Chapter Four

Sarah spent the next several weeks helping Marcie and Nicole get ready for Marcie’s wedding. Even though she was busy with work and wedding plans, the decisions she had to make were never far from her thoughts. She had taken the two weeks around Christmas and the New Year off so that she could spend the time with Harry and break the news to him, but the more she thought about it, the more she felt she should not tell Harry until Harrison knew. Even though she didn’t know how he would react, she didn’t want to get his hopes up to have Harrison dash them by not wanting to get to know his son. Sarah thought that he would have mixed emotions, because what kid wouldn’t be thrilled their father was a major league baseball player, but she was concerned that he would be angry with her for keeping the secret. Fortunately, she had Thanksgiving and Christmas with Harry and then the wedding before she had to tackle the big issues.

As Sarah sat at her desk, her assistant Jim knocked before entering with a beautiful arrangement of tiger lilies. She smiled because she knew they were from Harrison. He may have taken a break from sending gifts, but periodically he had sent her small gifts, mostly stuff for the staff to enjoy. This had been the first gift he had sent directed totally at her. He was slowly breaking through the walls she had so carefully erected. The scent of the lilies wafted through her office bringing her a sense of peace.

“So, doll, want to talk about it?”

“No. I know we are somewhat friends, but don’t call me doll when we’re at the office. I’m sorry. Just a lot of stress lately. Why don’t you take a long lunch and bring me back a sandwich from Jason’s Deli?”

“Sure. Anything in particular?”

“Nope. Just the usual.”

Sarah returned to staring out the window thinking about her life. She knew things had been too good for too long, but at this point, she wasn’t really concerned about herself. Sarah was most concerned about how to handle Harry. A knock at the door startled her back to reality. She smiled as she saw her mother standing there with Harry. “So, what brings you two by on a school day none the less?”

“We had a half day, mom, and thought we would see if we could steal you away for lunch.”

“Sure, just let me call Jim and tell him not to bring me anything back for lunch.”

As Sarah walked out of the building with her mom and son, she noticed how happy and carefree Harry seemed. She wondered whether or not he would remain that way once he knew the truth. She felt bad for what was about to happen to him. Unfortunately, she had no idea how he would react and what the future would hold. She was sure that he would be excited. After all, Harrison Cooper was his favorite player in the entire world. “So, what do you want? Cheesecake Factory? Jason’s Deli?”

“Definitely Cheesecake Factory. I could use a big slice of cheesecake for dessert.”

Sarah laughed at his enthusiasm. They got in the car and headed to the restaurant. As they ate, the conversation was light and easy. They talked about their day and especially about school and baseball. Harry reminded her that he had a game that afternoon and not to be late, like she would be late if she could help it.

After lunch and saying goodbye, Sarah went back to seeing her patients and tried to get all her work done in a timely manner so that she could enjoy the evening with her family. Unfortunately, her last patient of the day was supposed to be a simple in and out, but Murphy’s Law was in full effect today. The patient had high blood pressure, 3+ protein in her urine and 2+ edema in her lower extremities. She had no choice but to admit her, but that required a plethora of paperwork including admission orders, labs, and a discussion with the on-call physician about the patient’s condition and the possibility of needing to do an emergency C-section. To complicate matters, there was an accident on I-285 that made her usual forty-five-minute drive into an hour and a half. She barely made it to the ballfield before the first pitch.

Just as Sarah settled into her seat next to her mother, movement caught her eye across the field, and she nearly fainted as she lost all the blood in her head when she saw Harrison Cooper shaking hands with the opposing coach and players. Shit. Shit. Shit. Oh Fuck. I’ve got to get out of here before this whole thing goes to hell in a hand basket. Sarah picked up her phone before she leaned over to her mom and whispered that she had an emergency at the hospital and had to leave. “Please tell Harry I’m sorry and I’ll see him at home.”

Anne grasped her hand and held her in place. “Bullshit. I see that young man over there, and you don’t want to make a scene here. I get it. Just be quiet and careful backing out of here.”

“Thanks, mom. I owe you and Harry both. I love you.” Sarah kissed her mom on the cheek before she scooted out of the stands and headed to…well anywhere but here.

Sarah decided to drive around for a while before heading home. Making sure she had been gone for a sufficient length of time, she finally pulled into the driveway of her house. Before she could get out, Harry came bounding down the front steps and throwing his arms around her neck.

“Mom, Mom, guess what?”

“You won?”

“Yeah, but that’s not the best part. I got to meet Harrison Cooper today. He came to our game and did a little clinic before the game. It was AWESOME!”

Sarah could only smile as her heart was in her throat and she couldn’t form words. She ruffled his hair and kissed him on the forehead. “Well, I’m so happy for you, Harry. I know he’s your favorite player, and you want to be like him one day. I’m really glad you got to meet him. Want to know a secret?”

“Sure, but it’s not something lame like you love me is it. Because that is not really a secret.”

Sarah laughed. “No. That’s not it. My bosses, Drs. Montgomery and Ryan bought the Braves, and you’ll probably get to see him and maybe even have a private clinic with him.” Sarah watched as his eyes lit up.

“Really, mom?”

“Yes. Really. I wouldn’t lie to you.” About something like this. Sarah was dying on the inside as she talked with Harry about his day and she wondered if he would ever forgive her for not telling him about his father before now. As they stood there and talked, she felt a migraine starting to come on from all the stress that she was experiencing. She wished she knew what the future held, but with everything in flux she could only hope that she hadn’t made a monumental mistake with Harrison and cost them ten years of being together.

Harry looked up at his mom with concern in his eyes and said, “Are you okay mom?”

“Yeah, just a little headache. Too much work and not enough fun these days. Why don’t we head in and get you cleaned up before we head out to eat?”

“Okay. Sorry you missed the game and my two homeruns.”

“Oh, baby” Sarah said as she pulled Harry into her arms, “I’m the one who’s sorry that I missed it, but unfortunately life as a doctor can be unpredictable.” I hope I’m not going to get struck by lightning or go straight to hell for all the lies I’m telling today.

“You’re forgiven. Especially if we can have pizza.”

Sarah smiled, “Sure, Harry. Pizza it is.”

Sarah watched her mom walk over to her as Harry scooted upstairs to clean up and change clothes. She didn’t know what to say to her Mom about today. Yes, she knew about Harrison, but she had no idea all the personal turmoil she was experiencing since she had seen him again.

“Wanna talk about it baby girl?”

“Mom, I’m not a baby anymore.”

“Sweetheart, you’ll always be my baby girl.”

Sarah walked into her mom’s embrace before she allowed the tears to fall. “I’m such an awful person, mom. Harry deserves a father, and I’ve deprived him of that. What if I made a colossal mistake with Harrison? I never gave him a chance to explain. I just shut him out and consequently shut him out of his son’s life. I know he’s going to be angry with me. I just don’t know how angry he’ll be, or how vindictive he’ll be. Honestly, I deserve whatever happens. The biggest problem is that I’m still in love with him, but I know he’ll never want me again after he finds out what I’ve done.”

“Oh, baby girl. I know it’ll be tough, and you’re right about many things. He’ll most likely be mad as hell. I mean put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel? However, I don’t think he’ll try to take Harry away from you, but you will have to share him. As far as how you still feel, maybe he still feels the same way, but is still confused about what happened. All I can tell you is that you have almost two months before you meet with him, so take that time and prepare yourself and Harry. Maybe you’ll get some of the answers you are seeking, and they will guide you on your journey.”

Wiping the tears away so Harry wouldn’t see them, Sarah simply nodded at her mom. Maybe her mother was right and she would know how to move forward when the time came. All she knew was that she had to get through the next few months, a bachelorette party, a wedding, and the holidays before she had to face the music. Crap, the wedding she thought All the guys on the team who were in town would be there. What if he brought a date? Could she handle that? What if he wanted to talk to her? Shaking her head to clear it, she found her center just before Harry walked back into the room. With a smile on her face, she took Harry’s hand and they walked outside to go to dinner.

Dinner was great. She loved the enthusiasm of her nine-year-old. His laughter was infectious. The only thing was everyday he grew to be more and more like his father. As Sarah laid in bed that night her mind wandered to all the mistakes she had made in her life. Harrison, almost getting kicked out of her residency program, and never letting Harry know about his father. The more time she spent thinking about Harry the more she found herself inexplicably drawn back to thinking of Harrison, or as she called him Coop. Unable to control her hands and mind, she reached for her phone and sent a text message that she probably shouldn’t have, but couldn’t have stopped if she had wanted to.

S:Do you ever think about me?

Harrison sat on his veranda sipping his Blantons and smoking a Davidoff Nicaraguan diadema when his cell phone chimed. He was confused as to who would be texting him at this hour unless it was one of his teammates trying to get him to join them at the Cheetah. When he looked at the message, he couldn’t control the smile that engulfed him. Harrison couldn’t imagine what had inspired Sarah to text him out of the blue, but he was happy that she was reaching out to him.

H: All the time. That’s why I have such a hard time understanding what happened between us. Do you ever think about me?

Sarah stared at the screen with tears threatening to fall. Oh, my God what have I done?

S:Every single day.

Harrison stared at the screen with his heart in his throat. He was more confused now than he had ever been. If she thought of him that often, then why had she cut him off?

H: I don’t understand Sarah. How could you think about me every day when you walked away from me? God knows, I tried to get to you.

Sarah couldn’t control the tears as they fell. She wiped away the tears to stare at the screen. What should she say? This was not a conversation that she wanted to have via text messaging.

S:I’m sorry, Coop.

The words tore at his heart. He had not allowed anyone to call him Coop since Sarah. It was a painful reminder of her. Cooper he could handle, but Coop was off limits.

H:Why Sarah?

S:Not tonight Coop. We can talk about a lot of things, but the why will have to wait. Sorry, but I need more time.

S:Do you hate me?

H:Hate you? No. I think my life would have been much easier if I hated you. I could’ve moved on, but I don’t hate you.

Harrison contemplated what she meant her question. He didn’t hate her. He was still in love with her. For God’s sake, he still wore the engagement ring he had bought her around his neck as a reminder of the love he had for her and how no other woman would ever compare to her.

S:Coop. You still there?

H:Yeah. Sorry. Why don’t you tell me about being a doctor? Is it everything you thought it would be?

S:Yes and no. I mean it is everything I thought it would be, and every time I deliver a baby my heart flutters for the new life. It is much better now that I’m staff and not a resident.

H:Are you happy?

S:Most of the time. What about you? Is baseball everything you thought it would be? You made it to the show and with your home town team.

H:Baseball is great. The rest, not so much. It gets lonely not having anyone to celebrate the good with or commiserate the bad. It’s great that Rhett and I are here together, but he has his family now, so I’m more on the outside looking in, and I don’t really enjoy going out to the clubs with the younger guys anymore.

S:I know what you mean. Most of my colleagues are engaged or married. So, I usually go to work and go home. As sad as it sounds, I still live with my mom.

H:Not sad at all. At least you have someone to go home to. How is your mom? Still keeping the nurses in line?

S:Yes. Very much. Thank you for talking to me.

H:Thank you for reaching out. One more thing. Do you hate me?

S:No. SMH. I don’t hate you. I hate to say this, but I need to get some sleep. Some of us have to work in the morning. Good night Coop.

H:Okay. I understand. Can I see you before January?

S:Sure. I believe I’ll see you at the wedding. However, no talk of the past.

H:You drive a hard bargain, but okay. I’ll see you there. Good night Sarah.

S: Good night Coop.

Harrison sat back in his chaise and stared at the night sky. What had just happened? Harrison’s heart was beating a mile a minute. If someone had asked him how his day would end this wouldn’t have even been in the top one hundred ways, it would’ve happened. He thought of her every day, and now, twice since he had demanded a meeting she had reached out to him. The big question is why would she think that he hated her. He didn’t understand what happened, and he would give anything to go back and fix it, but the reality is the past is exactly that, and he can’t change it. Over the years, he had wracked his brain to try and figure out what had happened. He knew she was fragile when they were dating. She didn’t have any experience with, well anything, and he tried to do everything in his power to make her believe in herself. Her innocence was one of the things that attracted him to her, and he could tell she still possessed it to an extent.

Sipping his Blantons, Harrison noted how much more flavorful the bourbon seemed tonight and his cigar was so much more pleasing to his palate. He found that he was more relaxed after a few minutes of texting with her than he had been in years. As the bourbon relaxed him a little bit his mind drifted back to ten years ago…