results of the test?"

Nolan was silent the whole time, but his expression spoke volumes. The rage had lessened, and if I wasn't mistaken there was now a trace of vulnerability in his gaze. Those crystalline eyes that had once been my whole world were soaked in sadness, but I couldn't find it in me to feel bad for him. Not after everything he'd put me through. The next tear I cried for Nolan Richter would be once hell froze over and an army of flying pigs descended to skate on it.

Nolan gritted his teeth and walked over to where he'd thrown the lamp. The lightbulb had shattered, and the pieces crunched as he lifted the base and set it back upright. It was a long shot from fixing things between us, but I appreciated the gesture.

"Aurora..." Nolan said, turning to me. All traces of anger were gone now, which just went to show that he could dish it out but he couldn't take it.

"No." I shook my head and pointed to the door. "Out. And I better not see you back here unless this baby is yours."

I hoped more than ever that the baby wasn't his. I didn't think I could handle having him in my life permanently, but that was a bridge I was going to have to cross when I got to it.

Nolan hung his head and left without further ado. I closed the door behind him and collapsed against it, taking a moment to compose myself before I forced my shaky legs to carry me over to the couch. I picked up my phone and dialed Brendon's number, fingers trembling as the adrenaline caught up with me.

"Hey baby," he said. "What's up?"

I explained everything that happened, and before I was even finished I heard the rustling of Brendon grabbing his keys and heading out the door.

"I'm coming over there now," he said. "Lock the door and pack a bag."

"Pack a bag?"

"You're coming to stay with me," he explained. "At least until you get the results and Nolan goes back home for good. I don't trust him and I won't allow you to stay in a situation that could be dangerous."

Something about the possessive tone of his voice stirred a potent mixture of lust and gratitude inside of me. I didn't have the energy to try to fight him on it, and I didn't want to. Twenty-four hours a day with the man of my dreams? Yes, please.

I fell asleep in Brendon's arms that evening, like I'd done many times before. This time, however, I was acutely aware of how much things were changing. How much we were changing. Our relationship had evolved from a sexy encounter of the accidental variety in a brothel, to a standard workplace romance, to this.

Safety. Security.

And, most of all, the kind of love that I knew would burn like molten lava for as long as we both lived.