My breathing eventually returned to a steady rhythm as I rested my sleepy head against Jake’s chest. I allowed my fingertips to roam the smooth surface of his body, from his impressively defined stomach to the broad expanse of his chest. My fingers found their way to the only visible part of a tattoo that covered his upper chest and wrapped around his back. A tattoo that hadn’t been there before. During the time we’d been together last year, his skin had been flawless. That’s not to say it didn’t suit him because it did. It was as if the tattoo had always been there. Like it was a part of him. The detailed bird was so intricate that I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it, even while we fucked.

I continued to trace the wing, unable to stop the contented sigh that came shortly after. When Jake's lips pressed against the top of my head, I barely felt them. Unlike earlier, his kiss was now soft, his tender touch holding more meaning than I could let myself truly believe. I had to remind myself that this thing between us was nothing more than two consenting adults fulfilling their needs without the worry of everything else that came along with a normal relationship. Even as I thought it, my heart caved a little.

“It’s a Phoenix,” Jake breathed, his voice a sleepy whisper.

I tilted my head to meet his eyes. “Huh?”

“The tattoo. The bird. It’s a Phoenix.”

I nodded against him. “I like it. What does it mean?” I pressed, my eyes falling back on his chest as I brushed my thumb against the glowing reds and oranges that appeared lifelike.

“You’ve never heard of one?”

“No,” I admitted, feeling slightly dumb. I couldn't tell a robin from a sparrow unless they were pointed out to me.

“It’s a mythological bird that cycles its own life.”

“So… it’s not real? Just a myth?” I frowned.

Jake shrugged. “I like to think it’s real.”

“Hmm. Why? It’s just a bird.”

“You ever heard the saying, ‘Sometimes you have to die a little inside in order to be reborn, and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you?”

“Nope,” I confessed, popping the p. “I kinda like it, though. The meaning…” I clarified.

“Me, too,” he agreed, his lips brushing against my head again. “They say the Phoenix lived centuries upon centuries before it burst into flames, rising again from the very same ashes years later with renewed youth, ready to live another cycle.”

“Wouldn’t that be nice,” I mumbled, causing Jake to chuckle in response. My fingertips continued to travel the wing, the bright tattoo now holding a whole new meaning.

I closed my eyes, breathing in a lungful of air before slowly releasing it. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. Today wasn’t supposed to have gone the way it had and I was left feeling drained. Maybe a part of that had to do with what Jake and I had done that evening, but I had a feeling it was more to do with avoiding Frankie and the conversation we would have to have tomorrow. She’d messaged me while I was on my way back to my parents’ house after having seen Bessy home. All it said was that we needed to talk. A part of me had hoped and prayed she’d forgotten about last night and we wouldn't have to mention it again. I guess I’d been wrong about that, too. I definitely wouldn't be able to face her now. One look at me and she’d know something was wrong.

I made excuses as to why I wouldn’t be at the apartment that evening—or yesterday evening, according to the clock on the bedside table.  She didn’t reply. And after much deliberation, I ended up here. I had convinced myself that setting my feelings for Jake aside would be easy. I wouldn’t be the first girl to partake in a no-strings relationship, and I was certain I wouldn’t be the last. So why did it feel like I was betraying myself? How could it feel so wrong, yet so damn right?

I peeked up at Jake who now had his eyes closed. His breathing was soft and steady and his face was the calmest I’d seen it since he’d been back. I smiled up at him, even though he couldn’t see me, and turned on my side, careful not to disturb him. Jake’s scent lingered on the pillow my head rested against. The distinctive smell of sandalwood and jasmine met my nose and I couldn’t help but breathe it in. What was I doing to myself? Torturing myself with silly thoughts wasn’t the plan. Maybe coming here hadn’t been such a good idea after all.

“Goodnight, Mel,” Jake’s sleepy voice lulled me back to comfort as I nestled into the soft mattress with ease.

“Goodnight, Jake,” I whispered. When I felt his body press against my side I was taken aback. His hand curled around my waist and stayed there as he pressed a light kiss to my shoulder. The room fell silent, once again, and his soft breaths were the only sound to be heard as I let him hold me. All the while I found myself wishing for more than just one night.

Morning came quicker than I’d anticipated. I wasn’t ready to leave just yet, so I found myself laid on my side watching Jake sleep peacefully. He hadn’t moved an inch since he’d fallen asleep last night. His arm was still draped across my waist possessively, which made it harder to leave. I hadn’t realised just how much I missed waking up next to someone and knowing you would at least have a little more time with them. It was something I’d only ever experienced with Jake. With Taylor, I’d rarely stopped over, and when I did, he made it crystal clear that he didn’t want me there. That had hurt, but I never let on just how much it upset me. At least with Taylor I’d known the score. He had only wanted me for one thing and I was happy to give it to him because I really did like him. Those few stolen moments had meant everything to me, even if my feelings weren’t reciprocated. With Jake it had been different. We didn’t have much time together, but the time we did have was spent getting to know each other properly. It wasn’t just about the sex with Jake. It was so much more than that. At least I’d thought it was. Then he stopped calling and coming by, leaving me wondering what the hell I’d done wrong. I told myself there would be no second chances, that the next time I fell into a man’s arms it would be different. Special. More than I’d ever had before. I guess I wasn’t as strong-willed as I’d once thought I was.

Jake’s arm tightened around me and I looked down, caught off guard when I looked up to find his eyes open and on mine.

“Morning,” he yawned, his voice sleepy and somewhat dreamy.

“Hey.” I smiled, shuffling to a seated position.

“What time is it?” He frowned, squinting against the morning sun that poured through the blinds.

“A little after nine.”

I knew I had to leave, but I wasn’t ready. Jake’s bed was far too comfy and the view made it difficult to do anything other than examine this godlike specimen with greedy eyes.

“Mmm…” was all he offered in the way of a response before he tugged me farther down the bed until my head was back on his hard, muscular chest.

Okay. I hadn’t expected that. I hadn’t expected that at all. I decided it was best not to argue and nestled back down until I was comfortable.

“What were you like before college?” he asked, catching me off guard.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

Jake mumbled something that I couldn’t quite make out and continued. “Before college, what were you like?”

I thought for a moment how to answer. Why had he even asked me that? I wasn’t sure why but it seemed like a weird question to ask. He had known me for years, before we’d even gone to college together, so I’m sure he already knew the answer.

Jake sighed and shifted on the bed. In one swift move he had me pinned beneath him, his arms resting above my head and his sleepy eyes on mine. “I thought I knew you. The real you. The one you kept locked away during college for whatever reason that might have been. But something inside of me tells me I haven’t even scratched the surface. Who are you, Mel? Who are you really?”

I swallowed the lump lodged in my throat and attempted to shake my head, which was hard considering what little room he had left me with. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” I whispered.

“Try me.”

“I should go. I’ve got a shift at the store this afternoon and there’s somewhere I need to be before I head in,” I lied. I didn’t like where the conversation was heading. Guys like Jake didn’t ask about me. They didn’t try to understand or get to know me. None of that mattered. He was messing with my head again, making me believe there was more to us than there really was.

Jake pushed away from me, leaving me with just enough room to move. I scooted my legs from beneath him and planted them on the plush, cream carpet. I searched the floor for my vest but couldn’t see it. I frowned.

“Living room,” Jake said. When I turned my head to face him, his eyes were cast downwards as if he couldn’t look at me.

“Huh?”

“Your top. It’s in the living room.” I nodded, reached for my jeans and made my way to the living room. He was right. My vest was there on the floor where he had dropped it.

With each step I took to retrieve it, memories of the night before assaulted me. My thighs held a dull ache to them, reminding me of where he had been. I couldn’t think of that.

Just as I slipped my vest top over my head and tugged it down, there was a loud knock on the door. My eyes widened in horror and my back stiffened. “Shit,” I mumbled under my breath as I looked cautiously around the room. I closed my eyes. There was nowhere to hide. If I went back the way I came from, I would be seen through the glass window.

“Jake. Answer the door or I’m coming in,” they shouted from outside. I knew that voice. I knew it all too well. It was Taylor. Why was here? Duh. Why wouldn’t he be? They were brothers, after all.

I opened my eyes just as Jake came strutting out from the bedroom and the front door opened. I quietly, yet quickly, scooted behind it and pressed my back against the wall. Please don’t come in. Please don’t come in, I found myself silently chanting. Why had I stayed? I should’ve just left when I’d had the chance. How was I going to get out now?

“Mate, I thought you were dead or something. What the fuck happened to you last night?” Taylor cursed. He didn’t sound happy at all.

Jake’s eyes flicked to mine, amusement flashing in those deep, muddy pools when he noticed me glued to the wall in sheer horror. Scratching the back of his neck, he quickly turned his attention back to Taylor and shrugged. “I was busy. What do you want?” He frowned, closing the distance between himself and the door Taylor was on the other side of. I sighed inwardly with relief when he closed it a fraction, leaving me room to finally breathe.

“To see my brother, what do you think?” When Jake didn’t respond, Taylor sighed in frustration. “What the fuck has gotten into you? You stay away longer than you need to, making every excuse not to come back, and when you do it’s like we don’t even exist. Do you know how long we sat at that dinner table last night waiting for you to show up? Your mum insisted we couldn’t start until your arse showed up, but I knew. I knew you wouldn’t come.”

Oh, if only you knew. I snorted and covered my mouth with my hand to hold back the bubble of laughter that was quickly rising from my belly.

“I told you I was busy,” Jake replied in an even tone.

“Too busy to spend time with your family? I’m not buying it. What was so important that you couldn’t give us a fuckin’ hour of your time, hey?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I had company.”

“What? You’ve got a bird here? Why didn’t you say? If you’d have told me I would’ve made some excuse as to why you weren’t there. Who is she?”

“No one. Now leave it would ya?”

Okay. Things were officially awkward.

“Don’t be like that. This is big. I’m happy for ya, kid. So, you gonna tell me who she is or do I need to kick your arse until you tell me?”

Jake groaned. He was getting frustrated. “She’s no one special, alright? It was just a hook up. We fucked. She left. That’s it. Now, if you don’t mind...”

My breath caught in my throat. I knew I meant absolutely nothing to him, but hearing him say it aloud made it seem all the more real. I suddenly wanted to be anywhere else but there.

“It’s like that, is it? Don’t tell me. I don’t care anyway. Just do me a favour and show your face up at the house. Your mum misses ya.”

Jake sighed again before saying, “Tell her I’ll be up later, okay?”

“You better, mate. Lola’s up there, too. I know she’ll want to see you.”

“Got it,” he clucked before closing the door.

All softness was now gone. When Jake's eyes met mine they were filled with a coldness so strong that it caused the hairs on the back of my neck to prickle.

Tipping his chin, he flicked his eyes between the closed door and me. “Give it a few minutes, then you can leave.”

I nodded, not knowing what to say to that. I watched him head towards the bathroom before I threw on the rest of my clothes and left. I didn’t bother waiting any longer than I needed to. I just wanted to be as far away from Jake and his place as I could possibly get.